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The Knights in shining armour. Tuesday November 24, 2015

My best friends don't really know who they are. They have no idea that they play a bigger part in my life than the part they know about. They do not know that they can be my salvation.

I've known Eric for about 16 years. He had great concern for me a few years back when I went through my separation and made a point of coming down from his window cleaning ladder to see into my eyes when he enquired about how I was coping. He trusted me and shared wisdom from his breakdown following his divorce. Generally he's 'just' my window cleaner.

I've known Graham over 20 years. He doesn't just deliver packages, he rings the bell and has a chat. We discuss anything at all. Sometimes serious stuff. Sometimes not. Always a laugh to be had at the end. We pass each other driving sometimes and a hand always comes out the window.

Dave calls me "darlin" and sends me texts with "hello lovely, I'm in your area is it any good?". He sometimes hugs me to say hello and always parts with "look after". We've been friends for about 12 years. Mostly I pay him to wash my car.

My favourite of them all is Robert. He looked liked he might cry when he stumbled into learning my partner and I had called it quits and, as I welled up saying "It's ok", he gently enveloped me with one wall sized arm saying "It's clearly not ok". He has the biggest, happiest face (and body) and we share a very stupid and daft sense of humour. He is the highlight of my week. We meet on Friday lunchtimes. He delivers our butcher meat. My relationship with his family business goes back 16 years and I've been good friends with him for 9.

They need nothing from me. And they take nothing. They are dependable, regular givers in my life and I thoroughly cherish them. Avoiding celebrations for my big birthday a couple of years ago, I realised being with these guys was the only type of event where I would feel truly comfortable. They don't know each other. They don't know they help keep me on the straight and narrow. Maybe one day I will tell them how magically important they are to me.

Love from
The room above the garage.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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g Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 12:58am

Wow !

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:54am

:-D xxx

Sally Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 5:40am

Excellent blog, Ratg. It rings very, very true with me, too. You have highlighted something important here, that it is often the truest, honest, small gestures of love and acceptance that are the most valued. I too have such friends, and cherish them because "they need nothing from me. They take nothing". Thank you for this.

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:55am

Thank you Sally, there is no pressure, no competing, just very simple and true...I'm glad you have it too. X

Soulmansblue Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 6:51am

Yes, some of us have many friends who do much more for you than they realise. It is good to have those kinds of friends and they are so supportive.

Sadly though we also lose a lot of friends because of the way we are. Even friends we've had for years, those we'd considered really good friends walk away and turn their backs on you.

It is really sad and shows the state of the world. Those friends would not have walked away if your illness had been physical and visible. What a sad world we live in.

Take care 'Room Above The Garage' and do tell your friends what they have and are still doing for you. They would really appreciate that and it would show them just how much they mean to you in telling them.

Debs Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 7:21am

Couldn't agree more Soulman, I have lost many many friends over the past few years.... but they have been replaced by new ones who are amazing. Truly angels in my life. I agree about telling people what they mean to you, those unsaid words are so important in life. They are the ones that mean the most xxx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:58am

Soulmansblue I've had this too. Not that they knew about my depression but that they didn't think there might have been another reason for pulling out of something. It used to bother me and now I feel good that I don't have to worry over it. Less is more. Thank you x.

Debs Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 7:24am

Great great blog room, you write so beautifully! I always love seeing your name appear. I have a few Knights too, they are the people who touch my heart and give me the strength to face the day. One is a pizza delivery guy who unfortunately doesn't come very often any more because I am eating much healthier ;-) but I do occassionally still call him just so that I can see his smile and feel our brief connection. Next time he comes I'm going to tell him what his vists have meant. Thanks for the thoughtful reminder xxx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 11:00am

Hello Debs, how are you travelling? You're encouraging me...I might find a Christmas way to say thank you to them. Not money, not mistletoe but something...X.

LillyPet Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 7:53am

Hey ratg, what a lovely blog!
I was going to say how lucky you are to have such a lovely circle of friends there for you. But it's not luck! They have seen your shining light, your essence. You're like a twinkling star and I light up when I see your name too!
I have friends who are lovely, are there for me, encourage me to come out or understand if I'm not up to it and are there when I am. I have a dear friend who expects nothing from me but she lives too far away to see very often.
Friendship can last forever in a way that relationships may not.
Thank you for the reminder to touchbase with the few friends that I have and let them know how special they are to me :) Hugs to all! LP xx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 11:02am

Hello LP, you return the light...many a day you've lifted me even by what you've said to others. Xx

LillyPet Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 9:25pm

:) xxx

Hopeful One Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 8:34am

Hi RATG- you are right of course but what no women? I just wondered if we connect better with the opposite gender better. I too have had such friendships and they are priceless.

Want to share a joke my cyber friend?

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people were using sign language. He noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and told the the group to leave the bar. The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 9:53pm

Aargh, replied to this when I was out today and it didn't work. I think I was saying...I don't know why no women but I often feel more comfortable with males, maybe because I grew up with brothers and their friends. The exception being the women in here, they get it and so its free and easy. I love the joke, you always pitch it just right :-D

susan Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:04am

Hi ratg, this is lovely. When you tell these Knights just what they mean to you, they will tell you, in their own way, what you mean to them...and their feelings will mirror your own. I had such a friend here in London. He always called me Mrs.(Surname)and was always miraculously there for me, like a guardian angel. Our friendship developed over 20 years and when he died 2 years ago at a relatively young age, I was so thankful that we had been able to share our feelings about and appreciation for our shared and true friendship. He is never far from my heart. xx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 9:54pm

Goodness that is just lovely. You must really miss him, irreplaceable. xx

Mary Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:23am

This is just - beautiful. I too have friends like this. Lots of people would say they cannot be friends as we only meet up in the course of their professional duties. But John, my postman, is always a cheery light to brighten my day. Saff (I have no idea how to spell his name), the pharmacist I have known since my eldest was four months old (and his eldest was just about to be born) is a joy. Kathleen, the Irish lady at Tesco who oversees the scan as you shop checkout is a true beacon of kindliness. I hope that we give them all as much joy as we receive.

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 9:56pm

Ah, a kindred spirit, and aren't they always the most interesting of people!! Love to you Marydoll x.

danielle Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:25am

Lovely blog RATG, you are correct that these people are so precious and quite often those people we see in our daily routine and they have no idea how much they brighten our lives! Little acts of kindness can put such a sparkle into the day, or soemtimes just make it bearable. My new next door neighbour took our milk in for us the other day as we were away for the weekend and i asked them to take it and use it so it didnt get wasted (silly me forgot to cancel the order!) when we got home late sunday they popped in with the milk as they didnt want us to be without on monday morning! was so sweet of them - its the little things. I am sure the people in your life value you just as much, your kindness, chats and loyalty to their businesses xxx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 9:57pm

New neighbours and already off to the best start! xx

Bearofliddlebrain Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 11:17am

Dear Guinevere! I too have Knights!
Colin doesn't do my garden very often, but when he's next door...he's always offered a cuppa ree from me, over the wall...they don't offer next door.
We have different posties now, but when John was my postie he used to chat and bring a biscuit for Dog. Then there are the dog-walking peeps I come across - not always the same peeps, but a cheery hello is swapped!
Then there are my friends, who, like everyone else here seems to have, ones I can rely on - to be there for me, but to be honest, most of them don't know how much I need them - because I don't ask and don't tell them how much pain I am in at times.
Your friends, dear RATG....blissful, happy peeps who care about you because you care about them, and I think that's the biggest clue here...we have to 'give' in order to 'receive' matter who it's to. My neighbour whinges and moans and doesn't really want to pay even the going rate so Colin is in and out of there as quickly as possible and she misses out on friendship.
Well done dear RATG...thankees x x x

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 9:58pm

A cuppa over the wall...this makes me smile so much. Simple love. Gorgeous xx.

Barbara Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 11:18am

Lovely, Ratty. (Hope u don't mind the diminutive.) What u say is very true. U lose some, u gain some. What the hell. I hate to say it, but even some of our previously treasured friends are replaceable. It's not their fault, they just cannot comprehend. Sometimes a failure of imagination, sometimes of experience. Either way, regrettable but totally understandable. We grieve their loss, and find ourselves moving on with others.

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:00pm

Indeed. And I don't mind Ratty...I suddenly feel I am in a children's book and feel complimented!

Dolphin Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 11:33am

lovely blog - thanks and thank heavens for simple affirming contact. One of my lessons in life (learnt only recently actually!) is that we keep on making new friends wherever we are. xxx to all friends, physical, virtual, casual, passing ....

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:01pm

Wise observation Dolphin, you're right new friends daily really. Thank you xx.

Terence Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 12:06pm

I have one particular angel who reminds me that in the worst of times we are presented with what we need. I feel that I usually recognise these presents but do not always acknowledge them, which can be a source of regret. Thank you for the lovely reminder to tell them x

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:02pm

What a lovely way to describe it "in the worst of times we are presented with what we need"...wonderful stuff! x

Nicola Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 12:14pm

Beautiful blog, thank you. Also interesting is how we function as this in other people's lives, and often don't know. I walk my dogs the same route in the mornings, about the same time, and an elderly lady told me that she sees us out the window, and knows it's time to be on the move. All these small connections, that sometimes are not small at all xx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:03pm

Oh I love that. I hadn't thought before that perhaps I might be this in someone else's, yeah, mindblown! Thank you x.

Lexi Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 12:50pm

Beautiful post.You too are a knight to them, you know.They have probably needed your warm smile and chat on many a day and you have been there for them. Your post reminded me of the power we have to help and heal, often times without really even knowing it. Thank you.

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:07pm

Oh thank you, what a lovely compliment. Yes just this, we can help and heal in the tiniest of ways which can turn out to be huge.

The Gardener Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 5:51pm

My knights come by e-mail and phone - saying don't worry how often I contact, or if I moan, they know I'm still about - and they always reply. And there is a thing called Moodscope - that's pretty good at rescuing damsels in distress (or male equivalent). I'd had a good day, then received such a horrible mail I'd like to share it. Friends of my husband who went to agricultural college in the 50's often got jobs in the colonies. One went to South Africa, did well, became a rabid supporter of Apartheid and hates all 'blacks'. He has sent on a letter full of hatred of ALL Muslims, citing all the countries who are taking steps against them, calling them 'evil', almost calling for a holocaust. The letter is evil and dangerous - and needs a Saint George or some sort to slay this dragon. Has anybody had a like letter?

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:09pm

Burn it darling. Stick to your own value and instinct. You said you'd had a good day...keep that part xxxx.

LillyPet Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 9:24pm

Thank goodness no TG! Some friend!
How horrible to receive such a vile thing. Don't let it ruin your good day. I think I'd return it to him!
The sad thing is he probably feels completely justified and has no idea that the very thing that he despises and wants to stop, is what he is actually trying to spread.
Thank you for reminding me that nothing good comes from anger.

Ratg's blog about how precious friendship is and who always gives us warmth, has reminded me that I will find a way let them know what they mean to me. They are the ones who deserve my time, energy and effort. Peaceful wishes to all. LP xx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 24th 2015 @ 10:10pm

As a lover of music...I just adore 'LP'. Its like an important part of my past reworked. Wonderful! :-)

Di Wed, Nov 25th 2015 @ 6:11pm

Dearest Room Above the Garage ~
I adore your post. It gives me inspiration, hope, laughter, and acknowledgement that we are indeed able to make wonderfully rich connections. I've not ever seen anyone voice it in this way. Lovely.
You are adored,

the room above the garage Thu, Nov 26th 2015 @ 10:29pm

Hello Di, I love to see your name, how are you? Thank you for your compliment! Xx

Di Sat, Nov 28th 2015 @ 9:08am

I am slaying personal dragons right and left, climbing magical mountains, and finding that true, deep, throaty love is possible. That the end of an intimate relationship does not change my care, concern or affection for that person. Instead, what dies is the dream of a deeper bond & a future with them/us ~ it dissipates. Yet, lah! There is more love than I can embrace if I but open my eyes & heart to it. Be well, dear RATG. I love your the way your brain works. Di

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