Moodscope's blog



Who am I? Friday November 18, 2016

There is a trend now in self-help books, creative books and workshops and seminars to find one's authentic self, one's real self, one's true self.

I have struggled to work out who I am let alone try to find my authentic self, I can't even work out what my self is.

I admire people who from an early age seem to have the instinct and confidence to know exactly who they are.

Being labelled as bipolar at 16 did not help me work out what sort of person I was but truthfully before that I was confused.

When my moods became more stable I was never sure if I was the talkative extrovert, the talkative introvert, or the quiet girl who sat in the corner reading a book.

Now I wonder if I am a compassionate person who sometimes is impatient and sarcastic. Or am I an impatient sarcastic person who is sometimes compassionate?

This quest to find one's voice is especially important I have read for creative writing. My problem is I have never had one to lose so how can I find it.

Why is there sudden emphasis on finding one's authentic self. My parents managed to live a long life without ever reading a book about finding one's real self. I am sure that these books and article really help people live a more fulfilled life.

However for people like me who have trouble trying work out who they are, all this emphasis on searching for the real self, puts even more pressure on us.

Can I live a full life without ever finding my accurate self or finding my voice?

Have you found your authentic self? Is it an important quest for you?

A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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g Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 3:18am

I love your descriptions of different selves Leah . The question that you ask is a philosophical one . If you can observe your mind thinking who are you then ? When somebody is sleepwalking who is taking them for a walk ? When people take on characteristics of a person whose organ they had transplanted into them who are they then ? I am seriously suspecting that I am some kind of vampire as I really come to life about midnight and I like to sleep all day . I definitely do not want to go looking for confirmation of this. Ignorance is bliss. Simple mind arrow simple life arrow happiness.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:40am

g thanks for your comment. I think vampires do more than come to life at midnight!!! Is ignorance bliss? I will think about that.

Sally Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 6:44am

Perhaps you are asking yourself the wrong question, Leah. Who am I could be rephrased so that it makes more sense to you. (After All, We are so many things on many different occasions )
If I feel threatened , I clam up
If I am relaxed, I can laugh and make and enjoy jokes.
If I am nervous, I talk too much,
If I am bored, I fiddle.
If I am out in nature, I become a philosopher.
And so on..
"Who am I "is not a question I ask myself . Rather, what makes me tick/ happy/ sad/ nervous/ angry / grateful.
I can often answer those "questions to self". But like you, I would be stumped by the bald " who am I " question because it is not as simple as that.
I am wherever my thought processes are on that day and the sum of my parts is how I feel on any particular occasion.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:43am

Sally, Thanks for ideas about rephrasing the question.I was commenting on the way books and therapists etc concentrate on finding one's autentic self. I see it as being very fluid.

Sally Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 6:45am

Very interesting blog, by tte way, Leah. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Thank you.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:44am

Sally, thanks for your kind words.I enjoyed your response to my blog.

DAVE Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 7:09am

Hi Leah,
We've had this conversation before, or as near as.
I left school at 15, joined the Royal Navy as a junior at HMS Ganges in Ipswich Suffolk England.
There were 2,000 othe boys 16-18 years of age.
I had no confidence, a mood that I didn't understand and no exams from school. 2 years later I failed the Maths and Communications corse, and was asked to leave.
Devastated, lost and lonely.

I was confirmed in the Navy as the Queen is the Head of the Church of Englang.
I went to Church on coming out and also the Methodist.
In 1977 married 11 years I had an affair, with the girl I met in Hospital 14 years earlier, we hadn't been seeing each other during those years, and met by chance...for three months life was hectic, I had kept my wife informed, so Itwasnt a secret, I loved and live my wife, now even after 50 years), but this girl wanted to know where we were going...I loved them both, but my responsibility was to my wife a 7 year old daughter, and ( whivpch makes me a my eyes.
The Mirmon missionaries crossed my path and said "If we could change your life would you be interested", They came with a kind, warm Spirit, and I felt the need to change.

That was nearly 40 years ago.
The Soirit ( The Holy Ghost has been my constant companion since.

I KNOW who I am, why I am here and where I am going. I don't fear death, Man Nor God.

So how and why am I so happy, contented and complete.....Its because every day I look OUTWARDS extroverted, and do little acts of kindness, NOT for gain or reward, but because Jesus, was a lovely kind man who 'Went about doing Good'.

Giving allows God to come into the heart and 'WorkWonders' within, I feel good, WANTED, NEEDED and of WORTH.
It lifts my Bipolar THIUGHTS, I do 3 days voluntary work with MS sufferers twice a day, have done for 9 Years.
I don't do it for praise, but just to love this who are in a terminal state I'd health.
That's how I have found myself....Lost in the service of others.
Dave X

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:45am

Dave thanks for your reply. I am glad you found yourself and it works for you.

g Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 11:05am

Are Mormons the ones who may have a few wifies at the same time , and it is legal in USA , maybe here too , Dave ? Are you still with both women ? Is it why you became a Mormon ? There may be no connection , then I am sorry , but it is easier for me to understand the progression of your life story like that unless things happen in a very haphazard way for you , still I believe in connections. Lost in a service of others sounds very depressing . Finding oneself or just being should be about being ones own person as you would be lost again and again shipwrecked on an island without others , with nobody to serve , and you are not actually serving them but using them for making sure that you exist . Everything can be turned on its head. Somebody said here that they quarrel just for the sake of quarrelling - I sign under this one - , others may like the sound of their own voices . At the bottom of it you are doing it all for a very selfish reason and living without faith but doing staff out of fear as some kind of insurance just in case God exists ? I will not even start on this one. ( I am Christian by the way if you want to know where my feelings are coming from ).......can of worms ? - an understatement for sure..

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:04pm

g, I find your comments so interesting and complex and they bring up points I would not have thought of. Thanks for your contributions.

g Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 1:03am

You are welcome.I am having fun writing here but I must admit that it Is addictive and time consuming . What saves me is a fact that not all blogs are as interesting as yours.

Leah Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 7:40am

g, yes I find blogs addictive too. Thanks for yourkind words.

DAVE Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 7:56am

I don't know if there really is Deity, God the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, but if I follow Jesus pattern of life loosing myself in the service of others, then if there is a Heaven and I am met by by Jesus, it will have been true and worth every minute of my life on Earth.

If it was a lie, and ther pe is NO Heaven, I would have lived an honest and good life.
But my faith is Blind, and I know WHO I am,WHAT I am, WHERE I have come from, and where I am going....Back to my Heavenly Father and Brother, who loves you and I Leah and all that dwell upon the Earth.

As Christians, we share the same God of Abraham, so if there is a heaven, it doesn't really mean a great deal which Church you belong too, as we will all end up under His same roof in the Highest Echelon in Heaven...The Celestial Kingdom.

So because I'm a Mormon, it makes no difference, except I found that in this Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints, the Spirit, The HolyGhost, is brought into the foremost part of my life, as a Personage of Spirit, not as us Flesh and blood as is The Father and Son.

So STOP looking INWARDS, searching for answers that never resolve themselfpves, and lean upon God ,for direction, reach out, EMIT, develope the EXTROVERT, from within and watch how your emotions and moods change when you realise how loved you really are, as you serve others without expecting anything in return, 'LOST in the Service of others'...THATS WHERE YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF...I promise....

WOW, I may well have opened a can of WORMS, But this is, remember only my opinion, and some WILL tell me to keep it to myself..,
Please don't take offence, as none is intended, or even personal Leah.

God Bless.
Dave X

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:46am

Dave I respect your opinion. It does not work for me but I like finding out what makes others tick.

Tutti Frutti Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:30am

Leah I can't answer the who am I question either and prefer not to grapple too hard with it. Sally's questions seem easier and more helpful. I liked Dave's bit about the Christian life being worth it anyway even if none of it turned out to be true. My husband says the same. Love to all. TF x

PS Nice day in London. going to walk rather than getting the bus.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:47am

Tutti frutti Thanks for your comment. I am glad some of he comments have helped you.

Hopeful One Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:54am

Hi Leah- thank you for a thoughtful blog- I have asked this question of myself and initially I was not very sure.Could it be answered in one word or did it need many?Was my authentic self immutable or did it change?.... and so on. It was my daily meditation that gave me some sort of an answer. I realised in the state of 'awareness' that results in meditation that this 'self' that I thought was constant is in fact always changing emphasising one aspect one day and a completely different aspect on another day. I realised that by accepting this'self' I was able deal with whatever life threw me in each moment.

Enough of the serious stuff.Our laugh....

An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"
He wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered "No" to the previous question, was: "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:49am

Hopeful One, I like your serious reflective side as well as your funny side. You can be both. that is you.

Michael Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:30am

Hi Leah. Could it be as simple as you are all those things, and just like everyone else sometimes you are compassionate and sometimes you are sarcastic? I think we all act in ways that we don't like sometimes but it's part of us. As long as you are big enough to put things right if things went to far, and try and learn a little bit then that's cool. I believe that one's real self is a big mixture of all sorts of stuff, try and accept it all or maybe take a positive approach to a little tweaking of things that really bother you. Hope that helps a bit.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:50am

Michael, Thanks for your thoughtful comment. It did help me and has given me something to think about.

Jet Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 6:10am

Yeah Michael,that's it

Leah Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 7:41am

yes Jet it is well written isnt.

Becky Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:46am

Hi Leah.

I have bipolar too, and can relate to your question in terms of feeling and behaving in different ways during different episodes.

Awhile ago I drew a thing that I called the optimum activity graph. It was a curvy line going up and down across the page with a horizontal band running through he middle of it. My idea was to try to identify the activities I could sustain as much of the time as possible, because I so often start things when things are going ok only then to not be able to sustain them when depression hits, then have to start from scratch when I start to climb out of the hole. I want to make that band of possible activities wider so I find things I can sustain more of the time rather than all the stopping and starting.

It occurs to me that this graph could also represent self. So outside the band, for me, would be things like: I stay in bed all day, I start arguments purely for the intellectual challenge, I spend money without caring whether or not I have it, I don't answer the phone. Inside the band would be things like: I like drawing, I am a good listener, my favourite season is Autumn, I love living in this city. So the things about me that sit in the middle area of this curve of highs and lows are the constellation of my self, and the things that exist only in the peaks and troughs are more to do with the effects of bipolar disorder.


Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:51am

Becky, Than ks for your comments. Wow- an optimum activity graph. I may give that a go. Tha nks for the idea.

g Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 11:07am

LOve this graph idea and may try it one day Becky .Thank you for sharing.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:05pm

Becky, may you could write a blog abou the graph if you would like to. I am sure many of us would be interested. just a thought.

the room above the garage Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:50am

Hello dear, I always love your blogs because they are just the right balance for me. A balance of thought provoking and peaceful, not too much, not too little. I'm going to ponder over this as I go about this morning. For now...I think it was important to me at a certain point, to read some self-help stuff. Because I didn't really know what precisely 'having depression' really me. Nowadays, I feel further around the circle and so that part is needed very little. I feel now I have knowledge, I am content to continually increase my health even in the tiniest of ways. I don't think I will know who I am until I reach the end. I don't mean to be morbid but I live life on a loose "will I be happy with this on my deathbed" basis. Its not on my shoulder every minute but rather an occasional reference or guide. Its quite freeing and doesn't bog me down as much as these books sometimes can. Thank you Leah, a great dinner table chatter could be had over this. Love ratg x.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 9:53am

Thanks ratg. I find your comments always go in a direction I had not thought about. That is good for me to consider things in a different way. Thanks for your kind words.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 10:12am

I just want to say that I really appreciate moodscope as it gives us all a chance to express our opinions. I like the diversity of comments and ideas. I also see moodscope as a safe soft place to land . This does not mean that some one may question an idea we have. I think being soft is being kind. I think that especially in politics people attack the person and not the idea.In debation I was taught to argue the point notto attack theperson. In moodscope we respect each other's opinions. That does not mean I want everyone to agree. I like to be challenged. I like learning about other's life experience.
So please respond and joind this great forume if you want to and no pressure if you like to read.
Thanks Caroline for helping this work.
This is who I am- I wnat people to help each other and get on well- that is who I am today.
Who are you today?

g Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 11:10am

I have posted about it last night on a previous blog and say yay again to the above.

Jul Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 1:00pm

Leah. I so totally agree with this. And Caroline is such a help to us all. She works tirelessly for us behind the scenes and her kindness is obvious. We need her and Moodscopers like Gardener for instance, people with different stories to tell who may need us to listen that's all. Kindness and help is all that is wanted here and in life. Good point about arguing a point but don't attack the person. Jul xx

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:06pm

Thanks g and Jul and of course many thanks to Caroline.

Caroline Ashcroft Moodscope Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 10:06pm

Thank you Leah for all your excellent blog contributions. Caroline

Leah Sun, Nov 20th 2016 @ 10:32am

My pleasure Caroline. It is so good seeing lots of new moodscopers writing comments and blogs.

g Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 11:11am

Today I am 50/50

Another Sally Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 11:27am

Hello Leah, thanks for well written, thoughtful blog
I too find trouble answering questions like that, I even have trouble answering the Moodscope cards.
Today is a bad day and I don't even know why. Feeling cut off and alone today. I spend so much time trying to take other people into consideration that I feel unable to look after myself. It's exhausting.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:35pm

another sally, Thanks for taking time to reply when you are having a bad day. I have trouble with the moodscope cards too. I want to have a 21/2 or say yes to that adjective and no to another!! That is a dilemma to help look after others but not neglecting oneself. I have not worked that out either. Take care Leah

The Gardener Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 11:40am

Leah, I love your challenges. I have always been described as 'mercurial' - can be one person a.m and another p.m. But underneath is a real 'toughie'. When my 'troubles' started I got a photo of a beautiful flower and wrote 'be kind, stay cool', got binned. Now picture of (said to be) most beautiful mosque in the world, exquisite workmanship - I've written 'I will live', not just survive, but live. In the 1990's at our church we were all gung-ho for the millenium. The message I carry with me is 'do not waste your talents' and I hope to follow those maxims till I die. I hate injustice, children suffering (and that includes Syria, abuse, bitter quarrels between parents, bullying). Sometimes when I feel I've had a tough time at the hands of somebody I feel like a large friendly dog who has had a good kick. Many people don't like large dogs, however friendly. I've never protested or carried a banner - plenty of occasions - but know it would be an emotional response. Most impressed Sally and 'g's posts. Mr G has given everybody hell for 24 hours - so not just me - on the lines of 'I will live' am organising a party. Am I mad? Love having house packed with people. At a huge party in other house the then mayor, a charming Jew, had such a crowd round him there was a traffic jam, could not get to kitchen. I mentioned my nervousness in the event of rain. 'No worries' says the philosophic jew 'We'll all budge up'.

Jul Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 1:04pm

So glad to see you today Gardener. Julxx PS I am having a party on Sunday. Am anxious at the thought but think it will be just fine and when it's all over on Monday, just think, I won't have to do it again for a while.

g Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 1:36pm

You are able to pack so much in a few lines TG . Thank you for a good word as I was worried that you may take me the wrong way , well , we take risks , we underestimate others , kudos to you , respect , life lived , life lived well and to the full , love your mottos , life is a party and using our talents is a must for us and others and you are doing it very well . keep on keeping on ... dance to the ... what is this song playing in my head now ? ......have to run...

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:08pm

Gardener, thanks for your comments. You really help make moodscope special. No one else could pack a mosque, a flower, a large dog and a party into one reply!!

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:10pm

g, your reply to TG putd it so well so much wisdom in so few lines. You summed it up so well in afew lines too. You have a talent for that .

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:11pm

Jul, You will be fine.

Benjamin Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 12:33pm

I do agree that knowing about one's authentic self is probably better than being completely wrong about it; but I'm not so optimistic that the books help.

As for whether we are good people or bad people - I am convinced that we are good people essentially corrupted, like a carpentry project out of square, warped metal work, or a saute that had the sugar and salt reversed. There is no straightforward way to fix us; correct something and another thing is now more wrong. But we are fundamentally good, in a certain sense; and yet, everything that gets adjusted to suit us particularly also shares in our wrongness.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:13pm

Benjamin, Thanks for your comment. I like the carpentry project as my partner is in the middle of a renovation project so can relate to that.

Lexi Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 12:51pm

Hi Leah. Beautiful blog. I did not start to love and accept myself - my idea of "finding myself" - until I was about 45 years old. My therapist is 70 and she is still learning about herself. For me it hasn't been about defining myself but discovering myself. And that changes constantly. Getting quiet, going within, learning to trust my gut and act on it...all these things have helped me become more loving. I don't think i could define my authentic self, other than to say this is me. Your beautiful authentic self comes through every time you write, so just write what you feel and don't worry about defining it perhaps? xo Lexi

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:16pm

Lexi, "Your beautiful authentic self comes through every time you write, so just write what you feel and don't worry about defining it perhaps? " Those words really touched and moved me thanks so much. I will remember that when I am having a bad day. Thanks for you comments. I learn so much from what others experience.

Jul Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 1:13pm

Leah. Another nice blog, almost comforting. You always manage to present old ideas from a new perspective. I love that about your blogs. I love Becky's idea of the wavy line and her true self. What a brilliant idea. As for me, I see myself as a chameleon. Adapting to my surroundings and people. I used to be quite ashamed of this as it's like sitting on the fence whenever a controversial subject comes up and not committing one way or the other.But actually I doubt if I am the only one doing this and I dare say others do it in my company,ie adjust their behaviour to suit me. I think too much about me me me and have a tendency to think I am the only one who is sussing out the personalities etc in company. I suspect that many of us are doing it, being Chameloens. It's what makes the world go round. I do have strong views though and like strong views as long as one doesn't take oneself too seriously and can laugh off the opposition in friendly way. Julxx

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:18pm

Jul, thanks for your kind words and thoughtful comments. I can relate to the chameleon as I used to adapt to the people I was with. If friends were into music I was too, if they were party goers I was too etc. Thanks again for your supportive words.

Michael Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 1:26pm

Hi Leah
The fact that there are so many books , religious, spiritual and secular all encouraging us to find our true "authentic" self indicates to me that it is far from easy. I know this from experience as I have been on this quest for 40 years (I've read a hell of a lot of books and done all the practical stuff as well, including service to others, gratitude etc and still do not know through direct cognition (as opposed to belief…which I think is based on an intellectual understanding of an idea or concept that you would like to be true) and I still do not have any direct conception of who I am.
If it is this hard to realise it does not have any practical value as self help and in fact could have the reverse effect of making you feeling more depressed, more of a failure etc.
The problem is that I think the books are not totally incorrect, I have had flashes of self recognition, clarity lasting seconds to weeks of getting a "lived" sense of who I am. But if this state is not a constant "lived" reality it fades and exists only as an increasingly distant memory.
In my experience, it does not help to lessen or alleviate ones suffering.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:21pm

Michael, What a fascinating reply. I need to read this a few times as there are many complex issues. I agree that all this pressure to find one's authentic self could lead to making one feel more depressed. Very interesting. Thanks again.

Michael Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 2:06pm

Who am I? An analogy: Air. You cannot see it, you often cannot feel it, you cannot hold it. But without it you would cease to live. I suspect the "authentic" I is even more elusive than air. I also suspect that just like a dimmer switch, when turned up high, it is suddenly effortlessly easy to perceive "I". These are the people that then write the books. For the rest of us our dimmer switch is on low, so at best we only get a vague sense of "I". So how do we turn up the dimmer switch? Maybe that is what these books are really about. But it would still be misleading to think that this is an easy straightforward process.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:23pm

Michael You have given us a lot to ponder. I like the analogy with air and will consider it. Again a very thoughtful response which will make me think.Thanks so much for your contribution.

Jet Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 3:20pm

I finally find out my bipolar a heritage from my father and his from my grandma,and I suffer from it a lot,with some other mental conditions alike,I'm not confused about that,for I felt like it seems I'm cripple,and my failure on each step quite predictable

Mary Wednesday Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 3:31pm

Yup. It does seem like that, doesn't it. Bloody unfair. But then, life is unfair. Cancer is unfair. Lack of equal intelligence and opportunity is unfair. This is the card we have been given and it affects every other part of our life. Ho hum. There are things we can do and things we can't. It's probably more productive, on the whole, to focus on what we can do - no matter how small and insignificant we feel that to be.

Jet Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 4:04pm

bloody indeed,unfair no.I consider it not about fair and unfair.I just feel 'how could this be ?!'.And it seems that is more a kind of disorder about why not do what you can do rather than you cannot achieve something

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:26pm

Jet, I wonder if it is different knowing where the bipolar came from. I am first in family so have no heritage of it. I tend to ask why a lot. Thanks for sharing and I hope we hear more from you.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:28pm

Jet. I like that aprroach-'why not do what you can do rather than you cannot achieve something.'

Jet Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 5:46am

it helps,Leah.not in the way where it came from but you came to know some other feels you feel suffers you suffer,this relieves the distress and loneliness it caused.And it helps in some other particular way to me which is beyond my language ability to discuss.

Jet Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 5:57am

thanks Leah.and I'd like to put it in another way --- one can contemplate more on the way(pattern) he acts rather than give too much concern about his ability

Leah Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 7:43am

Jet, thanks for your explanation.

Mary Wednesday Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 3:27pm

Your blog definitely resonates with me today. I wrote a long reply but lost it and cannot find the energy to write it again (it's a bad day. I like Becky's graph above.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:29pm

Mery, Tell me why it is always the long interesting replies that are lost. I have never lost a short reply, or a short email. Good idea to save your energy. Take care, Leah xx

The Gardener Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 7:29pm

I've just written the definitive self-help book. Just had an hour battling getting Mr G to bed - common opinion of anybody who has to deal with him 'infernal'. Anyway, clear your shelves of all self-help books, out with the pundits - all those supercilious s*ds who will tell you how to do it but not come to your aid - out of the window with them. If they have made millions from the book, put it on the compost heap to help the garden. Warm the bathroom, fill the bath, add luxurious bath oil, find a funny book, get a glass of something and I swear you'll feel better. My special recipe when 'down' but can't take my own medicine, impractical, but I can pretend.

Leah Fri, Nov 18th 2016 @ 8:32pm

The Gardener, that advice about the bath is exactly what my partner does when we are staying somwehre with a bath as we dont have one at home. I am not really a bath person but the way you describe it, makes it sound enticing. Maybe you can have a virtual bath. hugs leah xx

g Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 1:23am

reading about this bath was THE sensation - so relaxing - thank you... aren't we all here just one giant self help book though ?

Leah Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 7:44am

g, I think we are better than a self help book because we can ask questions- we are a great resource, I think.

LP Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 8:57am

Hi Leah,
Who I am is the story of my life.

Some of me is inherited, characteristics and attitudes that have comefrom either parent and stayed with me. Some of who I am is how I responded to my environment and parenting.
For me, I am the values that are important to me, my sense of humour, what I find beautiful and abhorrent. I am my concience, not in terms of guilt at all, but what I know in my heart is right even if I fall short at times and excell at others.

I have consistently been an emotional person, sensitive to others feelings and although I am wary of labelling or limiting myself I kind of accept that is a part of who I am.
I care alot. Perhaps too much abot what people think of me. I worry. I have anger that surfaces and that I learn to manage. If I am not feeling good it's hard for me to hide it. I am an open book, honest about myself and what I think.

I also like meeting people, ( why is this starting to sound like a dating profile? :))). I make an effort to get along and be comfortably positive. I am sociable and like having a good time. I listen carefully and hear where people are coming from. People like my company, I feel blessed and slightly confused by this. My confidence can easily be shaken.
I think deeply and feel deeply. I can get lost in my inner world and make an effort to live in my surroundings.

Thank you for an excellent blog Leah. Books are great, but you wont find who you are in a book. We are complex beings.

I love the simple things and the awesome things that life has to offer. In this moment the sky is a beautiful blue with whispy clouds lit up by sunlight, I feel so grateful for it in November in London. When I feel good I want to share it with others. So sending some of my sunshine and smiles to all. LPxxx

Leah Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 9:44am

Lp thanks for sharing your story and thoughts so honestly. I always like to hear about other people's life experiences.

g Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 9:05pm

This is such a great blog and the conversations afterwards being carried on even today and the new posts - Thank you LP ! - and the interactions facilitated so gently by Leah - thank you !

Leah Sun, Nov 20th 2016 @ 8:29am

Thanks g. I always look at the blog for people who have written later than others. Thamks for your comments.

g Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 9:15pm

I have an observation to make about it all . The question asked by Leah at the end of the blog was to the reader if they found themselves and it has been treated by many as the cry for help so that instead of talking about their story they offered advice . The other group talked about themselves and their experiences. The two streams met up and intermingled a bit too flowing freely . Following the way it all developed was very engaging. I have noticed too that there is a completely different dynamic with comments when the author does not engage with the reader at all afterwards. Different people engage with different blogs. What happened with Duma I wonder . She was the first one to comment for awhile and seemed ignored. I am not sure if it was her or somebody else who promised to comment every day in order to help the way that she was helped.......

Leah Sun, Nov 20th 2016 @ 8:33am

g, you make some interesting observations. Duma I thought was a male, and yes it would be nice to hear from him.I think people here react depending on their moods or their responsibilites.

g Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 9:17pm

Silence speaks oodles too

Leah Sun, Nov 20th 2016 @ 8:34am

g, many people read the blogs and comments tjhan comments, I would think.

g Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 9:18pm

does anybody still get nuggets from Jon Cousins ? is he still writing them ? does anybody here remember him ?

Leah Sun, Nov 20th 2016 @ 10:29am

g thanks for reminding us about Jon. Caroline's reply below answers your question.

Caroline Ashcroft Moodscope Sat, Nov 19th 2016 @ 10:10pm

Hi g, Jon is still writing, if you'd like to receive his blogs, just go to http://www.

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