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December


Ticket To Ride. Wednesday December 10, 2014

"We all got a ticket to ride the crazy train" said a friend of mine the other day. "The only difference is our destination. Mine is OCD Control Freaksville: what's yours?"

Obviously this was said in jest, but it made me think. The crazy train is obviously my bipolar disorder, but what is my destination?

After a moment it occurred to me that maybe I could choose my destination. Would it be the town of Ordered Management or the country hamlet of Calm Acceptance? If I have faith in the railway system and look far, far ahead into the misty hills of the future, could I opt for the lofty heights of Healing or Cure?

The thing about the railway track and the train on it is that it never runs straight. It curves and carves its way through the countryside and towns; now clattering across bridges, now flirting with the seashore with the sunshine sparking diamonds from the waves; now plunging into the darkest tunnel - so long one feels the ultimate destination must be Hades itself – and then out into the daylight again, but now with a whole mountain between it and any recognisable destination.

So a lot of this journey has to be fuelled by faith, and by choice.

Because there are many destinations out there and the one I'm clear I don't want to end up in, although I may have to pass through it on the journey, is that dark city of Despair.

So, fellow travellers: want to compare tickets?

Mary
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Anonymous Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 6:57am

Well, Mary, I think that one of my destinations is definitely Sleepless in Seattle...with my husband playing the Tom Hanks character! Wishicouldsleep.com x

Anonymous Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 7:18am

What a fantastic gift for writing you have. My ticket is very similar to yours but I'm travelling towards Calm acceptance. I'm sure I've been there I just keep losing my bearings. Thank you. Sarah

Rupert Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 8:11am

Love the post Mary. I find mine is more of a daily tube ride - in the darkest tunnel first thing but as the day passes I emerge from the tunnel into a brighter suburbia but I am never sure if that is a reality or more a creation of my own mind having spent the day convincing myself that things arent that bad. Rupert

Anonymous Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 8:49am

"...a lot of this journey has to be fuelled by faith, and by choice." This is so true Mary. And that is why we are each made of iron in our cores, it takes big strength to trust in those fuels. Thank you Mary, love from the room above the garage x.

p.s. Keep strong those being battled by the storm today, it's WILD!!

Liz Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 9:23am

Thank you Mary, Brilliant post. I have to work so hard and once on the train I am constantly unsure that I am on the right one! But you can't get off it as it would be dangerous, so I am left feeling very insecure at times, and frightened. Sometimes I read a book whilst travelling on this train to distract my thoughts and hope it calms me down. Lots of food for thought in your post.

Liz Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 9:36am

I like the way you say " it takes big strength to trust in those fuels." and " is why we are each made of iron in our cores,..."
It is so true but whilst our faith is being tested it can feel so frightening and you feel so lost and anxious. I think I am coming through it all now but it has been a tortuous journey and one I think I may have to repeat in the future. I don't think we ever stay for long in one destination, nature causes us to be constantly on the go. Trouble is I see other people around me who seem very comfortable where they are at whilst causing havoc in other people's lives. Like they think they rule the roost and are the rulers. It is up to the people of the land to ensure these rulers are knocked down and put in their place. They are like weeds whose roots have become part of the earth and they need to be plucked out, and thrown away. How are we fellow travellers supposed to cope with these rowdy trouble makers who appear to be trying so hard to spoil our journey? I suppose one way of dealing with it is to ignore them, they'll soon get bored hopefully and go on a different train. But sadly there is only one train! so we are stuck with them. I suppose the iron in our cores will provide a defence against these people. So we can use that iron to ensure we are protected from them.

The Entertrainer Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 10:11am

Hi Mary, lovely writing...
At least if we can harness the OCD aspect, the trains might, eventually... run on time!
Toot toot!

Anonymous Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 10:29am

Hi Liz, reading what you have written made me think of what a brilliant part of your journey you are at. You may repeat this journey but it will never be the same because you are armed now. I don't mean SAS armed with a muddy face (or please do go for the mud if it gets you through :-)) but rather you have protection and nothing will break it. It sounds like you are changing and that is what will protect you further. Other people can make trouble for you but if you keep you true to you, you will come through it. I think I understand exactly what you mean having spent this last while peeling back my onion skins to get to me. Someone close in my life made me feel I had to be this fairground mirror of me and it made me ill...now I'm very slowly turning back into me and very slowly healing. Put a bubble around you, see them, hear them in a slightly muffled way, but keep reciting your own self inside the bubble. You're doing it. Love from the room above the garage x.

Anonymous Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 11:19am

I like trains, ( There's a song to that title ) and the idea that we could have a rover ticket - not just a single to one destination. It's a good analogy, written with beautiful, poetic phrasing. Let us choose wisely which trains we ride.

Anonymous Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 5:56pm

Thanks for that letter

Anonymous Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 6:07pm

Faith faith faith...so very important to all of us...we will never give up Dave

Mary Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 11:40pm

Bless you Sarah. If you're who I think you are, your compliment on my writing skills is deeply, but deeply, appreciated.

Mary Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 11:42pm

Big hugs to you Rupert. You are a beacon of that British virtue of bloody-mindedness, in that you never give up. I salute you, my brother! (and when are you going to submit to Caroline your own post for this blog?)

Mary Wed, Dec 10th 2014 @ 11:44pm

A huge an appreciative thank you to RATG. You are fabulous - even when you don't think you are! Enormous but gentle hugs from Mary.

Liz Thu, Dec 11th 2014 @ 9:29am

Hello RATG,
Thank you for replying to my post. I note you said I was on a brilliant part oft the journey. Yes, I am enjoying it, but I had to feel very travel sick to get here, it was an awful ride at one point. Yes I do feel armed, and still nervous though about certain people in my life who will never get me. It was encouraging of you to talk about putting a bubble around myself, thank you for that. I hope you continue to heal and turn back into you. Love Liz xx

Anonymous Thu, Dec 11th 2014 @ 2:33pm

As so many co-Moodscopers have already said, Mary, you have an exceptional talent for writing poetically and I particularly love this post.Nothing in life is without risk and in words attributed to Buscaglia:
'The person who risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love or live...
Only a person who risks is truly free'. Go well.

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