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You can't not communicate, so...? Saturday April 4, 2015

I am sure you know this but I find a stark reminder often helps me.

When we are down our instincts are to retreat into our shell. Often, the last thing we want to do is to communicate with another human.

The irony is that it is impossible 'not to communicate', however hard we try. We simply leak communication from every gesture, every expression and every posture. Our body language speaks volumes.

People make their own assumptions and interpretations about us - often worse and more harmful than we would like. "They don't care", "They are selfish and grumpy", etc. This can make it even more difficult and can lead to broken relationships - just when we need them most.

One solution is to try and communicate how it feels when we are up. A brave effort made then, can give them some idea of how it feels when we descend into that black hole. Give it a name - the black dog seems the favorite so that next time we go down a simple explanation is possible.

I know it's not easy but better than than your body do all the talking.

The Moodscope Team

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crafty wee midden Sat, Apr 4th 2015 @ 7:09am

Indeed. However, I've found that I have to be careful what I share with whom : I ended up being very upset after a group I was a long time member were not the support group they said they were....I was told that I made people feel like they had to walk on eggshells around me, and that I was rude( which I wasn't. I had politely requested that one person stop trying to tell me what I should do, after I had specifically and repeatedly asked that she not do so. Apparently, that made me rude. I've learned that not all support is equal....some are only supportive as long as you do what they say. That certainly sent me back into my shell, but ?Im fortunate to have a good, solid network of friends now. Alex

Julia Sat, Apr 4th 2015 @ 7:21am

I agree Adrian tbat our body lsnguage can be very frustrating and often conveys how awful we feel bit onin a diffident almost rude way to the people we love or are friends with. I alsio agree tbat when we feel goid, it's easier to explain about out low moods. So it's a good idea to do this when we are on a good roll. And not leave the explanation for when we are low and find words difficult. A really meaningful blog for me.

Julia Sat, Apr 4th 2015 @ 7:28am

Sorry about typos. Am writing on my phone. Still abroad.

Anonymous Sat, Apr 4th 2015 @ 11:36am

This is meaningful for me as I don't communicate. I definitely shut down when times are bad but I also hide my depression at every opportunity. I've done it for years and I'm good at it...but my (often elaborate) efforts over the timescale is breaking me. I need to go forward with honesty and that is a hurdle that makes me feel like vomiting. Thank you Adrian for opening my head to considering it. From small acorns... Thank you, love from the room above the garage.

Anonymous Sat, Apr 4th 2015 @ 11:43am

Interesting. What do we expect from people we want to support us? Some times it is empathy, mostly, I suppose; some times it may be practical help or advice. Are the people telling you what to do simply wrong, or do you just not want to hear sensible advice? Only you can decide, but still, the question remains...

Di Murphey Sat, Apr 4th 2015 @ 8:27pm

Oh, yes, dearest Adrian —
You have nailed the Life of Di. And it makes this site deeply healing in that we have an opportunity for a voice. An authentic voice. I am grateful.
Di Murphey

crafty wee midden Sat, Apr 11th 2015 @ 8:53am

I wonder at the assumption that the advice offered is "sensible". The reason that I hate unsolicited advice is that my situation is complex; hence, if I want advice I ask for it.....and in that case am happy to take what helps, and leave the rest. So, no, not a question of them being wrong.....

What I do NOT want, or need, is for those who do not know the detail, the background, to tell me what they think is best for me, repeatedly, especially after being politely asked not to. And then to take umbrage when told - politely - to please cease and desist.....Alex

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