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When will I get better? Monday August 11, 2014

This really has gone on too long now.

It's my third bout of depression now. More than a couple of years of medication this time. Some counselling and now I've asked for more.

My average Moodscope score has gone right up. It was 94 on my holiday! Yet I still have the days when I don't want to get out of bed. Days when showering and dressing seems too hard. Days when my normal extroversion disappears and I want to hide away from the world.

Sometimes I get frustrated. I want to get on with my life. I want to know that I can cope, so I can go for more challenging work.

Sometimes I am thankful. This bout has made me look within, look at some of my insecurities and triggers. When I come out of this I will be stronger. Does that make it worth it?

Sometimes I am accepting. This is the way I am right now. I do not know how long it will last and there is no point in fighting it.

A Moodscope member.

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Anonymous Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 7:34am

I am 67 and for the majority of my life I have suffered from depression. Triggered by the death of my father when I was two and subsequent family events. I have learned to live with the symptoms you describe, they are my normality. Meds don't work for me and excellent therapy has helped me to understand why I am a depressive but hasn't cured the disease. I live with, and cope with it.I have also learned how to disguise it. I hope you are feeling better soon. Try to ride your wave.

Anonymous Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 8:07am

Best wishes R. It is awful, the not knowing when or whether you'll be up for things. I can but sympathise.

Tim Clayton Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 9:17am

Try not to worry,, or despair, R. It CAN resolve. It seems to have for me. The "boom and bust" cycle is draining, I know. Counselling should start something that you'll carry on yourself, unwittingly. Upward spirals may replace downward ones. The human mind seems marvellously elastic. I hope you will come to see that in yourself very soon. For the moment, it's like a slow swim across the chancel: grabbing a breath before plunging under again. Eventually, you'll glimpse the coastline and, when you get there, you may even find the food slightly better than in the past ... which is another country, after all.

Anonymous Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 10:24am

.... Hi Tim, I suppose you meant to write the channel ? ( not the "chancel " ) ...tho' as a chancel is the area just infront of the altar of a church, perhaps "R "might include trying a prayer on each " surfacing "

Di Murphey Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 2:32pm

Tim ~
I really appreciate the image of the "slow swim across the channel" and grabbing a breath prior to plunging again. Great feedback for "R" to hold inside.
Warmest regards,
Di Murphey

Anonymous Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 6:19pm

Anonymous, i suffered for years following the death of my father when i was 12. Trauma. And then, as life went on, PTSD set in. A newish trauma therapy called Somatic Experiencing (not a conventional talk therapy) saved my life at the age of 61. Not saying it's absolutely the thing for you, but you might look into it. Lots of stuff on youtube, the web; its founder, Peter Levine, has written books. All the best.

Richard Harrison Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 7:30pm

R. Brave post. Top man. R.

Dande Lion Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 7:43pm

A very familiar post R, thank you. I loved Tims eloquent & wise advice. I would feel more encouraged if bloggers used a name (any name) rather than re-enforcing the stereotyipcal messages about hiding our identities when we are labelled as mentally ill. i would have found that more encouraging personally. wishing you well happy and peaceful. warm regards, dande.

Silvia A Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 9:47pm

used a name (any name)= thumbs up!

Anonymous Mon, Aug 11th 2014 @ 11:43pm

R, I like your post. I'll second that. And I like Tim's suggestion.
Love from the room above the garage.

Anonymous Tue, Aug 12th 2014 @ 7:24am

Many thanks for that info, will do. Best wishes.

green jean Tue, Aug 12th 2014 @ 8:25am

Hello R how brave you are to tell how it is & how much you are suffering from this demon depression again. It will get better and you will feel well again. I have been so much better since starting on a 'mood leveller' with my antidepressant. My consultant realized that my highs and lows of the last 38 years were not only depression but bipolar 2 disorder. It has been such a help combined with Mindfulness practice which is so therapeutic. Just be kind to yourself and try not to be hard on yourself you are really special. Take care and hope you will soon be out of the cloud of gloom which only fellow sufferers can really understand.

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