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To compare or not to compare. Saturday May 14, 2016

When I was a child my parents would often tell me about Jenny who always kept her room tidy or Susan who would do household chores without being asked and without expecting money.

My parents would say that I should be like these wonderful girls. However when I mentioned that Penny had her own bedroom or that another friend was getting a new dress for her birthday, they would say that other children were not their concern.

I learnt from an early age that it was ok to compare but not to be compared.

From birth we are compared by weight, height, skills, which are judged by the earlier the better. In our adult years we may feel under pressure because we marry early, we are single, we have no children, we have too many children, we have our children when we are too young or too old. In our careers we may be compared to those who work harder, put their families first, who have more degrees or who work longer hours.

Even within the mental health community I compare myself to others. I admire people who, even though depressed, can write in depth articles or even books, whereas when I was low I could barely manage to lift a pencil or turn on the computer.

Why do us humans feel a need to compare ourselves to others and be worried when others compare us?

Should we take Shannon Adler's advice?

"Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud."

Do you compare yourself to others? How do you respond when people compare you to other people?

Do you celebrate your uniqueness? If so in what ways?

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Hopeful One Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 6:35am

Hi Leah- a perceptive thoughtful blog. "Comparisons are odious" said Oscar Wilde. I assume precisely for the reasons you give. In doing so we immediately start to judge ourselves giving that Inner Critic a field day. Given the negative bias of the Inner Critic we soon start condemning ourselves ,start loathing ourselves , develop self contempt as we fail to measure up to the object of our comparison. We discount the positive things about ourselves and much more. But why do we still do it ? Carl Rogers, a famous psychologist and author of the person centred model of psychotherapy, would say it is because there is a discrepancy between our self concept and our ideal self which is conditional and driven by societal needs . In order to eliminate this discrepancy we should develop an attitude of unconditional positive regard for ourselves thus neutralising that Inner Critic. Easier said than done . Do I compare myself to others ? I used to . But not now as I realise it's damaging potential and instead give my self unconditional positive regard.

The Joke Squadron found this in today's sortie for our daily laugh?

John and Nancy decided that the only way to be intimate on a Sunday afternoon with their six-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and ask him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plans into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Smiths have company," he called out, "Matt is riding a new bike and the Sanders are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" asked the startled father . " Because their son is also standing out on the balcony ," said their son . ( original submitted by Doulage ,a fellow Joker)

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 7:29am

Hopeful One, Thanks for your insightful comments. I will have to ponder about 'developing an attitude of unconditional positive regard'. I understand the concept but there are times when we all make mistakes and need to learn from them does that mean having an unconditional positive regard for myself would mean I would over look my mistakes and therefore not learn and change. PS. Your honesty and insight into your wife's illness touched me. PS2- your jokes are always welcome and so far you have not offended me but I hay have given you a challenge!!

Hopeful One Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:01am

Hi Leah - thank you so much for your comments which are appreciated . No it does not mean overlooking our mistakes but using them to in a way that avoids judgements( the unconditional bit) or to look at them in a different way ( the regard) such that they are seen as a a source of feedback and new learning ( the positive bit). After all as long as one avoids making the same mistake again one has won and then we start seeing our mistakes and failures as roads to our future success . So glad to hear you appreciate the humour. I will decline your challenge , if I may , as I get the impression that Aussies are probably unshockable !

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:04am

Hopeful, saying that Aussies are unshockable made me smile and laugh!! I think we like to think that but not sure it is 100% true. Thanks for your explanation I will look at in more detail later and try to see if I can make it work. Thanks again

Eva Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:36am

Hi, I see this aspect as opps I messed up/ upset someone etc. Acknowledge that, clean up / apologise etc. Then move on, don't dwell on feeling like a ninny. Learn not to do X again but don't beat yourself up about it. No one is perfect. Does that help?

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:11am

Eva, Thanks for your comments. I do try that especially the apologising which I do to excess!!(wrote about a blog about it once!) The dwelling bit I do so well and the moving on not so well but I am always triying.

Paul Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 7:04am

I try not to compare as it always leaves me feeling inadequate, but it's hard not to.
I'm not sure if it was on moodscope I read that if you compare yourself to another, you are comparing your inside to their outside. I try to remember this as it's very true. What you see is not always who they really are

Good joke again medicine for me keep them coming hopefull one.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 7:32am

Thanks for your reply Paul. I remember seeing that quote about comparing insides to others outsides in a few places including Facebook, websites and the internet. It is a very practical one to remember. It was helpful to remind us of it today.

Rebecca Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 7:53am

Leah, love how you end your blogs with a question. See my comment yesterday on Mary's blog. I have a problem with constantly comparing myself to other people and then feeling jealous. Just wondering if I'm an evil nasty person as no-one else seems to get like this. Notice nobody replied to my comment yesterday so maybe I am just a nasty horrid person. What do I do about this?

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:00am

Rebecca, I was going to comment to your reply yesterday but it would have been after midnight your time so I thought you would not see it. Most people comment when I am asleep so it is hard to comment when they will see my reply. Of course you are not a nasty person. I think it is human nature to compare yourself and want what others have or feel they have the luck. You love your horses dearly, so if one is hurt it will affect you deeply. Did you read what paul said about comparing how you feel on the inside to what you see on others outside. Computer is playing up will end now and do part 2 separately. Thanks

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:13am

Part 2. Rebecca I think you have an insight into your emotions as you said yesterday you know you are lucky to have your horses but you still feel you want what your friend has. You are having a rough time with your horse while your friend seems to have it all. She make wish she had your skills and your way with horses. I think it is great you are aware of how you feel that is a good start. What you are describing is very common and I am sure many people on moodscope can relate to you. Also if you look no one commented on the replies that were posted later so please don't take it personally. I enjoy your questions and your comments as you are always so honest and straightforward. People who are nasty don't question and worry. You have a good heart, are insightful and compassionate. Take care Leah

Eva Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:05am

Hi Rebecca I have left a reply on yesterday's blog.

Mary Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 3:33pm

....And I have just apologised for not replying to the later comments on my blog yesterday! I do try to remember on Wednesdays to check in at the end of the day - but going out on A Friday threw me a little. Rebecca my darling - if you were a horrible person you would not be asking yourself if you were a horrible person. Honestly you wouldn't! I have known some horrible people in the past and, without exception, they felt constantly self-justified in everything they did. It didn't seem to occur to them that they were hurting others or that their actions were negative or self-serving. Every word out of their mouths confirmed their own self-satisfied view of themselves. What you are is human! I think it would take an exceptionally well developed and mature human mind not to feel just a twinge of envy at your seemingly successful friend. You can bet I would! And then - yes - I'd feel guilty about feeling that way....

Rebecca Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:30pm

Thankyou very much Eva, Leah and Mary for your replies. Have made me feel a lot better.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:33pm

Rebecca, I am glad they made you feel better. I look forward to your comments as they are so refreshing and honest and so human. Leah

Rebecca Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 7:53am

Leah, love how you end your blogs with a question. See my comment yesterday on Mary's blog. I have a problem with constantly comparing myself to other people and then feeling jealous. Just wondering if I'm an evil nasty person as no-one else seems to get like this. Notice nobody replied to my comment yesterday so maybe I am just a nasty horrid person. What do I do about this?

Rebecca Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:12am

Don't know why my comment posted twice, yesterday peoples comments kept reposting, The Gardeners 6 times.x

Zareen Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:14am

Hi Leah
Your blog unleashed something in me & memories that aren't comfortable.
I feel self-acceptance is an on-going process. Also, although I have been guilty of it, I have come to strongly believe that comparisons are odious. My mother always practised comparisons & I said that I would avoid the mistakes that she has made. However I haven't entirely succeeded. I must also learn to forgive myself, something that I find very difficult to do.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:57am

Zareen Sorry my blog caused uncomfortable memories.I am still working on forgiving myself a very hard thing to do. Thanks for your reply.

Anonymous Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:43am

"Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day"" wrote Shakespeare. We could start to compare ourselves with lovely things not other people.
After all the person to whom one is compared suffers or can suffer too. My sister was jealous of me..goodness knows why and yes I felt for her ..but every time we met, I would play down my success, clothes, etc etc , everything she was jealous of. She would look at me with a hard stare and I knew she was going to ask me where did I buy such and such, "it is so lovely and look so gorgeous on you!". It wasn't a superficial comparison either. She blamed me for all her failings and still does. Sisters eh! I guess jealousy is different to comparing. Is it? it's too early for my brain to work this out. Hopeful One is so right when he says that society has a lot to answer for. At work I didn't feel I lived up to what was expected of me. I felt my Head of department compared me to others in the same grade, not my work as such but more importantly for then and today still i think, my personality.My face didn't fit. Really intriguing blog Leah. Food for thought.Julxx

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:04am

Jul I was going to start my blog with that quote but I decided against it. Siblings have awkward relationships at times. Your insights are very interesting. Thanks for your reply.

Anonymous Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:44am

"Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day"" wrote Shakespeare. We could start to compare ourselves with lovely things not other people.
After all the person to whom one is compared suffers or can suffer too. My sister was jealous of me..goodness knows why and yes I felt for her ..but every time we met, I would play down my success, clothes, etc etc , everything she was jealous of. She would look at me with a hard stare and I knew she was going to ask me where did I buy such and such, "it is so lovely and look so gorgeous on you!". It wasn't a superficial comparison either. She blamed me for all her failings and still does. Sisters eh! I guess jealousy is different to comparing. Is it? it's too early for my brain to work this out. Hopeful One is so right when he says that society has a lot to answer for. At work I didn't feel I lived up to what was expected of me. I felt my Head of department compared me to others in the same grade, not my work as such but more importantly for then and today still i think, my personality.My face didn't fit. Really intriguing blog Leah. Food for thought.Julxx

Eva Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:46am

Hi Leah interesting blog, I am quite different from most of my friends and acquaintances so I don't seem to compare regarding wealth, assets. or career etc. I do ask my partner and friends what they have done/would do in certain situations so that I can gage if my response is acceptable. I think that's where I am challenged sometimes in that I wonder if my responses are reasonable. So having a variety to compare with can be useful. I can't limit this just to my partner though as he is 100% opposite to me the gap is too wide which is why I need a variety.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:55am

Eva, Thanks for your reply.I think it is interesting to say that you need to compare different responses as your partner is 100% opposite to you. I have not thought about that.

Peter Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:50am

Thank you very much for this Leah, and to other commenters for their helpful thoughts. (I like your quote Paul.)

My main comparison is with myself. Sometimes something reminds me of how I used to be. Not that I was Mr Wonderful or anything, but I remember myself as being 'normal'. I'd worry about the dentist or if I had to give a speech, but most of the time I felt fine and didn't feel low. Now I do, all the bloody time. Some days that's fine, but when I remember that other guy, I want him back and get upset. I guess the answer is to interrupt the flow of 'comparing' as soon as it starts.

Thanks again - happiness and peace to everyone.

Frankie Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:30am

Hello Peter. I really relate to your frustrations and wanting the "other" you back. I blogged about this in April (8th + 15th) The cycle of change. Good luck! Frankie

Adam Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:31am

Peter, I have concluded that there is no 'normal'! We are all unique and change throughout our lives. I have found it helpful to think about the meaning of life (yes, the ultimate question!) *for me*. And, for me, it is about love, family, friends, compassion, empathy, honesty and justice. I try to keep these touchstones in mind to guide me through my life and accept that I will not seem 'normal' to everyone else - but that doesn't matter.

Peter Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:42am

Thank you very much Adam - I'll work on what you've suggested. Much appreciated. Peter

Peter Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:42am

Thank you very much Adam - I'll work on what you've suggested. Much appreciated. Peter

Peter Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:43am

Oops! Sorry!

Peter Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:47am

Thank you Frankie - I'll look those up. Thanks for your thoughtfulness.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:58am

Peter Thanks for your reply.I can relate to what you are saying but in my case I have had so many 'old mes' I don't know which one I want. I appreciate your honesty.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:59am

Frankie, Thanks for reminding us of your great blog. I will look it up again.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:00am

Adam, That was a very thoughtful reply to Peter and I found it useful. Thanks.

Adam Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:22am

Inspiring post Leah - I love that quote!

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:01am

Thanks Adam and thanks for your contributions.

Frankie Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:34am

Guilty as charged Leah! I now recognise that if I am comparing myself to others then it is a warning sign and I need to address it. Frankie

Anonymous Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 9:54am

Hope you are Ok Frankie. We are off to France for three weeks today. Not too great at the moment but I am hoping a "get away break from everything that's worrying me right now" will help. Julxx

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:03am

Frankie, Not guilty just human. My problem I do it without recognising I am doing it.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:04am

Jul Have a relaxing break. Hope you come back refreshed.

Anonymous Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:22am

thank you xx

Still picking figs Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:01am

Leah, what honest and sensible ideas. I had to smile because I really am called, and was as a young girl: 'Susan who would do household chores without being asked and without expecting money.'
I realised later in life that I did this to gain attention in a large family that didn't particularly function well; I was also trying desperately to make us resemble a perfect family, imagining neatness would represent stability and order to the outside world. Even with hindsight, I still find myself tidying my own house to create the impression that all is well within (a room or two these days rather than the whole house). I also constantly compare my older self to the younger me, even reflecting on the previous six months when that black dress did zip up easily, and I could paint my toe nails without the need for glasses. Oh, and will I ever look good in a photograph like my charming friends do constantly...
I am learning slowly that self-acceptance can be a wonderful gift. That doesn't mean I don't challenge myself now and then ( I could do this more), but it really does take the unnecessary pressure off.
I bet Susan, Jenny, and Penny have had to learn that lesson too...

Another Sally Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:52am

Gosh spf, I can relate to what you say about imagining neatness representing stability and order to the outside world. I never thought of my family as disfunctional but I am the youngest of three and feel that I cleaned kitchen for my mother for the attention it earned for me. I find it har to sit down and relax when I think there is disorder around the house.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 12:09pm

Another Sally, It is interesting that you and spf decided that neatness represented stability. I grew up in a messy house but never wanted it tidy. Maybe it is why I can still relax in chaos! Thanks for your memories.

Mary Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 3:40pm

Thank you SPF - lightbulb moment!!! I am naturally messy - and - most of the time can relax in mess. When I am ill (down) the mess bothers me more and lack of energy means I can do less about it. I suddenly realise that, when I'm ok inside the outside doesn't matter. When I'm ill the outside seems to reflect my inner entropy and so depresses me further. I shall look at my very tidy daughter in a different way now and at her desire for a tidy house.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:27pm

Mary, I can relate to what you say too. It is only when I am unwell that the mess annoys me , it is still the same mess that was ok when I was well, but I suppose I see it in a different light when ill. I see it as another one of my flaws. When well I see it as part of my eccentric behaviour!! I have a very tidy son who used to tidy up before he had friends over at age 7! Thanks again for highlighting some interesting points.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:30pm

SPF Thanks so much for sparking several thoughtful comments here and I am sure making so many people think about what you have written. I sometimes get stuck in my thinking so it is refreshing to read another's point of view. Would like to read a blog of yours one day.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:09am

Still picking Figs.
I love picking fresh figs too.
I had to smile about you as Susan and it just shows how true that insides not matching the outsides. there I was as a child not liking the too good neat Susan where you were trying hard to make your family like other families. I found that very moving and it taught me a lesson too.
Thanks again for an entertainining and insightful post.

Still picking figs Sun, May 15th 2016 @ 7:22pm

Gosh, thank you too Leah. Xx

Still picking figs Sun, May 15th 2016 @ 7:23pm

Gosh, thank you too Leah. Xx

Still picking figs Sun, May 15th 2016 @ 7:23pm

Gosh, thank you too Leah. Xx

Still picking figs Sun, May 15th 2016 @ 7:23pm

Gosh, thank you too Leah. Xx

Sheena Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 12:05pm

Leah your post is wonderful! I am sure many of us here were told to be 'our'selves when in retrospect we were being told to be something that just was not ourself. Respecting oneself as a first, and then treating others with respect would seem more rational. It seems being what was required and not arguing about it was more 'normal' than I realised :) Sheena

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 12:12pm

Sheena, Your words" Respecting oneself as a first and then treating others with respect would seem more rational". I could really relate to that. Thanks so much for your input.

Sheena Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 12:20pm

Leah your insight is not only clear but truly relevant to manypeople. It fascinates me how differently we all express ourselves. Having been diagnosed early and 'come out' very late I realise now how similar and different we can be and how helpful it is to share - to start understanding ourselves. Your post highlighted much for me, thank you Sheena

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:36pm

Sheena, I also was diagonised early and 'came out'relatively late. The differences in people's experiences and points of view that I read in Moodscope is one reason I keep coming here. Every day I learn something that can help me. All the comments today have helped me so thank you for contributing to that.

Poppins Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 2:38pm

Leah, I admire you for sharing and posting. I find it difficult to share feelings, especially in public. You do not need to be compared with anyone - you are brave and your comments always helpful. Thank you.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:18pm

Poppins, Thank you so much for your kind words. They really mean a lot to me. I do really appreciate the effort you took to reply to my blog. Thank you.

Leah Sun, May 15th 2016 @ 2:06am

Poppins, I am assuming this is a reference to the wonderful creation of an Australian though she liked to deny her connection to Australia. A fascinating read is her biography, of a very talented and trouble soul.

Mary Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 3:44pm

What a thoughtful blog Leah. And yes - I can write MS blogs even while chained in the dungeon, but can do nothing else. The "chained in the dungeon" blogs are just me weeping my despair into the keyboard and out to this wonderful caring community. Insides and outsides as somebody said above. So many of us have emptiness where we perceive abundance in others. Meanwhile those others very often have emptiness too. Doesn't make us feel any better in our hearts, but in our brains we can understand, I hope.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:20pm

Thanks Mary. Someone once said to me don't spend your time worrying what others think of you as they are probably worrying what you think of them.

Mary Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 3:49pm

Another story for you. Growing up my grandmother would often compare my siblings and me unfavourably with our cousins. It was not until I was an adult and talking to one of these cousins that she said, "You thought *we* were the perfect cousins? Oh no - it was *you* who were the perfect cousins!" Comparisons are indeed odious.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:22pm

Mary, I can relate to that too. My dad would always tell me how great my brother's children were doing. Then I discovered he was telling my brother how great my children were! Alas comparisons my be odious but they are still there and part of our lives!

Anonymous Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 4:58pm

Thanks so much Leah for your insightful post.
Do I compare myself to others? Yes, all the time to everyone I know and to people I don't know.
How do I respond when people compare me to other people? Negatively. With anger.
Do I celebrate my uniqueness? Never, that is never a possibility or option.

I was born an identical twin and had parents who constantly compared us to each other and to our cousins and others in our social circles. I learned that I had to be "better" than everyone else. Otherwise, I was nothing. So I seesawed between arrogant superiority and worthlessness. When I crashed with depression, I got stuck in worthlessness.

I've been living with depression for 30 years and am still struggling with those feelings caused by my own negative comparisons. It's a bad habit that I've been trying to break - trying to learn not to compare negatively or positively.

Thank you for bringing up the idea of celebrating our uniqueness. That's a positive thing to do in the face of the negative habit of comparisons. Now I have to figure out how to do that.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:48pm

Anon 4.58pm Thank you so much for your poignant post that has moved me so much with its rawness and incredible honesty. By writing this you have touched so many people here and helped them by expressing your emotions so well. You have a very special talent for writing.That is something unique you can develop. You have also shown a insight into your bad habits, something I still struggle with. Being aware of what you need to do to move forward is a big step. You have illustrated so well how harmful comparisons can be. Please keep posting and sharing your insights. Many people will be able to relate to your story so by sharing it with others you have helped them and make them feel less alone. Thank you again. Leah

The Gardener Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:40pm

Comparison, caring and pride. My kitchen table is a mess, things piling up all day - do I care? Not now. Friends pile in, Mr G huddled in his corner, throw coats chairs and clear enough space for the coffee mug. \Making you feel inadequate starts early - posters in clinic where I took kids for jabs ' at x years your child should be doing this and that' - convincing you that they were backward if not at the landmarks.

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:51pm

Gardener, A friend used to say if my friends come to my place and judge me by how my house looks they are not my friends.Friends come for the company and I am sure yours is always warm and welcoming.

The Gardener Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:47pm

Ours all walked, talked and got teeth at diffierent times. No 2 was trying to read at 3, and had a mind like einstein for mischief, but he was not ' safely' toilet - till 3 - so involved. My ma-in-law played one d-in-law off against another - and, of course, our kids were savages compared to the way she brought hers up, Ha!

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:55pm

I think comparisons in children is no difficult and damaging. I was always felt it was like an auction house for children's achievements but the lower the age the better! Now for walking can anyone go lower than 12 mths, do I hear 10 months , wait there is a late bidder 8 months.

The Gardener Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:47pm

Ours all walked, talked and got teeth at diffierent times. No 2 was trying to read at 3, and had a mind like einstein for mischief, but he was not ' safely' toilet - till 3 - so involved. My ma-in-law played one d-in-law off against another - and, of course, our kids were savages compared to the way she brought hers up, Ha!

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:56pm

One thing I learnt pretty early on with children is no matter what wonderful thing your child has done there will be another child who has done it at a lower age and has achieved something greater.

The Gardener Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:47pm

Ours all walked, talked and got teeth at diffierent times. No 2 was trying to read at 3, and had a mind like einstein for mischief, but he was not ' safely' toilet - till 3 - so involved. My ma-in-law played one d-in-law off against another - and, of course, our kids were savages compared to the way she brought hers up, Ha!

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:58pm

Gardener, that is interesting what you said about your No 2 child, as I have noticed that children who peak early academically sometimes seem to take longer in physical things like toilet training. Just an observation not scientific!!

The Gardener Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:48pm

Ours all walked, talked and got teeth at diffierent times. No 2 was trying to read at 3, and had a mind like einstein for mischief, but he was not ' safely' toilet - till 3 - so involved. My ma-in-law played one d-in-law off against another - and, of course, our kids were savages compared to the way she brought hers up, Ha!

The Gardener Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:48pm

Ours all walked, talked and got teeth at diffierent times. No 2 was trying to read at 3, and had a mind like einstein for mischief, but he was not ' safely' toilet - till 3 - so involved. My ma-in-law played one d-in-law off against another - and, of course, our kids were savages compared to the way she brought hers up, Ha!

The Gardener Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 8:49pm

Having loads computer trouble, will admit defeat

Leah Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 10:59pm

You are not alone there with computer troubles. thanks for your contributions, always appreciated.

the room above the garage Sat, May 14th 2016 @ 11:07pm

Hello Leah, I'm loving your blogs...a run of fabulously thought provoking and gentle blogs which make me stop. I've been pondering this one all day!! I do compare but i don't think I compare myself to anyone but myself. It's stupidly destructive. I'm a real tidy/order person and because of 'life' I can only do a bit of what I used to. Rooms remain uncleared and photos aren't logged and filed...I'm so interested in the comment from still picking figs...do I miss the order because it represented a front to self that all was ok. Really interesting. Thank you lovely girl for all that this holds for me today. It's another firework moment for me. Thank you, love ratg X.

Leah Sun, May 15th 2016 @ 1:57am

tratg, We might be in danger of starting a mutual admiration society as I love your whimsical and insightful blogs as there is always a gem in there for me to find and ponder. Thanks for your kind words as you know they really help and mean a lot. My trouble is that I not only compare with others I also compare myself to myself. So lucky me has worst of both worlds. I will definitely reread all the comments and try a new approach using all the wisdom people have written. Thank you tratg, you have made me smile.

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