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Witty Woo! Friday October 30, 2015

Leah wrote a really helpful blog on throwing out her 30 year old frock, and how doing the same with our stored emotions may be needed. She asked us are we hanging on to anger, resentment and bitterness that is, at best, not helpful and at worst, harmful.

It made me want to share a technique I've used to help me move on from things that are no longer useful. It made a big difference in how my relationship with the father of my children went forward and is now healthy. It was key in helping me conquer my unhealthy dance with alcohol. Maybe you already use it. It's called re-framing. It is simply looking at something from another direction but this can be a hard thing to do and we can often be quickly pulled back into our usual way of seeing things. Try this:

Think of the thing that is troubling. Think of the emotion which accompanies it for you. Now re-frame it by putting it into the past tense.

"I'm so angry at him for not caring."
"I used to feel angry at him."

"I love having a glass of wine as I make dinner."
"I used to need a glass of wine as I made dinner."

It may only be a subtle change but its simplicity is its success. If you keep doing it you will nudge yourself into a shift of thinking. And it will also become second nature to talk of the past as the past and talk of your emotion at that time. It then has no hold over now. Now is a new time.

Imagine being a tiler, they use spacers to keep a distance for grout between the tiles. Re-framing gives you that small but vitally important space. Suddenly you can see your situation from a new perspective. Let's be tilers today. I reckon that means we can also drink copious quantities of builder's tea and eat biscuits galore and maybe even wolf whistle at Leah in that 30 year old frock! Builders used to wolf whistle...

Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Mary Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:50am

Appreciative whistle from across the pond. I love being first to comment. 9.45pm over here and 1.45am for you. I might try using this: I used to crave carbohydrates all the time..... Will this cure my toast addiction?

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 11:46am

I'm holding a cuppa and 'toasting' you Mary! Will that do? I have this crazy image of you having to 'toast' someone or something every time you have a cupoa!! Oh my, the Americans will think you're a crazy Brit!!!! Lol! Bear x

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:16pm

Hello ladies, cuppa in hand here too! Mary, (I need to catch up...I presume you made it on your trip, I am happy for you!)how about: "I used to crave carbohydrates all the time because I had no alternative". If you can work out what comes after the "because" you give your brain that grout space to do its own fixing... Happy trip, I'm glad you made it!

Anonymous Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:25am

This has really me and the message is very timely. Got some visitors coming that haven't really been updated with the more current and ever present 'me'. In my head the imaginary expectations have been causing anxiety but I like the re-framing idea. I think it will help all of us to move on.

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:21pm

I do this too. Take the past and allow it into now. Its definitely a skill worth developing to be able to hit your own refresh key and say "I used to get anxious but now that I expect it I can handle it differently". Repetition strengthens it. I hope it gets you on a step.

Hopeful One Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:29am

Hi RATG - great blog . Admire it's simplicity and therefore it's likelyhood of success . I will practice it and hopefully be able to incorporate it in my toolkit.

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 11:47am

Nice to see you, HO, to see you, nice!

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:29pm

Hello HO, good to see you. You come across in type as calm and in control so I never imagine you needing to do this. However, tool kits are for hanging on to all manner of stuff 'just in case' and so why not! Always a pleasure to see you, and the joke of the day is... (Caroline: maybe we should pay HO in Smarties/Turkish Delight/dry roasted nuts to provide a slot underneath the thought of the day!! ;-D )

Alex Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:34am


I really liked the principle of that: thank you. Can I ask you( and others)....what do you do when you don't know what the emotion is, only that it's horrible?

The specific thing Im talking about is this.....the anniversary of my Mum being killed in the fire is approaching. Four years.

Every year it feels feels worse, in a different way.

We were estranged for two years before decision, and it was extremely painful but necessary. (I should point out that the one emotion I know isn't involved is'll just have to trust me on that one. Too long and complex to detail here)

I just can't put it into words other than to say it's a horrible mix of nightmarish images and thoughts.

Thanks again

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:50am

Alex maybe just that, "I used to get a mix of feelings..." Thinking about my working with children, I suggest to adults to avoid naming the negative, as it only reinforces it in the childs mind. So remind them by saying "We walk inside" rather than "no running inside". I wonder if by naming the images as nightmarish, (even though they were), adds to reinforcing it in your mind? You would need to ask someone who deals with traumatic experiences really, it was just a thought I had. I hope that as ratg has suggested that you find a way to help your subconsious deal with the anniversaries in different but better ways. LP xx

susan Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 11:25am

Hi Alex, i'm so sorry this happened to your mom, and to you. Not many of us have to experience such horror in our lives. Your indescribable feeling is possibly a combination of many different emotions, combining to form the worst feeling imaginable--'a mix of nightmarish images and thoughts'. How does one begin to unpick this 'thing'? It is hard to do on your own, but at one time i used the method of 'focusing' and it helped a lot. Probably good for sleuthing out single emotions as well. 'Focussing' is written by Eugene Gendlin. Just a suggestion if you haven't read it already. All the best to you. xx

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:08pm

Dear Alex, we can only imagine the horror you are going through, and that for you is part of the one else CAN know unless they have been through that particular type of nightmare, but also, you are probably doing what I know I would do - you are reliving the horror every time you think of her and as the anniversary creeps up, you are putting yourself through it all over and over again. Your kind response to Julia below shows understanding that you know everyone's stresses and pain is relevant to them. I can only say that I too miss my dear Mum who died last year and my mother in law the year before....and although their passings were awful and both strong women went through awful deaths, the circumstances were not of the tragic, shocking variety. I'm not sure if this will help, but as RATG says in this great blog could you try to say 'well, this time last year, I was feeling like this...but this time it is (fill in the blanks - even if you say it out loud or write it down) perhaps this will help you to recovery - because I think you need small steps to help you recover from the shock. I know you say you were estranged from Mum, but are you still in contact with or are there members of your family who you could sit down and talk it through with? I hope none of this essay comes over badly...I have so much sympathy for you, Alex. Bear x x x

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:51pm

Alex my love, you have such a lot to pick through just as others have said too. Have you ever had counselling? If so, what was that experience like? Over the last 15 years, I have had some counselling (private with a qualified psychologist not just a 'listener'). Whilst it did not dramatically turn around anything for me, it really did provide a foundation for me. It drew a line from where I could begin again. I tried 3 counsellors before I found one who handled me the way I needed. She realised I didn't need CBT techniques to reshape my thinking but that I needed to go over old ground and make peace with it. I needed her to hear some of the things that had caused my hurt and my anger. As I talked through over the weeks, just the process of finding the word to describe something made it hang out in the air and then find a new place to settle. Things were not different...but it was like shaking up a feather duvet, it was renewed and I could see things just differently enough to give me some clarity. That was invaluable as I am believer in being our own fixers. I'm not sure the technique I've described today would help you until you have made the truly uncomfortable stuff stand up, be heard and then be rested in a new way. Is there any possibility of you starting the tricky task of finding a valuable person to walk through it with you? A really good counsellor knows specifically which questions are needed. I sense you haven't been fully heard.

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:56pm

Hello Alex (aka cwm?) I cannot begin to imagine the horror you have lived through; I think that "a horrible mix of nightmarish images and thoughts" sounds perfectly reasonable ... what I do find encouraging is that you say that each year it feels different (even though it feels worse). I guess that because it is so horrible your brain is protecting you by allowing you to unpick it bit by bit ... a case of Mother Nature knowing what is best and supporting you through it maybe ... so whilst it may feel worse, it is progress, little by little, piece by piece ... and one day that will become peace by peace ... I am sitting in front of the fire and I have lit a candle for you and yours ... Thank-you for your comments which I always find interesting ... Frankie

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:21pm

By the way, LP, that's genius, not using the negative. "We walk inside" rather than "we don't run inside" that and I am instantly changing my parenting. NOW this very minute. Why has my tiny brain never done this before??

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 2:07pm

Whoop whoop!!! Yay, that makes me SO happy I cant tell you! I love my job for that very reason! Thanks for letting me know hun and ANYtime! :) P xxx

Alex Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 4:46pm

Bear, Thank you.....alas no, no family(none that would be in any way healthy for me to be in contact with, for a variety of reasons) Room, My shrink - who had been with me over a period of around eight years - told me as I was on the way out if our last session that it was indeed our last session: he was retiring, and would not be referring me to anyone else(at this point I had a minor meltdown at the sudden shock...and I think it was an extremely unprofessional way to desk with anyone....I was in floods of tears, he couldn't get me out of there fast. Enough, and I bawled my eyes out all the way downstairs - a total stranger asked if I was ok, then sat with me till I'd calmed a bit. So, there's that. And I have officially been 'signed off' from psychiatric care, as they say I no longer need it : to which I feel like saying, "Live in my head for sn hour send I think you might wasnt to revisit that ides...." Frankie(yes, cwm :) Thank you, for the understanding, and for the candle....I have lit my Shabbat candles early; usually do, to try you bring the feeling of Shabbat in, sooner. I can't use real candles - fire phobia - so, just battery tealights, but the intent is the same, .i know G-d understands, and that's all that matters. Sorry for answering "all in one" but I thought it might be less confusing... And a crapoy, scary afternoon, when the ongoing problem with one of the flats in the stair reared its head again: another attempt at knocking their for in( this has happened multiple times and that flat has been an ongoing source of problems for years) So, called cops. And I hate the feeling of not feeling safe in my own, in a curious and contradictory way, it also worsens the agoraphobia. One of my cats was straight under the bed....wee soul, very highly strung ; I have to say ?I flat like joining him.... Thanks all, for listening to my ramblings. That's a help in itself Alex

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:22pm

Alex, I feel that you are being let down by your 'shrink' but thank goodness he's retiring...he's obviously not that good at his job if he couldn't get you out quick enough. You poor lamb. Big Bear hugs winging their way across the ether. Remember this...unless you are out and out rude here, you do not have to any of us. It's what we are all here for, to listen and help if we can. Bear x

Leah Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:49pm

Alex, I just wanted to say Shabbat Shalom. You are not rambling at all, you have so much insight into your problems. I feel I have no experience with what you have been through so feel way out of my depth in commenting. I feel for you. Send kind thoughts and hugs across the seas.

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:40pm

Alex, I'm just going to say it as I see it...I think 8 years is a huge amount of time and I'm disappointed for you that your 'shrink' behaved the way he did. I would think you would be allowed some different support...sometimes you have to be a broken record and ask, then ask again, be specific. It's not my business and for that I apologise, but I don't believe you have had the care you need. Do you have a supportive GP? It may be they could see it's time for a fresh approach? Of course...IF it's the right time for you... Have you been in touch with Cruse? Forgive me for being so intrusive, I'm just a little passionate about matching care with situations.

Alex Sat, Oct 31st 2015 @ 2:22am

All, Thank you so much for being so supportive( and for making sense of my huge amount of typos, which I've just noticed....good grief: it's a wonder it made any sense at all. Losing my husband last year made things even more painful, plus him being in a nursing home which had problems(I'd been his carer for several years, till I couldn't give him the 24/7 care he needed)..,.and I do feel that it must just sound like constant moaning when I keep repeating all this, whether here, to GP, or whatever: but....doing my best to keep going, and finding things which help(Spock and Data - my cats - are my sweeties; and I have music I love, and books to read, and I know Im lucky to have a ton of memories which are wonderful but sometimes too painful to dwell on, as it can lead me into a trip down that memory lane of "what once was, and now no longer is".... Some days it's easier than others. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for the kindness; it does help, a lot. Love and purrs(Oh So Fishy scent wafting through the air after cat breakfart number one....and I have to leave that typo in, as it's giving me a mental fit of the giggles......breakfart! times I do have the sense of humour of an adolescent boy (apologies, chaps) and that's another thing that helps me keep going. And farting....) Alex

Anonymous Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 7:45am

Hi ratg. I shall try reframing when I start to stress out about Christmas. Already my calendar for December is getting full of social things and relatives coming to stay. I said to my husband last night " Please, please don't let me commit to any more social things in December. Of course he was very pleased to hear that, not being a social animal anyway and thinking £ signs every time I mention a Christmas meal out with so and so! But that's beside the point. I am now going to say "I used to get so stressed about Christmas!" (My apologies to Alex above who has far more tragic circumstances to be sad about)

Alex Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:00am

Anonymous, apology needed: everything is relative, and your stress is important .....Im not a social creature, so, can empathise there. Alex

Anonymous Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:52am

Hi Alex. Anon was Julia. i do think about you. xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 11:55am

Hi Anon/Julia....I've been thinking about Christmas for everyone on Moodscope, recently. Wondering how people cope as it isn't always a joyous time for everyone. One of the biggest things I used to stress about was actually making the big yunch on Christmas Day, or Eve or Boxing Day. The way I got and still get round it is to just remember this: it's Sunday Yunch with Christmas crackers! Ok and a few extra veggies!!! It sort of puts it into perspective! Any peeps coming to stay must be given jobs to do, whether it's peeling, chopping, wrapping stuff, laying tables or washing up...playing and entertaining kids or older relatives - everyone has to do stuff. Otherwise you will feel totally stressed whilst everyone else is enjoying themselves. Early Christmas Bear Hugs x x x

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:58pm

Jule, you and me both!! I reframe for Christmas. I did it last year and it wasn't a cure but it did help. I would run round in my head things like "I used to hoover 3 times in the lead up and now I'm glad I just do it once on Christmas Eve and one little top up after breakfast". And many other such things. "I used to overthink the crackers, now I realise they are just dazzly bits of cardboard!" And on, and on, and on... :-)

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:00pm

Hi Bear, funny I've been thinking the same. I wrote a blog on this very thing last Christmas. Would be perfectly happy if it was recycled this year...but that's maybe not ideal...

Anonymous Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:57pm

Ha! I was in the newsagent this morning, (after I'd read your blog) and someone in front of me was buying Xmas Crackers. Before reframing, I would have probably looked at them in her arms and on the shelf, wondering if they may all sell out, calculating how many I might need and my heart stepping up a pace, But post reframing, I stood there all relaxed and calm and said to myself, "I used to get all worked up about Xmas.....etc etc!!" (I also thought about saying to the shop keeper, OMG, is it xmas cracker time again but decided that wasn't allowed in the reframing remit) So thx ratg again.

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 2:09pm

I love "yunch" Bear! It'll make me smile whenever I say the word now! :) xx

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:31pm

I Lurve recycling!!! GFI Lolilol x

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:32pm

Lillypet...tee hee...I Lurve making words up and used to do it with daughter and her friends...and some of the children at school where I worked. :) x

Anonymous Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:26am

Now that's brilliant advice, TRATG. Very many thanks. Go well.

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:01pm

Ah. Merci! I'm pleased :-)

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:29am

Hi Ratg, interestingly the anger I had towards the parent who was at the root of my anxiety and depression had lessened over the years, but it Ive continually projected it towards people who have wronged me and trigered it ever since.
There are two people who I dislike intensely, who I cant avoid. They are current, not in the past (one at work one inlaw and infuriatingly that in law is now working where I have worked for over 10 year!s grrr!) and present me with new challenges on a regular basis.
Interestingly the parent has offered no empathy or support, so the anger towards ththat parent is resurfacing which I think is a good thing.

I felt like I was a volcano last week! Sometimes dormant, sometimes bubbling and spitting, but not yet erupted in an explosive and destructive rage. Not great to think of myself like that!

I want to try reframing "I used to have feelings of rage towards......." But the feelings are so intense at the time, that saying "I used to" wouldnt make sense in the moment or for a period of time afterwards.
I could practice from now, since last week feels in the past, but even writing this makes me think that I'd just be continuing to bury an anger that needs to fully be dealt with.

I drafted a blog about the volcano. They are such a beautiful, but powerful force of nature, that people either keep well away from or tiptoe around, ready to evcacuate if they start to smoke!

Thank you for bringing me back to the core of my depression and anxiety ratg. One day I will join you on the scaffolding with a builders tea and bikkies and with big grins on our faces, witty wooing at passers by!!! Love LP xxx

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:04pm

Oh me too LillyPet ... I WAS a volcano last week in full eruption ... and the rage ... and the pain ... I also need to deal fully with this anger or I fear that I will be burying it, and I am too scared of an even more violent outburst ... (I have had two such outbursts in the last three months)but I keep putting off facing up to it ... I think reframing sounds a brilliant tool, but like you it is not the right tool for me at the moment ... I am looking forward to your blog on the volcano! Maybe I should write one on my anger and that will help me acknowledge it and then move on ... oh but I really don't want to look at it ... feeling scared now ... Frankie

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:07pm

Hello LP! I wonder if breaking into much smaller pieces would help? If you have feelings of rage towards a particular person you can't quickly change that. But you can peel it away..."she used to dominate when we were at the dinner table and I would feel resentful, however, now I listen quietly and continue to talk to the people I am comfortable with"...that type of thing?

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 2:44pm

Hey Ratg x I used to cower in tears behind my bedroom door saying to myself "Even this day will pass" . I distinctly remember thinking that she would be lonely one day because of the violent bully that she is and that one thing she could never take away from me was the hatred I felt. I believe thats why I'm holding onto it so determinedly. Even now I cant understand the concept of forgiveness, not even for my own good. Interestingly I've glanced back at what I just wrote and noticed that it's mostly in the past tense! Even though she's just around the corner! I chatted to her just this morning! I honestly feel like that's all in the past, but it's my reaction to specific people now when I feel the rage. So reframing it would be "I used to have strong feelings because I was bullied in the past, but now if someone does something that I am not comfortable with, I listen quietly and continue to interact with people I am comfortable with". Bless you Ratg I'll let you know how it goes. P Xxx

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 2:51pm

I'll think more about, peeling it away in smaller pieces, to morespecific situations. Your xmas examples are great, will definitely try in all sorts of situations, not just those people, but whenever I start to feel anxious. X

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 3:16pm

Hi Frankie, Yes, the feelings are scary. Fear of not being in control and of getting worse. Apparently all anger comes from fear. I know. Mine originally did and that it's triggered by situations that are not in my control. I dont have outbursts at the time, but it often comes out with pms! I use some good supplements for the pms. Ratgs suggestion has helped me see how I could start chipping away at it. I would also say that if you have an opportunity to deal with it please go for it, see if it helps, wouldn't it be great to start to take a step forward? LP xx

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 4:15pm

Thanks LillyPet; I will reflect on that "all anger comes from fear" ... hmmm ... Thanks to beloved hubby and darling brother I have made a small step forward, but it is SOOOOO scary! Time will tell ... Frankie xx

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:38pm

Lillypet....I had to re-read your second paragraph, just above Frankie's reply, a second and third time...I think I must need glasses as I thought you had written 'I don't have outbursts at the time, but it often comes with pimms......Pimms? Who knew Pimms could be so aggravating??!! Maybe gin would have done it but not Pimms! Note to self: slow down and read properly! Lol x

Rebecca Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 7:12pm

I have immense anger at times. It is scary. I haven't for a while, have just felt low and lacked energy. The anger is really scary though as I am generally a quiet, shy person. I really don't like it. Maybe I should try to put that into past tense.x

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 7:36pm

Lol! That's hilarious! especially as it's my favourite! Watch out, it's Pimms o'clock grrr! :)) xxx

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 7:43pm

I'm so sorry Rebecca, that was a reply to Bear! Yes it's amazing how closely linked the anger and the fear are. Pxx

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 7:46pm

Frankie I am sooo glad that you have two wonderful men to be there for you and even more impressed about the step you've taken! The time is right. Feel the scary and do it anyway! Xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:01pm

Rebecca, it is very scary to feel so much anger...I feel for you. I am often on the receiving end of outbursts of anger...and when it's out of the blue it can be terrifying as well as incomprehensible. I don't think Mr Bear knows why he gets from nought to sixty quicker than the quickest thing on the quickest day...but he does and well, I have to tippy toe around and keep my head low! Sending Bear Hugs x

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:47pm

Rebecca, hello, welcome in. I recognise what you say. Awareness is the biggest step...some people never get there and yet you are there already! Once you can identify what the trigger is you will be almost at the point of no return. Keep going. You will win x.

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:30am

Whoops sorry! Must have pressed twice and can't delete! :)

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:18pm

Who said that? LOL!

susan Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:42am

Hi ratg, this is a great suggestion (written with your inimitable flair). And it's a quicker and more direct route to the unconscious than saying 'what if i didn't have these feelings/situation, what would it be like?' (although that can be helpful, too). Love it. Thank you! Currently: 'I used to get in a tizzy about getting meals ready for house guests'. xx

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:09pm

Yeah! I do the same. "I used to get panicky about the food and now I realise they can eat it or leave it!"

The Gardener Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 11:23am

I'd already done Leah's clothes things - now trying to 'cleanse' my mind of the awful few months of my husband's horrible behaviour (which, of course, he could not help). A friend was coming to help me with the robes - I went up to the loft to get them out - noticed beautiful wood of stairs - came down with one robe - but tobogganed down because some idiot had polished them with slippery polish, absolute ice rink. Friend has been feeding me coffee and alternate cold and hot packs so that I can get to the bospital. She has had so much agony in her life (she's my kids age) and her mother is at the stage of my husband - so we've got a lot in common. Busy 'living in the present' helping each other to draw a line under past miseries - so Hi from a gardener with a limp. Ratg 'I used to feel angry at him' I have at last managed to change 'hostile' from 'extremely' to not at all. It was not my husband I was hostile to, but the inhuman illness which changed him from what he was. Thanks for helping me face things.

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:10pm

Hi Gardener; just to say I am lighting a candle for you and yours; I think about you often and send you cyber smiles and soothing thoughts ... Frankie

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:15pm

TG you are an eloquent and graceful soul who has managed to see the illness separate from the man. That is precisely what those of us struggling with depression wish for. You have your gap, well done, and I wish each day would bring you some solace xxx.

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 2:55pm

I hope you weren't hurt too badly TG, all you need right now! LP x

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 12:20pm

Dearest RATG...brilliogs blog AGAIN!! Don't know how you do it! Such great idea.

In your honour, I have been tiling the bathroom...well, not really, but thinking about your blog whilst cleaning it!!!
Simple enough ideas and well written and you have brought out such interesting responses above.
Humbly soz pet, I have got over-thinkful and replied to a few before you've managed to :)
It's funny how certain blogs and responses can ignite us...note to Lillypet - I'm a liddle volcano of my own! Ah well, onwards to the bat-cave! This house want clean itself!
Bear x x x

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:10pm

Oh my goodness I would never get my pants in a tangle over someone replying to another...we are all stepping the stones and I'm just happy to be amongst people who hold hands. xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 5:39pm

Bear hugs x

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:12pm


This sounds brilliant and a really useful tool to add to the "Moodscope" bag! Thank-you ...

It's good to hear you are moving on ...


the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:18pm

Hello Frankie! Its slow, but steady. I used to feel I had to be a hare, but now I am more than happy knowing I am a tortoise!! :-D

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 1:23pm

Me too dear RATG, me too! Frankie

Peter Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 2:26pm

Thank you very much for this helpful blog. Sometimes it's so easy to let go of troubling thoughts isnt' it? And then, for some unfathomable reason, they zonk back in and won't go. Happiness, health and resilience to all the lovely people on here.

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:48pm

Peter that was a great thing to read, thank you!

Maria Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 4:09pm

Thank you so much RATG! I used to feel alone but now I feel like I have a great community of friends :)

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 4:16pm

Welcome in Maria! We are here when you need us ... I look forward to reading you again some time .... Frankie

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:49pm

Brilliant Maria! Me too!

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 7:47pm

Me too Maria! LPXx

The Gardener Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:00pm

I'm back home after a day for which I cannot find an adjective strong enough. Had another read of ratg blog 'my unhealthy dance with alcohol' and the ghastly memory of watching third son (absolutely brilliant) descend into alcoholism - knowing only too well the horrendous effects on him and his family. We'd dine, knowing he'd 'had a few' down the pub, we'd go to bed, he'd 'just watch TV' and continue drinking. With loads of help, he's stopped. My husband ate a whole meal tonight! Put out more flags. I am sitting drinking whisky - but only having had a banana since breakfast (if I had breakfast) it might help the effects of falling down stairs. Accompanied husband, I followed the ambulance, to eye clinic - he had already lost right eye sight with a massive haemorrage - possible it might disperse - but in one of the falls over the week-end it seems to be irreversible - perhaps an op, but, like yesterdays decision, too brutal. Live life as we can - take radio in to hospital tomorrow, listen to music together, persuade him to eat - again, never felt so much love, ambulance drivers charming - we all got on to the World Rugby, shouts from all over clinic - good dose of normality. Every good moment will be savoured - my bed calls, but it's upstairs, hands and knees probably - at least stairs carpeted and not slippery. Whisky at work, wash that you shaid? Perhaps eating would be a good thing. As I can't remember whether this morning was yesterday high time to pull up the drawbridge. Sweet dreams and a quiet night to all.

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:03pm

I'm waving my liddle Welsh flag that Mr TG has eaten tonight and that you are home safe and well-ish! Hope the whisky went down smoothly and you are tucked up and warm and cosy for the night. Sleep well, dear TG, sleep well x

LillyPet Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:42pm

Night night TG sleep well. Xx

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:49pm

And to you xx

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 11:01pm

And...your son...who hooked up with the alcohol very lucky that he has family on his side. I'm impressed with his turnaround x.

Alex Sat, Oct 31st 2015 @ 9:14am

Gardener, Just wanted to send thoughts and purrs....I remember well the various hospital trips with my husband, with similar difficulties. And not having words to describe it. Sending love and solidarity Alex

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:17pm

Candle is still burning for you dear Gardener (and for you, dear Alex).

Frankie Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:17pm

Should be Frankie

Alex Sat, Oct 31st 2015 @ 9:14am

Very much appreciated, Frankie. Thank you Alex

Leah Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 8:58pm

I used to eat far more chocolates
I used to worry far more

Glad I inspired a blog- well done!!
Is frock used regularly in Uk or did you use it for effect.
Think it hasn't been used over here since 1965 and by my dad- he loved the work frock.

Lost of great comments and ideas.


Thinking of you and continue to read in awe of your stamin and spirit.

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:55pm

Hello Leah, frock was used over here ALL the time by my beautiful, beautiful granny and so her language became my language. (I lost her 2 years ago...still raw.) It's still used a fair bit here in Scotland but maybe mainly in fun. It's a word I adore and so I've added it to my list of words I will not let disappear. Then there is the frock-coat which is another thing altogether but I love them too.

Alex Sat, Oct 31st 2015 @ 9:17am

Room, Im in Scotland too. So sorry you lost your lovely granny..... I was very close to mine - lived with them till I was five. Long time ago, though. Alex

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:06pm

Leah, I like the word frock! I sometimes use it but I also make up my own words, which tickled Lillypet today! Your blog inspired RATG's blog and inspired others to contribute to help so many others here.
I like it that you say things as they are for you, Leah. All the best, Bear x

the room above the garage Fri, Oct 30th 2015 @ 10:57pm

Part of the pleasure of this here medium is that we pay more attention to the words than we would face to face. And your made up words make me laugh! Xxx

Ruth Thu, Nov 19th 2015 @ 12:03am

This post is dedicated to Mary who wrote her blog on Wednesday,today.
I have been where you are many times and I totally get women with great relations and friends waiting in the wings to support us when we fall we can think about suicide.However thinking and doing are entirely different as we all well know.
These black thoughts are part and parcel of our "illness" and when we are on the bright side once again we can see it for what it is-a thought and nothing more......
You will bounce back,you know that and,please,don't ever forget that little nugget of hope.Today it could be tiny,tomorrow it could be huge.
And think about the kingfisher; a wonderful sight to behold.I saw a baby heron the other day by the canal and when it flew off gently on the breeze I knew how amazing life and nature is.
Tomorrow I'm going to find a kingfisher...
Take care X x

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