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What's happening here? Saturday August 8, 2015

"Dear, dear! How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the night?".......said Alice.

I identified a new form of activity that I was engaged in - make believe! I noticed that by wishing, I kidded myself that my thoughts were real. I projected what I wanted to happen into my brain and my brain made it feel real. Obviously losing touch with reality is never ideal. It meant that I was constantly disappointing myself, hankering after something that wasn't actually there.

"Have I gone mad?" Asked Alice.

"I'm afraid so, entirely bonkers but let me tell you, the best people usually are."

I thought this was so weird, but like everything these days you can look it up on the internet! And hey! It's not just me. This sort of behaviour is quite common. Apparently it's to do with not living in the present, probably harping back to some fond (or imagined) memory that made me happy.

It's also stopping me getting on with my life.

Things I should be doing to help myself - eliminating the word 'should' from my life. (Did you see it slip in there?) Asking for help - not something I've ever found easy. Getting some perspective into what's really important rather than getting anxious about stuff that I've made up! I felt that that's what I really needed to do is... get real.

Said Tweedledum " know very well you're not real." "I am real!" Said Alice and began to cry.

In the "Power of Now", Eckhart Tolle says that I should watch/observe objectively what is happening in my mind, as it is happening, to distance myself and to discover how unreal it really is in relation to the reality that is now and to deny rather than feed my mind (my words). To live in the NOW, not the remembered pain of a past that has gone or anxiety about a future that hasn't arrived.

And that seems to be working.

But I am at a point where I am questioning where I go from here. I am in danger of isolating myself whilst living within myself and growing to understand life. And I am concerned. I am not a hermit and that is not the way I want my life to be. I do tend to be extreme and maybe I have 'gone over board' in chasing the rainbow. I want the happy life, the underpinning and that is my mission. But at what cost?

A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Anonymous Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 5:53am

Great post Alice - have learnt a lot from Eckhart Tolle about living in the 'now'!

Sarah Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 6:49am

I like your creativity Alice, thought provoking. Thank you!

Adrian Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 7:59am

I like this. The cost seems less than not doing it.
Have fun trying.
A x

Julia Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 8:04am

I like Alice's thought that she might have changed in the night! I feel that something clicks in my brain and causes me to be different in the morning on some mornings. Isn't it natural to think about the past and have dreams about the future? I find when I'm happiest,I dwell less on the future and although I do think back to the past, I can see it objectively. I was in a different situation then and my reactions were different too. I like to think that the present is the culmination of my past. Is this where I envisaged I would be years ago when I wasn't happy? I think fantasy worlds are healthy too. We each of us is unique and trying to make sense of the world and feelings and thoughts. Just like Alice.

Nick Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 9:42am

"Have I gone mad?" Asked Alice.
"I'm afraid so, entirely bonkers but let me tell you, the best people usually are."

Thank you Alice...this has made my day.
At last I can content myself that being 'bonkers' is not so bad after all!

Sheila Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 10:18am

Hi Alice, thank you for reminding me to live every day. When stuff gets tough as it is now, the future looks impossible and the past a mess! So the sun is shining and today I am going to care for me ????

toni Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 12:03pm

I read your blog today and was struck by the questions you posed at the end. I am in the middle of a really interesting article on Lorin Roche's website called the dangers of meditation. It's not anti-meditation but it does call for balance and to be actively engaged in using meditation as a tool rather than blindly following a set of instructions. It really struck a chord for me, and I would recommend it to anyone who has really found the benefits of meditation or mindfulness but is now feeling a bit stuck.

susan Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 12:25pm

Your blog is full of rich images--an exciting read! The question you pose at the end is one i grapple with too. The way i'm handling it at the moment is to really ground myself when in the presence of others and try to be aware of myself in my body. Once firmly in my body, i can allow the flow to come at me and through me. It is essential that i trust my instincts and my ability to respond authentically. Some days it works well, sometimes not. But it is a conscious method. Thanks, Alice. susan xx

Julia Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 12:28pm

Toni..would it be possible to give us the link to Lorin Roche article re meditation please? Actually I can google it. I so agree with striking a balance. I was getting too obsessed with Mindfulness and got frustrated when it didn't' seem to be working. Not only that, the rebellious streak in me, didn't like to be told what to think and do and what not to think and what not to do. I am wondering now if Mindfulness is getting too commercialised and people are jumping on the bandwagon and seeing an opportunity to make money out of this fairly recent phenomenon. I know it has benefits and I can see the rationale behind meditation and mindfulness.

Lucas Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 1:01pm

No simple answers. Something that i think we can easily lose track of is fleeing. When trying to be the master of "negative" emotions that threaten to overwhelm us, we may sometimes cut ourselves off from feeling. I remember hearing somewhere, "there is no such thing as a bad emotion," that it is really that we dont like feeling some of them, and allowing ourselves to be controlled by them, or getting stuck in them for too long (even happiness at the wrong times) is where the problem lies.
I was given an analogy of waves in the ocean: dont allow myself to be swept out to sea or go on riding a wave, nor fight the currents, but allow them to wash over me, feeling them, and let them pass.
We all find our own balances, which look different. Some of us need a special time and place. Some of us alone, or with a friend, or with a therapist. I still havent worked it out for me.

Alice Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 3:26pm

I am glad if my blog helped anyone today, your comments always help me and it is so good to find that we are not alone with our strange thoughts and ideas........

Alice Sat, Aug 8th 2015 @ 3:26pm

I am glad if my blog helped anyone today, your comments always help me and it is so good to find that we are not alone with our strange thoughts and ideas........

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