Moodscope's blog

20

September


What makes you feel you belong? Sunday September 20, 2015

I have never really felt I fitted in. On a good day I am in the same play as everyone else but am on a different page, so I find it hard to follow what is happening. On a low day I am in a different play to everyone else so it is very confusing. On a very bad day, I don't have a script all, and watch everyone else read from their scripts as I feel very isolated.

Being different isn't always a difficult thing. I like being different at times and being a bit of a rebel. However I do have that innate human need to want to feel part of a group.

When I read Ruth's comment to Ratg's blog about this being the first time in her life she had felt she truly belonged to a community, it touched me as I knew that yearning.

As humans we want to feel like we belong somewhere, a soft place to land, a place where we are truly accepted for who we are. A place where we don't have to change to belong, where we're liked for just they we are.

Especially if we are having a low day, coming to terms with a mental heath diagnosis, facing, grief, dealing with our own illness or that of loved ones, it is important we have somewhere to go where we are understood, where we are welcomed .

Often you are faced with loved ones, friends, health workers, strangers, neighbours who say unhelpful even hurtful things that make us feel even worse when what we really need is a hug and someone to hold our hands and tell us everything will be alright.

The place I find where I belong is a bookshop, the older the better. As soon as I enter and smell the leather bindings, the dust, the old books and I breathe in all that knowledge and literary wisdom, I feel I am home and I belong.

What makes you feel you belong? Is there a special place, your happy place, that you can go to when you need a lift. What makes it so special?

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Hopeful One Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 7:13am

Hi Leah- a thoughtful post which got me well thinking! So where do I feel I belong? It varies with my mood I guess. Some days it's my fellow humans especially the non judgemental kind. Other days it can be a solitary walk. But for me meditation is the most consistent where, before I begin a session I acknowledge and then abandon any thoughts of self hatred, self condemnation, self loathing, self criticism my NUTS and my ANTS that I may have for the duration of the meditation. Free iof all these I get a feeling I belong to something bigger ,dare I say, cosmic . When I feel that it seems to trump
all the others.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 9:49am

Hello Hopeful One, Thanks for your thoughtful response. Meditation is some I have tried but not managed yet so your comments are informative. I will think about the cosmic.

Ruth Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 7:15am

Morning Leah, would like to write more than this but struggling with belonging to life at the moment but wanted to respond, bless you x

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 9:52am

Ruth, Thank you so much for taking the effort to reply. That really makes me feel a lot. Thank you also as it was your reply to 149 days, that inspired this blog. I am so sorry you are struggling but there are many of us thinking about you and hope you know you belong here and you feel up to it I would love to hear more words from you. Your reply really touched me. x

Debs Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 7:22am

Oh wow Leah, what a beautiful blog, I feel you could have written that for me. I have always struggled to belong, at school I felt weird and alone, at university I thought I'd done the wrong course, I moved to London as I thought I'd fit there and now I live in a kind of no mans land surrounded by families of two-point-four-kids-Volvo-and-dog and I don't fit here either ;-) The place I most belong is in the hills, when I climb a hill or mountain and look out across a wide wild landscape I think 'ahhh, I'm home'. I remember doing a walk in chile and getting separated from the group I was with. All at once a mountain range appeared ahead of me and a deep valley stretched out to my right. There wasn't a single other person as far as the eye could see and I felt so moved I had tears streaming down my face and a deep deep sense of inner peace. Now I have to be in the hills as often as I can to feel that sense of connection otherwise I start to go - quite literally! - downhill.
Thank you for such a powerful post and for making me know I'm not alone. I can almost smell your bookshop - what a magical place to call home ;-) xxx

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 9:55am

Debs Thanks for your kind comments. Your description of the mountain range moved me and I could see it happening. You have a gift with words.

Debs Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 7:24am

Ruth - I know that space well and just wanted you to know you belong with us. Am sending huge love your way, you'll be in my thoughts xxxx

Louise Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 7:35am

I found myself nodding along with this as I read, finding your words so familiar. I laughed at the end - bookshops are my 'happy place' too, but I like the smell of new books. I have had a rough few days and am working on regaining some equilibrium by spending time with a book, a cat and a cup of tea. I hope you find a way to carry the bookshop feeling inside you and feel more like you belong as, if you read RATG's post earlier this week, you certainly belong here.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 9:57am

Louise Your reply made me smile. I am lucky that I own a shop that sells many thing but mainly books. I hope your book helps me through your rough few days.

Louise Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 7:43am

Thank you Leah! Your own bookshop - how wonderful!

Adam Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 8:01am

Yes, this was really interesting Leah, and clearly resonated. But I think a lot of people, maybe most, feel this way - at least at times - and perhaps we tend to assume it is "just me"? One 'place' I feel as though I belong is on Moodscope! I find the daily blogs helpful and interesting, knowing there are others who are also struggling to make sense of it all.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:00am

Adam, Thanks for your reply. It is easy to assume you are the only one who feels they don't belong because some maybe pretending they feel as though they belong. I am glad you feel like you belong at moodscope, and that it helps you.

the room above the garage Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 8:06am

Hello Leah, definitely! I've always felt like a square peg in a round hole. Daily! Most of the time I'm happy with it but sometimes it's not so good. Being with people is therefore a challenge and so I feel i belong away from people. I feel free at the beach, not really a hot, sunny one where I might have to take off one of my 12 coats but preferably a wild beach. As long as I'm not too low (when my temperature seems to plummet) I like it wild and windy where the elements feel bigger than me and my problem. Wild and windy or sunny and cold...if my kids are running and screaming too, with wind whipped hair and blushed cheeks, that's a good day.
Ruth, I adore your mountain story. Brilliant. Peaceful day everyone, love ratg x.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:14am

Ratg, I am smiling at your twelve coats- don't think you would like Australia!! Thanks for your special view on the world. Always cheers me.

Winterhold Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 8:21am

My first post ever on moodscope....usually I just read. It isn't a place that makes me feel that I belong, it's my dogs. When I was younger I could never understand why I didn't fit in..even as a six year old I just didn't "get it" as I got older I stopped trying...I just accepted me....my dogs love and accept me for who am, I could never feel lonely as long as I have them. xx

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:03am

Dear Winterhold, A very big welcome and congratulations on your first reply. I think feeling of belonging may take time. Dogs are wonderful at making humans feel they belong and are accepted. When you feel like it, I would like to read more of your comments/ Thanks again it really means a lot to me.

Petal Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 8:32am

I definately feel a sense of belonging here amongst fellow moodscopers. It's a warm, welcoming, safe and insipring place. I have had a reclining chair at home for years. I didnt use it much. I felt as if I didn't really deserve to relax until the house was decluttered and I was up to date with everything! Realising the ridiculosness of that, when on holiday from work, I'd try to "do" in the mornings ( even just 1 main thing) and "be" in the afternoons. A good book would've been nice, not self help, a real page turner that I couldnt wait to get into, but I havent found that for many years. Then I rediscovered crochet! My grand mother taught me to crochet as a child. It's very recent rediscovery. It doesnt matter whether I make anything useful. I just go with the flow, the cosy calming peaceful feeling of settling to something familiar. I now have a pretty basket right next to my reclining chair, with a blanket and cosy socks at the ready! A bit early in life some might think, but who cares? It's my spot! Thanks Leah. I find bookshops very calm and peaceful places. I'll have a bit of a browse soon, maybe that page turner will find me! :) xxx

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:05am

Petal, I really enjoyed reading your reply. I even nodded at several points. My mother loved to crochet and tried to teach me but that never worked. Thanks again for taking time to reply.

Vivien Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 9:41am

Yeh! At long last I feel human. I'm not odd, or alone, but am among friends. I tend to keep myself to myself, but will join in when necessary. Being a full time carer for my Mum came as a shock to the system but at least I feel I am doing something useful. Looking forward to a more positive life!

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:08am

Vivien Thanks for your answer. Being a carer is a very demanding role. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:12am

Thanks to everyone who has read my blog and if you have never replied, or rarely reply and you feel ok I would like to hear your comments you are going. Everyone is welcome here. If you reply and it seems I take a long time to reply it is because I am in the southern hemisphere so in a different time zone. Thanks again I welcome any comments.

Susan Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:37am

Hi Leah, thanks for your post.My first reply also. I feel separate all the time. Books help me too, I love libraries.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 11:42am

Susan, Thanks for taking the plunge and replying. I love libraries too. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Petal Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:41am

Ruth, I was also warmed by what you wrote on the 149 days blog, about your new sense of belonging here. Me too. We are here and thinking of you. It's like a group hug! Xxx

Maro Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 11:09am

Hi Leah, thank you for the wonderful post, it made me think quite a bit about myself and also inspired me to comment for the first time here on moodscope.
For me, I feel a sense of belonging when I'm in the forest near my house. I have my special place that I try to visit daily and it can affect my mood badly if I don't manage to do so. On a sunny day I enjoy the song of the birds and the light breaking through the forest canopy and when it's raining outside I can realx with the sound of water hitting the leaves while I sit under my favourite tree and reflect about my daily life.
Now that I think about it, I don't just feel like I belong, but as if the forest is a part of my soul.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 11:45am

Maro, What a great reply and thanks for replying for the first time. Your words"... as if the forest was a part of my soul" really touched me. I would love to feel like about a place. Your writing is very descriptive. I look forward to more posts and maybe a blog one day.

Julia Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 11:23am

Hi Leah. Your blog describes exactly just how I am..just the way you are. Here is Barry White singing "Just the way you Are", a song written by Billy Joel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-ItFW11Qsg
It's more about him loving his partner just the way she is and very romantic! However it makes me think that we can read from different pages, with different scripts and all of that is how we are, the real me/us We are not one facet of our personality, the one we love and prefer to the others.
I have never felt I fitted in and I am not sure I ever wanted to. But it does make life easier if you can or choose to.
I know what you mean about a sense of belonging; your bookshop sounds idyllic. I don't have a place like that I can retreat to. I am going to have to think about where I get that peace. Possibly early morning on my bike.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 11:48am

Thanks Julia for your thoughtful reply. I will look up that youtube link later. I need to ponder your sentence "we are not one facet of our personality, the one we love and prefer to the others." You consider things deeply and your post gives me much food for thought. Thanks again.

Bearofliddlebrain Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 1:44pm

Here you are again, Leah, with another great blog...look at you fitting in so nicely here!!! You have a place here, that's for sure!

I lurve to be at a beach and sea, with the waves crashing around or if it's calm and flat like glass and I get that each time I visit the beautiful beaches I grew up near. Doesn't really matter about the weather, like RATG, as long as it isn't too hot! I lurve the smells as well as the sights and sounds...ooh and storm-watching off Newquay, Cornwall...did that a couple of Christmases ago...breathtaking, snuggled up in my duvet-coat - chasing our dog...chasing froth off the waves! Conjures up hilarious images of him snapping at the flying froth! Ah, lol! But great memories to dip into as I live nowhere near the sea now :(

Great to see more new peeps here, bravely stepping into Moodscope - hopefully you'll get more and more from it and contribute more, which in turn, helps others. Not a vicious circle, but a great circle of friends!
Love
Bear x

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:28pm

Thanks Bear I too like the beach and the sea but associate it with swimming cossies(costumes)not a duvet-coat!Love your description of your dog too.Take care.

Bearofliddlebrain Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 1:52pm

Something is not working on my screen, so I cannot reply individually to Petal, but I just wanted to say, huzzah, for crochet!! Gets me relaxing and making things for friends!! Also, you may like to look up Attic24 - she's a great blogger who crochets and I've learnt a lot of techniques from her...but also, she takes beautiful pictures of things which are quite uplifting and sometimes helps through a miserable day!
Bear x

Caroline Ashcroft from Moodscope Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 9:18pm

Hi Bear, can you let me know what operating system and browser you are using please as it may be a problem at our end. Thanks. Carolinex

bahareh Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 2:07pm

Hello, I have just been introduced to this "home" by a friend, by a soul sister. I want to thank you for bringing to life what I may feel but not able to say.
Yes, same scene wrong page, or not script at all.
How about them, maybe they are on wrong page and I am on THE LIGHT PAGE.
Thank you
Bahareh

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:30pm

Bahreh Thanks for your reply and welcome. I like the idea of the light page and I will think about that,

Frankie Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 2:15pm

Love that bahareh! You are on the LIGHT PAGE!
Welcome - and please post again!
Frankie

Lucas Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 3:21pm

Very timely for me--I was actually thinking about this some last night, specifically not feeling enough of a sense of belonging. I've always struggled with not fitting in, and I can point to various causes, some things beyond my control, some things I could change, but I don't want to. I was raised with the idea that it's good to be different, and sometimes that helps; I at least don't feel much of a pressure to conform.
For me, part of belonging is being able to find understanding and being able to make connections with people. What I say makes sense to them, and what they say makes sense to me. Lately, I feel like I've had too many situations where the connection hasn't been there in conversation, or I've just stopped hearing from people all together.
I've found a place of belonging in some fandom communities. These tend to be nerdy or geeky groups, and there is a common interest to start with, so I have an easy way to connect with people and start conversations. Depression seems also more common among these groups, so there's a little more understanding of it than among the general population. When I have the opportunity to go to conventions, I also feel a little more comfortable being me, because there are more people who look and dress like me there. I don't feel like I get weird looks from people if I decide to wear something unusual (in fact I might even get compliments), and I don't feel like I'll run into mocking or just scornful/judgmental looks from people if I happened to put on a shirt that's a little tight for my overweight physique (even if most of that stuff was just in my head to begin with).

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:34pm

Lucas, Thank you so much for your insightful post which is a blog in itself. Hope to read more from you as you have a lot to offer. "I was raised with the idea it is good to be different" What a great lesson to teach a child. Connections are so important and it can be frustrating when we think they should be there but we just don't feel them. I really enjoyed your reply as it gave me much to think about.

Lucas Thu, Sep 24th 2015 @ 4:29pm

Leah, Thanks for a blog which was an opportunity to share my thoughts, and replying, which helps me know someone was listening.

Alice Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 3:31pm

Great blog Leah, as always. I think this is something we all feel and have all felt through our lives. That feeling of acceptance and belonging is the one that gives us self esteem. Highly prized and fortunate if achieved. Indeed an achievement. I am wondering now if instead of seeking belonging I should just be seeking gratitude for where I am in my life and acceptance of self.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:36pm

Alice, Thanks for your kind words. "...if instead of seeking belonging I should just be seeking gratitude for where I am in my life and acceptance of self" That will give me a lot to ponder. Maybe the key to belonging is the acceptance of self- what do you think?

The Gardener Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 5:40pm

Today, I belong right here - with an exhibition of church robes in my 'museum' and realising how many friends I have - none of them blame or criticize when I have a good moan - more and more people have coped with someone near with Alzheimer - and they know that keeping the lid on is difficult. I belong on a bar stool - lifelong (well, that evening) soul mates - people who can chat for hours on anything (or nothing) husband and brother in law hate it. And, like Leah, books. Mine are centuries old often, priceless treasures, in which I hunt (had to dig up my Latin) for pieces in a historical puzzle. Leah's blog was poignant - I thought of my father - I tried to write a novel about him 'Always on the Outside'. He seemed to be looking through a window on a happy scene in which he would never be a part - good looking, brilliant, he never belonged anywhere.

Julia Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 7:43pm

Hi Gardener. Was your father happy? How do you know he was always on the outside looking in? Did he tell you this? He was good looking and brilliant..I would have thought he would have many people interested in him. I am intrigued by your (I assume) perception of him.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:44pm

Gardener Your writing always has many layers and makes me think long and hard.It is so important to have people who will listen and understand when you moan. When my mum had Alzheimers over 20 years ago there was not as much awareness and support. I think I would love to browse through your books and your house- sounds fascinating. I studied Latin at school but my forgotten a lot. I find the description of your father fascinating and could relate to it. Take care.

Petal Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 5:43pm

Something's been wrong with my screen too, reply buttons don't work, maybe because I use a phone not laptop. Thanks Bear, will defo look up Attic24! Xx

Caroline Ashcroft from Moodscope Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 9:19pm

Hi Petal, can you let me know what operating system and browser you are using please as it may be a problem at our end. Thanks. Carolinex

Mary Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 6:34pm

Brilliant, Leah. Yes - bookshops........ (said long and lovingly). Love Moodscope and Moodscopers We're like those bags of Rountrees "Rndoms", all shapes and sizes, but all sweet.

Leah Sun, Sep 20th 2015 @ 10:46pm

Mary, Thanks Mary. Maybe we should organize a moodscopers tour of great bookshops of the world- starting with mine!!! I am not so sweet maybe more sweet and sour!!

The Gardener Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 1:02am

Hello Julia and Leah - my husband is behaving in a scary manner, so have come downstairs to calm down with Moodscope. My father had an awful childhood - married my mother because she seemed kind - the marriage was a disaster. His brilliance was being able to turn his hand to anything - his looks attracted endless women - they liked to be seen out with him. He could not, sadly, sustain a relationship, being too exacting, and died a lonely man. He had the most awful moods, never, in those days, bad enough for the authorities to take action, and he was never violent. Looking back now on the turbulent times with him it is evident that he was bi-polar in the extreme - never recognised then, and no medication (his first depression I was aware of was in my young teens - scary, what was happening to my Papa).But he could be amazingly good company - was proud of never reading a book, started me on books when few were obtainable and became an antique dealer himself! In fact, the bookcase I'm staring at now contains many volumes from him which were not first editions or splendidly bound,nothing to do with content, had two Crudens Concordance at one point! It's a mad,mad world.

Leah Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 1:40am

Gardener
Thanks for taking time to reply and tell us about your father. I can see you have enough in your own life to write a few books.
Your father sounded fascinating and it was sad he lived in a time that his moods were not recognised. My dad was an antique dealer too. Do you think his behaviour affected your personality?
Did you write when you were young as well as read? Thanks again, and I hope things have calmed down a bit.

Rona Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 4:30am

We'll this is my second post. I truly can see the momentum that RATG's "challenge"/post created. Since my favorite place on earth is the beach, as the reply posts continued throughout the day, it made me think of the ebb and flow of the waves as well as the tides.
Although I didn't have time to read all the replies to this post, from what I did read I'm sure my reply is redundant but still felt inclined to reply. U can get lost in a book so that I'm no longer aware of that constant feeli,g of being some sort of alien
I feel like I fit in at a bookstore as well as e library. But although walking the beach, usually in Florida or zMaine

Leah Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 4:53am

Rona, Congratulations on your second post and am pleased you chose to take time to reply. No reply is ever redundant as well have our own unique perspective. I love watching the ebb and flow of the waves and ads I child I used to chase the waves to see if they could catch me!! Thanks for that image. I hope to read more of your replies or a blog one day. This is a good time for me as it is early afternoon while UK is still asleep. Leah

Julia Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 10:21am

Hi Gardener and Leah. Sorry I didn't pick up on this yesterday. Fascinating stuff but so sad for your father Gardener. But what a coincidence..my father owned an antique shop too. Keep writing Gardener (and Leah of course!) . It must be so awful for you on a daily basis to watch your husband deteriorate. You can let rip here.

Leah Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 10:49am

Julia,
See we belong to a special group whose dad's were antique dealers. I wonder how many moodscopers dad's were antique dealers as well. Coincidence or logical.
Everyone thanks for your input. If you are reading this for the first time please post if you wnat as I keep looking for more posts! Sad but true.

The Gardener Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 11:01am

I get furious with people who use an awful childhood as an 'excuse' for their grown-up failings. One is scarred - frequently leads to difficult adult relationships because you don't want to be 'hurt' again. Embarrassment was the worse with Daddy - we lived in a line of ribbon development houses - and he shouted so loud at my Mum (and me) that the whole street could hear. He'd already fallen out with his family and the neighbours anyway. Mummy would then cry for days, and an uneasy peace would ensue, often 2 weeks of silence. I could, even now, be on my bike, going to grammar school, carrying the morning misery of home with me. We have a loudly quarrelsome family as neighbours (professionals, too) - and sometimes I do feel the cards have been dealt badly coping with a miserable childhood and now a miserable old age (except that with a mass of help I can cope, no help as a child). Thank you all out there for sharing.

Leah Tue, Sep 22nd 2015 @ 3:04am

The Gardener, I agree that I don't like people using an awful childhood as an excuse their grown up failings but I can understand why they may have difficulties. Your descriptions of your childhood and you writing is so evocative that I do hope you do write a book one day. Your posts and blogs always make me think for long after I have finished reading. Thank you for sharing.

Amanda Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 2:10pm

My 'belonging' place is with my dog, up in the hills where there are Iron Age hill forts and the remains of their farming activities. I feel greater connection to those people who lived in our land before the Romans than I do to most of my contemporaries. I have learned over the past few years to accept this state of affairs, which means I can now also accept myself. I feel fleeting connections with those around me, but only to the extent to which I find something in common. If I can find nothing in common, I don't trouble myself about it but move on, live and let live. I don't let today's people try to mould me to meet their expectations. Weird? Of course. Best thing too. I can't pretend any more to be 'normal' (whatever on earth that's supposed to mean). :-)

Leah Tue, Sep 22nd 2015 @ 3:07am

Amanda Thanks for replying. I like your place and your description and the history you feel connected with. You have shared strategies that are useful in coping with that sense of not fitting in or being'normal'.

A Lost Boy Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 2:59pm

Thanks a lot for the blog post, Leah!
And Thanks a ton to each of you for sharing your experiences!
This piece made me think quite a bit, because I can relate to it very well.
It is usually difficult for me to feign or even show that energy which other people seem to possess naturally. I have had hundreds of people call me 'lost', 'sad', 'depressed' and what not.
It took me quite a while to realize why I gave out such vibes. I never felt like I belonged there. In that moment. At that place. I don't show enthusiasm or energy like others do. I've been working on disguising it better.
I cannot even begin to count the number of moments when I'd felt if there was something wrong with me that prevented me from being on the same wavelength as the others around me. That sense of longing to be the part of a group, then feeling as if you don't belong there once you are part of the group, it just doesn't go.
Yet, there have been moments, as few as they were - moments when I seem to have completely lost my powers of getting myself alienated, moments when I found myself actually feeling that i belonged to that group, in that place, in that moment. Times, when I would be pumping with energy and I would wonder if others actually noticed the change in me too. Those wonderful moments when everything seems right with the world and nothing I do could go wrong.
I have never been able to actually find out the reasons behind these special moments. I tried to figure out all possible factors - people, events, locations, time, my own emotional states. I still don't understand what exactly makes those moments tick. It's probably a complex mixture of all those factors and even more.
Although, there are a couple of things that I guess help me calm down and settle me gently when I am stuck between the rough ridges and grooves of my life.
Getting close to nature - be it a mountain-top or a river or even something as small as a park - calms me down dramatically and fills me with a sense of belonging. The other thing that causes a similar effect in me is Singing. I am really trying hard to not give up on these two because these are two things that seem to make me feel belonged and give me a sense of comfort when I am feeling completely lost.
I am still working on myself though. Hopefully, I will someday have a clearer idea about myself, the way I function and why I do.

Leah Tue, Sep 22nd 2015 @ 3:14am

lost boy, what a thought provoking and descriptive reply. Thanks for being so honest These words you wrote below really touched me" "Yet, there have been moments, as few as they were - moments when I seem to have completely lost my powers of getting myself alienated, moments when I found myself actually feeling that I belonged to that group, in that place, in that moment." Those words touched me and I could really relate to them. Thanks again and I look forward to reading more of your writing. Your post is a blog in itself.

A Lost Boy Wed, Sep 23rd 2015 @ 4:05pm

Thank you, Leah! I am glad that you could relate. I am trying to be more regular on the blog, reading and responding to people's posts. Hopefully, I will be able to write more often.

Julian Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 3:01pm

Hi Leah
Know what you mean, spent most of my life feeling that everybody had a secret way of talking to each other thus excluding me, it is very lonely when I feel like this, still hard to associate with others but getting better with meditation and the sort of techniques that Echart Tolley advises.

Leah Tue, Sep 22nd 2015 @ 3:15am

Julian Thanks for your post. I hope the meditation continues to work for you. I appreciate you taking the time to share your comments.

Rebecca Mon, Sep 21st 2015 @ 7:27pm

I constantly feel lonely and like I don't fit in. Been really struggling lately as had to leave the yard I keep my horses on and move somewhere with far less people. I felt I fitting in with these people at old yard. Someone threw party other day and couldn't invite me as would have upset yard owner who I fell out with. All my old friends went and I felt gutted. Has made me feel all alone, unloved and worthless.

Leah Tue, Sep 22nd 2015 @ 3:21am

Rebecca I am so sorry that you have been feeling so lonely. It must be hard to move away from your friends and then not be invited to a party where they would be. Can you plan to meet up with your friends soon? I am sure they would like to see you. People here understand your feelings. I thanks you for being honest and sharing your feelings. I hope the new yard where you keep horses will have people who are friendly and welcoming. I am sure your horses are an important part of your life and make you feel worthwhile.Take care.

Helen Fri, Oct 9th 2015 @ 11:41am

I relate to this post. My anxiety and depression werent that severe in mental health terms but had a major impact on my life. I am now "better" but think the idea that in fact I am not recovered but more resilient good. I have bad days but i am more able to recognise them for what they are. I dont want to be defined by my illness but I like it to be understood that well though I am I am starting to struggle with the dark mornings and the cure for this is not my pills but learning to manage that. I am more resilient, I am better but........

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Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

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Disclaimer

Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.