Moodscope's blog



Why Bipolar is misunderstood. Monday June 23, 2014

I want to kick off by saying Moodscope is a really great help to me. Seeing my scores climbing from low to high over a period of time feels great and seeing small dips on my chart is less disheartening when I can track how long before the dip I felt OK for.

However, with Bipolar Disorder the manic highs are equally soul destroying and can have the same impact on family and friends as debilitating depression. It's no secret to my loved ones that at this precise moment I am having a manic episode. Work's going well and I feel empowered, almost invincible, I am flitting from one thing to another, want to aquire stuff I don't really need with money I definitely don't have. I'm also waking up at 4.00 am every morning, sneaking downstairs to start cleaning or even worse start sending Emails.

During these periods, when I spin the moodscope playing cards, I score 100% every time. My moodscope buddy often Emails me to congratulate me on my high scoring. When in fact I feel exhausted from lack of sleep and have probably already caused real upset at home.

I would like to hear if others experience the same thing. It's hard for people to empathise when all they are seeing in you is enthusiasm, energy and cheerfulness. In truth, under the surface, lies a debilitating condition that often reaks havoc. Maybe the cards should incorporate questions that flag up these manic spikes so they don't mask how we are truly feeling.

A Moodscope member.

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Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 7:31am

I can truly empathise with your experience Damian. Since being diagnosed with Bi Polar I have experienced way, way more highs than lows and have ended up being hospitalised as a result of them 16 times (only 1 hospitalisation for depression). I can testify to very high Moodscope scores being an indication that I am heading out of control and behaving in ways that are super-destructive to myself and my family. It is almost a year since my last episode, in which I spent heaps on money I could ill afford to and managed to lose all my most precious jewellery. I am full of trepidation regarding the next inevitable episode, even though the beginning is marked by such confident high spirits.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 7:36am

Damian, I'm bipolar and well aware of good can be bad news. I used to fear feeling good - having been diagnosed decades ago and no rational support. One of my buddies is bipolar (more inclined to depression, whereas I head up under pressure). They pick me up if my scores trend up from my own baseline. On average my baseline is just under 70. This would seem high by many standards. Exhausted and 100 is oxymoronic. If it doesn't make sense there is a reason. Moodscope's personal comment helps account for the scores. I find being honest with myself has been the biggest challenge. Look into sleep health too - you are probably competitive and I've found aiming for the optimum recommeded sleep has been really helpful (over 7 hours!).

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 7:50am

Just to say hello and to also say I can empathise I nearly bankrupted myself with spending highs, no one could touch me the world was amazing, I was amazing but everything around me was crashing, I just couldn't see it. When I was hospitalised people used to wonder what delivery would turn up next finding it hilarious whilst my high antics were destroying me. My suicidal thoughts were also present during my highs - how could that be..... the world was at my feet. My friends just thought there she goes the joker of the pack, they couldn't see that behind the mask there was sheer panic. Highs are confusing as they are dangerous, no sleep, no food, high energy and not happy that others can't keep up. You are not alone and everything you said in your blog made perfect sense. Thank you for sharing, its people like you who make me realise I am not alone. Thank you!

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 8:02am

I think Caroline et al, have been trying to assist us Bi-polars on this problem...Damian.
The sleep pattern is important, but I suggest ' aiming ' for 7 hours,
doesn't mean that 6 hours might be just O.K. ? ( well for me anyway... )

Sue Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 8:30am

I stopped using the cards for this reason. I was getting the message about how well I was doing when I was really very unwell. When I first started using it st the beginning I thought it was designed for people with bipolar which obviously isn't the case. If this is being addressed then I would start using it again.

With Respect to X Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 8:50am

Its been a while since I was using Moodscope regularly but it did always strike me as being a bit more calibrated for disorders such as Major Depressive or Bipolar Type 2 than the Type 1 Bipolar I suffer from, where the mood upswings are much more pronounced and often extremely difficult to manage in their own right.

I have been hospitalised twice, once involuntarily which lead to my diagnosis, while suffering manic psychosis. I have also been depressed enough once to twice to justify hospitalisation I think but wasn't "picked up" by the medical system on those occasions. Certainly my mania is more likely to be noticed by people around me than depression, perhaps unsurprisingly given the really noticeable behaviour for the former (although sometimes its very well masked for a period), while I tend to become a hermit for the latter. The really useful thing would probably be to make more visible the crucial "build up" periods to mania proper.

Theresa NZ Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 8:59am

Thanx for sharing. I can relate very well with all you have said. i was thinking today that I would only score in the 80s and 90s if I was manic. my jittery and nervous score would bring it down from 100. i agree that it is good to be aware of your base level .... and write notes about the manic episode. i hav found sleep is incredibly important especially as I had a breakdown earlier this year. I used to think I cld handle a couple if nights with hardly any sleep, but my family definately pays when I am sleep deprived. I am finding it helpful to go for 'Forrest Gump Walks' when I am feeling manic. Walking it out in the fresh air so I can try to sleep that night.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 9:11am

Yes, I recognise all of those symptoms well. I remember that even a psychiatrist questioned whether my husband left all the housework to me, after I'd tried to describe the frantic cleaning and scrubbing episodes that were a classic symptom of being over the top!
Counselling, Reiki healing and learning about health at every size (Lucy Aphramore/Linda Bacon) have ensured that I now have bi-polar traits rather than the condition itself.
However I have an estranged daughter who doesn't believe that bi-polar can be the cause of promiscuity, with which I was plagued during the eighties and nineties and succumbed to only at manic times.
Thank you for your post.

SeekingSubtleSelf Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 9:33am

Damian, I am glad you raise this. I strongly suspect that had I persisted with exploring the Bi Polar diagnosis that I was offered once or twice in particular circumstances, that I might have learnt to class myself as Type 1 or 2 or whatever. Instead I am interested by what I can gain from psychiatry without being oppressed by it. My "eating disorder" diagnosis from my teens is another one for me to play with, as are my "anxious" and "depressed" and "chronic fatigue", "compulsive", "perfectionist"/ "not perfectionist", "fear of failure" and "people-pleasing" labels. I fully endorse any suggestion that I am as yet rather immature in some areas of my development, but along with that go moments when I realise that I have some maturities beyond my chronological age... Life is learning, and learning is a chemical/physical/physiological process of habit forming, and habit modification. Since I discovered the Feldenkrais Method, and Community Building in Britain, I have discovered other ways and sources of guidance with self-development and self exploration, on a physiological but also a mental, emotional, social level, too.
Bully for me! Moodscope is yet another tool to make work for me. I use it to reflect on where I am, and how I am thinking about the questions. The end score is not definitive, it is exploratory. People who have labelled me manic, have been, I have noticed in the habit of labelling those around them as in that state. How much of a coincidence is it that one man, to whom I was close and to whom I owe a lot, labelled many of his female colleagues as such, especially when he told me about how indifferent or stubborn or intransigent he was being to (frustrate?) them? I twigged that I should stop seeing diagnoses as an individual matter. I am susceptible to mood swings in unhelpful company/ difficult situations, etc. I have some power over my mental state. If I wish to experiment with how to score myself I can review my high scores, reconsider, explore imaginatively what is causing me to score highly, or for that matter to get low scores. It is that exploration that can slow me down towards mindfulness. Thank you Moodscope Lite. Let us users take responsibility for the way we use it, and for how we interpret it. Are there people you can discuss your self-scoring with, Damian? A range of responses from others to your scoring may help you widen your own understandings of what subtleties you or they are missing. Trust your own abilities to learn to drive your own super-subtle and flexible time machine that is your whole self, and the history/language installed in you over time. Walk, sleep, play, food, drink, bathtime, massage, exercise, indoor/outdoor, different varieties of work and taking appropriate control and power in your life and the social or communal life around you - all these count. Good luck!

Torsten Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 9:35am

Exactly. What's worse is that a lot of "professionals" (e.g. my former psychiatrist) hold the cards as useful for bipolar. They couldn't be more wrong and indeed there's an inbuilt bias towards treating unipolar depression - this than swing into the face of the bipolar people. Could there be an "algorithm" to build-in that qualifies those cards to answer for the bipolar? Would that require a set of knowledge of the person that's simply not there yet? A job for

Mary Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 9:35am

To echo the fourth comment (at 8.02) above, yes - Caroline is well aware of this problem with we bi-polars (I never both reading the comments below my score), and is working on it as much as time and finances allow. Sometimes I think it would be good to have two lines: one for red cards, one for blue. As Theresa says, the nervous and jittery cards do tend to bring an otherwise alarmingly high score down. Although I am bi-polar 2 and therefore have (only) hypo-mania, it's still a problem. I find that, if I go above 75% without a really good reason (I try not to do the test when I have just finished a successful class, for instance), there is cause for alarm. I really need my family and buddies to tell me when I'm flying high as one of the symptoms is that you really don't know for yourself. I would echo the advice of the folk above who recommend sleep and have a sleep chart for myself when going through the mania phase. My therapist says "You get what you measure" and I find if I make sure I sleep more in a high, the subsequent low is not so debilitating. Good luck to all of us who dread the highs as much as the lows - even while we enjoy them far too much! There's always a price to pay. Please carry on using Moodscope, guys.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 10:03am

I don't suffer from bipolar, although in the past I had a close family member who did so I know something of the suffering which it can cause.
Isn't it the moodscope comments, and the well-intentioned but misplaced response of your buddy, which are at "fault" here, rather than the moodscope cards? A "normal" mood - a "yes, I felt fine today, but of course I'm a bit worried about X Y and X" mood - does not score 100%. I don't know what a "good mood, but still subject to the normal ups and downs of everyday life" score would be (and it would vary from person to person) but I strongly doubt it would be above 90%. A score approaching 100% should surely generate as much concern from anyone with whom you share it as a score approaching 0%.
The moodscope comments may well be written on the basis that higher = better. But higher = better only to a certain level; after that higher MIGHT be better, but - depending on the person - might also be a warning of an impending manic episode. Maybe the comments should be tweaked to take that into account,

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 10:44am

Today's out-pourings are yet more in the list of using Moodscope as a free psychiatric's couch - OK, you need to admit to Bi-polar and get all the help you can. What about those who are subject to mood swings and whose lives are totally given up to caring for dependent others. Where does the angst go? I seize on what joys I can in the day - perhaps my own angst makes me see these endless self-pitying outpourings as attention-seeking. Yours rather crossly

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 11:44am

Hi Damian,
I defenitely know what you are talking about as I have been hospitalised 3 times in the UK and once in America because of manic episodes. I have also experienced the lows too and have failed twice to take my own life. I have now written a book to help other people with bipolar and also to let their carers know what it's like to experience a manic episode. I think the book would not only help you but also help your family and friends to understand the condition. The book is called 'Footprints in the Sand' and is available through Amazon. All profits will be donated to a mental health charity. My name is Crawford Buchan.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 12:12pm

I stopped using the cards for the same reason I was scoring 100 % and knew I wasn't well ..... I've been hospitalized twice and have been reasonably stable except from a blip before Christmas .... thank you for the blog and the comments that were inspired to come from it

Julia Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 12:31pm

Hello "yours rather crossly"! Is there a support group you can go to so that you can share your feelings of angst with and discuss ways of alleviating the strain caused by having to care day in day out for dependant others? The great benefits of Moodscope is just that, we can discuss our feelings and mental health issues with other like minded people and get solace from their kindness, understanding and experiences. Rather than being attention seeking, we are here to help and to learn from each other. Good luck with the caring and hopefully you will find others in your situation you can talk to. It really does help!

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 1:03pm

I also stopped using the cards for the same reason. I found I was only bothering to use them when I was depressed, so the average was very low, but then when I'm manic, I'm so "up" that it feels pointless to worry about depression and I so I don't bother. I'm glad someone else is saying this. Thank you.

Julia Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 1:57pm

I too have stopped using the cards but I am not bi polar. The score was always the same and I found it was too easy to manipulate the cards. I have a buddy to whom I write a short message each day and this helps me more than the scores.

Caroline Ashcroft Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 2:44pm

Unfortunately, the Moodscope system treats high scores as good, no matter whether they are because you're just feeling fine, or because you (maybe) are feeling manic/hypomanic.The test we're using is designed for general mood measurement, rather than for picking up the full spectrum of bipolar. We hope in the future to develop a test which can detect the artificial 'euphoria' of a high, as opposed to a high score simply because everything is going fine for you.

For all of those members who are bipolar, it's probably best to ignore the written feedback that Moodscope gives you, and then label your graph with comments that differentiate between normal good and turbo-charged good.

Thanks also to everyone for sharing their experiences. As Julia said in her reply to Anonymous 10.44am, this blog is here for our members to share and discuss all mental health issues. I wouldn't say that any of our members are attention seeking, most are sharing their experiences to help others and/or gain help from others.

Caroline Ashcroft Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 2:48pm

Hi anonymous, I've replied partially later in the blog, but I'm absolutely certain there are many members who are carers and feel the same way as yourself. It would be great if you could write a blog on how you cope and manage to seize on what joys you can in the day. It must be very stressful for you.

Libby Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 3:18pm

Here's the "deal" for me...when the cards hit 70, I start to reign in my energy and behavior. More sleep (I may need melatonin, which works for me now when it didn't used to). More deep breathing throughout the day (I stop for "mini-vacations": 6 long, slow deep breaths). Do ONE thing at a time (well, that's the goal...I usually have 3 or 4 balls in the air at any one time)...etc. You get the picture. Use the scores to alert you to both ups and downs.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 3:20pm

Dear Damien and other manic-depressives, First thanks for sharing. I am a depressive but my daughter is a manic-depressive with serious anxiety issues. So your shares of the exhaustion after mania were quite helpful to me. I will do more reading on the mania side. While on vacation with her and her son just recently, I noticed that my daughter goes into manic state when drinking. It seemed to only take 2 beers and she was gone (drinking quite heavily from there on in because of the feelings of invincibility). I also noticed that she didn't have a hangover the next day but went to sleep really early the next night. Is the drinking- mania connection common? I'd appreciate your feedback. My heart goes out to you all with this disease. My brother and uncle both have it too so I see the damage this disease has wrought and how other people just think you're the life of the party.

Libby Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 3:26pm

For a long time I never realized that the red cards were in a different category from the blue cards (good vs. bad, high vs. low)! When I discovered that, which was after 2 years into using Moodscope, I didn't like having my feelings categorized like that. Feelings are feelings. They just are. It's how we interpret them that makes for misery or joy. I try not to label them

Ginny Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 4:46pm

I dont use the cards but dont have any particular criticism about them. However, i do find the daily blog helpful, and sometimes get around to reading people's comments

Theresa NZ Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 4:53pm

While we are on the topic oc Bipolar, I do have bipolar tendancies but I have diagnosed myself as PMDD ... premenstrual dysphoric disorder ... because my bipolar traits disappear when i am pregnant and i follow a monthly cycle of ups and downs. I had not heard of this before a month ago and it has been life changinh for me because i now know it is a hormone imbalance (too much oestrogen and not enough progesterone). I am managing this with exercise and diet. the excercise is making a HUGE difference .... every 2 or 3 days i go to a gym and do some cardio (bike cross trainer rowing machine, some core exercises and some weights. i am very overweight!! so i had a oneoff consultation with a personal trainer and now i hav a programme which is do-able and flexible.

Kate Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 7:39pm

I also have stopped using the cards as I didn't feel they showed a true picture of my state. The messages saying I was doing well when I had very high scores are wrong; I have to be very careful when I am high. It seems the messages are more to do with people who have depression rather than bi-polar and Damien's post is the first one about this for a very long time. I was invited to write a post about the highs myself, but I found it too difficult.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 7:40pm

Hi all,wrecking ball that is me! I sit on the sidelines with Borderline personality disorder so imagine,my moods shift faster than a rapid cycling bipolar. Epic ! Couldn't continue with the cards as I'm more than four seasons in one day BUT they did let me see when after a breakdown that I was finally coming back from the darkness. Perhaps we can utilise them as we personally see fit? As I'm learning every day,there is a grey area after all ??

Mapsie1066 Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 7:53pm

Hi Damian
Guess what? I am another BPADdie! I am running high too, but for a change I feel more in control. Am sleeping well (thanks to the meds) and although my scores are high there are undulations.
How do I know I am 'high'? - I am taking on too many tasks and feeling frustrated when I can't finish them. I find I need to keep my hands busy.
I don't feel this high is going to end in a crash, because I feel stable and my husband, who knows me well is not expressing concern.
However, contrary to other bloggers and moodscoper, I will not stop taking the test.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 8:29pm

This problem with alcohol/drugs/sex is probably more prevalent than we think. I know I drink more when manic and don't have hangovers either. Fortunately I have never been attracted to drugs and have put in place guards against inappropriate sex. It does rather depend on acknowledging the problem when well so that the guards and symptoms are already in place when one becomes manic. Best of luck when tackling that with your daughter.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 8:30pm

Labels, labels, labels. I'm this, I'm that.
Get away from psychotoxic people, eat sensibly, exercise regularly, find a listener and get the amount of sleep you need. Avoid unprescribed drugs and enjoy meditation/prayer and space. I have mood disorder and try not to self_inflict mood changes. Life's good at the moment so forgive (another helpful tool) me if I sound impatient

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 8:30pm

Ah, I meant systems!

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 9:12pm

Hi " labels" your excellent advice on healthy living is a rule to all and ironically its getting healthy that gave me finally,after many years,a BPD diagnosis ( I'm Wrecking ball from above) . Gave up all destructive behavior & self-medicating because whilst I was under lifes toxic spell,I was not being Me. Damian ,Bipolar is also with my Bpd ,first spotted five years ago after a meltdown. I'm broke,obsessed with cleaning & my weight,every pound I lose is a gain , I'm awake when others sleep etc whilst the Bpd makes it improbable to be around over emotional people as I'll absorb their mood & convert into my black & white world. I say to others , I Live,therefore I Am.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 23rd 2014 @ 10:40pm

I'm fascinated by all that we are. We have one common thread that is Moodscope and yet we all weave it differently. Personally, I am both deeply interested in others perspectives and grateful for their support. I've yet to stumble upon anyone seeking attention. That would be the domain of selfies on facebook in my humble opinion. Here, not so. I'm learning every on here I've learnt a lot! Blue cards/red cards...who knew! :-D Sending love to all who struggle hourly with their struggle, love from the room above the garage.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 24th 2014 @ 3:48am

Since we are all mostly Anonymous, I'll try and feel free to post about my experience with bipolar and view on it.

Yes bipolar is real. It's a real problematic type of behavior, described by DSM under the bipolar definition. The manic side certainly being equally destructive. In this sense we are capable of creating the inner processes that lead to these enormous outpourings of emotions. Nobody does this for you, it does not happen somewhere on the outside.

Now you have a big quality in your hand. You know you can go into a hypomania/manic state. Look inward, see how you can influence those inner processes for yourself such that you remain at the optimal level of hypomania. So you are a joyfull productive fun human being! I know many try this with medicines. But that just brings another barrier to your life, while your wish is probably to lose your barriers and go beyond your imagined limitations.

Let me say this, those barriers that are imposed on you with this bipolar definition are capable of being broken. Once you look inward, you realize that nobody is capable of making that judgement call that you are so called bipolar. Not the old Greek philosophers who started the manic-depressive idea, nor Jung or any other modern scientists. And most likely also many of the psychiatrists.
You realize that you are the creator of those different states that you went through in life. And that you can have full control over whichever state you wish to be in, as it is finetuning of your inner processes.

Just entertain yourself a little bit with this thought. I very very well understand that it completely rattles your identity, so it's certainly not for the faint hearted. But it kinda worked me so hey why not for you? :)

MillieSarah Tue, Jun 24th 2014 @ 6:33pm

Hello Damien - just wantedto say that I too was rather concerned that my 100% scores weren't really all that good, just as I got my diagnosis of BP - and in fact I stopped using the cards and drew my own very intricate graph system....glad to say ive stopped that now! -- what I do find massively helpful though are these blogs, each morning, to read and reflect upon. They tend to remind me of where I am just now, if im heading a wee bit down or a wee bit up...and as yours made me feel too, I have a sense of being part of a big group of folk all getting on to manage as well as we can. thanks for your blog. :) hope that you write some more too.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 24th 2014 @ 10:34pm

Hi, Damian similar I kept getting in the 80s and though it great, then looking back it culminated in a very nasty spell on acute ward, I wish someone had of realised that that score continually for me was not good. Sadly I stopped doing mood cards after that it scared me as not an accurate or conscise tool for me.

Are you on medication? As its not good for you to be so 'high' for such a long time, how about a visit to your GP to discuss ongoing and real concerns? Or, a healthcare worker in your field.

Good luck, see someone like the GP

kind regards Poppy

amrose Wed, Jun 25th 2014 @ 3:41am

Thank you Damian, what a great discussion you've catalyzed. I love how Moodscopers read and relate to each other's thoughts, feelings, advice. We're each our own world of complexity and yet I see myself in each of you.

Anyhow, yes I have what I call "Manic Alert" level, when I exceed my median range for a few days, or go steadily up for a few days, or jump high and stay there.

I would love to be able to set up my own healthy profile for the cards which some algorithm would turn into a score showing how close/far I am from my "normal." And to write my own comments for various score configurations. I stopped reading the messages below the graph so long ago I forgot they were there. I write my own messages in comments. They usually go something like, "Watch out. Don't trust your judgment, stop yourself, put off any decision or action till tomorrow if it feels really urgent. Watch like a hawk. Don't spend more than 4 hours on any one thing." Stuff like that. To some it might sound harsh, like I'm not respecting myself. But in truth I'm showing my self the deepest kind of respect, the kind that comes from radical acceptance of who I am.
Best to all of you,

colqhounsquare Wed, Jun 25th 2014 @ 11:51am

What an interesting discussion. I was first introduced to moodscope by a friend who was not bipolar lite or otherwise. I agree that for those of us who can transcend a good mood into ultra positive full blown mania which socially and most definitely financially can be devastating have to take care.
Luckily for myself mood is very much regulated by sleep food and exercise. This year I have blacked out my bedroom which stops me strating work at 4.00am to take on the world and by regular cycling which seems to ease of the edgy energy wjich pervades my life through times of insomnia.

Good luck


anthea Wed, Jun 25th 2014 @ 1:49pm

Yes, the cards do not give enough options for bi-polar highness and this is one of the reasons I do not log in and do my score. Another reason is that I don't like going online every day! I read the daily reminders homilies when I get round to it and am glad to find one which reflects my worries about high scores being judged as good no matter what they may mean to bipolar sufferers and their support networks.

heather Wed, Jun 25th 2014 @ 7:00pm

Goodness, just returned after a few days away and thought I would never come to the end of the response to this blog. I am bipolar (on lithium so no more sessions which need hospitalisation thank God), but obviously the test is useful for Bipolar sufferers as you should take heed if you start going above your "norm" as well as below it. I think this time of the year can be dangerous with the long days and early morning sunshine.

Anonymous Thu, Jun 26th 2014 @ 10:39am

Dear All

Lancaster Uni. is currently developing a tool specifically for use by those with Bi-polar disorder. I found the document "Understanding Bi-polar disorder" published by the British Psychology Society to be informative and, in a way, re-assuring.
It's a heavy read but well worth plodding through.

I use Moodscope to monitor my moods which I find helpful but, as some have already said, am aware that when the score goes up too quickly I need to ignore the "congratulations" given on the cards!

Anonymous Thu, Jun 26th 2014 @ 7:58pm

Hi Damien although I have suffered from depression ( diagnoses clinical ) since I was a teenager I have never really understood Bi polar thank you for the insight.

Anonymous Sat, Jun 28th 2014 @ 10:19am

I think I have undiagnosed bi-polar - definitely depression. I am running a support group and now I recognise the massive energy surge, the organising, fundraising jollying everyone along, doing creative writing - offering myself when there are no volunteers, committing myself more and more in a kind of massive desire to be all and everything to everyone. The reality is the panic that all this commitment wreaks in my head, in my guts. The high is long term and I am now terrified of the low

Anonymous Mon, Jun 30th 2014 @ 4:26pm

Here I am at 64 diagnosed bi-polar only about 3 years ago....why did this take so long for someone to realize I needed help? I'm grateful that at least I know I'm not crazy with these wild ups and downs, but I just wish I could get the swings to be much smaller and I could have an even temperment life...if that really exists.

Steve Wed, Jul 2nd 2014 @ 10:40am

I've been on Moodscope off & on for a few years following a couple of years suffering from depression and crippling anxiety. Low mood's stayed with me, unfortunately. However I'm now with someone who has Cyclothemia (if anyone's heard of it) - supposedly a form of Bipolar - and PTSD, following her upbringing.
The problems we now face include seemingly completely random mood changes where one moment everything's fine, the next is WW3. We spent a great day out on Sunday but by Monday afternoon when I returned home from work, she was waiting for a relative to pick her up and they were running a bit behind. Out of nowhere, she found every last thing to have a go at me for, until I prevented further arguing and retreated to another room. All I wanted was to enjoy the hour or so we had together before she went for a few days...
Her relative arrived and she shouted/swore at me upon leaving, jumping straight into the car - I had to ask her out of the car for a hug, so I felt even more rejected. I had done nothing to cause this.
Afterwards I'm told I need to leave her to her rants and not take anything personally as she 'doesn't mean it' - but this is so difficult to do!

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