Moodscope's blog

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December


What's the meaning of life? Thursday December 3, 2015

Steady on Debs, that's a bit full-on for this time in the morning (afternoon, evening)!!

But really, what's the meaning of life? Or should I say, what's the meaning of your life? Because everyone is different. There is no one meaning. Life is essentially meaning-less. The only meaning is the one we give it. The story we write and the role we give ourselves.

I am going on a date tomorrow (small round of applause please; it's been a while ;-)) and when I was talking to the lucky boy in question he asked me what I'd like to do. The process of deciding took me through a whole realm of options until I realised that the date would be whatever we created it to be. Whatever story we wrote and whatever characters we created for ourselves.

I heard a true story recently of a guy whose teenage daughter was going off the rails, mixing with the wrong crowd and going down a dark path. The guy had tried everything: talked to her, grounded her, shouted at her and nothing worked. So... he decided to write a new story. And in that moment he created the possibility of building an orphanage in Uganda. And his excitement and drive to make it happen slowly got under his daughter's skin. He didn't force her to take part, he just quietly got on with it... but little by little she got involved and started to play a role in this new story. And her old story lost its meaning. She eventually moved from lead role in the play about herself and took up a supporting role in the tale of the orphanage.

I was so inspired by this it got me thinking about my own story and where I could write a new one. What story would I create for my son to play a role in? For my friends to star in? For my (often dysfunctional) family to rehearse together, and in doing so bring us all closer together?

What about you, what story will you write today? And what character will you play to take you nearer to a life of meaning?

With much love

Debs xxx
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

LillyPet Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 8:27am

Morning Debs! This is so true! It's not the events in our lives that shape who we are, it's the stories we tell ourselves, or summut like that! :)
The story I have been telling myself is that the team leader at work is bullying me and it's making me anxious and I could become very depressed because of it. She knows my achilles heel and her attacking it is wearing me down.
My New Story would be I tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine and dance off into the sunshine to live happily ever after! :) sorry, joking!
My New Story would be I do what I need to to ensure that I am confident in the work that I know I do well. Then take a step back to recover from the recent knocks to my confidence. Look after myself, make sure that I feel well and that my scores are back to where they were, then take charge back of what I do well and feel proud of having handled it yet again. I do it with good energy and find a way of dealing with the negativity so that it doesnt get to me so deeply. I no longer take it on board. I remain true to myself and am strong and resillient. Nothing she says or does can get to me. My mantra will be I am a good person, I do my best and I'm not taking that on board.
Thank you Debs I needed exactly that today. Am off to look after me! First stop, my favourite tea! Love and light to all.LP xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 8:46am

Hi Lillypet, in your story, I have taken the lead rôle and I am now head of the department in charge of your team leader, you and the gang! You come to me and give me a list of instances when (let's call her Godzilla - and we can cos it's a story!!!) Godzilla has been running you down, poking a stick at your Achilles heel and generally making life unpleasant for you. I now have a written list with dates and can confront Godzilla. You take a step back and leave her to me, safe in the knowledge that it's about time someone higher up the chain did what they are paid for, and dealt with her dastardly deeds. And so it was done! Keep looking after you today Lillypet, with a Bear hug to keep you going x x x

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:23am

Hello LP, I adore your new story. This is exactly where strength and resilience comes from...seeing the behaviour from a distance and staying on path. Brilliant! I also see the language you used...past tense "the story I have been telling myself"...genius! Love to you x.

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:27am

Bear, I smile and feel warm whenever I see you here. I'm sure you do not always feel what you portray but I hope you know that you bring such a cheery tone to us all with your steadfast love. Please allow yourself an extra pot of honey today xx.

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:04am

I love this LP, such a great new story! And Bears response is so wise. Sometimes we need to enlist the help of others to play a part in creating a new story. I know I am (was!! using a bit of reframing! - thanks room ;-)) terrible at standing up for myself. I'm practicing this at the moment - standing my ground and using my voice - and it's deeply uncomfortable! But I know it needs to be done. Sounds like there might be a conversation to be had with the team leader - expressing your needs and how you want things to be in future. You are a beautiful soul LP and deserve to be treated as such. xxxx

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:05am

I love this LP, such a great new story! And Bears response is so wise. Sometimes we need to enlist the help of others to play a part in creating a new story. I know I am (was!! using a bit of reframing! - thanks room ;-)) terrible at standing up for myself. I'm practicing this at the moment - standing my ground and using my voice - and it's deeply uncomfortable! But I know it needs to be done. Sounds like there might be a conversation to be had with the team leader - expressing your needs and how you want things to be in future. You are a beautiful soul LP and deserve to be treated as such. xxxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 7:34pm

Hi RATG...thankees, your reply was all the honey I required today x

LillyPet Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:03pm

Ahhh my huggie Bear! Godzilla's current boss is on her side! But in your story, you replace her! I like it! Thank you honey, what a lovely replyI I will re read it often when Godzilla starts up! Hugs back LP xxx

LillyPet Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:08pm

Thank you so much ratg! The reframing is beginning to come automatically! I thought of you as I made a point of going for a calming walk, it fid me the world of good! Love to you too! Xxx

LillyPet Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:20pm

Thank you Debs, I'm so glad you said that. Someone I know has been telling me to keep my head down, play the game, have as little to do with her as possible, but I can't just roll over and take it. She goads me, waits for a response, then escalates it. Some would say I shouldnt rise to it, but I speak up as uncomfortable as it is and then face up to the consequenses of doing so. I had the conversation this morning. It went quite well I felt, but she has dragged in the big boss so who knows what theyre cooking up. Will deal with them when I have to. Thank you for saying such a lovely thing. This place is like a cirvle of friends holding hands so if one or two of us fall down, the others are still holding our hands! What a lovely bunch! LP Xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:03pm

Oh poor you...you have Godzilla and King Kong...but even Kong has a boss. If it all goes pear-shaped, make sure you have things written down -dates, times, so that when or if you are called in to answer to anyone, you have some ammo to fight with! Am holding my liddle pinkies out to hang on to all out there x x x

LillyPet Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:43pm

Thank you honey bear! I've jotted them all down since July and will transfer it to a likkle black book for godzillas and king kongs!. I'm defo keeping hold of one of those pinkies! XxNight night allxX

Mrs Jul A Non Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 8:44am

Hi Debs. I hope you had a nice evening on your date! And weren't too hard on yourself afterwards, over analysing etc? I am not sure I can create a story for my life but I can look back and wish I had acted differently. However that isn't what you are suggesting we do. I really love the idea of inspiring a wayward child with a vision of doing good in the world. What a great way to encourage lateral thinking in someone who is determined to stick to a path which is wrong for her. Thinking about your blog Debs and the Dad's inspiring story, I could apply a different set of thoughts from my world of insomnia and feeling low. So I could create another world, fantasy world or real, it doesn't matter, which is so completely apart from what I experience on a daily basis. Something to get me outside of my daily thinking patterns. It's too early in the morning to think what that world or scenario might be but I think I know what you mean now. Thinking allowed! Love Julia xx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 8:47am

...and think aloud, Jul A Non and share when you have it! x x x

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:53am

Hello Jul, it's good to see you, especially now I can recognise you :-) When you talk of your lows and insomnia, you seem to have a quiet acceptance that that it is who you are. Could you maybe see these things as something that happens to you? Rather than it being you? When I was falling apart with a toddler and twins, and feeling like nothing was getting my full attention and life was unravelling, I remember a counsellor saying to me that I still have the standard that I want, I just can't always achieve it. At the time, I could have skulked back into my bubble of "you do NOT understand"...but her words have repeatedly come back to me over the years. They formed a bit of a shield for me. I was still there. Are your lows and insomnia masking you? My depression masked me for so long and now I am just beginning to realise I'm still here. Underneath. As I reawaken myself (and it's SO damn slow!!) I am tipping the depression scale my way. Don't look back and wish it had been different. You painted with the materials you had xxx.

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:13am

Oh room, you write so beautifully - 'you painted with the materials you had' is exquisite!! And your advice to separate the condition of mood and insomnia from Jul is so wise. Jul - sometimes the story can be as simple as association. I'm off to do some voluntary work this aft with Kindiverse (they who do nice kind things in the world!) and I am shaking with fear of putting myself in a new place with new people. But it gives me a new story. Something I've done that is bigger than me and makes me a small part of an important story rather than the lead role in my own tale. I'll let you know how it goes ;-) xxx

Frankie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:19am

Morning Mrs. Jul A Non - lovely to read you again - good luck with choosing a different set of thoughts ... and RATG I just love this too, Debs is right "you painted with the materials you had" - Good luck Debs - and remember, don't compare your insides with other people's outsides, for you are not comparing like with like - they may be feeling anxious about meeting you! Frankie

Mrs Jul A Non Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 2:24pm

Thank you ratg, Frankie and Debs plus Bear. I know what the counsellor meant and I am sure you are right that I tend to define myself by my insomnia as if that is me whereas the real me lurking beneath is probably someone else! I do see my core as the real me and it surfaces from time to time (when I'm not looking!) and is always there deep inside me. However on a daily basis, my mood and persona are defined by whether I have slept well or not. So you are on to something here ratg. I should detach myself from my insomnia, or must find a way to do this. I have a friend who also suffers from poor sleep but she is the same every day and won't start the conversation when we meet like I do, by telling me if she has slept or not. Thank you SO MUCH ratg for alerting me to this. And Bear yes I will let you know my fantasy story (it may take a while), Debs, thank you for a lovely blog and Frankie,yes I agree ratg's words about the materials I had are very apt. I do look back and tell myself that I only did what circumstances and strength enabled me to do at the time even if I would do things very differently now. I don't think choice came into it. What a nice time you had Debs with your "friend"! Will you see him again? Just looked down at a comment below. xxxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 8:50am

Yay and double yay for the date!!! Has it been? Were you there, in your own love story? Or is it to come...I am as excited as an excited thing for you, Debs, on an excited day! So excited I have forgotten my story...will put my Bear finkin' woolly hat on...think, think, think...nope...too darned excited!

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:18am

Oh bear, you make me grin like a Cheshire Cat ;-) It was a lovely date thank you and I have gained a new friend in the process. He was kind and funny and v inspiring... Interestingly he had been through his own dark night of the soul and come through so we were able to connect on lots of levels. I've got a way to go to be where he is but I feel I've made a friend who will be with me on the journey xx

Frankie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:20am

Hooray! So lovely to hear this Debs, ... really cheering me up! Frankie

Alice Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:00am

I am daily creating my own story Debs. Sometimes I forget how good my life is (now) and have to remind myself to slow down, enjoy minute by minute, day by day and now to worry about the past or the future. One is done with, the other is partially in my own hands but what will be will be. What actually counts is now and enjoying the big (small) things in life. In my story I am a strong, self contained woman with a lot to offer the world and the ability to help others. I also have fun!!! Never forget to have fun, to laugh, to play and interact with as many people as possible. xx

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:20am

I agree Alice!! I often forget to have fun!! Sometimes I don't feel that I can have fun - I'm too low, but often that's a story too. Thanks for the reminder ;-) xx

Soulmansblue Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:23am

Hi Debs,

A very thought provoking Blog there. I've re-invented myself many times to try and fit in with life, but to no avail. No matter what role in life I've played people still find it hard to live with me or to get too close.

People cannot keep up with me during my highs and they hang way, way back on my lows. I'm either to full of energy or wanting to walk under the nearest bus. Thankfully my immediate family have stuck by me or I'd be all alone.

Reinventing is one thing but writing a new story is another. I don't want to be a King or a Millionaire for money can't buy me true love!

I don't want to be a Tin Man, maybe a Lion writing his new story as he sets off with a new found heart. Ever more caring for others and far less for myself.

I sure hope your date goes well and maybe your new story maybe one of new found love. Starting a new relationship is not easy, just relax, enjoy and take it steady. I know as I had my first date in 11 years at the beginning of this year. We're no longer dating but we've stayed good friends.

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:56am

Soulmansblue, maybe you don't need to reinvent yourself to fit in. If a banana tried to be an orange it would be in pain forever.

Frankie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:14am

I'm loving this image RATG - thank-you! Wise words Soulmansblue, and great that you have a good friend ... Frankie

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:24am

Hey SMB ;-) I agree with room, I don't think it's about reinventing ourselves to fit in, it's about being the best of who we are without the monkey brain taking over and telling us stuff like 'we don't fit'. A new story might be a project you create, a charity you align yourself with, something that stretches you and allows you and those around you to see you in a new light - our true light xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 7:40pm

Hi, SMB...so glad your family are sticking with you...it's good to have peeps you can rely on to be there...no matter what. Just like your very own Moodscope family here...always someone here to listen x x

Katie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:58am

sounds aweose but how, im in a really dark place, no one really gets it and i feel so unable to even help myself. this sounds cool but what step can i take. the idea is one thing but how to action it into reality.

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:03am

Katie, when we are at our lowest, sometimes taking on a new idea of helping our long term goal is too much. If you are in that horrible place we all visit, maybe you need to only work on the short term. So getting through this morning is enough to think about. Then this afternoon. Break it down and get healthy food, healthy sleep and basic survival underway. You can build up brick by brick. Who do you have on board? Family? Doctor? Loved one? I'm sorry you're low, it will change xx.

Frankie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:09am

Welcome Katie and thank-you for commenting; this is a first step which you have taken for yourself so congratulate yourself for acknowledging where you are at just now. Know that so many people reading your comment will relate to how you are feeling - and so will feel slightly less alone as a result, thanks to you! You have the million dollar question - "the idea is one thing, but how to action it into reality" - how indeed ... Small steps, tiny goals - for me doing one small chore (and I do mean small e.g. the washing up) helps me to move - to quote Hopeful One "Action leads to motivation" (for me waiting for the motivation usually means a day wasted which then makes me feel even more guilty, and even less likely to get going) Then I choose a treat to reward myself for achieving my tiny goal - choosing a programme on TV or catch-up to watch; or playing a favourite CD. And I ask no more of myself ... I remind myself that I need to be gentle with myself, and that it will pass, like storm clouds in the sky ... I have just lit a candle for you and everyone who is feeling like you today ... each time I look up from my work and see it, I will think of you and them ... You are not alone ... Small steps ... Frankie

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:29am

Hi Katie, I'm sending huge love to you. I've been there, I am there often and I recognise it's a stretch to get through the day. You've written on here which is an incredible achievement; believe me I've had days when I couldn't even get to my phone or computer. The girls have given you incredible advice above so I won't add more but just to say we are all here for you, we get it and there is tons of love coming from all of us xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 7:40pm

Hugs from Bear x x

Norman Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:08am

Well done Debs! For having the courage to go on the date and the awareness to understand that it is whatever the two of you make it to be. Someone has seen through the black cloud and seen your true colours underneath. And if you did the asking: wow! Respect!

Story? Have you tried writing your own obituary, as you would want friends to read? "She achieved success late in life turning a hobby into a successful business, her son became a High Court judge", etc.

Story? At work at the moment I am Gary Cooper in "High Noon" (sadly without a Grace Kelly...)

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:04am

Hello Norman, this sounds morbidly hilarious! Love it :-)

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:31am

Love it Norm (can I call you that?!) I have done the obituary thing before but I think it's time to do it again... Thanks xx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 7:47pm

Norman, a High Noon excerpt for you - Cooper says..'...Before we go rushing out into something that ain't gonna be so pleasant, let's be sure we know what this is all about. What I want to know is this.....' Isn't this what we do every day when we wake up????!!!! Hope your day got betterer! Bear x

Norman Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:12pm

Nicked from an episode of Frasier actually...

Norman Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 9:13pm

Sorry that was a response to RATG. Sometimes this blog gets things out of synch.

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:05pm

Ah phew...thought I'd blown it then! Lurved Frasier too...hope week five has gone well my friend x

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:09am

Debs, what a fabulous story. I love that you are going on a date. Do spill the beans...there's just us here... :-D
And the father and his daughter, I really love that! Music, photography, volunteering and exercise are my things and I always put them to the bottom of the pile. It's been in my head that I wonder what I'm teaching my children when I do this. I'm newly inspired!!

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:33am

I so believe in that too Room - our children become who we are so it is our job to be inspiring and fulfilled. You inspire me every time I see your blogs and comments on here so I'm sure you are equally as inspiring to your kids xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 7:51pm

RATG....we need to show our kiddlies how to be happy in doing things that give us pleasure, such as hobbies, so you need to let them see you listening and dancing (!) to music, show them the wonderful photos you have taken and if you're volunteering - can they become involved...oh and how, when you have three kiddlies have you got the time to volunteer???!!! Am worn out thinking about it, lol! Loving Bear hugs x x x

Frankie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:12am

Morning Debs; really hope you have a good time on your date ... and love the story ... our children invariably do what we do, rarely what we say ... Frankie

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 11:36am

Such a powerful reminder Frankie - I am very aware of doing one thing with my son while saying another! He picks up on it straight away! The other day he appeared at the top of the stairs after id put him to bed, to say that I shouldn't be eating my dinner on the sofa, I should be at the table! Ha. Made me laugh so much xx

Frankie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 1:00pm

Oh this has made me laugh too Debs, thank=you! Frankie

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 2:13pm

You have a smart son! I hope you went straight to the table :-) where you set a place and lit a candle x.

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 7:53pm

Yes! Love it, love him! And RATG is so right...Debs, set the table for yourself even if you are eating on your own to make yourself feel special, cos you are :). He will see your own self worth and learn that it is something we should have for ourselves. x x x x

Susie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 12:23pm

This is such a supportive positive loving forum - I read the blogs every day and try to do the score - hate seeing it so low - need an outlet to acknowledge how terrible it can be - the sleep (lack of) the fear and anxiety - the obsessive worrying - the guilt - feeling stupid and weak - the way it affects me physically - shaking - upset stomach... And the sadness of a life that on the outside looks like a success but that I consider squandered in pain - does it resonate - please tell me I will come through again into the light xx

Dolphin Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 12:45pm

Dearest Susie - you will come through again into the light... I can see how perceptive you are from what you write and that means you have tools to support yourself. I find that sinking into the sadness is a very important step and. Looking back at diaries, I can see days and weeks of writing about how sad I am about all sorts of things. And then it seems to get written out at last and I move on a bit. Secondly, very small steps can help. I'm also going through the insomnia which just makes the day even worse to get through. A friend helped me realise last night that I should take this afternoon off to burrow under the duvet. I've just finished part of a big project and that always leaves you flat as well as tired, so the afternoon sounds a good reward to me. (And last night I cleaned the flat at 2am - no vacuuming though! - so at least that's one chore I don't have to do during the day.) Third step I haven't done yet. I love the idea of writing my story whether it's a short time span like right now when I'm down or longer time span like the orphanage in Uganda. What is my story going to be when I seem to be pushed towards retirement against my will?? Thanks to all of you for the conversation and big hugs to Susie. xx

Frankie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 12:58pm

Hello Susie - yes, this will pass, as all things pass ... the tough bit is not being able to see how or when, and even doubting if ... it sounds to me as if you need to nurture yourself; be really gentle with yourself, and that includes with they way you speak to yourself. I can relate to the guilt, and feeling stupid and weak, and to the anxiety ... and to, well to all of it really! Can you find one thing to do each day that allows you to "switch" off and just be in the moment? Listening to some lovely music - and if it makes you cry, then tell yourself that these are tears of healing, release and cleansing and allow them to flow freely. Or maybe snuggling up on the sofa to watch a favourite film or TV programme? For me, watching anything narrated by David Attenborough does the trick ... and when those negative thoughts appear (you should be doing x, y and z) remind yourself "I am nurturing myself to allow healing to happen". Any gentle exercise - for me it's yoga or a walk - can also help. Small steps .... and congratulate yourself for what you do achieve. On bad days for me it will be as simple as Get up and shower/eat/do one simple chore/go on Moodscope/go into garden and look at the sky - well that's five things already! My candle burns steadily as I work, for you Susie, for Katie above and for everyone having a bad day today and each time I look up from my work and see it, I think of you all ... you are not alone ... Frankie

Hitchhiker Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 2:10pm

Glad the candle is burning. Trying not to feel alone but pretty lost. Lurking daily here, doing the cards, reading the blogs. Getting through the days, glimmers of hope from the thought i am not alone, but anxiety often overwhelms me. So i hide. Fight it. Sun comes up anyway. A new blog is posted. Glimmers of hope. On we go. Hoping for hope, hanging on.

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 2:17pm

Hitchhiker, I hope you know that what you have described is a bigger achievement than anything else. Olympians have teams and sponsorship, worldwide platforms, publicity, and recognition. They are encouraged every step. You are doing more than that. And now that you have commented and we can see you...we are your team. Stay.

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 2:22pm

Susie, part of the reason I love writing is that it gives me black and white evidence that I will get back out of that hole. Do you write? Can you look back at something you've written to see that you have been different? You have! You will. Even a photograph. A card someone sent you. Lie back and think of a time you were happy. Even if it was something random, rudely private or long, long ago. Immerse yourself in that card, writing, thought or photograph. There...that's you. You will come back. Hour by hour, hang on to yourself. We know where you are and we are holding to you too xxx.

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 2:24pm

And Hitchhiker...no point hiding in here. We can see behind your eyes :-) If you feel like you can write it because you've never said it, then do, it was where my healing began.

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 4:35pm

Dearest Susie and Hitchhiker - so much love coming to you both. I think I've pushed myself too far today and am not in a good place. But am heading home now and after I've settled my boy tonight I'm going to treat myself to a hot bath and some rubbish reality TV. Not everyone's cup of Earl Grey but it works for me ;-) Tomorrow I will just do simple things. My rule is one practical thing in the morning and one self-care thing in the afternoon. Be gentle on yourselves, you are in the right place - we all understand. And remember the thoughts about guilt and sadness and life of pain are just thoughts. They aren't real. They are a symptom of the condition we experience not reality. Huge hugs and support coming your way xxx

Susie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 5:59pm

Just wanted to say thank you - I can take time to nurture myself (redundant) so I try to do this - think I am just absolutely worn out with staggering on trying to deny my sadness and the build up explodes interesting o anxiety and no faith in the future - am relieved to be able to say how I am feeling here - thank you all once again - my iPhone is my lifeline at the moment xxx

Susie Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 6:34pm

Didn't mean "interesting" anxiety - all over the place !! Thank you all again x

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 7:59pm

Susie...we are so glad you have opened up to us here. It's very hard, sitting on the sidelines, watching, reading but being too scared to say anything...but there is such wisdom to be gleaned from many as you have seen from the replies above. Hopefully this is one of the first steps to a happier you. It doesn't matter what peeps think of you and what they perceive your life to be - it's what you think that matters and hopefully you'll be able to pop in each day and take a few more steps. With Bear hugs x x x x

danielle Fri, Dec 4th 2015 @ 9:28am

Susie and Hitchhiker - I am sorry i wasnt around yesterday to comment - hopefully you see this! hang in there- it doesnt feel like you are doing great, but you are. Based on RATG comment i have a happiness wall. to remind me when i feel pants of happier times. It started on my fridge - a collection of memories, tickets to events we went to, post cards from loved ones, nice phrases etc etc. we moved house and have a HUGE wall going up the stairs. Now this says HAPPINESS in huge letters which i paper mache'd in bright colours across it, and things stuck all over it. my OH had a great idea to remove the letters temporarily to paint it with magnetic blackboard paint - then we can stick things up with magnets and use chalk to write all over it. Okay - you dont need to do a wall or something big like that, but anything you can document in a visible place so that when youy have a bad day you have a reference point to happier times. somewhere you will see it often not hidden away. those happy times will come again, I promise xxxx

Hitchhiker Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 2:57pm

Thanks RATG. The thought that you see me has me crying and I am taking that as a good thing. I see you too Susie and your thoughts resonate with me. And all the rest of us dark place folks! I hope to come back in to the light. Thanks all for showing that it is true, even tho i do not feel it. There is hope and that is good enough.

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 8:01pm

Hi Hitchhiker....you've reminded me that not only do we 'see' you dear friend, but we also miss seeing others who disappear for a few days or weeks at a time: missing Les, Rupert, Leah and many others x

Barbara Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 3:37pm

That is fab, Deb, thank you. xx

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:10pm

Thank you Barbara ;-) xxx

Mary Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 5:00pm

A new story, a new hope. Indeed, Debs, Indeed. And thank you. Big hugs to everyone who comments here. We support each other. And to Hitchhiker and Susie, keep on hanging on. It does (eventually) get better. But you have to allow it too. Ironically the more we chase it and stress about it and beat ourselves up for not getting better, the less chance we have of actually getting better. So - just - relax and accept it for now. But hold on to the belief that it does - it really does - get better. Love to you both.

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:12pm

Lovely comment Mary, you are my inspiration on here. Your writing got me inspired after a long Wordsmithing break so thank you x a million xxx

Down the well Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 8:54pm

A wonderful blog Debs and loved reading the comments. The love and support here is wonderful, hitchhiker, susie and Katie thanks for your honesty about where you're at. I'm in much the same place, and I admire you all for being honest about your feelings here, thus inspiring me to do the same. mary that's great advice and I try hard to practice acceptance, but really struggle. I guess that's a work in progress. Anxiety is really bad today, am obsessively worrying I'm a bad person and also that I'm going to lose my mind and become psychotic. Ah the endlessly creative nature of my mind, just need to learn to channel it for the good....love to all xx

Debs Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:10pm

Hey DtW - a bad person?! Tish!! Rinse your well out ;-)) Read your beautiful words above as if someone else had written them... What would you say back? You my dear are kind, caring, eloquent and full of love. There isn't a bad bone in your body. Now come over here and have a hug, let yourself be cared for and keep looking forward, brighter days are ahead xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:10pm

Aw, DTW....so sad you are in such an anxious well....as you say it's a work in progress and the fact that you can see it for what it is, is actual progress...look how far you have come since your blog! Your kind and helpful to others and say the kindest things, so remember you are not a bad peeps...we'll all try and be here for you so you don't lose your mind so that's two ticks in the anxious boxes ticked! There now, isn't that a good way to end the day and start anew tomorrow with two ticks? Hugs, Bear x

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:12pm

Tee bloomin' hee! Debs, we must be twins as we have mirrored what we have said to DTW! N night, happy sleepies x x

Down the well Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:25pm

Thank you very lovely people, your support and kind words are much appreciated. Big hugs to you and hopes for a good nights sleep for all Moodscopers xx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 3rd 2015 @ 10:13pm

Message for The Gardener...hope all quiet on the Mr TG front and you are resting. Bear x

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