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Trusting. Tuesday May 17, 2016

Mmmmm. A big word is trust. Not something I feel comfortable with. I mean, if the bus driver says he'll drop me at my road end then I trust him. I trust school will open on time and I trust that the supermarket will arrange supplies so I can feed my children. Those lists are endless. I more mean proper trust. I am in deficit when it comes to that. I feel I am not alone... I feel there are more than a few of us who feel this way. It doesn't matter why, it just matters that we are aware.

I know it's not healthy.

And so I know I must sometimes challenge myself. Prod. Push. Stir.

How? How do we do this without tipping ourselves off balance?

Just begin with you. Trust yourself. It's big enough.

We are not required to throw our trust into the street for all to see. We are not needed to lay out a table of trust for all to sample. It is not expected that we might dress in our trusting robes. It can be small. It can be tenuous. It just has to be a leap of faith that whatever we are wrestling with, we can deal with.

Trust yourself. We can handle it. We can grow here. We can pick up. We can flourish. We can follow our own footsteps. We can forgive ourselves. We can allow ourselves mistakes. We can. Trust it.

Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Vanda Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:10am

Thanks for your blog on trust. It is a very interesting and laden word. I had an experience which broadened my definition and I'll share it here in case it helps others.
A very close friend of a friend betrayed him badly (financial business deal) so for a while we had nothing to do with him. Then my friend said he was meeting up with him, I was amazed - how CAN you do that? I said he has completely betrayed your trust. The reply was that they had had many years of friendship and he really enjoyed his company and now he knew that in certain circumstances he could 'trust' that he may act for his own benefit.
This meant he could keep the best of the friendship and just be aware of that added element. A far broader definition of 'trust'.
Hope it helps!

Lex Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:26am

Hi Vanda, that's putting trust on a continuum in a way. I can trust my friend here and here and to this point, but not in that area... or perhaps it's a Trust-Map. Very helpful. L'xx

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:42am

I like this Vanda, just aluttle distance in one area of the friendship in order to keep the good parts. I hope this is what my ex partner and I have...the years have allowed friendship to return. Never saw it before so thank you! Love ratg X.

Hopeful One Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:16am

Hi RATG- Yes.... 'trust' aaaaaargh that word again! It's caused me more angst in my than any other word I can think of so much so that I consider it the most dangerous word in the English language. Yes I accept it's a bold claim so let me explain.

When it works its wonderful to watch the result.But its breach that is the root cause of many of our problems.

When we trust someone we depend on so many things that are out of our control. We depend on cultural factors for example I would instinctively trust an Englishman but would be wary of an American or other groups ( we all have our favourites.) In love a woman trusts her man to remain loyal and faithful and not cheat. We trust our doctors to treat us and not harm us... until a Shipman comes along. I could go on....

Now look what happens when there is a breach- we enter into complicated financial and other arrangements as we do not trust the other party , a woman will head for the divorce court if he cheats as she no longer trusts him, Shipman made us a little wary of doctors ..is that injection my medicine or a syringe full of morphine... I could go on.

So the same applies when we choose to trust ourselves.... do not breach that trust!

Today' s laugh wanders into 'not PC' territory but please could we remember its only a joke.

When Paddy's dog died, he took it to the local Catholic church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals. Paddy asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Baptist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service. Paddy asked, "Preacher, do you think £5,000 would be enough payment for the dog's funeral?" The preacher relied, "Dearest Paddy, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Catholic?"

Tutti Frutti Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:37am

Just to say that today's joke made me smile. Love TF (an unoffended Catholic)

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:48am

Love today's joke HO. And all of them, I take them at face value, even as a blondish woman :-D and I think it all comes back to who is delivering it. In this area I trust lol!! Love ratg X.

Lex Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:32am

Good morning, Dear Room Above the Garage! I'm feeling a bit of an adaptation of a famous Kennedy statement, "Let us not ask who we cannot trust, but let us ask in whom we can place our trust... and let us, above, prove ourselves trustworthy!" I love that you are encouraging us to begin this with trusting ourselves. Off to earn my trust in myself back again! L'xx

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:50am

I trust you will have a peaceful day my friend! I love this quote...ashamed to say I've never heard it before (why?!?!) and I'm going to learn it off by heart. It's wonderful. Love it. Love ratg X.

Tutti Frutti Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:34am

Hi RATG
Thanks for an interesting blog. I think I am going to need a while to mull it over.
Love TF

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:53am

Hello Tutti Frutti, in the fortune cookie version it would be..."You can do it, trust yourself, believe" :-) love ratg X.

Still picking figs Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:44am

I am lucky that I can trust all my true friends. I wonder if they feel the same way about me? Why do I trust them...is it the years of togetherness, love and respect for one another? Or a sense of duty? Is it earned?

What I find really fascinating, is that we often put our trust in complete strangers. There is a sense of connection that runs deep just by sharing the same planet. I work with refugees and I trust most of them implicitly. They have something about them that is so stripped back and human that I just feel so reassured about my relationship with them. Trust and hope, and love for fellow man. You could grow a wonderful garden.

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:58am

I think that is it, we trust someone when they have been vulnerable and trusted us. We hold some precious cargo of theirs and so we are able to ask the same of them. Wonderful. Love ratg X.

Anonymous Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:54am

Hi RATG. I find it difficult to trust myself. I'll make bold declarations of intent about how I might react to someone who has upset me. But given the next encounter, I cannot trust myself to behave differently. This might because I always like to see the good in people, even the teeniest little smidgen of niceness; I don't believe as my other half does,that some people just don't have good intentions and should be avoided. He has been right in the past! As you say Trust is a word I don't feel comfortable with either. I do know though that trust can be built over time and that genuine friendships are built on trust amongst other things. Thanks ratg. I haven't had access to my Moodscope login these last few days but have found the password now TH GD. Julxxxx

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 9:04am

Hello Jul, simply...you are a good person. Don't change xx. Someone bashed my car door last week, THREE times and apologised after the first bash. I found myself thinking "maybe he has Parkinson's and can't help it"...more fool me? Or do we just trust that he did not set out to vandalise my car and so accept the accident. There are many different endings I guess! Glad to see you, love ratg X.

Leah Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 8:55am

tratg,
Thanks for another blog that makes me think and what great comments so far.
I am different from you ratg because I by nature trust very easily in fact I have been called naive I before I am trusting and trustworthy.

Mind you if someone breaks my trust if they are strangers or acquaintances I never trust them again.
However for family and close friends I do give them another chance unless it is something so vital and important that I feel I can never trust them again but I never withdraw my love or friendship.

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 9:09am

I suppose you have demonstrated exactly what Vanda mentioned...keeping parts and releasing from others (if needed). Good to see you Leah (I'm a Springsteen fan and your name always makes me think of him...wonderful thank you!). How is or was the bush walk today? Love ratg X.

Leah Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 9:32am

Ratg, my limited musical knowledge starts at 1965 and ends at 1975! I listened to Bruce's Leah. The only other Leah song I know is Roy Orbison and even though Roy's Leah is very sad and she is not a nice woman, I can hear him sing my name out loud. Alas I couldn't hear Bruce sing my name.I will trust your opinion and listen again, I like the sentiment of the lyrics I found on another site. Thanks for trusting me with your thoughts. Leah xx

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 10:47am

"I want to shoulder my load and figure it all out, with Leah" :-) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ynUwErSgCw

Mary Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 11:05am

I trust others easily, and am rarely betrayed. I only wish I could trust myself. I make myself promises and break then time and again, so I end up despising myself. I rarely break the promises I make to others. I'm sure there is some deep psychological significance to this, but it's depressing all the same...

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 2:47pm

Hello Mary, NO! No despising yourself, not on my shift! Darling, I don't believe you break your promises to yourself, you are just not quite able to fulfil them...there is a huge difference. The want is there. The intent. The meaning. That is the important part. Love ratg xxx.

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 2:48pm

And you'll fulfill promises to self when you are fully ready.

Pavane Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 11:20am

I have trusted too much in the past, naively in the belief that it is better to trust than not....having got very burnt, now finding myself in the position between not trusting and wanting to find faith in H Sapiens again.
Maybe time is the answer, just to let things settle and let trust grow back gradually, though it does seem to be taking a long time!!! and feels odd, as at soul depth, it is against my core being to mistrust...hmmm, paradox....
Comments anyone?
And thanks to the lovely people on here - such an inspiration on grey days.

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 2:51pm

Personally, I do 'grow back gradually'. I dip in a toe and pull out and see. Then I dip. Withdraw. Take stock. Don't worry over how long it takes..trust in the the process. Like growing plants from seeds. Love ratg x.

The Gardener Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 4:34pm

I don't trust m y temper any more - used to get 'revved up' when manic, or just full of enthusiasm, but this is different. Mr G is no longer capable of reason or logic, and when tried too far and exhausted I fly off the handle, and am ashamed of it. Trouble is, the system of 'walking away' no longer works, too risky.

the room above the garage Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 10:46pm

Please do not feel ashamed TG, I'd feel worried if you didn't fly off the handle, it would represent ambivalence which would be both sad and dangerous. You don't get angry with him but with his illness. Nobody could care more and it's entirely accepted that you will feel extreme frustration hourly! Please do not feel bad for feeling anger. My hug has been sent through the virtual lines to you tonight, love ratg X.

The Gardener Tue, May 17th 2016 @ 4:38pm

The only time I don't trust others is when organising an event - family or charity - people do not think it important enough to keep faith - the times I've been landed with an exhibition or decorating a hall and the helpers have decided to go to the hairdresser, or mor the lawn, whatever. Can't happen now - a sort of bitter-sweet relief

LillyPet Wed, May 18th 2016 @ 9:30am

Hi ratg!
Not sure you'll see this now. I didnt manage to comment yesterday, but thankyou for your blog on trust.
Vanda's comment is so helpful, I know I have felt unable to trust my responses to certain individuals as so much emotion surfaces. Maybe if rather than seeing it as being unable to trust myself, trusting myself is a continuum, it is no longer blocked, but open to the good. I can't yet see how but I'll stop trying and allow the trust that I do have in myself and in the universe to keep moving forward.
Hope that makes some sort of sense! Lol! LPxxx

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