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The Modern Day CV. Thursday November 5, 2015

All too often we see the Curriculum Vitae as the definitive statements of who we are.

Our past education, qualifications and experience.

It's all about our past and a narrow ability to remember facts, which is all IQ really is.

The IQ test was created in 1905 by Alfred Binet to determine those in society that required help rather than ridicule and incarceration. Unfortunately it became used for the very opposite reason, to identify those that money and education should not be wasted upon!

We are now the most in-debt, obese, medicated and addicted adults in human history, so IQ is clearly only part of the answer.

Today CVs are the prime 'measurement' of our ability to do a job – hence why many are 'made up' and often contain 'mis-truths'.

In recent years I have come more and more to see that there is another form of CV which far more greatly determines someone who feels not only good to be around, but who is by their very character, helping society.

I call this ability Confident Vulnerability - the modern CV.

During my times working in organisations, I have come to see that people who are comfortable to show their weaknesses, make it safe for others to say what they truly think and feel.

It was Simon Sinek who stated that when a leader makes people feel safe, everyone becomes selfless.

Needless to say the converse is also true, when the boss seeks and displays supposed perfection and we need to be 'right' rather than human, everyone then becomes selfish.

Many of us have worked in teams and organisations where it does not feel 'safe' to be ourselves and so, as humans genetically driven to protect ourselves in danger, we alter our behaviour to protect 'me' not we. So while we maybe are in a team, it's really a team of one!

Much of mental ill health is due to the workplace and the mismatch of our own values to that of the organisation. The more diverse, the more stress.

If you are struggling in life, seek out those with the healing CV – those who are Confidently Vulnerable.

These are people who will share real life with you with all its warts and not 'tell' you what to do, but share how they feel. They will share their concerns while also being strong enough to respect their own and your boundaries.

If you wish to grow a group of friends who will be compassionate, supportive and honest about what is real to them - their feelings (not the supposed IQ facts) watch for those who can be Confidently Vulnerable.

The old IQ CV looks backward with facts.
The new EQ CV looks forwards with the real facts – your feelings.

Les
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 5:45am

Thanks Les, for your wise words!
Here, in the Bear household, it can often seem like a team of one! But that's what makes a family I suppose!
'The Boss' changes as well...sometimes it's Mr Bear and often it is Baby Bear.
Like many peeps who are of the Confidently Vulnerable-type, I have to keep reminding myself that 'The Bossess' aren't always right!!! They know how vulnerable I have been and still can be, so it can be hurtful to see how easily they can turn on me. I have often had to ask them if they would actually treat and speak to work colleagues (those peeps of the usual CV variety) in the same manner - and I know full well that they wouldn't and couldn't without being shunned, sacked, disciplined etc.
In Bear world, confidence has got up and gone off to live elsewhere, so I know I would be a walking jelly if I had to go back to full-time work outside the home...especially if it meant working for some of the peeps I have done over the years in civil service/schools and private sector. I expect there are many of us here on Moodscope who have had to work with 'little Hitlers' and am sad to say, some still do.

I am grateful to work from home and to be able to help others with my own brand of EQ CV...with a smidge of it rubbing off on the other bears in the house! Now, it's early...this Bear is off to find porridge...!

Liane Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 8:25am

Easy said. Hard to do. If more people were open to others, allowing friends and family in, their lives could become more balanced. No one is always the one of strength. It's scary to let others in, to share ones feelings, to chance more hurt. Others care if you let them in.
Les, very well said. Time to put your word into practice. Now the hard part. Opening up to others.

readerwriter Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 12:36pm

spot on. hardest part can be saying "help". As sheena says below some learn (at their mother's knee)to shut up and put up. Harm done. Luckily not irreversible?

Sheena Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 8:30am

Another insightful thought well expressed Les. Thank you. We do live what we learn and of course low EQ behaviour can start even before schooling, as a survival mode.

Anonymous Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 10:36am

Yes... but what you say about conventional IQ is not accurate. It's definitely not just about measuring the ability to remember facts...

the room above the garage Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 10:44am

I thoroughly agree with your blog Les. And I wonder if society will evolve in time for my children to benefit. I do hope so. For me, I find I can only survive (at this bit of my life) by keeping my circle very tiny. But I am growing a harder shell and my CV pals are in here. So what if they don't have faces or bodies!! :-) Thank you my friend.

The Gardener Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 10:44am

I should change my 'nickname' to 'very grumpy old woman', and very reactionary. The news of my husband is not good this morning, but our painter came in, THE most cheerful individual - we regarded the mess which will be my new kitchen/dining room and instead of 'tutting' it was 'oh, we can get round that, see you Monday 8.15.' And off he goes with a smile. His wife is beautiful, and has managed the local supermarket ever since we've been here. This leads me to the sadnesses mentioned by Les, the state of the (mainly Western) human race. We are four generations, and the younger three have always overspent. I think everything stems from 'the leader who makes everybody feel safe'. Our family are hard-working, studied well and clever. But, 'thought for the morrow'? No worries. We married, started a family a business and bought a wreck of a house in the 1950's. I would not say that everybody should start like us - but there was no credit, nor hire purchase - our parents were not in a position (or had the disposition) to help us in any way. From the 60's morality declined, girls had illegitimate children without censure (but for a while without state support). Then came credit cards, hire-purchase, 90% mortgages, lowest ever unemployment figures - 'You've never had it so good'. Women thought they could have everything (then, reading latest British magazines, the workplace is more unfriendly to women than ever). People are competitive, for jobs, for their kids' education, going to the latest 'chic' holiday place. This is where the 'grumpy old woman' comes in, horribly realistic - I have the widest range of acquaintances of all ages - partnerships/marriages break up, unhappy children in their wake, a growing solitude as sociability gives way to sitting in the bedroom surfing the web (with very unhappy results to mind and pocket often). We need a mini-apocalypse - just an all pervading good fairy - to make us all, any age, look round and say 'nobody will let us starve, we will be saved from most illnesses, the world is more open than at any time in history - enjoy some moment of today, and for God's sake try to get on with each other - work-mate, elderly neighbour, or an adorable baby in a pram - and maybe, as Christmas rears its often ugly head, dare to pop into a neighbour, with hand-made sweets if you must take something, and, a bigger dare, 'my credit card's at its limit, no presents this year'. The best present would be a release from worry. What an awful, pi lecture - comes of being on my own, get carried away with moralizing. Hugs all round - you are perfectly at liberty to throw bricks or put me in the modern equivalent of the stocks! XXX

Frankie Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 11:47am

Morning dear Gardener; No, I am not going to throw bricks; merely wonder aloud whether your post today is simply a case of very understandable misplaced anger and frustration ... Yes, our world today is very different from decades ago - and whilst I agree with much of what you said I also recognise that it is up to the younger generations to create the society they want .... and I say this as one who is contemplating early retirement, as a result of the changing world of education; I was brought up short by my daughter (23) saying "Mum, you used to talk about individual students, and your ideas to help them learn; now all you talk about is data and deadlines" ... so whilst on the one hand I feel pessimistic about the latest changes in education, when I look around at my younger colleagues, I am encouraged by their enthusiasm, dedication and professionalism, and see in them my younger self ... Oh dear, that does sound like I should go ... which breaks my heart as I love teaching, I love being part of a strong, friendly and caring team, and being part of the school community where I have taught since 1990 ... Have lit a candle again for you and Mr. G, as I sit here preparing my lessons ... Frankie x

Hazel Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 10:59am

Love this post Les. and your choice of words. Confident vulnerability. I try to be open to others about my own mental health journey and it has helped. I have three lovely children who are not in debt apart from mortgages, and we keep trying "to live simply"

Frankie Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 11:56am

Morning Les; So, so true - and really clear, thank-you! I count my blessings that I do work in a very supportive department of caring, honest and open colleagues, led by a true leader (as opposed to manager) who tells it how it is ... so refreshing! Frankie x

susan Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 12:06pm

Hi Les, another great message from you. Like others here, my friends are not numerous but are all CV people and i treasure them. CV friendships endure, usually forever. I'm also fortunate to work in a small office where i can come and go freely as long as my work responsibilities are up to date. This helps enormously during bad patches. I consider myself really lucky and understand how difficult it would be to have to face difficult, insensitive people every day. It's interesting that you say much mental ill health is due to the workplace. In my experience, Workaholism is also cultivated by large corporations. Ta, Les. xx

The Gardener Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 12:17pm

Thanks so much Frankie - it's just that these younger generations do not seem very contented - always searching - I read an article on an App called 'Tinder' appalled me, seemed dangerous for the young - perhaps that really shows my age and generation.

Frankie Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 1:06pm

Yours and mine both, dear Gardener! Frankie

the room above the garage Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 2:52pm

When I feel this way TG, I remind myself that so much good is about in our younger generation, if we look for those stories....and generally they don't make such good headlines. Each generation has had its shame, it's illness, it's discontent...and I think that, to some extent, it's simply down to age not generation. What I mean is that young adults of any generation were/are restless, out to prove, out to stand out and that mellowing and maturation always happened/happens eventually. I'm encouraged that issues such as sexuality and mental health, to name just two, are no longer shameful or to be imprisoned for and so whilst I don't understand 'blind youth' (let's sleep with as many people as possible and photo document it because it's the fashion) I do trust that they will bring new waves of acceptance and ideas as they mature. I think I may have made an utterly pants-arama job of explaining myself there... Each generation has fixed something from the one before and that makes me feel safe. In that I trust. Love ratg x.

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 5:51pm

Ha dear RATG...Lol at pantsarama....I have been called a loon in some recent replies by friends in their emails...I said that's fine, for I can be a loon. I am a loon who wears pants...that makes me a Pantaloonatic!

Mary Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 4:37pm

Oh Les, so true. My husband used to work for a bank. I won't mention the name but you will probably guess which one. The very top man was full of hubris and was unpleasant to his directors who passed it down to their managers who passed it down to the workers right down to the most humble of them.It made the bank a most unpleasant place in which to work - even before the great crash into which the top man led them. I think that one of the greatest gifts that comes which age is the ability to share my vulnerabilities (yes - I do have more than one) with others and to seek help.I think there is so much strength in vulnerability owned to without shame. Bless you my dear. This is a brilliant post. And Gardener my sweet - you have earned the right to grumpy old woman-hood. Times have changed as they always do. Some for the worse - but also some for the better. Not all of the younger generation are profligate, not all are promiscuous, not all are puerile in their thinking. Human nature is as it always has been. The only difference is that as we age we see more of it - and so grumble more about it!

Catherine Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 6:23pm

Have any of you see the TED Talk of Brene Brown on vulnerability? It is a must see, as it will contribute greatly to this conversation. Go to TED.com and type in Brene Brown vulnerability. Let me know what you think?

I live in the US, and am happy to have found all of you.
Catherine

Leah Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 9:06pm

Catherine, Welcome to moodscope. Glad you found it. I discovered the TED talk before I saw your post. I am glad you mentioned it. I liked it so much I want to listen to her other TED talks. I liked the way not only was she talking about vulnerability she displayed it was well. A great inspirational speaker who made it look so easy. I was impressed I talk notes during the talk and kept pausing so I could keep up with the ideas. "vulnerability is birthplace of joy"- lots to think about. I hope to read more of your comments. Have you listened to her other TED talks? Leah

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 9:57pm

I Lurve Brene Brown's Ted talk...I watched it the other day when someone else mentioned it here. She is so inspirational....and as you say, Leah, she made it all look so easy and comforting to watch. Nite to self: must listen to more tomorrow. HI CATHERINE...welcome here and hope to hear more from you, Bear x

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 9:58pm

That's...note to self and good nighty all!!!

The Gardener Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 7:25pm

Just back from the hospital - scanning all that's been written today. Decided to visit husband late and leave as he was ready for bed. Mistake - he was OK, bit confused - I leave in a sad state and then discover that night driving is not for me any more - sad, tired, stressed, time I got off the road. I wanted to redress the impression that the young are a profligate, immoral, lazy lot. The article I read on this 'tinder' and all the 'one night stands' DID cause panic, with six grand-children in their twenties. But to be much more academic, on Les's remark on our being the most obese, addicted people ever it's hospital waiting rooms which make such an impression. The visitors are usually middle-aged, high proportion obese, many already awaiting hip or knee operations. My fury is that it is their own lifestyle which has done this, then listening to 'You and Yours' you hear all the statistics of waiting lists, length of time at A & E etc. etc. And when people are in debt, they do not say 'we've spent the money, we've had the fun' they get themselves more in debt. I'm a bit woolly, and not saying that our early married life was 'the good old days' but no credit equals no temptation, shortage of money and loads of kids made one a very inventive cook. Being self-employed, although we had the benefits of National Health we had no sick or unemployment pay - nor pensions - so we stuck everything we could in life insurance. Then, in the 80's, interest rates (so hurtful to many) sent our policies into orbit, in fact, one of them bought this house outright in France. You're all right above, there are many fantastic people in the youngest generation (we are blessed with some) but there are MILLIONS whose failure to discipline themselves, food, ciggies, alcohol, spending are getting what they deserve. End of rant.

Leah Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 9:16pm

Gardener, I think there should be more grumpy old women- by grumpy meaning intelligent women who will speak from the heart and stand up for what they believe in. I think sometimes when women are being assertive they are seen as grumpy or bitter. My family would say I was born a grumpy old woman but that is another story. I think every generation has complained about the generation before and how easy they have it and how they are making a mess. My parents said my grandparents would say they didn't know about suffering as they didn't live through world war 1. My parents told us we had know idea bout how difficult life could be as we didn't live through the depression or WW2. My humble opinion is there have always been people in every generation who have squandered opportunities and had no self discipline , plus there are have been people who have had no role models to help them. Luckily in each generation there is hope through individuals who have a compassionate vision. Thanks gardener, not a rant more an outpouring of emotion and experience which I always like to read. Hugs from down under.

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Nov 5th 2015 @ 10:08pm

I really agree with you both dear ladies! It might come across as a bit of a grumpy old woman rant....but we are just saying it as we see it and probably most other people do too! I think we probably seem grumpier because things start to annoy us more as we get older and perhaps we are less tolerant...we have seen a lot of 'life' and have experiences so we are sharing those experiences against what is happening today. If we didn't explain how wrong things seems to us, who would be showing and sharing this with the younger generations - we are all here to help each other from the cradle to the grave! N night all x

Lynn Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 2:32am

Thank you so much, Les. Your blog helped me understand a lot about my life so far. I grew up believing that I had to be perfect and spent my life trying to do it. Of course, I grew up feeling it wasn't safe to be me. It's been a lifelong struggle to not feel anxious about so much. To stop hiding myself (I've done it for so long that I have forgotten who I am). Thanks to your blog I think I understand why it's so hard to draw again... why I am afraid to express myself. I feel encouraged to take the plunge and try again! Time and time again I read you and know that you understand. Moodscope is a very important part of my day...so glad I found you all!

Lynn Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 3:11am

Retired now but when I was working it was easier to work alone. So much gossip, "drama", backbiting! My last boss was a horror. I was under tremendous pressure to perform at an unrealistic level, even to treat customers in the sort of way that would have sent me to the complaint desk or the manager if I were treated like that. Thank goodness I have support from close friends. One of them told me that it was OK to walk away... and I did! Felt like a million and never looked back. (They wanted 2 more weeks and I just didn't have anything left). Today I volunteer along side of loving and appreciative people doing things that I love to do. But I try to remember what it was like. Maybe I can help someone else. At least I can try to use what I've experienced and treat others well. God bless good friends!


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