Who Are You? Thursday July 30, 2015
"You won't find your soul mate until you find yourself."
I often say, the amount you love yourself is the direct equivalent of how much you can love anyone else!
Without doing the work on ourselves and making that commitment with no short cuts, (see July 2nd blog) how can we expect to find the right partner?
If we find the right partner when we are insecure, or lost or down then they will be the 'right' partner, who is attracted to that incomplete person which will also most likely lead to a co-dependent relationship i.e. one where both people 'need' each other from an insecure basis – not 'want' each other and can overcome challenges to achieve that.
Co-dependency is a learned behaviour that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioural condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.
It is also known as "relationship addiction" because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
So, for me, I now believe that until I am very comfortable with myself – which I have not been – and feel I have done the work and committed to lessening my depressive bouts – which is now happening with relationship and work changes, I will at this ripe old age of 61 be unable to find that soul mate I have so longed for.
The lack of that work previously, has brought great hardship in many forms...divorce, infidelity, damaged children, large financial losses, suicidal depressions et al.
I can however leave the best legacy I can, by fully becoming me and showing my children, one close and one still unknown after 7.5 years of separation, that we can move past such things and find a more balanced and healthy life.
The 'gift' that now 24 years of depression and one suicide attempt has given me, is that it finally made me take that Road Les(s) Travelled and to go on the only journey in life that I believe is worth it – the inside one – the inscaping one so many of us have avoided by escaping in whatever way we hoped would make us happy (drink, drugs, sex, gambling, avoidance, deceit).
If someone asked you – 'Who are you?' instead of 'what do you do?' what would you say?
Are you a Human-doing or a Human-being?
Which way would you like to be moving, as it's not where you stand that counts – but which way you are moving?
Are we focusing on the externals and neglecting that inner work or moving inside to love and care for ourselves?
A Moodscope member
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