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The Wisdom of the Rose. Friday June 19, 2015

My father's roses are the best I've seen them.

He has trained them, these glorious climbing roses, up his rustic wooden fence. Father has provided a structure for them in the form of a supportive trellis, and they have flourished.

With the right structure, protection and nourishment, they can flow. Naturally.

I, too, am my father's rose...

I have been pruned severely in life, though not by my father. But I have survived.
Now I am responsible for my own garden, but I still need to grow myself. I need a structure. I need protection. I need nourishment. But often it feels like I am drowning in chaos, vulnerable and aching with hunger.

Today I would like to make a change in those three areas. Just a little bit.
How could I add a supportive structure to my life? I'm not after a major make-over, just a little help. How could I feel safer - a little less vulnerable? What could I feed on to help me grow?

I know these are all deeply metaphorical, but I also know that you'll find your own meaning under these three headings. I trust your creative self to volunteer some ideas to help you. You are wiser than you know. And sometimes, it's nice to have help from someone else in the Garden.

Who would help me today, I wonder?

Perhaps I should ask?

A Moodscope member.

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Anonymous Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 6:21am

How can I help? Signing from the room above the garage x.

The Entertrainer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 8:06am

You just did, dearest RATG, you just did xx

The Entertrainer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 8:07am

(Plus I'll send a message via Caroline ;0)

Anonymous Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 8:32am

My first reaction to this was to take comfort from the fact that you acknowledge your father's attempts to provide that support and do not attach blame to him. I keep going around in a cycle of self blame when,my children are not happy. Despite everyone's best efforts, some plants do not thrive due to outside elements. Then I went on to think how to offer you, and my children, on going support. Continuing the imagery perhaps acknowledgement that the existing elements are not favourable and look to different area to grow, different nutrients, different pesticides to repel unfavourable elements. Perhaps I have pushed the metaphors too far. Look to nourishing friends, places you feel supported and repel toxic situations. By sharing you have made me more content, and hopefully you can reassure your own father too.

Anonymous Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 8:38am

I wish i had the wisdom to know how to help, Lex; you have helped me many times. I keep seeing the ground that those roses grow in, without which they would have no life and no need for a structure at all. Could you possibly be a rambling rose, reliant on the sun and rain to nurture you? You are a creative mind and a loving soul and i wonder if you ground yourself enough. I could be ALL wrong here....but so many of us live outside our bodies -- certainly being 'over-pruned' can cause this. When chaos strikes, feel your arms and legs, your bottom on the chair. Be in the moment with that, because the moment is the only true place of refuge. I came back into my body with the help of Somatic Experiencing and Pilates (not saying that's your route, however), and now feel connected to the ground and am deriving surprising strength from it. I always had the mind and heart engaged, but not the body. Some thoughts....and please forgive me for my presumptuousness.....but please also know that you have a band of admirers out there who wish you well. susan xx

The Entertrainer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 9:22am

Dear Anonymous, isn't this the joy of metaphor? I don't think you've pushed the metaphors too far. From what you've said, I shall enjoy a special time with my father today (as I am staying with him), I might even let him read the blog or read it too him (if I can get through it!) But it was the ideas of finding a different area in which to grow and of repelling toxic situations. Great wisdom. L'xx

The Entertrainer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 9:26am

Dearest Susan, you have gifted me with a new image today - that of the Rambling Rose... and I am certainly not grounded - perhaps never have been. I like the idea of the body being a solid, tangible temple... and it may be that I need to go and rest in that temple. Deeply insightful Susan, thank you, L'xx

Julia Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 9:30am

Hello Lex. I wonder if meeting might help you and many of us. I was initially against this as I love the way everyone responds to me and how we respond to each other on Moodscope and I worried that once we had met,that magic might be blown away. There are many obstacles to meeting, not least where and when. For me October in a park in London (open space!) would be good. I love the London parks in the Autumn. I realise this will be difficult for many though. There is expense involved too but we may be able to get round that. I think the first thing to do is to ask Caroline what she thinks and if she would like to get involved in arrangements and to see how many of us think it's a good idea to meet. I know Lex that you probably would like help sooner but I always think that my issues have been around so so long now, that the right help can wait for a few weeks, months.

Caroline Ashcroft Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 9:37am

Hi Julia, I think it's a great idea. I have had other requests for everyone to meet up, but as you say, logistics could be a nightmare - happy to try and organise something though. If anyone reading the blog would like to meet up please email me at

The Entertrainer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 10:18am

Hi Julia, perhaps there is a dual level outcome. It could be that we could have a Moodscope Conference with some keynote speakers at a memorable venue (for all the right reasons) or workshops (Mindfulness; Somatic Experiencing; Art) or both. In my experience, this kind of thing then creates a safe context in which we could share. Caroline, I know you read this! L'xx

Bitter Young Queer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 10:58am

In my case, I try to build my support by having friends I can talk to, as readily as possible. This has been both friends I know first in person and friends I know first or only online, but in either case, I use online means to be in contact--usually instant messaging. I'm still working on it, but ideally I can both give and get support, and I just need to look to see who is online and send a message. I don't feel like I'm interrupting someone.

Feeling safe is a tricky one for me, especially in helthy ways. For example: I feel safe in bed, but I can't stay there all day. I suppose it's sometimes a matter of not overthinking things. I try to prepare myself mentally for various situations I think might occur, but sometimes it becomes anxiety-inducing. At that point (axiety for me being lack of security) I have to focus on something else. Easier said than done for some. So sometimes it's a matter of getting rid of what feels unsafe.

For nourishment to grow...that's usually music for me. At the very least listening to it, but when I can playing it myself alone or with others, and writing my own music. More broadly, any creative pursuit I think can help one grow and be nourished.

Mary Blackhurst Hill Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 10:58am

Hi Lex - knew it was you at line one even though it's Friday. Love you and will email.

Julia Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 11:27am

What you write is interesting BYQ.Two things struck me which I can identify with; the over thinking things and the music. I found your comment about getting rid of what feels unsafe very enlightening and I'm going to have a think about this and maybe apply it to my life so a big thank you to you.

Julia Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 11:33am

I hadn't thought of this Lex. Another thing to consider which might appeal to some. Personally for various reasons and as a knee jerk reaction, I would prefer to meet up in a park,an open space or somewhere indoors but informal if possible but I am open to considering everything and it may be that a conference is the answer. Thinking about a lot today!! But it's your blog Lex and I should think about helping you and indeed that's where my suggestion for meetings started.

Anonymous Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 12:02pm

H Lex, Hi Julia, Hi Caroline
I would love to meet up - especially as you have both been so helpful to me in the past!

Anonymous Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 1:16pm

Structure, protection, nourishment.
As every good gardener knows, you can't have healthy, happy plants in a healthy happy garden all of the time! Looking after ourselves and families and friends is the same...why should we be different from Nature?

It takes a lot to know the plants, it takes a lot to know yourself.
Why do we novice gardeners think we can have it all overnight, when it actually takes years of practice, trials and tribulation to get that perfect rose? Impulse-buying beautiful plants, potting them on or planting them in the ground only to find they don't suit your soil - grow too large for the spot you decided on etc?
So why do we sad, bipolar or depressed Moodscopers think we shouldn't learn slowly and look after our mental and physical health, without it all happening overnight?
We must start by planting the right seeds now with structure, protection and nourishment!
- perhaps give yourself time off to go for a short walk, in the fresh air...or on a treadmill if that's what you can do at the time or pop to another floor in the offices you work in...using the stairs not the lift!
- maybe on that walk, stop and actually speak to someone you another desk, over a fence, hedge, passing a cyclist and maybe just wave a 'hello' there's interaction and you are feeding your soul as well as your mind and heart and that of someone else.

feed the seeds - give some nourishment to yourself...take a small picnic and a flask of something you like and just sit and enjoy. Take your lunch out on a break from work. Share a coffee at the machine at work.

- protect the seeds - if something you dislike is happening up ahead...move away, walk in a different direction. Only get involved if it means helping you, or someone else...protect yourself. Don't just jump in at the first sign of trouble!

- keep yourself warm whilst out, or cool - if we are lucky enough to have warm weather (check out yesterday's blog!) opening them up to light and protect by covering them up so they don't get pecked at: If you find you are in a friendship where you feel someone is always willing to put you down and you don't feel strong enough to argue on your own behalf anymore, then they are not really true friends so try and leave the friendship...don't be hen-pecked into staying.

Above all, remember something else....most gardeners LOVE helping others and sharing seeds, off cuts and 'knowledge' - oh and lookie-see....Moodscopers do exactly that! How lucky are we to have each other to share our own gardening knowledge?!

I do apologise Lex, but you really got to me with this, so like a rambling rose...or perhaps a crazy clematis Montana.....I've grown and gone off in my own way and rambled!
Karen x

Anonymous Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 1:17pm

I really am sorry as this was far longer than it should have been...almost became another blog post - mea culpa.

Anonymous Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 4:27pm

Apologies are not necessary Karen, that was fab! I enjoyed reading through! Ou est le real blog? :-) Love from the room above the garage x.

Julia Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 4:29pm

That's great news Caroline. Thank you. I am happy to help organise and it's nice to see that Frankie likes the idea! :-) Frankie

The Entertrainer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 10:35pm

I think this is genius, Karen. I appreciated every word.

The Entertrainer Fri, Jun 19th 2015 @ 10:38pm

I've enjoyed a depth of sharing and openness today that I've not felt for as long as I can remember. Thank you BYQ for sharing so deeply too.
It's been a strange week - not necessarily a happy one - but all the better for my Moodscope connections. I appreciate you all.

Anonymous Sat, Jun 20th 2015 @ 12:42pm

Too kind ma petit fleur :) K x

Anonymous Sat, Jun 20th 2015 @ 12:44pm

Ah, thankees to you too! Not capable of proper blog...that's far too intelligent pour moi! K x x x

DawnC.Ritchie Sun, Jun 21st 2015 @ 7:45pm

Meeting up would be so lovely :D xx

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