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What get's you through? Tuesday October 18, 2016

It's a while since I wrote. That's good - it means I've been ok! I've been living my life much as it should be - no unexpected 'Wonderlands' or unwanted 'Mirrors...'

So far I have recently had six and a half days of real contentment.

I have organised my time - targets for everyday - and rewards for achievement. It has been the best time I have had for a long time. Then I had a hiccup. I got maudlin. Ah huh - what a lovely word but what a sad sentiment. MAUDLIN.

MAUD - I imagine her in a garden. Full of glorious English country garden flowers - names long forgotten - but I can see them still, in my minds eye. Full of fragile colour, sun beating down on them, defying the heat to show their colour and form. Serried ranks of flower soldiers doing their duty in our borders. How did she feel, our Maud? Had she lost a lover or husband in a long past war, or was she a modern day miss with friends she was missing from Uni days. I feel that she was sorrowful though... sad.

LIN - a bird? a butterfly? I don't know. A sense of something ephemeral, not quite captured, fluttering above us. Happiness hovering. Warm air on the breeze. A moment in time. Life as we want it - as opposed to life as dealt it.

Maud would like me to wander 'lonely as a cloud' but Lin seeks to touch my heart and gentles me to come to terms with what brought me here.

So what did bring me here? I put my heart out there - as we all have done and committed it well and truly! And found some really good friends but not the love I was looking for. Isn't that that the way!? This time my down was unexpected - my unattainable love and I called it a day under totally affably circumstances. I feel adrift. I know it's for the best and I was a party to that decision. So I am seeking to soar high on the thermal winds above the land and above my pain.

Question - how can I make six and a half days up more? Does it matter if it is just seven days or nine days? I think just a day makes a difference. And then if I can make it one more day - why not two?

I think I need to just keep remembering what got me through those six and a half days and what will keep me going is larger than I am:

A regular routine
Daily challenges
A sense of achievement Companionship Purpose

Give me those and I think I can keep going. Take them away and I would be lost. What is it that helps you stay on the straight and narrow or lifts you out of the mire?

Alice (in Wonderland)
A Moodscope Member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Debs Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 6:50am

Hey Alice, thank you for such a thought provoking blog. I was reflecting the other day - when I had a big dip - what it is that keeps me well but haven't captured those things... So this is perfect timing :-) I think mine are:

Meditation and being mindful (if I cram too much in and jump around from one thing to another my mind goes wobbly)
Companionship (in fact, any human contact that keeps me talking and focused on the external world instead of stuck in my head!)
A good diet (sugar and alcohol are my worst enemies)
Serving others (anything that takes me away from the self-focus is good)
A sense of achievement

Yesterday was a particularly good day and when I look at the list it included all of them. Oh, and there was sunshine and warmth which always helps :-)

Here's to seven... eight... nine... ten days of contentment. One day at a time xxxx

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 7:43am

Thank you Debs. Your list is good. And as I look at it I can see that it would fill the day (another important consideration). I don't know how I missed exercise - always a great idea! Not only to keep fit, but also to generate endorphins - that wonderful feel good factor. And it forces me out and sometimes even to be sociable..........!

Eva Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 7:19am

Hi Alice, you were my favourite as a child, really loved the looking glass world, I wonder if the flowers in Maud's garden are as opinionated, maybe that's why she is maudlin?

Thanks for this note to self to see what's working and use it going forward. For me improving sleep with a 5 or 10 minute sleep meditation, I may have moved mid night waking to 6am which is fine, can't sleep past then, but that's OK, it's better than 2 or 4. Meditation in the morning as well. Good food with lots of fruit and spices, and water. Rest breaks during the day and some exercise, walking or yoga. Some work, some reading and cuddles and play with my husband and cat.

This is enough structure to be going on with, and can usually be kept up when ill, and built upon when well.

LP and Lex, I left a few comments on Lex's blog.

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 7:48am

Hi Eva, I like the idea of Maud's flowers being opinionated! I bet they'd have something to say to us all - hopefully by too harsh! Enjoy your sleep Eva I've always thought it wa a great healer despite being elusive. Every little helps! I'm reall inspired that you have come up with such a lovely list - cuddles and play sound truly wonderful! Thank you.

LP Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 8:00am

Thanks Eva! Have replied :) xx

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 7:48am

Sorry that should read NOT TOO HARSH

LP Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 7:59am

Hi Alice, good to see you! I'm so happy for you that you've found a combination that gets you through. I was sorry to hear of the set back, but it sounds like you're in a better place now and determined to keep your combi ation going.
When I went through a very painful break up, I remember thinking, just do what's good for you no matter what! I carried on walking throughout the winter which is unheard of for me! I booked a course of dance classes with a girlfriend too. The pain was there and it ran it's course, but those things helped to get me through at that time.
In general, the things you mentioned are what I aim for. Managing my time to allow for the unforseen hiccups would be good to add in.
Thank you Alice. LPxx

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 8:16am

Thank you lovely Lilly Pet for your kind words and for adding to a growing list of good ideas to share x

DAVE Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 8:25am

Hi lovely Alice,

My routine has to be serving others for no reward, neither expecting anything in return.

1..Never procrastinate anything or anybody.

2...I deal immediately with the most worrying, upsetting issue or person FIRST, so I do not dwell or worry
about things that generally do NOT take place in the 'anticipated mind'.

3...I do not EVER allow myself to become offended by what others may say, think or do.
I will not give away my power to the hands of those who will use and abuse it !

4...I am no pushover, and certainly no doormat, I stand my ground, but do not 'LOSE IT'.

5...I state my case always honestly, even if I have wronged someone, I am the first to oppologise and put
right the issue, I always am sensitive enough that If someone who has suddenly stopped talking to me, I'll go to them and put it right, always with these same words, "I'm really sorry if I have offended you in any way shape or form, please forgive me, so that we can regain the love and friendship we had previously".
THEN having said that, I receive an immediate reaction, "oh no Dave you've done nothing it's just me", or OK I'm sorry too, a cuddle male or female is all it takes, I've not procrastinated, but put any potential to cause ANY further contention whatsoever ! !

Now on the other hand, if I have done just that, but the response is CONTENTIOUS, I simply say, "I'm really sorry if you feel that way, but if that's how you feel that's your opinion", "if there is anything you feel I could do to rectify the issue please let me know".

I will then just WALK AWAY, hold my head up high, knowing FULLY WELL, that I have done all I can, and NOW have put it out of my mind.

I'm always surprised at the change in the other person, because THEY still retain and hold on to childish notions, but usually in time they come around, and if they are true friends they'll 'forgive and forget' too.
6....Stop worrying about myself, everything ,comes to pass'.

7...Strive to be honest always in all things, that way you can NEVER EVER be AFRAID of Man Nor God.

8...LEARN to forgive yourself.....

9...Don't look back, don't look too far ahead, enjoy today, it may be our last.

10....Spend time on the NOW. Yesterday is HISTORY, tomorrow is a MYSTERY, TODAY is a
exciting venture into the Unknown.

God Bless you, He is the one who holds your heart in His hands ALWAYS. ! !


Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 3:39pm

Dear Dave, You sound like the one of people that one can trust. Keeping it simple and straight forward. Lots to be said for that. I particularly liked your advice about avoiding procrastination - if only I could! You struck a cord though when you said in number 2 of your list: that dealing with the immediate stopped you dwelling in the future. (I paraphrase and hopefully interpret what you said correctly!). Thank you for your time and input.

Andrew Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 9:00am

Hi Alice - what a simply beautiful blog. I know those feelings of which you write oh so well - and the coping strategies, familiar as they are, we do well consciously to recall - even to write down....
Sometimes, I wish life were simpler - simple joys, simple sorrows - like the sweet scent of Maud's flowers, the warm breeze beneath Lin's painted wings...perhaps we should take a leaf out of Carroll's Alice's book, and consciously recall those simpler days of our childhood...

"Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.”
? Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 3:41pm

Thank you Andrew for your kind and warm words. I loved that you quoted Carroll and followed the flow of my thoughts x

carol Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 12:40pm

alice i was the same a few years back now . how i turned into lin as your blog stated was by using baby steps, and rewarding myself for every step that i've achieved but i've not forgotten maud as she is now used to enable me to write my books as all the sadness i write downto give me release from her and move forward with a better frame of mind as maud is no longer hanging on my shoulders.
AS for finding love i stopped look and started to enjoy my life and found that love came to me . but i've been luck as that love i had walked away from years before was the same love that returned to me in the form of my current partner. But i also have the love of my children from my previous relationship to look at to see that not all the difficult time were for nothing they were there to help me see that good things will come to me in the end .

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 3:43pm

Kind words Carol and I am so happy for you that it has all worked out. May your happiness remain and stay with you through your life. I will take note and I promise to reward myself immediately!!!

The Gardener Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 1:51pm

Glad you have a 'system' Alice. A daily routine and sense of achievement are vital to me, however bad things get - I look at my designer knitwear, my books, the gardens, of course and now the new house 'make-over' which is taking all my ingenuity and that plus the skill of my marvellous painter. I make sure there is always something interesting in my 'creativity' box - even if it's not touched for days. And I've got my piano moved, now to unstiffen fingers - although knitting and fast typing keep them supple - and I'm lucky to have escaped arthritis - or is it because my fingers are always working? Mr G is now foul in the evening, and impossible last night. But, I've attacked the problem - (one of Alice's daily challenges) - son visit beginning of November - then a week respite - grand-daughter beginning December, than another week respite - which the budget can run to. My major problem at the moment, which I hate, is bitterness. My childhood was very disturbed - only child, parents awful marriage, father bi-polar. I don't think I was dreadfully unhappy, because I did an 'Alice' escaped into animals and books. Mr G has been a misery for the last eight years - eyesight problems sliding into Alzheimers. I feel it's unfair that I should have such miseries both ends of my life - but life is unfair - and the 'highs' in my life have been very 'high' indeed.

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 3:49pm

Dear Alta Alice, how wonderful it would be if you could get rid of your bitterness, turn your back on it, shrink it and escape from it to a world where you start to count your blessings. Alzheimer's is a dreadful thing and hardest on those who have to live with it - I know this - so I do not inderestimate how hard it is to be positive but if we are not positive then what do we become?

Nicco Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 3:37pm

A lovely blogg, Alice, thank you. I can see how your routine makes for a potentially good day. I find if I try to cram too much into my day, and then am still remorseful for the things I didn't get done, then I get overwhelmed. So I've been practicing mindfulness and meditation, trying to take things slower and telling myself there is time to do the things I need to do another day. Crafting gets me through when I hit a blip (I make 12th scale miniature items for dolls houses) - it gives me just enough of a challenge, a sense of purpose, achievement, a sense of making something others will want, and a sense of companionship - esp if I do it with my daughter as she loves crafting too. If I hit a big blip and need to ride out the storm, I can't seem to focus enough for crafting so out come my mindfulness colouring books - I can just about manage to focus on where the colours should go, whilst blocking out any unwelcome stuff in my head, without necessarily having to focus on form (the pictures are already drawn), so it's a good way for me to get through. Thanks again, Alice, and here's to more calm and peaceful days for you.

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 3:52pm

And to you too Nicco. Keep up the mindfulness and crafting! I know what you mean about the overwhelming and then beating oneself up...... But as Dave says we need to be kind to ourselves.

DAVE Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 6:23pm

Hi Alice,
Yes you're quite right, that dealing with all issues immediately, especially the ones that cause us the most pain, where we procrastinate...its like the tide and time waiting for no man....I have over the years trained my mind to axccepting that their are good days and bad says....Why because the bible is right 'And it came to Pass', but I paraphrase...'And it came, to Pass' everything comes and everything passes.

Once we accept that, adversities in our lives becomes, dare I say 'bareable, even....acceptable, because Him above needs souls like us who've experienced suffering, because suffering leads to compassion, compassion gives way to understanding, understanding gives way to serving others, serving others, takes us away from the 'Ego', to develope the extrovert, away from an introverted mind which allows space for depression, if we look for rewards, then it's of no use to ourselves or to God.

But if we develope the EXTROVERT mind, in continuing in His service, the consequences, become more than coincidences, but part of an organised life, which attracts order in every facet of the trials that we endure, NO coincidences, they change to blessings toward our persona, we become comfortable from within, 'A light in the subconscious' giving off rays which attract others to why we're so happy, at peace and contented with life, no matter what is thrown at us.

Also there has to be opposition in all things, because there would be no purpose, no fun, no real understanding of this fact....That if you have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep on at night, and food in the larder, you're so blessed.

Anything else becomes a bonus, material things are fine in their place, but they rot, they need....if so be updated to the latest fashion and gadget, only to satisfy the greedy conglomerates, where we line their pockets.

But material things do help oil the wheels of life and are a bonus in there place.

I am a Mormon but not a religious fanatic, most Christians worship the God of Abraham, no matter what building we meet in.

Religion, I personally believe is the heart that we have been given and how we use it in the service aforementioned, so I'm not 'Holier than thou', if you understand my meaning...Honesty in thought word and deed, allows me to fear no man or God, true to myself and trustworthy to all about, I get many calls for help and it is sheer pleasure, as I focus upon my Bipolar which has not surfaced for years, because of the above, and looking outwards....Its a wonderful journey.that allows no fear of death, because I believe in life after death, this earth is a spiritual experience back from whence we came.

I hope I haven't offended you Alice with ONLY my opinion.

Good luck.

Love Dave.

Alice Tue, Oct 18th 2016 @ 10:30pm

To paraphrase again Dave, that is only your opionion. But thank you for sharing it. Forgive me if I reject the religious allergies.

DAVE Wed, Oct 19th 2016 @ 5:47am

How delightful are you, I am not offended, if I may encourage you is to try, with all your heart, my suggestions, with that which has given many a new incentive and the peace of mind, to which we are all searching.

I learn from you, from older and even tots, who through their examples and opinions have placed me where I am today.

To try and fail is better than never to have tried at all, put it to the test.....Einstein says about his success and brilliant mind, "It's not that I'm so smart, it's that I stay with problems longer".

I admire this saying, because as a 25 year old, I had not heard it before, but my humble success in all facets of life hang upon his words.

Failure is a positive route to success, but to never have tried we stay within the groove of life's circle and therefore we miss some of the greatest opportunities to help ourselves with new inspiration, and end up procrastinating our own progress.

My faith is my own, but the principle I've set out are for those still searching.

Thank you Alice for 'Listening'.


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