We are only human

Friday January 25, 2019

I have had, like a lot of you, a tough few weeks.

Christmas never brings out the best in me, what with the enforced jollity and need to keep everyone happy, or so I felt. My focus at Christmas was my kids and my widowed Mum facing her first Christmas without my Dad.

In all this I thought I was getting depressed. And maybe I am but actually on reflection I may just be really sad. I had done that all too frequent thing of being a people pleaser. I was so concerned about other people that my needs didn't get much of a look in, and then to add insult to injury when I did try and plan a few days away my boyfriend wouldn't commit....

Unfortunately this was the final straw and so he is now my ex and I am a little bit heartbroken and a little bit annoyed as well.

A long time ago a lovely friend gave me a fridge magnet which said "Be gentle. Feelings are everywhere".

It has taken me very many years to have the emotional intelligence and wherewithal to acknowledge that my feelings matter. I too am bereft of my Dad who this time last year I was busy visiting in hospital. I am also feeling sad the man I loved let me down.

The difference is today I have been kind to myself. After an awful night's sleep I am accepting that it's OK to be human. I have cancelled a few appointments and am trying to take things a bit more gently. I have not yet cried properly about the heartbreak but I am sure that I will have a moment when I snuggle up with the dog and accept it's not what I had hoped for.

My stiff upper British lip means that I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I always felt it was wrong to feel sorry for myself but now I know that it's ok to feel a bit down. It's understandable to be grieving... I am only human.

Are you ever too hard on yourself?

I think many of us are. I am learning that it's OK not to be OK, whether that's because I am depressed or just upset by things that anyone else in my shoes would be upset about.

What is wonderful about Moodscope is we have a safe space to be completely human. However upset, angry, depressed or hyper we are, we can all take the test and assess our mood and read the blog.

So dear Moodscoper, you are only human. Don't be too hard on yourself...

A Moodscope member.

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