Moodscope's blog

16

October


Would you like to write a blog for Moodscope? Sunday October 16, 2016

We've had some great blogs recently from our Moodscope members which have certainly given us all food for thought and encouraged more and more people from the Moodscope community to comment and contribute which makes each topic even more interesting.

If you haven't visited the blog on the web site yet, please take a look when you have time. Everyone there wants to help and provide support to others. It's a wonderful, safe place to discuss any problems or issues you may have. Sometimes, it's just good to know that you're not the only one who may be suffering.

We're now looking for more people to write for Moodscope. You can write about your experiences, therapies/strategies that have helped you, books you've read, music that lifts your spirits, poems that you like - anything really that might uplift or inspire our other members. It should be around 350 words if possible.

Just send your blog to support@moodscope.com for our editorial team to take a look at.

We look forward to reading them and sharing them with our members.

Kind regards.

Caroline
The Moodscope Team


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Comments

the room above the garage Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 9:13am

Good morning, just wanted to add that sharing a thought or feeling, whether a good or bad one, can empower the writer as well as the reader, clarify the mind, stir you to consider another angle or even just give that person, who is at the beginning of their fight, the courage to take a step. The feeling of unity has given me back some self respect. Never underestimate what your blog could be capable of. Love ratg x.

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 11:34am

Hello i struggle to write here how i am feeling, my self esteem is low and i often think if i put how bad i am feeling it will put people off. I do think the people on this page are very kind though and i know we all have had our struggles. I took 8 weeks off work recently as my loss of having my granddaughter adopted became too much to bare and i needed to grieve. It has been like a living death i know she is out there but i dont know where or if i will ever see her again. I live for the thought when she is 18 she will ask to see us. Shes is 4 now and i am 59. Today i should have gone into work but i just couldnt face it today. I know questions will be asked and back to work interview and maybe even a disciplinary for being off sick again but i just cannot face people today.
I have no real family support throughout all this and it has been very tough, i try and go out when i can even if it is just for a walk as people kindly suggested last week. I have 1 more nhs therapy session on Thursday i have had 12 but it doesnt feel enough. Thankyou for moodscope i try and read it each day.
Jackie

Leah Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 11:52am

Jackie You write very honestly and from the heart and that is a gift. I admire the way despite your struggles you make an effort to share your story. Take care xx

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 11:59am

Thankyou Leah xx

the room above the garage Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 12:41pm

Jackie I think you are in such a cruel situation. Made worse in that I imagine you will not know many people who are living through similar...and it is precisely that type of understanding and support which can make all the difference. Are there any support groups available? Even online ones? Just to have that would be a huge step forward. I have a little understanding of how this feels as my brother had to walk away from his child many years ago when she was very small and we all felt it and continue to. He knew he was living in an antagonising situation to continue to attempt to retain contact and my mum knew we were being horribly used. She knew that by being unavailable to babysit one day it would be the end. It was. I feel you need much more support through this. Would you consider working or volunteering with children in order to direct those feelings somewhere for the good? One day you will feel slightly different and you will notice it when you are able to help someone. Until then, don't dream you might bring us down. We gain strength from one another. Love ratg xx.

Leah Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 11:57am

Sometimes people worry
What if no one finds what i say interesting?
The answer if you find it interesting others will too.
I always wonder what the blog will be about. It is great to hear new ideas from first time bloggers.
So have a go, enjoy have fun, just write and you may be surprised at the results.

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 2:55pm

I have tried to reply twice but my reply was told it was too short. I wrote quite a long letter so dont know where it has gone

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 3:01pm

Thankyou ratg i might have written too much so i will rewrite. I am so sorry to hear about your brothers child that must have been a very difficult time for you all, we never forget the memories stay strong. I have this thing at the moment where if i see something with my grand daughters name on it i buy it. I have a pretty suncatcher in my lounge which spins round and a dream catcher with her name on. I also have had some photo frames engraved with her full name on them and her date of birth it is because i feel she is still out girl, our family and i need to be able to say it it out loud it seems.

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 3:08pm

I get some comfort from having some of her special toys still as well, though it has taken some time for me to be able to feel this way. My pain has lessened alittle but i think of her alot. I have been in some of the support groups through facebook but there is so much scaremongering within the groups about children being misplaced and for all kinds of reasons i found it too painful to have the thoughts in my head. My daughter is too ill to look after her child and the judge refused us as carers partly due to my history of depression and struggling when my own daughter was born 15 weeks premature. It is so long ago but they would not give us a chance. I know some children are taken for reasons of abuse and that is right but she was happy here. It is very sad situation

the room above the garage Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 4:07pm

And why will they not allow you to be a part of her life even though she is adopted? I cannot imagine adopting a child and then cutting them off from some contact with you, even if just a little and even if supervised! I understand that contact with the biological parent must be over as that would be unsettling and not allow her to establish a proper bond with her new parents. But it seems cruel to both parties to be so abrupt. Its sad but wholly understanding that you would buy these things...you cannot buy one shoe if you only have one leg. And you must acknowledge her in any way you can. You are grieving after all. Can you write to her even if the letters are never posted? One day you will either find comfort in reading them or perhaps she might read them. I wonder if they would let you leave a letter for her within her adoption file...I've heard a parent can leave a letter. Perhaps if she investigates her history in time it will encourage her to know you were there. Maybe you can keep your thoughts, gifts and feelings in your own special box. A place to be free. I found similar in the room above the garage, it was my place to be free. The feelings have to go somewhere.

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 3:10pm

I would like to help some one and work with children perhaps as i think it would help me alot i am just not sure how though but i will give it some thought. Something voluntary would be nice.
thankyou for hearing me ratg love jackie xxx

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 5:32pm

Is it like a craft room the room you have or a room you go to be quiet that you find comfort in? We have just written her a letter via social services adoption team, we have one letter a year that we can write to her and the adopters will read it to her. We are allowed to receive 1 letter a year but it is only a copy of the letter that they write to my daughter. My daughter receives and can send 2 letters. It is only in rare cases i think that face to face contact is allowed i dont understand why not we did ask but were refused. We have also given her a memory box it contains some special small toys and some small gifts and a couple of small photo albums. I am hoping that she will one day see the love that has gone into making up the box and maybe the family will too.

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 5:37pm

Yes i do have a special box i have a couple of items of her clothing in there and a little peppa pig toy that talks, she took it to bed during the last week she was here. I will always treasure that. I have some lovely memories, 4 years worth and we talk about the funny things she used to say.

The Gardener Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 5:57pm

I have difficulty understanding Jackie's circumstances - we adopted two girls in the 60's - in those days it was final, once made law the natural mother had no rights at all. I think it was a quarter of a century later that the law was changed to allow adopted children to find out about their natural mothers - but safeguards everywhere to avoid hurt or harm. Today's 'thought for the day' was a 'goodie'. Eldest son and I are impetuous - full of ideas, and even more full of self-confidence (or bravura). Madder schemes are promptly sat on by spouses, bank managers or other directors. Others need an army of willing volunteers. Inevitably, the ideas founder. We then look round for somebody to kick or blame - and it comes down to ourselves

Jul Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 6:37pm

Dear Gardener. I just wanted to say that Jackie is the grandmother of the adopted daughter and she looked after her for four years when her daughter was too ill to look after her child. Recently the courts have decided that the child should be adopted and taken away from her grandmother, Jackie. Jackie is heartbroken to lose her granddaughter whom she has cared for and given a loving home to for I think 4 years. Jackie will be able to tell you more or correct me if I am wrong. Knowing this and you (!), I am sure you would want to help Jackie if you were able to. I don't think I realised you had adopted two girls. You have helped so many people Gardener and now you are in need of support because of your husband who has Alzheimers. How has your day been? I am in France right now (central France) and the weather for the last two days has been lovely. I hope it's been nice where you are. Love Jul xxx

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 11:31pm

It is a new law now in uk that the grandparents have no automatic rights and there is also no legal aid for them to fight a case which makes it very hard. We fought all last year to get olivia home with us went to court several times but we lost our case. Adoptions have changed alot my cousins were adopted and never had letterbox contact nowadays it is the norm to have letters once or twice a year and hopefully she will want to contact us herself when she is of age. We took our story to the news which went against us. Alot of mums are having their children taken now there is alot of money gained to local authority. Ive been told it is 27,000 per child which has hurt us deeply. There are alot of stories in news about children suddenly being taken after baby p because they got that so wrong they are stealing children. Im sorry if it sounds awful it is heartbreaking but we Re slowly coming to terms with knowing she is happy

The Gardener Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 6:58pm

Jackie's situation is sad, and, hopefully rare. I presume there was no chance she could adopt the child herself - sounds as though they tried all avenues. My best friend (now older than I) virtually brought up her grand-daughter while her son and d-in-law worked full time. Then the couple split up, and the mother, originally from Southern Ireland, returned there with the child to get her a better education. My friend was very cut up - I don't know if she kept in touch - or whether bitterness between her son and his wife meant that she lost contact. I don't know whether it's the same in UK - here, mother and son - he had a son - fell out - and the grand-mother went to court because grand-parents have the right to keep in touch with grand-children. Mr G's situation is worsening as fast as our finances, BUT, two young men arrived to move all my sitting room furniture from one house to the other - the decorator had worked his magic, I'd fallen for fantastic sunburst carpets. My very good friend here whose mother is as bad as Mr G came in and split a bottle of fizz, and we ate cakes, and gossiped for hours - well and truly celebrated. Our weather is showery - very Cornish I should think, except the Gulf Stream gives us our own micro-climate.

Jackie Sun, Oct 16th 2016 @ 11:34pm

Please see my note above. The law in ireland is much more supportive of mums with babies in care, they offer alot more support and fight for the child to be reunited with the family. I hope my grand daughter will write her own letters in time as she knew we loved her dearly as did her own mum

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