Would I lie to myself?

Friday June 3, 2016

One of my favourite UK panel shows (they are the best) is Would I lie to you. Panelists read from a card which is either a lie or the truth. The other team must decided if it is true or a lie. Even when I am having a bad day, I can watch an episode and smile for half an hour.

It has made me think about lies and why we believe them. I do not tell lies, ok I am sometimes creative with the truth but only to improve a story!! I should rephrase that:

I do not tell lies to others but I have told and still do tell lies to myself.

Some are just small ones, such as telling myself I really do need to eat another slice of Camembert or I need to buy another handbag.

Alas the big lies I have told myself have affected my life in different ways.

One that I had told myself for many years was if only I had not had bipolar I could have been (just insert any amazing career from academic, to journalist, to multi-media personality, to comedian to humanitarian work and a many more). This lie blamed all my attempts and struggles with my studies and holding down a job on my bipolar. Sure bipolar did not make life easy but who knows what I would have done if I had not had a diagnosis.

I used to tell myself the reason my marriage and subsequent relationship did not work was that I kept picking the wrong men. This lie was comforting as I could take no responsibility in the breakdown of my relationships, after all I had chosen the wrong partner. Even to me this lie was a bit shaky after all I made the choices willingly and maybe just maybe my behaviour over the years may have contributed to the relationships ending.

Maybe my most dangerous lie was to believe that if I loved someone enough, cared enough, worked hard enough, I could change their behaviour.

I tried so hard, I loved so much, I changed myself and nearly risked my mental and physical health, before I realised love was not enough to change my partner's behaviour.

So do you lie to yourself? Or did you in the past? What was the biggest lie you told yourself.

A Moodscope member

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