The well from which wishes come

7 Mar 2019
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If I need to drink more water, I leave out the water jug. Fully loaded and ready to pour. But its not enough. I put it in line of sight. But its not enough. I put a glass beside it. But its not enough. I pour water into the glass. But its not enough. I place the jug and the glass beside the kettle and beside my notepad which runs my life. But. Its. Not. Enough. I leave it in front of all the important things, so my wrists have to trip over it to reach anything life affirming. But it is not enough. I need to leave it there for some time. Sometimes an hour. Sometimes a day. Sometimes a week, a month, a year. Now I've learned a bit and I just leave it all set up every hour of every day of my life. And I drink more water.

If only improving our mental health was so simple. Some of us need to work harder at keeping our mental health on the lead than others. Whatever it is you need to do, even if you are not sure what that is, just keep bringing 'things' that are good for you into your line of sight over and over and over again. One day you will find a rhythm and one day you will harness the good days and ride them like a wild horse and one day you will see the bad days and just sit beside them until they abate. The hurt does lessen.

Know that. And if you simply don't have any strength to know that, at this moment, then you can trust my word. It's taken me more than thirty years to glimpse it, learn about it and believe it, but now I know it. I'm not fixed or cured, I'm not sure I want to be, but I know I can cope with it.

Your rhythm will come. It'll start with random beats. Hang on.

Now do your Moodscope cards. They will illustrate your rhythm.

Love from

The room above the garage

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!

Comments

Fiona

March 7, 2019, 7:08 a.m.

Thankyou ?? At a time when I’m yet again feeling the overwhelming frustration of having to Work at managing my mood, and wondering if any of the little things I do to try and support myself are actually worth it... your words are a timely reminder to just keep on until I’ve mastered it and it becomes natural. Honestly, you’ve no idea how much this has helped this morning! X

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the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:19 a.m.

Hello Fiona, I’m so glad it helped :-) We all need reminded and encouraged and the little things you’re doing are often so much more important than the big things! They are the bread and butter. Good to see you, love ratg x.

LP

March 7, 2019, 7:47 a.m.

Hi Roomie! What a beautiful and powerfully hope inspiring blog. It goes beyond hope, it gives me something concrete to hold on to. I haven’t managed the simple self care act of drinking enough water, or looking after my mental health enough either! I want to keep sipping from the wishing well in both ways! I will keep and re read this blog. It’s come at a good time, l have had a good run of positive days and each day hoping that it will last another day. I will take your advice, do my scores now and look out for getting into that rhythmic flow, that before seemed like it lay somewhere over a rainbow, but now it’s firmly planted in my world. I just need to keep sipping! :) Love and smiles to you and all LP xx

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the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:23 a.m.

Hello LP, it’s lovely to see your name :-) You’ve experienced both good and bad and so you know both are possible. That’s a very strong place to be. I hope your rainbow stays with you, love ratg x.

Ach UK

March 7, 2019, 8:12 a.m.

  Hi RATG,  Thank you so much for today's blog,  I really appreciate your writings and especially your frankness and ability to help us coming to terms with the difficulties life can bring.  There is always a glimmer of light in your blogs. Thank you.     I thought of lots of drums from the big Japanese to the drumming of fingers on a tabletop, and, of course, heartbeats.  And I thought about this chap and his quote:- Henry David Thoreau’s Statement in Walden (1854): “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.” Took me a long time to hear the drums and even longer to pick up the "sticks"   Now I've found a band to play with maybe we can make some tunes. . . . . .    :)))    join in why don't  you. . .      If you're in the mood RATG, sing and let's  move to a syncopated rhythm . . " In the Mood  . ." maybe . .   Thank you for your courage ,   Thank you for your smile,    Thank you for your stories,     That lift my spirits for a while.     Learning brand new rhythms,      Listening for the sound;        Strengthening my heartbeats,         Get my feet back on the ground . . . ( drum roll, muffled,  I've run out of rhymes . . . ) Thank you RATG,  May your day go well    Cheers!!   ( Ach raises her glass of Severn Trent's best . . . )   XX Ach.                         

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Zilpah

March 7, 2019, 8:49 a.m.

I love the quote! Thank you. The idea of listening to a different drummer and that that’s ok is just what I need today. Today I will allow myself to follow a slower rhythm and get back on my own path

the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:26 a.m.

Hello Ach, oh isn’t that quote wonderful! I love it very much. And yes, I’m in, singing, dancing, shaking to your beat, thank you...exercise dove for today then! :-D love ratg x

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 11:10 a.m.

Ach, I've just come across a comment of yours to me from August last year, which you may or may not remember. I'm having a truly awful time at the moment, what with one thing and another. I'm struggling quite desperately, so I've been looking at a few encouraging comments from Moodscopers that I've saved. Anyway, the conversation was about our respective parents referring to themselves by another name when they became ill. You told me that you reclaimed your Mum at her Memorial Service, well, (and again you may not know or remember) but my Dad died in December, and we did just the same with him at his funeral service and, hopefully, restored his dignity too x PS sorry ratg for intruding on your blog with this

Lexi

March 7, 2019, 2:44 p.m.

Dear Dragonfly, I am sending you warm hugs. I hope you find relief from your struggles soon. xo

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 2:56 p.m.

Thanks Lexi xx

Orangeblossom

March 7, 2019, 8:18 a.m.

Thanks for the great blog RATG. It spurred me on & I love the ideas you express so tantalisingly. Hope that your thirst goes on being quenched & your zest for life renewed daily.

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the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:28 a.m.

Hello Ob, you are so very supportive. Thank you for that my friend. Wishing you a good day :-) love ratg x.

Oli

March 7, 2019, 8:23 a.m.

A heart felt thank you ratg! :-)

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the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:29 a.m.

Hello Oli, my pleasure, a heart felt bow of gratefulness. Good to see you, love ratg x.

Sarah yellow rose

March 7, 2019, 8:28 a.m.

Hi Ratg thank you for your blog today. Like others have said it came at the right time. Not sure if this makes sense, but when I read your blogs I feel comforted because you were a member when I joined Moodscope or roughly the same time. Xx

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the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:31 a.m.

Hello Sarah, I remember because you added on the yellow rose part since there was another Sarah on the thread we were on :-) I’m glad to still be walking with you, love ratg x.

Sally

March 7, 2019, 8:38 a.m.

Thankyou, Ratg. Really inspiring writing. I love your analogy of the water jug and reminder to drink water . Some super comments already and from Ach UK an invitation to sing! You see what you’ve started! Be proud. :-)

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the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:35 a.m.

Hello Sally, a sing song around our virtual coffee table this morning! I hope everyone is doing it for real, nothing better than group singing :-) It reminds me of a beautiful funeral I was at where there was the pause to remember our loved one...lots of men hummed quietly along to the accompanying piece of music (a football related song) and it was so beautiful. Unplanned, random humming, just gorgeous. Thank you for bringing that back to me, love ratg x.

Zilpah

March 7, 2019, 8:46 a.m.

Thank you RATG! I thought I was making such good progress and then my mood dipped so badly. Your blog has come at just the might time to help me pick myself up again. Bless you

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the room above the garage

March 7, 2019, 9:37 a.m.

Hello Zilpah, that’s great to hear! Really complimented that you have taken it as my hand to steady yourself. We can walk together, love ratg x.

The Gardener

March 7, 2019, 9:41 a.m.

Ratg, thank you. The analogy excellent. Somebody gave me a book on Hatha Yoga (don't do it) it stressed from the beginning the importance of water in well-being - then, of course, routine and relaxation. If only! In places like India access to CLEAN water is paramount. In the UK weather forecasters speak as if it is a national disaster if it's going to rain. They should all spend time in Africa. Cont , , ,

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The Gardener

March 7, 2019, 9:46 a.m.

One night, before Mr G had to go into a home, he terrified me, hallucinating and out of control - emergency services said get sedatives into him if I could, if things got worse somebody would come out. Answer was simple, he was de-hydrated. I, his prime carer, had not noticed that he'd stopped drinking (always drank loads of water) very dangerous, in hot countries can cause death. A grand-daughter, works in major cancer hospital, nags me to drink more (water) I do not obey, maybe now I will!

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the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:01 a.m.

Hello TG, a very similar experience to me with one of my grannies, her behaviour was out of character and water made a big change. We can't berate ourselves, its human. Haven't spoken in a while, did you ever get the house sold? Love ratg x.

The Gardener

March 8, 2019, 2:57 p.m.

Thanks, sold house late 14th Dec, to UK for Memorial Service 17th, back after Xmas - traumatic Christmas, now I live in perpetual chaos of workmen and inefficient authorities, exhausted - was warned it would happen, doesn't help. love xx

Jul

March 7, 2019, 10:07 a.m.

Hello ratg. What a great analogy of the water. The bit that struck me was when you said you are not sure of you want to be totally cured or fixed. I for one and you and I suspect many here on Moodscope have had depression and poor mental health for so long now, so many years, we are who we are and may be it's not so bad after all. It's what we are used to and we do cope, some days better than others. Lovely blog ratg. Jul xx

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Valerie

March 7, 2019, 11:12 a.m.

Yes Jul,maybe being "fixed" would blow my mind.For one thing,would I still be entitled to belong to Moodscope and hear from all the great people on here? xx

Jul

March 7, 2019, 12:47 p.m.

What would we do without Moodscope even when well or a recovered depressive? Interesting thought. I think I've got that Stockholm syndrome where captives become attached emotionally to the person who has taken them prisoner. Jul ***

Valerie

March 7, 2019, 2:53 p.m.

Is this the illness or "Bruce" we are talking about Jul? ***

the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:05 a.m.

Hello Jul, I read your lovely reply on my last blog and never got around to answering. Thank you, you are always so supportive. If I hadn't become depressed, I wouldn't understand things about myself or others. I like what I know now. I'll "keep it til it goes away" as my dad would say :-)

Jul

March 8, 2019, 6:17 p.m.

Love that. I'll keep it till it goes away. I wonder if he heard that from someone else or if it's his own saying. What a wonderful thing to say. Jul xx

The Gardener

March 7, 2019, 10:29 a.m.

Did anybody here hear discussion on PM last night on the problems of getting off anti-depressants? Thought it was a very good 'airing' of the problem, one of them, a high-flying journalist I think, a sufferer herself.

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Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 11:25 a.m.

Dear Gardener, can you provide any more info on this please? What's PM? I'm tapering down off my anti-d's at the moment, before changing over to another type which is supposed to help me more. I'm not doing great at the minute.

The Gardener

March 7, 2019, 1:18 p.m.

Hello DF, Radio 4 at 5 p.m.your time - they were talking about NEVER stopping meds suddenly, nor staying on them for life. Apparently a lot of people are feeling a sort of 'cold turkey' situation

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 2:16 p.m.

Thanks TG, I'll see if I can hear on 'listen again' x

Lexi

March 7, 2019, 2:48 p.m.

I did cold turkey once....never again. It sent me into one of the worst holes I have ever experienced.

Valerie

March 7, 2019, 2:55 p.m.

I hope never to experience withdrawal problems.because I do not intend ever coming off Prozac.xx

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 2:55 p.m.

I agree Dear Gardener and here's the link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0002zd1 I believe it's going to be further discussed this evening.

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 3:13 p.m.

Lexi, I did too when I came off far too quickly some years ago. What I'm on currently seems not to be having much effect anymore so it's been advised that I taper off and try another type of anti-d, which I'm actually quite anxious about - bit of a story there too. How did you emerge from the hole? Was it to go back onto medication? I tried my hardest to help myself and 'think' myself out of it that time; asked any benevolent being who might be listening. None was and I had to go back onto medication again x

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 3:14 p.m.

Valerie, I'm pleased Prozac works for you, I just couldn't tolerate it x

Lexi

March 7, 2019, 3:23 p.m.

Dragonfly, that's the same rationale I had for going off of mine - thinking that I could talk myself out of the bad moods, that I was somehow "cured" and didn't need to be on meds anymore. I didn't tell anyone I did it -not my therapist, my close friends or family. Then when I started to spiral downward quickly I was too ashamed to tell anyone. Luckily I finally admitted it before my suicidal thoughts took over. Now I'm back on Lexapro and have been stable for awhile. And I have made peace with myself that my brain just isn't wired properly - like having a weak heart or something - and that I will need to be on meds probably for the rest of my life. That's okay with me now. I still meditate, try to eat well and do other things for my spirit, while my brain is kept at a steady line xo

The Gardener

March 7, 2019, 3:27 p.m.

Treating my much quoted friend is hopeless - she is not stupid, but cannot comprehend that there is no easy answer with anti-depressants, you have to wait to see if they suit you. If they don't work next day, she stops.

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 3:35 p.m.

Hello again Lexi, and thanks for explaining. Isn't this shame thing so awful? I've just googled Lexapro and realise that's what I was put on, but I know it as Escitalopram. It helped me out of the pit of despair at the time, but seems to have lost it's efficacy in the years since. Your acceptance is good though. Not sure if I'm quite there yet x

Valerie

March 7, 2019, 4:01 p.m.

Speaking to others,it seems to either work really well and quite quickly,or not at all.One man told me it made him much worse.xx

Lexi

March 7, 2019, 4:06 p.m.

Dragonfly for some reason lexapro/escitalopram and the current dosage I'm on has been working well for me. I have tried others - prozac, lamictal (for a brief diagnosis of bipolar 2), wellbutrin, others. The prozac sent me into terrible mania. Lamictal worked for awhile but stopped. And I think it was the wellbutrin that gave me horrible nightmares. There are so many out there that it's worth trying another to see if it works. Everyone (and every brain?) is different. It's a complex process I think. Takes time. Let me know how it goes with your new meds xo

Lexi

March 7, 2019, 4:10 p.m.

I found this article interesting too, about a fast acting nasal spray for severe depression https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/05/health/depression-treatment-ketamine-fda.html

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 4:43 p.m.

Thanks Lexi, I will but it takes some courage to try new meds when, as you know, the side effects can be quite awful. I'm pleased you're settled now xx

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 11:21 a.m.

Dear ratg, I have no poetry in me today (unlike Ach) and not much hope either, but your blog reminded me of a song we sang once in choir: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvVs_s1IbrU Sorry, I can only find the version with (Americanised) lyrics or a more wacky Sammy Davis Jr one. I remember my little grandson coming in with me on one occasion when we were rehearsing and singing 'fly up high!' in his sweet little voice x

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Ach UK

March 7, 2019, 3:49 p.m.

Hi Dragonfly, Sorry to hear you sounding a bit overwhelmed at the mo. Re changing over meds, I always think it's a very upsetting time for one's brain. (This is just my thoughts and opinions now, your precise situation may vary). I don't care for the pharmaceutical companies views who often suggest their antidepressants are not addictive. Of Course they are, in the sense that they've been add(ict)ed to our brains chemistry soup for months ( let's say) and our neurons have adjusted to them being there and have accomodated to their input by making readjustment changes to the brain soup mix. So, voila, when you stop taking them, even with a gentle tapering off of the dose the brain is put in a quandary, suddenly missing an ingredient and having to make up for the lost ingredient. It takes a while for our brains to settle down , and then we start gradually adding a "New" medicine in.. to replace the one that hasn't worked very well. And even tho this may very well be absolutely the right thing for you it might be a bit rough going for a little while. Not an easy process sometimes . So be gentle on yourself while you're switching over. I sometimes think it's a bit like switching to a wholegrain, high fibre cabbages onionscarrots and lettuce diet from cream cakes white bread and sugar and sweeties. What a shock that is to our tummies so our sensitive nervous system also must feel ghastly. Please don't be stoical and please reach out to as many people as you can to summon up sympathy and support. If the changeover is being a bit tough then its going to have a knockon effect with whatever else that's going on in your life so perfectionism is definately out for now :))). Sending best wishes, hope you feel better soon. XX Ach. .

Dragonfly

March 7, 2019, 4:38 p.m.

Thank you Ach my love x PS I've posted a comment to you above too and dear ratg, sorry again for rather overtaking your blog. If anything I suppose I've gone from a place of despair first thing to reinforcing that on here there is such understanding and support x

Ach UK

March 7, 2019, 5:04 p.m.

Big hugs Dragonfly! :))) Moodscope is great with lots people giving support and snips of info. There's usually someone whose answer fits. I am so pleased I found this site and its so giving people. XX Ach.

the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:12 a.m.

Hello Dragonfly, you are never to apologise for having conversations on here, its what it is here for, precisely that, whether its related to that particular blog or not. I hope you can pull out every single kindness for yourself and treat yourself very well in all senses, you will need that to cushion this bumpy time. Stay close by, check in and we'll stand beside you xx.

Dragonfly

March 8, 2019, 2:25 p.m.

Thank you dear lovely, generous, hope-giving ratg xx

M

March 7, 2019, 1:08 p.m.

....such a timely read, I woke this morning with such a thirst and said to myself yet again, what do I have to do to remind myself to drink more water during the day? I bought a water filter - no more plastic water bottles - I use a lovely glass, I really like drinking water, especially with a slice of lemon, and I know it's good for me, but still I forget to drink it....,but not today I wont, off to refill the filter and place it in sight. Thank you. x

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the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:13 a.m.

Ah good stuff Millie, water is the start of the self care, who knows where it will lead xx

Lexi

March 7, 2019, 2:50 p.m.

Lovely RATG. I always love to see your name and your words are always so insightful and timely. I recorded my scores today AND made notations. There is a rhythm there. A pattern. Triggers. Thank you for the reminder. xo

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the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:14 a.m.

Brilliant, I did too. I forget just how helpful it can be and it takes seconds. I'm going for it again today!

The Gardener

March 7, 2019, 3:25 p.m.

To all above re: meds in general - seems neither time nor willingness of medical profession to check regularly that said meds still work - My b-in-law was said to be taking 17 different pills - my mother had Disprin several times a day for 25 years! For rheumatism, all she needed was to move. Body gets used to them, often have side-effects (with reduced mobility often constipation, a problem in itself). I have diazepan 'available' for panic attacks or stress, written on prescription 'vigilance'.

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the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:15 a.m.

I agree TG, often there is no continuity and meds can become muddled or over/under used.

Sophie

March 7, 2019, 9:28 p.m.

Thank you RATG, that was the nudge I needed to complete the test. No surprises I was shying away from it-I got 25% last time and 38% tonight! But I took it and I know why my score is what it is and I annotated and that’s thanks to your blog. Xx

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the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:16 a.m.

I avoid it too, when I don't want to face the reality of a low score. But then I realise its precisely knowing that which will help me care for me.

Mary Wednesday

March 8, 2019, 7:17 a.m.

Coming in late to this. It was so encouraging and helpful. Even with the drugs, I still struggle. The migraines are the worst bit.

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the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 9:17 a.m.

Migraines are debilitating :-( Are yours caused by your medication?

Mary Wednesday

March 8, 2019, 10:05 a.m.

They started at the same time as I started the meds. But could be linked with menopause too.

the room above the garage

March 8, 2019, 10:10 a.m.

Just awful. There is so little to do but let them run their course and depart. If you don't already, then maybe have a look at blood sugar and keeping it very steady. It can be key in preventing migraine but of course there are so many causes. Wishing you well Marydoll ***.

Molly

March 8, 2019, 1:52 p.m.

Thanks for your blog RATG. I’m late as well. I’m glad you have learnt how to cope with your mental health. Interesting what you say about not being fixed or cured and not sure if you want to be and the comments here on that. When I used to come out of a bad depression, I would feel very exposed and ashamed. I guess we kind of get used to being in that state in a way and yes being a sufferer, it does help us understand others and gives us the ability to empathise. I’m fuming about a letter I have received very personal about me and inaccurate (just thought I would get that of my chest) I will dwell on it for a week or more, I wish I could just ‘let it go’. I feel the so called professionals have no idea and do not help matters! Love Molly xx

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Jul

March 8, 2019, 6:21 p.m.

Is the letter from professionals? If it's inaccurate, can you correct them or is it an incorrect clinical judgement? I'm sorry to hear this. Jul. xx

Molly

March 8, 2019, 7:33 p.m.

Thanks Jul, first the DWP and now the NHS, it’s so very personal. They have written down everything I have said in a therapy session along with mistakes. All this is just making me more ill xx

Low water level

March 8, 2019, 10:51 p.m.

Triggered, reacting to possibly the under-cover 'Police Officers'/ Authorities tactics of 'CONTROL' covertly = at a guess?, *** lol has just put the song in my head of: "How low can you go?" by Ludacris. (Spelt properly is "Ludicrous" but don't overthink it. It is about his motorbike, it involves nobody else but me and him, meddlers.) My ex is deeply disturbing me and I cannot handle him nor his 'dares', = a psycho-path reaction, he acted CRAZY. Sorry but true, I am not a Psychiatric Nurse. An invasion into private affairs, privacy issues are always a concern, I agree with my Consultant, 'nothing to do' with certain people. My ex took our break-up extremely badly and I was overwhelmed and taken aback by the level of his emotions and he was 15 years older than me. He is not a teenager, an old man. Dignity is important to me in my life and to my family. What ever happened to DIGNITY? To be as mad as a FISH!! Or as 'reacting' as a fish. My ex probably, possibly makes me feel like this song. I don't know the song tbh, don't overthink it. FATE hit me with it from my quiet inner spirit voice. I do not know how I thought of the song. The relationship was SUBJECTIVE and he is an ex for REASONS. He BLEW it. "How low can you go? GO LOW, LOWER THAN YOU KNOW!" it feels with my life or him. Exactly. What ever happened to my 'self-respect'?, self-preservation? He doesn't understand that it feels TRAUMATIC, I am going LOWER... -THAN I KNOW. Than I have ever known and it is mortifying and DEPRESSING, I hate it. This is getting out of hand and I am disturbed. He can have all his water glass levels REALLY LOW, low level of water, LOWER THAN YOU/ I KNOW!! It will help him drink more, to take small sips. A little at a time. PEACE.

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Low water level

March 8, 2019, 11:01 p.m.

Hi stress indeed.

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