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August


This will pass. Friday August 4, 2017

It's been ages since I last wrote for Moodscope. In fact these past few months I haven't been reading the blog every day... that's a change for me.

So my moodscope score this week is 31.

I could have guessed it would be low, but 31 is one of my lowest ever scores.

Things are different for me just now. I feel exhausted in the mornings. Despite having sufficient sleep, my body is heavy, my head foggy and I drag myself around for most of the day.

I have taken two days off work to focus on my mental health. Yesterday, a glorious day of weather (rare for us in Scotland) I wasn't able to relax. My busy head not slowing down. It's hard even to catch the thoughts. Do you know what I mean?

A constant churning in my head and my stomach. Sometimes my head whirring so much that when speaking to people - I have to really focus to listen because there's a constant something going on inside.

I just feel rubbish.

But you know what...

Somewhere buried inside my head there is faith that this will pass. I will make it easier, if I accept that it is ok not to be ok and if I work through this.

* Do the deep breathing. Slow things down.
* Keep my days really simple - accomplish one thing.
* Be in nature.
* Don't lie in bed - as soon as my eyes open - get UP. Get showered.
* That doesn't mean I need to be running doing errands, I can make a nice space to sit or 'be'.
* Flick through magazines - doesn't matter that I can't concentrate on any articles.
* Write down a list of what's circulating in my head - it's hard to catch the thoughts - but that's ok... but it's better out than in.
* Lastly, when I get overwhelmed... NOTICE. What 5 things can I see, hear, smell, feel.

So my message is... It's ok not to be ok. We have the tools and we have to push through these uncomfortable days to find the brighter, lighter days.

Carol Anne
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 2:20am

Hope you feel better soon Carol Anne xx

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 4:34am

Thank you Molly. I already feel a good bit better. My moodscope scoring 68+. I wrote this blog contribution 2 weeks ago and the process of writing it, of admitting I was struggling to my network of support + most importantly myself really seemed to help. I can't stress enough the importance of 'it's ok not to be ok' By acknowledging how we are truly feeling and doing the right combination of things....evidence has it once again that we can lift back out of dips. For how long......that's the tricky part... The fact is, like many of us, I have a number of challenging big situations going on in life currently and it's possible my 'lift' will be followed by more dips.... Just for today I'm keeping the faith that I can do this - especially with the support of my Moodscope friends. God bless you all. Hope you have a great Friday. ...and, if it's not 'great', that's ok too. X

Molly Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 5:58pm

Hi Carol Anne, I am glad you are feeling better. 68% is pretty good ! You will see below that I am on 45% - must try harder !! But as you say 'it's ok not to be ok' I like that as it takes the pressure off. Thank you for your response. Look after yourself. Molly xx

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 7:53pm

Thanks Molly. You know that trying 'harder' rarely takes us up the scale. Have a lovely weekend. X

David Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 6:18am

Hello Molly, Yes all negative things and thoughts will pass eventually, returning to better times. That is the mantra I hold on to when at level 11% It may take a day or 6 months but it will happen. I know it will not mean much but get well soon. David Gosling

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 9:15am

...keep moving forward and even if you can find one thing in the day that was a positive....then that helps. Even if the one thing is that you showered today or you spent 10 minutes outdoors. Hope the 11 becomes 12.... and continues David.

Molly Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 5:52pm

Hi David, it wasn't me that wrote the blog, it was Carol Anne. I used to record my score every day - a while back now, and I was once down to 11%. My highest being around 82% by memory! Interestingly I did it for the first time yesterday and I got 45%, which sounds about right. Molly

The Gardener Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 7:36pm

David - I am a 'special' case, in that the negative thoughts which accompany my husband's Alzheimers will Not disappear. I've come back from UK with a bug - after a super trip - I HAVE to stay positive, hope my constitution will cope with Mr G when all I want is to collapse with a paracetemol - my spirit (which seems to have guidance) plus the hordes of people (I mean that, doctors, nurses, family, friends, neighbours) seem to WILL me to cope - my Parecetomol is smiles, hugs, kisses - but, for anybody who has been down this particular road, this will NOT pass - the scenario is a downward spiral of dementia, vegetative state and death - and my 'team' is trying to ensure that, for me, this 'will pass' and that some sort of life can be lived. I understand and sympathise with Carol Anne - love and luck - I am not really religious, but in the very worst of times there IS somebody, believe me xx

Leah Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:38pm

TG I like that your paracetamol is smiles hugs and kisses. You know the reality but you still have hope. In my family I seemed to be only with reality , they all had rosecoloured glasses which made it hard when getting help and I was seen as the strange one! Glad you had a super trip. Sending you a special hug. Xx

Orangeblossom Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 7:51am

Thanks Carol Anne I appreciated your blog very much. When I am not ok I tend to hide at home. Being honest about about how we feel and taking a day at a time is for me, the best form of therapy.

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 2:20pm

Thanks orangeblossom....Sometimes I forget the simple stuff so I need to label my instructions clearly (if that makes sense) and perhaps have a preprinted sheet for days that are difficult.

the room above the garage Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 8:12am

Hello Carol Anne, two powerful points from your blog hit me (1) that you are aware of the low and (2) you are accepting it. These two things alone are brilliant tools. And I love that writing the blog made a difference, that has been my experience too, as though sharing it takes the sting out the tail. Thank you for this, it's good to read and I hope you might write again to update us. Love ratg x.

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 9:17am

...I think this time, as soon as I accepted it and put it out there it helped. Mood didn't magically lift but day by day it improved. Thanks ratg I appreciate all your posts.

The Gardener Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 7:44pm

RATG, how right you are. Writing is my life-line - Moodscope in particular (often state that I USE it) and my long correspondence list - they say NEVER stop writing - the dead days of winter or pouring rain, when I am a real prisoner, tapping this keyboard - two page or two lines of something silly that has happened and a real catharsis occurs. An 'aside' we are apt to express concern when 'regulars' go below the radar - Bear in particular was one - I do hope 'hopeful one' is OK, I know he was embarking on pastures new

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:41pm

The Gardener - I'm not one of your regulars but I do hope I can start to contribute and comment more. Such a supportive group of people on Moodscope - and I love how it now notifies you when comments are now left..... I do hope all the regulars are well. And those not currently in touch should feel the positive vibes being sent to them too. ??

Valerie Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 8:58am

Hi,
A word to the wise.Don't assume all your symptoms are associated with stress/depression.Check you diet,maybe iron or B12 needed,less caffeine,regular food to keep blood sugar steady,keep away from toxic people too ! Watch or read something funny,buy yourself a little treat.Good to hear you are already a bit better x

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 2:22pm

I agree Valerie. The other thing, I think I shared before, is that sometimes new medications can interact with anti-depressants. For me it was a migraine medication and until that point couple years ago I would never have joined the dots.

Kelly Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 9:14am

I just want to say thank you Carol Ann! Your blog has reminded me to accept that the negatives will pass, as they always do. I am struggling with negative thoughts and feelings at the moment after coming off medication, a decision I made after suffering awful side effects for years. For now I will ride the wave and look forward to arrriving on the shore of positive island!
Take care

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 2:23pm

Look forward to welcoming you ashore Kelly.

the room above the garage Sat, Aug 5th 2017 @ 9:19am

Hello Kelly, one thing I often worried about medication was that I wondered if it was masking my feelings. Helping me cope but also just holding them at bay. If you have been taking the meds and haven't dealt with any of the underlying causes then the feelings might still be there. It could be a good thing to see them with fresh eyes but please remember you might need support to get through this bit. Make sure your doctor is looking out for you as you take this next step...you will rise up and there is nothing wrong with taking some other support as you make the transition. As natural as a toddler learning to walk. Love ratg x.

Milliecat Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 11:03am

Love this blog...mainly cos it describes the Last few up and down weeks for me! And I live in Scotland too. It's totally spot on. I became aware of how connection with Moodscope and just one blogger can help to reduce how alone and desperate things are.
For me 'This will pass' has been a very difficult statement to accept...quite simply because when at your lowest it feels like it won't pass...but also when it does pass...it comes back again! So my wee statement in my WRAP which I would like to share is...

This actually will pass. It will. It will also come back again. Next time though I will be stronger and clearer about how to manage.

It's not quite as punchy as This Will Pass but it gives me a bit of the bigger picture. I hope it is of help to other Moodscopers.

Thank you Carol Anne for your blog - I am now out of bed and creating a nice space to sit and just be. ?

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 2:25pm

I like your personalised statement....And we both know it will. BTW I have a cat called Milly - that made me smile :-)

Lexi Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 12:44pm

Knowing that the clouds will lift and life will change is how I get through the really tough times these days. Thank you for a lovely post Carol Anne. There was a quote I read once that said (I paraphrase badly) that there is always sun above the clouds but some days we just can't see it. xo Lexi

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 2:26pm

I think you paraphrased it spot on Lexi. Now we both just need to remember that on murky days. :-)

Mary Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 3:36pm

Very sound advice. I'm recovering from treatment resistant depression. Simplifying the tough days is important and not bashing yourself up because of all the things you aren't doing is unhelpful. Sometimes you need to take care of 'you' and everything else can be put on pause, without feeling too guilty about it.

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:37pm

Mary - I totally agree. Self care is so v important. The old analogy of putting on your own air mask first. If I'm depleted and worn out then I'm no use to others.....However, if I invest in 'self-care' the overflow can help and nourish those around me. I do hope your days are brighter and your recovery continues odaat ?

Tutti Frutti Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 5:42pm

Hi Carol Anne
Thanks for your post which I found very helpful this morning for putting things back in perspective. I am not in the same situation at all but I am stressed out, overworking and not sleeping and I recognised in the night that I needed to start getting things back in control before I go high. Then when I got up I read your blog which reinforced that I need to list the things I need to do to get back on track and stick to it (v difficult if starting to go up). Since then I have spoken to my boss about the work and where I am at health-wise and made a doctor's appointment to talk to her about sleeping tablets (I have some but was using them for jetlag after my holiday and want to make sure that I don't overdo it.) I also managed to get some constructive work done so one way and another I am feeling a bit better. On my way to the doctor now. Thanks again. Love TF x

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:29pm

Hey Tutti Frutti - I hope your Doc appt went ok. I'm glad your day was a bit better...That's all we can do - one day at a time. If sounds like you've made the call out and I'm sure with a combination of doing the right things and monitoring you are not doing too much you can regain the equilibrium you need.

Dragonfly Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 5:54pm

Hi Carol Anne, I'm so pleased you have that faith that things will pass. It's so hard to be patient and kind to oneself when life is so tough. Acceptance is hard won, but you seem to have reached a place of knowing what will help you through.I'm pleased too that writing this blog has been helpful for you x PS I've left comments for MG and Eleanor on yesterday's blog.

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:32pm

Dragonfly - thanks for your comments....Def writing the blog helped especially now that I am 2 weeks on and can see the distance I've come. Wishing you all the best.

Marmaladegirl Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 11:02pm

Hi Dragonfly - I went back to read your reply. Thank you! Lots of love MG (I am also in North Yorkshire!) xx

Sal Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 6:35pm

What a beautiful blog Carol Anne, thank you. So direct and straight from the heart. I loved the quote at the end too, and I sense a real depth of wisdom and beauty in what you've written.

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:33pm

Thank you Sal. I think I will try and write more often - if even only one person can smile as a result then that's definitely worth it. Have a lovely weekend. ?

Leah Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:39pm

Carol Anne
Thanks for a great honest and refreshing blog. Glad writing the blog helped you and thanks for your thoughtful comments.

Carol Anne Fri, Aug 4th 2017 @ 10:48pm

Leah - thanks and I recognise your name as one of the many names that are 'regular' contributors to moodscope. I want to thank you all. For all the blog's you guys have written that I have connected with (albeit I've not commented back). This really is a life saving site.... Such a valuable part of my recovery toolkit.

kickntheblackdog Sat, Aug 5th 2017 @ 12:35am

Thanks for sharing your day Carol Anne. It is awesome you have a plan and are aware to use the tools to feel better. I particularly appreciate you mentioning your faith. It is important that we keep aware that we are not alone and that there is One who is actively in our corner working for our healing and completeness. You Go Girl!

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