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February


The love that is inside. Tuesday February 17, 2015

I've not been on here for awhile due to being in love and feeling so high it was truly an amazing experience, something that I've not felt for a long time. I savoured every moment knowing that the high wouldn't last forever and that reality would kick in. So for nearly 2 weeks I felt more alive then I had done in years. It was so nice to have those loving feelings inside, knowing that someone loved me.

I was then listening to a programme and, according to the speaker, the feelings I had experienced came from inside me, the person who I had fallen in love with hadn't made those feelings I felt, it was me. He also said that I could recreate those feelings every day if I wanted to. That got me thinking.

Anyone suffering with depression knows how low you can get and how isolated you feel, when that light you held on to faded to a tiny spot and dimmed.

I have learnt that regardless of who is around you or what pills you are popping the only person that can really help you is yourself. Since discovering Louise Hay and a few other inspiring speakers, more recently Ajahn Brahm, I have started to look inside and started being kind and loving to myself and have stopped being so critical.

When the love I had experienced with falling in love ended, initially I was devasted and upset, but rather going down that familar self critical path that I had obviously done something wrong, instead I got my mirror out and spoke loving words to myself.

Even though I know I still have tears to shed over the broken relationship I know I will grow stronger and move on.

Cassy
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

G Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 7:09am

With the help help of the pills, I managed to reroute my brain chemicals by being mindful of my every reaction. Slowly, I became better, eventually my psychiatrist reduced my dosage to the point I feel normal on a long-stretch of days without pills. It felt tremendously wonderful. Cassy is right about we are the one that can really help us.

Ajahn Brahm is truly amazing. You don't have to be a Buddhist to appreciate his talks. I have attended his talks in person twice, and I asked him a simple question during the first talk: "How to overcome anger?", he began with "it's easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy", and then shared his wisdom on how we deal with our negative emotion and human suffering in general. It took me some time to practice what he said, but I feel much better than before. Love yourself more, be kind and gentle in words and actions, take good care of your health and mental well-being by learning more about how mind works. The toughest process for me is to be kind to myself. As severely depressed people, how we thought of ourselves is crucial to the outcome: we can either let it spiral out of control and become suicidal, or show empathy to our tortured mind and become calm eventually.

Everyone, be strong and love yourself.

Anonymous Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 7:46am

Dear Cassy, it is sad that you felt you knew the great 'feelings wouldn't last forever'...maybe you knew deep down that this person wasn't for you anyway. But it must have been fantastic to be there, in the moments, and enjoy the euphoria!

It will come again...with the right person - and btw - the right person is YOU!! Look after yourself first, (without being selfish),then I'm sure you will suddenly find that new and longer-lasting love again. It is very hard to be kind to ourselves :) Karen x

Hopeful One Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 7:57am

Hi Cassy- a lovely heart warming blog for me.After Alzheimer's claimed my wife I am now loveless.Of course I love my wife but as there is no reciprocation it feels like trying to clap with one hand.I want to love again and be loved.But I have to get over those terrible feeling of guilt and shame that I am somehow abandoning my life long partner although I know in my heart of hearts that this is not true.This weekend I decided that I would start looking for a soul mate.I have no idea how it is going to work out.But one thing I know,and I practice it often,is to always ask am I loving myself enough especially if I am down.

Julia Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 8:52am

Dear Cassy. This is a lovely blog. It makes me think about highs and if they are reality or not. It is truly amazing to experience highs from time to time but the let down afterwards can be so hard to bear. It's better to have lived and loved than never to have loved at all. I must check this quote as I'm not sure I've got it right!

Julia Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 10:01am

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Anonymous Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 10:28am

Through Christianity I learned (eventually!) that I am loved, no matter what. This is the message I did not pick up from my parents. So, love yourself and love others. Simple. ps you don't have to be holy & you don't have to work hard at it. Just accept the fact you are loved & are lovable. Xx Gill

Anonymous Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 11:00am

Hi Cassy - thank-you for sharing;
yes, for me too, Louise Hay was an important part in my recovery (though I never managed to speak lovingly to myself when looking in the mirror!)
Frankie

Anonymous Tue, Feb 17th 2015 @ 9:13pm

Have listened to Ajahn Brahn and he is good...some things really worth taking 'on-board'. Karen :)

Anonymous Wed, Feb 18th 2015 @ 12:59pm

It's a funny thing, this falling in love. It happened to me a few times when I needed it most, when I really felt down and out. Then somebody came along ...and it happened. It was marvelous.And did not last long, either. Later a therapist told me over and over again to learn to love myself. Cuddle, stroke myself. Others told me that God loves me, too. Surprisingly it worked, not perfectly though, but well enough. I still would find it hard to live all alone, but I have been in a steady relationship for more than twenty years now. And I dread the moment when this may end.

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