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To hold on or to let go. Tuesday October 13, 2015

It was that time of year. My annual (ok sometimes every 2 or 3 years!) clearing through my clothes, discarding excess clothes and giving them to a local charity.

So I put all the clothes that are too tight and all the clothes I haven't managed to wear for ages and packed them into a large bag. I felt good. I can let go.

Then I remembered the dress. It is 4 years older than my oldest child. (My children find it incredible that their fashion challenged mum has clothes older than them!!)

I have not worn in it for over 30 years. It has no real sentimental or fashion value. It is not well made, or even made out of quality material, it was not my wedding dress, it was not worn to my 21st.

So why do I hold onto this dress. There are no significant memories attached to it. Is it because it is from my past that I find it hard to give away. I have tried. I once put it into a bag for charity but retrieved as I was putting it into the charity bin. Pathetic I know.

I decided now was the time. It didn't fit and I hadn't worn it for years, It had to go. I did not feel sad or proud. It was not a big thing. I put it into the bag and watched as my partner drove to the store.

So why did I hold on to that dress for so long. Who knows? Sometimes the thought of letting go is harder than the letting go. I thought about how I also hold on to resentment, anger, and other unhelpful emotions memories and thoughts. What if I applied the same criteria for letting go of my clothes to my thoughts. Of course I can't give them to the charity shop but I can throw them out in the metaphorical garbage.

So how about an annual cleansing of our emotional wardrobe? Put them out on show and get rid of those that don't fit who we are now, and we haven't used/needed for ages.

What would you throw out and what would you keep? Can be real items or abstract ones?

Is there one item, emotion or behaviour you find hard to let go? Why?

Please discuss (sorry can't let go of the teacher in me!)

A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Alice Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 7:46am

Morning, or should that be 'evening' Leah. Thank you for your wonderful blog. It resonated with me so much. I have a coat that is heading for 47 years of age, little worn - actually about five times but much loved and valued - I will wear it this year! Yesterday I too did a bit of a clear out - having treated myself to time to myself (thank you Lex!). It felt so good just throwing out a few old things no longer needed. I might be a bit of a hoarder! I also hold onto my friends, I am loathe to lose them. Not such a bad thing. And I know I hang onto my emotions., which does me no favours. Am emotional clear out sounds like a wonderful idea. I have no idea where to start but you have started the ball rolling in my mind and I will find a starting place - who knows what that will do? I have no doubt that if I feel good when I do have a clear out of 'things' that I can only feel new born by throwing out outdated emotions that are cluttering up my mind. Thank you again Leah - lovely as always to read your blogs. Alice xx

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 7:55am

Alice, What a lovely reply. It is evening here. That is wonderful to have a coat that you still love and value. It really cheered me up to read your words. I am a hoarder though if you liked me you call me a collector. What I did not say in blog was while I can throw out at a slow rate, I accumulate at an exponential rate!! Hence the advantage of a shop. I have an Alice in Wonderland colouring book and thought of you- have you seen it?

Alice Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:42pm

No Leah, not big into colouring..........but the stories are something's always the words with me! I too fill my cupboards at an exponential rate and promise myself "one in, one out..." Doesn't happen. I thought you might like to know, that after reading so many helpful comments that I have decided where to start - old history. Someone says something hurtful and I want to bite back and I do with other stuff about them. Not me, them! Must let go of the past hurts, words should not hurt - but they do! Especially if words are important. Will lose attachment to other peoples ill chosen words, forget them, they are GONE!! Sleep well Leah, Alice xx

LillyPet Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 7:01pm

I love that Alice " lose attachment to other people's ill chosen words(/actions!)". I will start an emotional decluttering phrase book ! Thank you Alice:)

LillyPet Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:04am

Hi Leah,
I am exactly the same, I keep all sorts of things, just in case. Your very last sentence may also have something to do with it. Teachers are resourceful and budgets are limited. Maybe there are reasons why we choose the professions/ jobs/circumstances we are in, we are holding on to something perhaps... Just a thought.

My parents came from backgrounds where scarcity was normal. They would repair things make things and wouldnt dream of parting with something that was "perfectly good"!
Then of course there is, as you've mentioned, the emotional stuff. I know that I am definitely holding on to anger and resentment. I clearly remember the day when I promised myself that I would always feel that way towards that person. It was the only power that I had. It became my rock. My strength. no one could ever take that away from me. It served me at the time. It's my default defense even now decades later.

My real self, my guide knows that it makes me ill. Eats me up inside. Not the person I want to be.
Is it so scary to breathe it out and let it go? The danger has gone. I have other strengths now. It's not like I'd be completely vulnerable without that wolf as my guard. My guardian is my trueself who is a loving and caring parent to the inner child who gets scared, is still in survival mode. The parent is telling the child not to feed the wolf, it's dangerous. "Dont fight it, just come away. There now, you're ok, you're safe. Just hold on to me and breathe deeply. There.'

This was the big one Leah. You have touched me this morning and I feel lighter. Have a wonderful day and thank you. Xxx

the room above the garage Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:34am

Hello LP, have you thought about reframing your experience. Either out loud to someone or on paper. But only talk of it in the past tense so that the anger becomes "I used to feel enormous anger to this person because this used to happen". That type of thing. You can apply it to everything. And the more you do it you not only exorcise it but you make a gentle shift each time to a new feeling.

LillyPet Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:53am

Ok thank you so much ratg, I'll definitely practice that. Thank you. Xxx

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:43am

Lillypet, Thanks for your very honest reply and kind words.. Alas I was a hoarder before I became a teacher. My parents lived through the depression and were reluctant to throw out anything.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:45am

Ratg, that was wonderful advice. I will try it too. I wrote a reply to you in Lex's blog. Sending hugs.

the room above the garage Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:08am

:-) xx

Hopeful One Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:24am

Hi Leah-thanks for a cool post! What 99 things to throw out and what one thing to keep? I have a simple rule. If in doubt throw it out.Emotions are ,of course, another matter. Here meditation makes a hugh difference as one's mind ceases to hold on to them particularly the destructive ones like hate , jealousy, envy and anger to name a few.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:47am

Hopeful one, "if in doubt throw it out" sounds like a minimalist to me. Trouble is I am not usually in doubt about certain things. Thanks for your comments.

Tim Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:34am

Ah, nostalgia. In part, maybe. What is it? Why does it have such a hold on us? Because we're happier with the past than the resent? Not quite. See

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:49am

Thanks Tim, will look at the link, later.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:53am

Tim, just saw the you tube. Very interesting about the origin of the word nostalgia. So much to think about. Thanks so much.

the room above the garage Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:01am

Tim, that is so interesting. Mind boggling to think that our nostalgia is built in the 15-30 year window. I imagined it would be younger. Thank you!

Mary Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 11:35am

That was fascinating Tim. I love the idea that we can be music that makes other people want to dance! I feel a blog coming on! Also - have had the earworm of Celine Dion's version of Jim Steinman's All Coming Back To Me Now. Have to say I don't really mind; Steinman is a genius and this is a mighty fine version.

Ruth Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:41am

A while ago I was talking to my wise 26 yr old daughter and she blindsided me by saying ' Mum, you find it really hard to let go don't you?''
I was shocked but after time I had to agree she was right. My whole family is like this and it has caused much destruction,
My difficulty is I genuinely throw away: pain, rejection, loneliness. Back they come making me feel even more worthless.
Your post, Leah, and the other ones really made me think. I have decided to have a go by looking at the bitterness I carry.
Thank you
Ruth x

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:51am

Ruth, I think we get into a pattern and even if it is destructive we are familiar with it. Let us know how you go with looking at the bitterness. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:39am

Ruth, I think you've hit another nail n the head. So many families deal with everything by bringing up the past. They never truly 'forgive' what has happened and sometimes it isn't theirs to's for someone else to forgive and let go. Families get divided by it and then close ranks on one side or another and it just gets worse. Not good for anyone. In her response above, RATG has hit another nail...but this one is the one that helps us sort out how to get out of the situation. I've achieved this by changing from talking about what happened as if it was still happening, to it happen(ed)'s gone, done with...over. Now I need to practise this with other events that bother me in my liddleBearworld x x x x

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:03pm

Bear, You have so much kindness and compassion for others- I hope you are as kind to yourself.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:34pm

x x x. Not so good at that! x x x

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:31am

Dear Leah, I fear I am too late to Save The Dress!!! I was hoping you'd say that one more time you'd hung onto it...cos I had a bear wave...a bit like a brainwave only its in MY head and might just make you Lolilol about laughing!
I wondered if you could do what I have done with a few things I couldn't bear (!) to lose...I've made them into something else! Some of my daughter's gorgeous clothes from when she was young, and some of her jeans and the towel that had her swimming badges sewn on...have gone into making squares for a quiit I made for her to go to uni! I'm not terribly crafty and only really learnt to sew a couple of years ago, but I've made liddle bags and small make up bags...esp with fabric from blouses and dresses I really loved but they don't fit any more!

In my recent weight loss (my body's bid for freedom!!) I've sent three bags to charity shops, one to another lady who is losing weight and coming down through clothes sizes and I heard the other day she is chuffed to liddle mint balls to have 'new' clothes! So it's nice to give them away too!

.....just wondering which of my scary wary emotions I could slip into the charity bag without anyone else noticing...? Nah, wouldn't wish some of them on anyone else! A great blog, Leah, which opens up our minds to thinking harder about our selves. Digging deeper to find our way up and out of depression. Bear x x x

Lex Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:36am

I'm with Bear! L'xx

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:05pm

Bear, No the dress had to go. "digging deeper to find our way up and out of depression" and maybe by letting go of emotions that stop us from digging upwards will help too.

LillyPet Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:39pm

Dear Bear, I realised today that in my post I referred to the scary wary thoughts as being the "wolf" and "dangerous". I was feeling down for a little while, but after some honey tea, porridge, a yogi bear stretch and a little bit of dusting, the sun literally came out and I had one of your bear waves! I remembered Ratg's Darth Vader and how far from scary he turned out to be! That reminded me of the Wizard of Oz :) Quite a quick turn around of mood...:) The real brainwave though, was realising that I was refering to the "parent" as being the real me soothing my scared inner child.... But SOME parents are over protective... Yikes!!! Rewind! The whole world is NOT scary and dangerous and were not going to get swallowed whole by the big bad wolf! And what's more the adult me knows that. This blog and everyone's comments are helping me to separate what is and what was, that "the thought of letting go is harder than the letting go" ( thanks John will add that to my decluttering tool kit too!) The scary wary thoughts will also come back, come and go as thoughts do, but why hold on? Reframe them to their appropriate tense then bag them up and off to the dump! No Bear hugs for them, save those for us and most importantly you! Thank you all so much Love and light LP xxx :)

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:17pm

Bless you, Lillypet! Glad the scary wary thoughts are being chased away by Bearwaves....this Bear is waving at ya! x x x

Frankie Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 11:10am

Morning all!

What a challenging blog Leah - thank-you (I think!)

Yes, I find it hard to throw things out;

Yes, Lillypet, my parents were very much of the "make good and mend" sort and such habits are deeply ingrained;

my sister-in-law impressed me recently when we were going through her mother's things following the latter's death. I heard her thanking the object/photo for being part of her mum's life and explaining that it was now time to let it go ... I found this hugely helpful and strangely comforting and "right" at the time ... I think the act of saying it out loud was also helping her give thanks for her mum.

We have bought the book mentioned a while ago on another post by a Japanese lady I think (Marie Kundo?) on the joy of tidiness or something like that; unfortunately I can't find it to give the accurate title - oh the irony!

And yes, Leah; I know which emotions I am holding onto regarding my alcoholic, manipulative, scheming sister ... but oh, it is so hard to let go ... (can you tell?!)


Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:11pm

Frankie This is the book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I have not read it as I already own about 4 books of decluttering and cant find any of them because of clutter!! Sad but true. I found your comment insightful and helpful. I think the first step is acknowledging what we are holding onto- whether clothes or emotions. Ratg and others have offered ideas for the second step.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:37pm

Ha ha ROFL and doing it out that dog has run off! You are both hilarious...buying books on decluttering then losing them...can I come to play at your houses and declutter? Lolilol! Bear x x x

Mary Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 11:44am

I think it is Mae West who is credited with saying that the best recipe for happiness is a good digestion and a bad memory. We need to forgive and move on for our own health and happiness, not because the people who have hurt us deserve it. Remember - while we hold those heavy grudges, they're out dancing. And I'd rather be dancing too.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:17pm

Mary, That is good advice but sometimes people forgive but never forget. So I wonder if we are to truly move one must we both forgive and forget?

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:40pm

Oooh...that's good Leah....'forgiving and forgetting'. That's more difficult because we need to protect ourselves from 'it' happening again; so we must forgive, but maybe remember how to handle the situation better and learn from it? Such food for thought...and squeaking of food, is it lunch time yet?! x x x

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:33pm

Bear I think all we can do is be aware and try and learn and try again. The theory so much easier than the practice!

Vivien Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 11:51am

Leah, my family despare of me at times - Vivien, you keep too much! So I've decided to be ruthless with the clear out of clothes and goods. I recycle as much as possible - if I can help others out then I do. Also makes me feel good

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 12:18pm

Vivien, that's a good start. let us know how you go. Thanks for your reply.

Debs Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 1:51pm

What a fab blog Leah - it's really made me think (oh dear my tired brain cries out, not more thinking Debs!!) At some point last year, drowing in baby paraphernalia and ten years worth of flim flam in my 'i'll live here for two years and then move on' house, I decided to mount a clear-out asault. The trouble is I got addicted to it (a very Debs trait - throwing myself into something and going for it hell for leather!) And now I'm verging on voracious about letting go. If only I could be so drastic with my emotions - I hold on and hold on to my feelings about something until I suffocate. I'm going to give the letting go thing a chance... bin bags at the ready, there's a lot to clear out! ;-) xxxx

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:37pm

Deb I admire your voraciousness and need your services! I am even excited about your flim flam- love that expression as I haven't heard it before. I like alliteration. The declutter experts say that once you declutter the items in your life that will help the emotional decluttering. So you have made a good start. All the best. Maybe start with a small bag!

Debs Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 1:55pm

I'm also thinking about the concept of keeping things with memories 'attached' and whether this is a good idea. Can we drown under the weight of memories when living in the present would be a much healthier place to be? My happiest time in life was travelling - no house, no stuff, no past around me, just in the moment activity on a daily basis.... Hmmm...

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 5:53pm

If you bought a postcard from the places you visited or took photos..wouldn't it seem a shame to just throw them away? Some memories attached to the coddle we keep are good memories, so some things are worth keeping...or ooh, ooh I've just thought of another easier idea....what about taking photos of the 'thngs' you want to get rid of, so that you've still got something to look back at, on a computer, iPad or phone, but they are not taking up so much room? Bear with a liddle idea...another Bearwave not brainwave! Love Bear x

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 6:00pm

How are your bones after your great walk up the mountain yesterday? Bear x

Debs Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:31pm

Ahh Bear, you are such a thoughtful one ;-) I'm a little sore but nothing that a good bath and an early night won't fix. Are you in Wales? And you're right, I love my travel photos and would never part from them, but I actually have very little in the way of memory-filled 'stuff'. I allowed myself one thing when my grandad died, I have one rattle from when my son was a baby, and a couple of things (one yak-milk churn and a cowbell!) from travelling. All are precious but very small and beautiful too. Mostly I find things too weighty if that makes sense? But I could def try the photo approach - you are a bear of very much brain ;-)) xxx

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:46pm

Debs, I think it is a personal thing about keepsakes that have meaning. I love old things and old photos. I have several boxes full of photos, ephemera etc that I still haven't gone through many years after my dad died. I think people keep what has meaning to them. I remember someone in one of those Cleaning up shows(ok I watch them!) saying that if you want to keep something that has meaning display it and show it respect- leaving it under a pile of clutter or tucked away in storage is not showing respect. I think we are all different and have to do what works for us. You have given me lots to think about.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:48pm

Bear, Since we live in the digital age the idea of scanning and photographing is a good idea for making copies. For me having the real old piece of paper or item and being able to touch it is important. I like the way you think outside the square and always try to help others,

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 8:58pm

Ah sweetie, not in Wales, but wish I was! You 'Allowed' youself one thing when your grandad died...' Me thinks you are cautious about what to hang on to and that can be a ve ve good thing! But we are all so different :) one man's jewels are another man's clutter! I really know what you mean by things being 'weighty'...they are not just there in reality, needing to be cared for, cleaned or dealt with, but they weigh heavy on our minds and that is harder! Hugs a Hwyl! Bear x x x

The Gardener Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 2:04pm

We have moved 6 times, 7th coming up - once between countries. These, perforce, force decisions on you. I used to have a saying 'use it or chuck it'. That is, if something had not been used for 4 years (generally clothes) either it did not fit or you did not like it. Now, the necessary disposal of clothes is infinitely sad. We have won 'most elegant couple' a few times. Now? I try to keep smart, but all those summer outfits, worn in the tropics. they've got to go. Ditto lovely evening dresses. My husband has a smart wardrobe still, but oh, the sadness, seeing him permanently hunched up in as many clothes as he can get on - usually with a thick padded waistcoat, up to his beard, then dark glasses and a baseball cap (which he loathed on others). I want to ditch the constant tendency to moan - but people are always asking me how my husband is, how I am coping - and there is no way I can say 'fine, thanks'. I think my brain wants an emotional spring-clean - do what I can and be satisfied, sweep the rest under the carpet. My husband never threw anything away (we had the space, and boy, did we fill it). Over the years disposed of anything from a threshing machine to a handle less brass shovel (because we might find a 'little man' to mend it). If anybody would like about 150 jam jars of mixed nails, screws, curtain hooks they're welcome. Argument (as used by most people) 'might come in useful' but you've got to know they're there. Right, first visit to the dump coming up.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 5:58pm

Getting rid when moving house so many times, has been easy for me..just got used t doing it, .and it's still something I do twice a year for clothing: each time Spring/summer comes and then again for Autumn/winter. I get rid of things that are the wrong size or just don't get used anymore...and apply that to when clearing cupboards out in general! Can't remember who, but someone said 'if you don't look at (...fill in the blanks with item of your choice.....) and it really serves no purpose in your home, then get rid - or something along those lines! Good luck TG, with your clearing out and visit to the dump expedition! Bon chance! Bear x

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:01pm

Gardener, I'd love to see photos of your time as "most elegant couple". "the necessary disposal of clothes is infinitely sad".Such a simple statement that has so much meaning. All those clothes represent a different time in your life. Your description of your husband's clothes made me cry a tear as it reminded me of my mum's change in dress standards, 150 jam jars is impressive. My mother had bags of paper labelled -bags of paper too small for anything, among thousands of paper bags she had saved. All these items have so many emotions and memories attached to them.They are the diaries of our past.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:03pm

Bear Where were you in the times I have moved house! Trouble is I seemed to get rid of the good items and keep the useless, which I just packed!!

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:21pm

Ah Leah, wish I could have been with you when you moved!! I think I must be slightly barking as I do like clearing out stuff!! I think I've thrown stuff out that I probably should've kept...we all do it don't we?!! N night/good day, Leah! x

John Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 2:20pm

"Sometimes the thought of letting go is harder than the letting go." Wow. Just, wow. wrote that on a post-it and put it in my wallet....

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:04pm

John, I am sure that is not original and I also wish I could apply that in my life. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Dave Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 3:14pm

If only our emotional baggage was as easy to discard as old or unworn clothing...but then who would want to endure or claim our bagggage....I recently adopted a philosophy that if I dont know what to do, do what I know how to do....we all know how to do something and I try to do those things until something else comes along...still not easy but does help me get through some rough days

Debs Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 4:18pm

I love that Dave! I am going to do what I know what to do. Thank you ;-) x

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:05pm

Dave thanks for your comments. I really like that .."if I don't know what to do what I know how to do"

jen Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 4:44pm

Thanks for the thought provoking blog Leah. I too struggle to throw things away and liked the idea from Bear to recycle the items to satisfy my feelings of nostalgia for them.
The clutter in my brain is harder and I have given it a lot of thought today. I have struggled with guilt and poor self image about mistakes made many years ago that may have caused problems for people I love. Instead of trying to throw them away - because they come back - or trying to convince myself that I did my best, which as a perfectionist does not sit well with me, I now accept these feelings. I know they will come back from time to time, but I just acknowledge them and then , to carry on the imagery, I look at them but do not put them on. Instead I put them back in the back of my wardrobe because they do not suit me any longer. This acceptance of negative thoughts has helped me to keep my moodscope scores between 60 and 85. I never thought it would happen and try everything I can to keep it that way.

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 6:02pm

Jen, great image of brain like a wardrobe...and putting things away out of harms way! Bear x

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:08pm

Jen What a powerful comment. I like the idea of putting the unwanted feelings to back of wardrobe which is easier than throwing them out. Well done. I have a lot to think about and try.

Anonymous Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 7:28pm

With the help of someone close to me and by physically distancing myself, i.e moving to the other end of the country, I have managed to let go of one individual who did me immense harm emotionally. I have almost forgotten him but forgive? No never. He is rarely in my thoughts these days which is the best revenge. I couldn't have done this on my own. I tried for 10 years. Good blog as always Leah. (I am good at de cluttering my house on my own though and giving away clothes to charity shops).

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 7:36pm

Anon...@7.28... How wonderful you have had someone close to help you...I also know that distance is a great help. 'Rarely in your thoughts' is helpful...keep him that way, he doesn't deserve your attention and that's what I try to think when I am asked about the members of family who have hurt me. But it is hard when it is close members of the family - peeps who I thought better of. I wonder what she thinks of me?! Not-a-saintly-Bear by any means x x x

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:12pm

Anon Thanks so much for your moving and honest blog. I am glad you had someone to help you. I think we all work out what works for us. I can forgive much easier than forgetting.I appreciate the effort it took to open up and express a painful memory form your past. Take care.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:13pm

Bear I am sure your openness helps others. it always makes me rethink and consider. Thanks.

LillyPet Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 10:20pm

I'm with Anon at present. I understand how letting go, helps, but I genuinely don't get forgiveness. I can easily forgive mistakes, but if a fully grown adult sets out to cause harm to another human being how and when does that become ok? I get that they don't deserve our energy or time, but I cant even begin to understand why or how to forgive, it's almost as if it's not my place to? I like Dave's " what I know how to do". Leah what an amazing blog today! How do you find fogiveness easier? With love LP xx

Anonymous Wed, Oct 14th 2015 @ 5:57pm

Yes Lillypet. I agree about forgiving an adult who does harm. As you see I am the same. I have never understood how anyone who has been done dreadful harm by someone can forgive them. ?What is the point of forgiving? (unless your particular religion/faith tells you to forgive). The only circumstance I would forgive is if I knew it made the perpetrator feel worse about his or her actions or crime. I feel that strongly.

Rebecca Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:10pm

I am rubbish at decluttering. I have loads of stuff which needs to be thrown away, but everytime I look at the mess in the wardrobe, under my bed I feel so depressed I don't touch it. Emotion wise would like to get rid of jealousy, find it very hard to deal with people who have life the way I would like mine to be. Better than used to be about it. I also get very angry sometimes, although rarely show it to other people.

Leah Tue, Oct 13th 2015 @ 9:20pm

Rebecca I can so relate to your post especially about the decluttering.Thanks for being so honest. It is healthy that you can acknowledge those emotions that aren't helpful as many people would deny they have a problem. It is good that you can see an improvement. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

LillyPet Wed, Oct 14th 2015 @ 12:43am

Hi Rebecca, have you seen this quote? I think it was shared on here recently.
""Do not compare yourself unfavourably with others.
For you are comparing your inside with their outside, which is comparing your inner feelings and insecurities with their outward show" . I saved it in the notes on my phone as I found it so helpful. I feel so inadequate when I see the clutterfree clear and spacious homes of other people, but they invariably say that they wish they werent constantly cleaning and that mine is cosy and homely. "Lived in" is one that makes me smile. Do I believe that? Are they just being kind? All I know is that my small home is about all I want to have to look after! Take care Rebecca LP :)

Rebecca Wed, Oct 14th 2015 @ 9:13pm

Thanks. The other thing people say is you have no idea what is going on in other peoples life so while it may look like they have everything easy that may well not be the case.x

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