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What do we value? Friday November 28, 2014

This week I have just returned from Spain where I was robbed of all my treasured possessions – lap top, passport, credit cards, dead parents photos, loved ones photos, all business contacts, my glasses (so I could not even read at the police station), all passwords, all contacts, all bank cards, my diary, treasured notes (all kept in one safe place)...everything that enabled my life to work.

So here I am back in the UK having to face up to the fact that not only do I live alone, I also run my own business on all the stuff I write about – leadership, values, trust the four quotients (PQ, IQ, EQ & SQ, To Live, To Love, To Learn, To Leave a Legacy).

Now as most of you will know I have also suffered from depression for the last 23 years except one, with one suicide attempt.

My immediate worry was not about losing my 'normal' every day personal and professional life, but would I go down again and with such a loss, would I lose myself again and see more 'clearly' that I didn't have the courage and strength to fight back again from this new and deeper 'low'?

So, once again while I am still mentally 'OK' I have a choice, do I look back and continually say what if? Or do I push those thoughts away, as I talked about in my blog some time ago about not becoming attached to these thoughts, and simply put the first appointment I can remember into my totally blank diary and step forward?

Also, going through my divorce has continued to challenge what I consider important, i.e. no matter what it costs I must do it based on my values, we should not give in to bullying, lies and deceit.

I also ask myself what am I teaching my son in all this?

Do I tell my son or daughter that I will always listen to them and then when I am busy, say sharply to "go away I'm busy"?

The differences between what you say and what you do creates the exact and equal level of disengagement with you, whether at home, work or play.

What's your level of disengagement with self and others?

Do you walk the talk of the values you purport to have? If not – you are disengaging from yourself – the cause of much mental illness.

Give a number between 0 – 10. For full engagement (10) or complete disengagement (0) to yourself, your boss, your peers, your family...simply think of the person and the number WILL appear immediately in your head.

That FIRST number is true, no matter how uncomfortable it is, your subconscious tells you the truth (EQ), often before you attempt to 'alter' it by thinking (IQ) why it cannot be that number!

If you wish to deepen that engagement of love, talk about that number and why with whoever it is?

Remember though, the only person you can change is yourself.

You may however be changing to be courageous enough and vulnerable enough to simply talk about tough stuff to people who matter. If you don't face it, do they matter?

All else, like my passport, bank cards, credit cards, diary, lost phots, lap top, notes is surface stuff, it is the relationship to ourselves first, in valuing ourselves that is the basis for a healthier mind and heart.

And in this materialistic, busyness, short term world, that is not easy, and right now I am searching inside.

A Moodscope member.

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Di Murphey Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 6:22am

My dearest Les ~
I am deeply sorry for your situation while simultaneously thrilled. This is an opportunity for you (and for the rest of us to imagine). You've already stated it. Embrace it and go forward. We will follow and hoorah you on.
We love & adore all for which you stand & hope to become,
Di Murphey

Anonymous Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 6:44am

Oh Les no. That is a big problem to pick through. There is an element of 'fresh slate' about it, and it is a gift in a way. But it's also your business and livelihood and I feel daunted for you at trying to pick up those pieces. It must have happened for a reason and you are strong enough to take comfort there, as you have shown in your post. Can I help? We help?
One day you will laugh but not yet. Now is the time for holding head in hands and groaning, like Chewbacca, on a loop. I can definitely help with that bit. Serious about the help, will if can. Love from the room above the garage x.

RiffRaff Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 7:27am

It comes down to choices.
Well done you in being true to self and not allowing your head/thoughts/fears to lead you.

You will get thru this. Thank you for sharing this lesson with us....

Today I have a choice and this black dog which is overpowering me currently is not swallowing my day.

God bless you Les. X

suzzi Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 7:41am

Hi Les
sorry to hear what happen to you. You have been brave and your writing made me think we can survive bad events and still be ourselves. Well done to you be proud.

Julia Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 8:48am

Oh dear Les. I am shocked to learn of your misfortune and the senseless and selfish action of one or a group of people. I can understand totally your fears about whether you will fall into a depression and negative state because of this thing which has happened to you. But I would urge you to try to focus on the present and not bring up your past when dealing with life from now on difficult though that may seem right now. By now, you will have cancelled your credit and other cards, made an appointment at the opticians and perhaps done other practical things to claim back your life. Can you re position or continue to reposition your mind and thoughts to practical stuff and although you will naturally be overwhelmed at times with thoughts of the past and how they may affect you again, accept those thoughts and feelings but try to refocus on the present.
I am so sorry this happened to you. As ratg said, is there any way we can help?

Anonymous Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 8:49am

HI Les
Sorry to hear what has happened. You will be alright. See it for what it is and no more. Thank-you for sharing. Sending some love. x

Anonymous Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 9:06am

Dear Les, I'm so sorry to hear of what happened in Spain; what a despicable act. Your blogs never fail to move or teach, or simply share - very eloquently - the way you're feeling right now. I wish you strength and send you much love.

Anonymous Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 11:05am

Dear Lee, your speaking about values, and what number we give to engagement with ourself, loved ones, colleagues, etc - a bit shocking but I found that in my current low state, the numbers are low. I don't know how to come out of it though.

kornage Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 11:12am

A very thought provoking piece of writing Les. Hope you get sorted soon.

And I've been thinking a lot recently about the aspects of my life which seem inauthentic. So reading your piece has been like a confirmation that this is something worth examining; something which needs to be sorted.

littlemissmenopause Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 11:24am

"I was robbed of all my treasured possessions...everything that enabled my life to work."

Les, you've been made a victim of a cruel crime. I am so sorry for the hurt and inconvenience this is causing you. This life is set-up for disappointments from the word 'Go'. Some face more than others.

However, I think we are duped as a society to believe that we need all these things to make our life work. ( 'Our life?' Or the unnatural system that is forced upon us, in which some thrive and others fail...) Your inner resources - your heart and your mind are your truly valuable possessions. They belong to you and no one else. What has happened is extremely inconvenient; but has it waylaid your life journey, or helped signpost it? Perhaps you are nearer your true goal than you realise. Sounds like hippy shit, I know. But if there isn't this, then what is there? I believe nothing is random but it's our interpretation of events which is crucial to personal growth and maybe not happiness, but acceptance and the strength to face adversity. I speak only a little from personal experience; mostly from witnessing how some family, friends and neighbours have dealt with, and continue to deal positively with, the tragedies and misfortunes in their lives.

I hope you continue to exercise control and turn this bad event into something which contributes to your strong and beautiful character. Lots of love to you, dear Les.

valerie Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 11:48am

Dear God,this would challenge anyone,history of depression or not.I really feel for you.I am sure you don't need me to tell you that suppressed anger turns in on you and manifests as depression and exhaustion.Don't try to be too saintly Les,you have every right to be furious with the scumbags that did this to you (and any other scumbags giving you grief right now!) Have a good rant if you need to.
Your wise and generous words will have given strength to many,so I hope you can feel the support and love Moodscopers are sending to you.Love Valerie x

Mary Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 12:16pm

Sending you hugs, Les. A rotten thing to happen to anyone. I wish you every success in turning it around into a positive. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Anonymous Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 6:36pm

Dear Les; wishing you strength and peace; don't be too hard on yourself - what's happened is horrible but you are already turning it into a positive by writing this blog - thank-you. Be gentle with yourself ... maybe go for that walk and stride out? hurl big stones into a lake and roar? (It worked for me when I was really, really angry and anxious and confused and going round in those ever decreasing circles) Frankie

Anonymous Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 9:36pm

Les! I so feel your pain. Last year at the end of the summer I was robbed in a similar loss. There was an undeniable grief process I went through. Thankfully I did that with a very competent therapist. I also got a run through an intense PTSD response. That surprised me and caught me off guard.
Listen my friend. I'm just saying feel what you feel without beating yourself up or being your own worst judge. Surround yourself with what and who makes you feel as good as you can. You WILL get through this loss to the other side.
Remember you are loved and valued. Be at peace when you can.

Across the pond

Anonymous Fri, Nov 28th 2014 @ 10:31pm

Hi Frankie, hurling and roaring sounds the business! Thank you, love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Nov 29th 2014 @ 10:59pm

Gosh Les I feel so sorry for you. What a pain and a nuisance for you. I don't really know what to say.

Anonymous Sun, Nov 30th 2014 @ 5:08pm

Les - I saw this and thought of you. I hope it helps even in a small way to soothe your anguish. Go well.

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