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September


Those uncomfortable feelings. Friday September 2, 2016

When I was a child if I was hot I would wear light clothing and make a paper fan, there was no air conditioning. If I was cold I would put on warmer clothes as we had no central heating just a little (now possibly considered dangerous) kerosene heater we would put our hands over to keep warm.

Being too hot in summer and cold in winter was considered part of life. Before air conditioning and adequate heating many generations managed the changes in temperature.

While I have learnt to accept physical feelings, I have found emotional feelings to be difficult.

At various times in my life, I have tried to handle difficult feelings by eating, drinking, avoiding, over spending or denying them.

There are going to be times in life when we feel uncomfortable and often there is not a simple solution but learning how to cope with these feeling may help.

One of the mental health strategies is teaching people how to deal with unpleasant feelings.

Developing qualities such as self-awareness, motivation, empathy, and taking responsibility for one's feelings will help understand other people's emotions and one's own.

When it is appropriate, just allowing the discomfort to pass knowing that it will go away.
As Jean Kerr said "Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.'

In a world of air conditioning central heating, instant gratification, it is hard to learn to just sit and wait.

Of course if a feeling is very negative and possibly dangerous one would need to get help.
I am talking about learning to cope with uncomfortable or awkward feelings without resorting to food or drugs and alcohol, over spending or other strategies.

Creating situations with positive feelings will enable you to follow your passion and feel good about doing something you have always wanted to do.

How do you cope with uncomfortable feelings?

Have you tried sitting and waiting or developing your emotional intelligences?

How would you teach young children how to handle uncomfortable feelings?

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Andrew Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 7:48am

Wise words.... I have found I've the years that pushing against feelings leaves deep scars whereas accepting them and letting them wash over me until they pass is almost (sometimes) weirdly comforting... Particularly feelings of sadness.
Recalling those too hot or too cold days as a child without the air-conditioning of today is a useful image. Thank you for sharing

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:53am

Andrew, Thanks for your comment. It is a hard lesson to learn to let things wash over us.Takes time.

LillyPet Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 8:44am

Hi Leah,
Your blog strikes a chord with me.There have been many times when I have wanted to avoid feeling uncomfortable. It's human nature I guess, but it's an interesting idea to stay with the uncomfortable feeling and allow it to take it's natural course if it isn't too intense. It's a bit like automatically reaching for an umbrella then realising that it's only a sprinkling of water and I'm just going from the front door to the car! :). Not to make light of difficult feelings though, just the awareness that there's a reason and it will pass, helps me to allow it and not worry that I'll always feel like that.

Quick fixes can just mask something that needs to be processed. It's reassuring for me to remember that nature takes it's time.
(Perhaps my "Quick, make it better!" comes from being wrapped up in cotton wool as a child, ironically by a mother who was the only real threat to my wellbeing).
There's also alot to be said for not dwelling on negative feelings. It seems that I have been very aware of how I'm feeling, how others are feeling etc. I guess it's all about balance.
Your question about how I would help a child to deal with uncomfortable feelings really clarifies my thinking. I'd acknowledge their feelings, "That's sad" or " That must have been annoying" and listen properly.
When my daughter was little, she'd sort of bring me the problem for me to fix. So I started to ask "So what did you say/do?".
Knowing when to move on, not to make a fuss, or just relax and have a cuddle (something far too rare) takes skill. Thank goodness all that we have to be is good enough!

Thanks for a thought provoking blog Leah! Defo time for me to move on! :)
Kettle's calling! LPxx

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:54am

Lilypet Thanks for your thoughtful comment full of sound advice.

Jul Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 9:31am

Hi Leah. I've managed to log in today.I love this blog. I do get uncomfortable feelings and the one I find most unsettling is when something minor goes wrong. If I'm low I find it difficult to cope with upset which others would take in their stride.The other feeling I don't like is weird and difficult to explain.. I experience a plummeting of mood but only momentarily. It's fleeting. I know I am constantly on a low but can cope with that and not many people notice. Anyway now after reading your blog, I shall let these feelings pass without fighting them or feeling frightened and anxious. They always do pass but before I have felt depressed and anxious when they happen. Jul xx

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:56am

Jul. I can realte when small things go wrong and getting upset when low. I know it is hw to rationalise with myself when I feel down. It is hard to let things pass when one feels upset.

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:56am

Jul. I can realte when small things go wrong and getting upset when low. I know it is hw to rationalise with myself when I feel down. It is hard to let things pass when one feels upset.

Marie Sat, Sep 10th 2016 @ 6:34pm

I don't think it is that others take it in their stride, more a case of they know how to move forward by viewing it in perspective. It is my persective that I have learnt to work on. I can turn minor hills into mountains and yet strangely can deal with really stressful and intensely emotional situations with comparative ease! Love the blog - it's the self Imposed standard that we must be and think the best all the time that has wore me out in the past. As the blog states, face it, accept it and fogive it.....it took a long time to realise and forgive the fact that I am as perfectly flawed as anyone else on the planet.

Frankie Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 10:26am

Really helpful analogy Leah, thank-you.
Waving (somewhat weakly!) to everyone.
Frankie

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:58am

Frankie, Thanks for your comment. Nice to see your name again. Are you ok-ring whjat the weak wave means.

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 3:36pm

Leah, dear Frankie and family have had a bereavement this week - my heart goes out to her with a big Bear hug xxxx

LillyPet Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 9:28pm

Thanks Bear, I was wondering too. LP xx

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:17pm

Frankie, sending hugs to you and your family and thanks for taking time to reply under the circumstances.xxx

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:18pm

Bear, once again thanks for letting us know. You have a big bear heartxxx

Frankie Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 10:26am

Really helpful analogy Leah, thank-you.
Waving (somewhat weakly!) to everyone.
Frankie

Frankie Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 10:27am

Oops! Too impatient ... F

LillyPet Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 9:26pm

Waving back Frankie, big hug.LPxx

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:16pm

Frankie, I think the double posting is catching too! I always manage to do it with a typo or two!!

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 3:35pm

Hi Leah...a very interesting blog...which I read first thing this morning but didn't have time to reply til now!
I felt guilty at not replying earlier as no one else had at that point and I worried about it...then I realised I had to ' let it go!'
One of the times, like Juls mentioned above, is a sudden feeling - mine comes every now and again, quite suddenly, and it feels like the bottom has fallen out of my world and I feel anxious and scared. I have to try and talk it through these days, with my OH and he tells me not to worry...'what's the worst that can happen in that situation?' And that is often true, when you really analyse what's happening around you at the time, you find you can let it go.
Bear hugs and thanks and I hope this helps others to learn to let things wash over.
Bear xxx

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:27pm

Bear, It is funny when I read that you felt guilty for not writing earlier, I think she is a silly possum!! yet I do exactly the same thing!! I also get these sudden intense low feelings and have no idea where they come from. Rationally I know there is no reason for them but it takes a real effort to just let them pass. I am trying to do thid. It is also reassuring that others feel like this too. Take care Leah xx

The Gardener Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 4:27pm

All the physical and emotional discomforts over the years - most pass without scars - tolerance is more and more the name of the game. My (and others) worst sufferings with Mr G is his obsession with being hot or cold - the very elderly, and in particular with reduced mobility, are always chilly. But he will on/off garments every five minutes, particularly at meal times. At respite he demands, aggressively that the room is kept at HIS temperature. He gets virtually put in the 'naughty' room and thrown blankets so the rest (5 more 'respiters' and two helpers) can lead what passes for a normal life. Our poor kids suffered most at airports, when, to make ends meet, we took in 'rich kids' from Europe to learn english. Had to take younger children to meet the students (normally, they loved it anyway) but if there was a delay you had tired, over-heated, thirsty children in the hell-hole which was Terminal 2 at Heathrow (might still be a hell-hole, for all I know). Over the years we have had friends/family who were just plain selfish/thick-skinned and seemed to enjoy creating an atmosphere. When the decible level is so high round the table, punctuated with laughs, and you can't get a word in edgeways, you know it's OK. Our difficult youngest daughter had the ultimate party stopper. On her 7th birthday, in Italy, we bought her a compendium of games. She was very proud of it, but if, playing with others, she was losing, she would fold the game up and go off with it (she has not changed much). Leah was talking of her childhood, and how things have changed. We hate the excessive air-conditioning in the Far East. Our son who spends most of his time out there says they seem to be turning the A/C up, and that it's impossible to enjoy a meal, you're so cold. Travelling in Malaya in a local bus we had excellent A/C, no windows! Done church flowers with the last of my energy, will get my knitting and listen to radio - evenings are NOT fun.

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:33pm

Gardener, How can one person cram so much detail, so many anecdotes, so much rich life experience and uncomfortable feelings into one reply. Simply amazing. I always feel I have lived such a sheltered life when I read your posts! Thanks so much for your comments which I treasure. Ps what are you knitting?? xx

Ruth Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 5:24pm

Just a really big thanks to all of you who wrote such kind and supportive messages when I was in despair a couple of days ago. I'm still here and intend to give it my best go. With love and the prayer we all find our way to 'still be here'. xx

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:23pm

Ruth, I did not get a chance to reply to your comment(due to time differences!) a couple of days ago but I felt your despair and wanted to offer encouragement. I am glad you felt the support of moodscope community. Thanks for letting us know how you are. Remember to let us know how you are going, this is a very caring and safe place. Sending hugs from across the seas.xx

Peter Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 6:07pm

Thank you Leah. That was just what I needed to hear in order to lift my mood! Sometimes work is so demanding that I forget I can take time for myself and let the stressful feeling dissipate. There's nothing so critical that it can't wait until tomorrow, when I'll be in a more productive state of mind.

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:35pm

Peter, Thanks for your comment. It is true that are minds are more productive when we are not stressing so much.

The Gardener Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 9:46pm

Bear - the origin of your psuedonym was a question on Master Mind tonight. I am in to a huge new learning and acceptance curve. We were going out to dinner - then Mr G was 'too ill', so, resigned to a glum evening except for Gardeners' World. At 6.30 he decided to stop being ill and demanded dinner. So, into wheel chair and off we go. Getting him in and out of wheel-chairs, cars, just sitting down is an arduous and slow business - and I am embarrased. But, customers, waitresses, owner - ALL are with me - quietly helpful, patient and sympathetic. I have to stop feeling I am cluttering up their restaurant, this old lady insisting on going out instead of hiding decently in the house - the fortifying feeling of all this help - and that I am admired for persistence and not regarded as a stubborn old thing who should have given up and settled for beans on toast long ago. And, Ruth, I often use Obama's words 'Yes we can'. For you, for me, in all sorts of trouble, Yes, we can. Sleep well, those who can.

Leah Fri, Sep 2nd 2016 @ 11:40pm

Gardener, I just saw this blog after replying to your previous one. I am glad you managed to go out for dinner. It is funny how we can see ourselves different from others. You should be so proud of what you are doing. I think you are to be admire for your patience, your persistence , your strength, and many other qualities.Take care.

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