The Borrowers

8 Sep 2020
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If this book should dare to roam, box its ears, and send it home.

How many of us have loaned out a book and never received it back? More than a few of us, I think.

I have had to replace favourite books so many times, that now, if a friend wishes to read one of my books, I buy them a copy. Or, I take a deep breath and say, “No.” My books are old friends: I love them and will not willingly be parted from them.

Other things are lent out too, on the understanding they will be given back. I have lent my car on occasion, items of fancy dress (costume) and frequently lend out business tools to members of my team. In turn, I borrow from them. It all works out very well. They always give things back in good condition.

We may have in our possession things which do not belong to us - items on loan. If we are still using them, we are probably happy with the situation, but when they are no longer needed, if we do not return them, they become clutter. We cannot dispose of them, but sometimes there is no easy way to give them back. They sit there and make us feel guilty.

Last week I was able to return something.

2016 saw my last serious bout of mania and depression; it was that one that sent me back to the mental health team and resulted in my current (effective) medication. During that manic period, I joined a choir. When the inevitable depression followed, I just – left. I sat, shaking, on the sofa for three months, unable to engage with anyone. When I recovered I was too ashamed to go back. I still had three items of sheet music: expensive sheet music, that had been handed out (lent) to the choir members. Every time I moved them from one place to another, I felt guilty; but I never did anything about them.

Then, out of the blue, I received an email from the choir master. It wasn’t about the choir at all, but an unrelated matter. It gave me a springboard for action.

I replied, explaining and apologising for that sudden disappearance, and asking for his address so I could return the sheet music to him.

It felt so good parcelling it up and putting it in the post-box. The feeling of lightness was out of all proportion to the physical weight of that paper.

It has made me have a look around to see if I have other things in my house that belong to someone else.

There is that book on curtain-making I borrowed from a friend some years ago. I made those curtains and vowed, “Never again!”

I haven’t seen my friend in a while; we should have coffee together, now that we can. And I’ll hand her back the book.

I think she’ll be surprised!

I hope she’ll be pleased.

Mary

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Comments

Molly

Sept. 9, 2020, 12:01 a.m.

Hi Mary Gosh I don’t think I would ever borrow something and not give it back ! I’m thinking now and have hiccups in the process. Not related! Just unfortunate! There are a couple of occasions that I wasn’t given something back but on the whole I give my books away because I just know they won’t be read again. They used to look pretty in my book case (and I’ve kept some) but on the whole, I pass them on and don’t need them back. The guilt would be too much if I were to hang on to someone’s possessions that belonged to them. Why do you hope your friend will be pleased with you? It’s her book. Molly xx

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:36 p.m.

I hope she will be pleased because it's come back and not angry it was away so long!

Daisy

Sept. 9, 2020, 5:09 a.m.

Dear Mary, many years ago I lent a friend ‘the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy’ she read it in the bath! It returned in a very sorry state. Another friend once said if you lend money to people you should have no expectation to get it back and even further that it was unreasonable to expect it back. We disagreed mildly about it- but actually her words had wisdom at least partially as I lent a large amount of money to a family member and I don’t think I will ever get it back. I don’t need it and they do. But the idea of returning things does feel good. I like returning the used water filters to the recycling bin in the shop. Packing things up sending them gives a nice satisfaction thx for the blog. I am glad your medication is working it sounds as if you have had a tough time and it is good to hear that things are getting better for you.

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:42 p.m.

Thank you, Daisy. Maybe your copy of HHGTTG was read by the captain of the Golgafrincham B Ark! ;)

Ruth

Sept. 9, 2020, 6:44 a.m.

I have some library books that I had just before lockdown but haven't been able to return them as the libraries were not open. I have felt so guilty. I really want to return them now. I am beginning to feel better. I know I am not alone with struggling just now. Shielding has been tough on a lot of people. XX

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Molly

Sept. 9, 2020, 2:01 p.m.

Hope they cancelled the library fines Ruth!! :-) xx

The Gardener

Sept. 9, 2020, 2:20 p.m.

Ruth, I think most libraries have e-mails now, ours has, and librarian most efficient. If you are prevented from getting them back an e-mail will tell them you have not forgotten them, and return dates can be changed.

Oli

Sept. 9, 2020, 8:15 a.m.

Thanks for the blog Mary. Makes sense to me because there is a category of life which punches above its weight for the amount of stress I create for myself and it's "Unfinished Business". Not returning stuff I've borrowed can definitely fall into that category. Not being tidy falls into that category too. And the whole thing I've got with procrastination is another example. When something feels like Unfinished business it's my cue to do stress. It drives me nuts but at least knowing that something has the potential to be a thorn in my side can be the motivation to do something about it sooner rather than later. It's like when I finally realised that "Punctuality" was another category and that being late for appointments and scheduled events pushed my stress levels up to maximum I had the blindingly obvious thought, "What if I adjusted my routines so I had more than enough time to spare?" The difference that has made to my life has been huge. It took a little longer to join the dots and spot that it's the same sort of stress which I do with procrastination. I.e. as the deadline gets closer there's not enough time to do whatever it is and the risk of being late increases. Recognising this and simply sorting my sh*t out has made me realise there's no need to create stress about these things so long as I approach them differently. :-)

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The Gardener

Sept. 9, 2020, 2:23 p.m.

Oli, punctuality for me is a nuisance - if I have an appointment, even just for a coffee with somebody, I get nervous as the time comes near. Stupid, because the French are the most un-punctual lot anyway!

Molly

Sept. 9, 2020, 2:24 p.m.

Oli, I guess I’m a bit opposite, as I’m a ‘finisher’ sometimes it’s not possible of course for various reasons, but I like everything in as much order as possible. I’ve neglected the cleaning but that’s a never ending task. But in line with Mary’s blog, I kind of feel everything has to be where it should be, and if I say I’m going to do something, I make sure I do it. Not sure if that makes sense. I go off down a different path sometimes..... My husband has a thing with punctuality. Not a bad thing always but if someone else is late, he finds it really hard. It can cause me real anxiety!! He’s the one in the waiting room at the surgery (When he was able to get there) huffing and puffing and watching the clock without any understanding that the doctor was running late for a large amount of reasons!! Molly xx

Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:46 p.m.

different cultures have different attitudes to punctuality. It became clear to me when a dear German friend could not understand why, if our call was scheduled for 7pm, I would ring at 7.05pm. I discovered that the Germans, as a nation, are punctual. My husband is never late for anything. I am better than I used to be, but still tend to run a few minutes behind time.

Molly

Sept. 9, 2020, 4:57 p.m.

Is that done on purpose though Mary? Or just because you are busy? I had a friend that did it on purpose. She had to be late for everything, like she was making some sort of point. I think my husband has a few autistic traits. He really has a thing with time and numbers.

Mary Wednesday

Sept. 10, 2020, 8:04 p.m.

It's never on purpose, Molly. I like to be on time but always try to fit too much into the time before I leave. I am never late for a plane, but I have twice missed a train. And I chronically underestimate the time it takes me to do things. As I say, I am better now than I used to be.

Orangeblossom

Sept. 9, 2020, 8:23 a.m.

Thanks for your blog Mary, I used to borrow books but we have so many & not enough time to read them all. Have to make an appointment to visit the library but we are now unable to browse so need to know what we want. That’s more difficult if we can’t see what is on their catalogues or cannot access them.

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:48 p.m.

Indeed it is.... :(

Lynzi

Sept. 9, 2020, 8:54 a.m.

Thanks Mary. Moodscopers. Yeah! Peace, love, sparkles; Namaste Lynzi Ann ***

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Kristin

Sept. 9, 2020, 8:56 a.m.

Oooops , this is the first time I've actually replied to a blog and I think I just sent a blank reply by mistake - now realise I type in the box and then click "add comment" box!!! So as I said, this really resonated with me and has motivated me to reply to this blog (I've found all the blogs interesting since starting "Moodscoping" last month, but felt I didn't have the spare energy required to actually write a reply before!) The two aspects of this blog which made me want to respond are (a) the concept of lending and borrowing - I too share the sentiments expressed - I have a book which was lent to me by a friend probably as long ago as 20 years - I don't think it would be of use to her now as she is no longer working in the role related to the subject matter, but I do know she still has a passion for books and reading, so she may still want it back for sentimental reasons. I no longer have use for it so I will ask her if she'd like me to return it - without this blog I probably would never have considered that as a course of action after so very many years, and yes, I feel guilty every time I see the book on the shelf in my study! (b) I read with interest about your personal journey with what sounds like Bipolar, Mary, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 in February 2015 after my first acute hypomanic episode in December 2014 (long history of episodes of depression lasting any where from a matter of a couple of weeks to 6 months off sick from work on one occasion in 2001) - I would be interested to know which medication you have now found works for you. I have tried several combinations since diagnosis of Bipolar in 2015, however, I continued to experience cycles of deep depression lasting from 2-4 weeks, frequently associated with suicidal thoughts - as I come out of the depression I experience a period of hypomania (as if my body and mind are trying to make up for the nothingness of depression) this typically lasts from 7-10 days and is associated with severe insomnia where I only sleep for an average of 2-4 hours per night. Then I experience a period of self-assessed "normal mood" which lasts typically for 2-4 weeks but have been OK for up to 6 weeks. The cycles have continued regardless of medication and I made an informed decision a year ago to come off all my medication. I felt a "fog lifted" and felt better when well, however, the cycles of depression and hypomania interspersed with normal mood have persisted. Lockdown and the new Corona Virus Pandemic affected Post-Covid "New Normal" has heightened these mood swings, I am considering asking for a psychiatric referral and will reconsider the need for mediacation (my psychiatrist discharged me the moment I said I'd come off my medication!!!) So much for seeing more of a need for support and mental health surveillance as a "vulnerable adult" had come off medication, no, just discharge her and leave it to her to go back to her GP if she deteriorates! No insight into the possibilities that at lowest depression, associated with suicidal thoughts, it is sometimes impossible to reach out! I felt angry about it at the time (October 2019) and given the whole global pandemic scenario would have thought it best practice to follow up on potentially vulnerable adults with long term mental health conditions - but as usual the NHS waits for a crisis to happen rather than pro-actively working to prevent the crisis from occurring. Sorry I've digressed hugely and waffled on for far too long! Bottom line is - as you are possibly coping with a similar pattern of mental health issues to myself I am wondering if your "magic concoction of medication which has sorted you out" might help me? Thank you for listening, Kristin.

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Marigold

Sept. 9, 2020, 12:26 p.m.

Well done for getting it out Kristin, which can be a therapeutic thing in itself. It might be wise to consider asking for a referral? Although I am no expert, it can do no harm?

Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:51 p.m.

Kristin, Thanks for your reply. Yes, bipolar type 2 here too. The medication I take is lamotrigine, but it's not suitable for everyone. It can have life-threatening side effects for some people. Do go back to your GP and ask for a referral.

Dido

Sept. 9, 2020, 9:02 a.m.

Hi Mary, what do I do with a 50 yr over due library book! I feel bad every time it surfaces! I used to keep a list of any favurite books I lent and to whom, also wrote my name inside the cover. Now I look at a book and let it go with out expectation of it's return. I pass on books too once they are read but I have a collection of books that I look to when low. These go nowhere and to no one, they are part of my survival kit. Great blog made me think a lot! *** Dido

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Dragonfly

Sept. 9, 2020, 9:26 a.m.

Dido, you've outdone me! I was going to tell Ruth not to worry as yesterday we unearthed a library book borrowed in 1990. Unintentionally kept of course and we've moved since then. I'd hate to think what the fine would be! I think donating it to a charity shop is the way forward.

Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:53 p.m.

I dont think it's possible to return this one: the only way forward is to remove the guilt from your life by removing the book! Donate it!

Sally

Sept. 9, 2020, 9:26 a.m.

I have a book I’ve promised to give back to its owner...I still haven’t read it but now I might, Mary, and return it by post , following your good example. I think the trouble often is, if you lend out a book, the borrower forgets who it was borrowed from! Now I make a point of saying “pass it on”, because that’s usually better for me. I’ve also bought the book for someone if it’s a book I don’t want to be parted from and am very enthusiastic about. I’ve belonged to a Bookclub for over 20 years. With Covid rules, we’re in the process of reviewing its original “rules”, to see if we could do things differently. The scoring of a book, the choosing, that sort of thing. I’m glad we’re doing this.

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:54 p.m.

my book club still meets but we've forgotten about the books!

Marigold

Sept. 9, 2020, 9:29 a.m.

It was an interesting blog Mary. I used to love the Borrowers and for many years my children looked for them in the skirtingboards. The skirtingboards and still a mess and need replacing, the children are no longer here.

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Lexi

Sept. 9, 2020, 1:42 p.m.

Marigold, this made me smile and sad at the same time xo

Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:56 p.m.

I too loved the Borrowers. I thought about them as I retitling the blog, which was originally titled The Joy of Returning.

Sally

Sept. 9, 2020, 10:29 a.m.

Mary, I can so understand that flight from the choir! A bit different, but when I was pregnant with my son, I borrowed a book from the playgroup about giving birth to a Down Syndrome baby. Then I had my son , complex learning difficulties. I'm afraid i never returned that book... or went back to that playgroup. . I always wondered if I knew in my heart I was carrying a baby with a disability...I’ll never know...

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Molly

Sept. 9, 2020, 2:48 p.m.

Oh Sally, hugs xx

Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 4:04 p.m.

I can only echo Molly's hug.

Lexi

Sept. 9, 2020, 1:49 p.m.

Hello Mary! I consider myself a fairly level headed person most days :) but two things about me and borrowing: I have a "mild" case of OCD so if someone lends me something such as a tupperware container I have to give it back as soon as it's no longer required. But often times in the case of a tupperware container or a tote bag, the person who leant it to me doesn't want it back! "Oh I have tons of those, please keep it!" And then I feel panicked - I don't want it! What do I do with it now?? The other departure from my "level headedness": I don't like to borrow things because I feel they carry the energy of other people. Not that other people's energy is bad, but I am acutely aware of a sensation that there is other energy attached to a thing, and I can't get past it. Now you all will think I have gone off :) Wait till I tell you that I switch out my plates and cups, so that they all get used, so that no one "feels bad." Really I am sane most days :) xo

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Molly

Sept. 9, 2020, 2:57 p.m.

This is interesting Lexi, about other people’s energy on objects. You have me thinking. Lol about the plates and cups, however, it’s good to use them all, otherwise they have the unused factor and then you have to wash them before you use them!! Not sure about feeling sorry for them though! Ha ha xx

Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 4:08 p.m.

Lexi I am completely with you. When we had to do our mug cull I nearly cried! And yes, the energy of other people!

The Gardener

Sept. 9, 2020, 2:30 p.m.

Mary, in our early days of agricultural contracting we could not possibly invest in every machine we were asked to use, so we would borrow from a neighbouring farmer. We got unlucky, several times the machines were just on the point of breaking down, and we felt duty-bound to mend them. If I DO lend books I shamelessly write down name and phone number of the borrower. Lost too many precious books over time. The bottom shelf of large book-case had 'back to England' books, ones we had borrowed for the sea crossing.

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 4:10 p.m.

it's great idea to keep a "library book" of people who have borrowed your books.

Ian

Sept. 9, 2020, 3:15 p.m.

Hi Mary, I think we've all been there - or at least, nearly all. I have things I 'borrowed' so long ago that the possibility of giving them back has vanished. My conscience still ****** me, though. You describe so well that sort of mental trough one can find oneself in, in which one wants to return something, but can't climb the emotional barrier to actually do it. If someone opens a door in it, like your choir master, the relief can indeed be substantial! Books: yes I do exactly the same - I never lend them, I buy a new copy for the person.

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 9, 2020, 4:16 p.m.

I have been the recipient of such a book a couple of times now. The feeling that someone values you enough to not only share a favourite book with you but to give you your own copy, is amazing.

greenjean

Sept. 9, 2020, 8:20 p.m.

Hello Mary, I do enjoy your blogs and as a fellow Bipolar 2 sufferer wanted to also encourage Kristi to go back to her Dr for referral. I suffered silently for many years and eventually ended up in hospital after a very long and dee depression. Anyway 6 years on and although I won't say I don't get depression I have never felt suicidal since startingithium

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 10, 2020, 8:08 p.m.

medication demands a price. The (manic) joy of living has gone - the best I feel is a mild satisfaction - but the crashing downs have gone too. I'll take the swap.

greenjean

Sept. 9, 2020, 8:24 p.m.

Oops! finger slipped. Lithium seems to keep me well on the whole, not without side effects but even paracetamol has side effects! We are all different and respond differently to medication. There must be one that is right for you so do keep trying to find one that will help. Best wishes

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Kristin

Sept. 10, 2020, 2:08 a.m.

Thank you to all who have given suggestions/shared what medications have helped their deep depressions associated with Bipolar 2. I also hear your recommendations to return to GP ( had reached that conclusion after receiving an email just yesterday from "Health in Mind" thanking me for my self-referral but stating my situation was too complex for their services and I should go back to GP for referral back to Secondary Mental Health provision.)

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Molly

Sept. 10, 2020, 4:05 a.m.

Good luck Kristin I found your original post very interesting and forgot to tell you so. Sometimes we can be caught up in the middle (I was) we have a place here called Talking Change. I have self referred twice only to be referred from them to Mental Health and then discharged. I was never referred by a GP, almost laughed at by one when I was brave enough (years ago) to suggest it. I’m on medication and I have realised that nothing more can be done for me. I will need urgent help at times (as I did last year) and it won’t be so easy to access now I’ve been discharged. Getting them to understand is very difficult and I come across as ‘normal’ therefore ‘brushed off’. I was told once (amongst many other bad things) that patients used to be checked up on but so many people said they were ok, that it was a waste of time and resources!! I have come off my medication many times over the years. Either because I felt “oh I’m ok now” or mainly “this isn’t helping me, what’s the point in taking it”. I’ve learnt I’m better off taking it. Miracles don’t happen of course but from what you describe definitely see the GP and get yourself back on some medication. We are all different of course but that’s my penny’s worth! Let us know how you get on. Love Molly xx

Sally

Sept. 10, 2020, 4:40 a.m.

Good advice and analysis, Molly. I’ve also found I’m better staying on medication than stopping it. Much less depression, fewer bad days.

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Molly

Sept. 10, 2020, 2:28 p.m.

Thank you Sally. I’m in a low mood most days but I think the medication takes the edge off and helps prevent a real bad bout xx

Kristin

Sept. 10, 2020, 6:06 a.m.

Thank you Molly, will do! As you say - when you "look normal" to health care providers they don't consider you are in need of support - but from my personal experience (and I don't imagine I'm alone in this) - The nature of Bipolar mood swings mean that I am only able to address my situation clearly and understand what I need in order to sustain "normality" when my mood is "Normal" or maybe slightly hypomanic which then gives me the impetous to act - when I am unwell and essentially when I appear unwell I am extremely unlikely to reach out for help. One would, not unreasonably, expect mental health specialists to "get this"! I actually worked for the NHS for over 30 years, so it upsets me even more that despite caring for so many people myself over the years, when I am in need of support I am not deemed to be eligible for what I see as pro-active, preventative approaches, rather than reactive, crisis management when things have gone more seriously wrong.

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Molly

Sept. 10, 2020, 2:56 p.m.

Absolutely Kristin! Well said. When I’m really unwell, I couldn’t even get to an appointment (then risk being discharged for not turning up!!) So yes you have to be well to an extent to even be able to attend or speak. I have found the professionals in the mental health field to be very unprofessional. I was glad to be discharged as they made me feel worse! I’m angry that this is how it is. I’m not surprised you feel upset. My job involved helping others too, it does make one feel bitter doesn’t it. Just a thought but I wonder if you could send what you have written above to your GP surgery? It explains your situation well and then you won’t have to explain yourself. My surgery are only doing phone appointments so I’m thinking when they phone they will hopefully have read it. Might make it a bit easier! Hugs, Molly xx

Kristin

Sept. 10, 2020, 7:38 p.m.

Thanks for that good suggestion Molly, it has been so helpful to have your feedback - coming from a fellow-sufferer and on the same wavelength as me! Love and hugs to you too x x

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Mary Wednesday

Sept. 10, 2020, 8:20 p.m.

the NHS attitude to mental health is improving all the time. I was first referred to the mental team in 2005. It was a horrible experience. I felt they just wanted to tick boxes to get to a diagnosis and then prescribed sodium valproate. I went home, read up on it and decided to live with my condition. I went back, in 2016, because my episodes had become more frequent and more severe. I was losing friends and it was impacting my family. This time, my experience was overwhelmingly positive. The nurse who I first saw and then the consultant were interested in me as a person, not a case. The consultant recommended Lamotrigine but told me to research it myself and come back in a week to discuss it further. I felt completely involved in my treatment. So, you might have a different experience this time. I can tell you that taking in the graph of your moodscope score is immensely helpful for two reasons: 1. It gives some analytical evidence of your moods, not merely anecdotal. 2. It demonstrates you are taking responsibility for your condition. I hope your next health professional is as good as mine.

Molly

Sept. 10, 2020, 10:32 p.m.

Not for me Mary. I was first referred in 2014 and again in 2019. Everyone said to me your experience might be different this time. It wasn’t. Two of the people I saw were the same people I had seen before. They didn’t remember me or bother looking back at my notes. Another wasn’t English and didn’t understand a word I was saying. She even wrote a letter saying that I had had an affair and I was so scared to show my husband (I don’t hide anything from him). She apologised and I actually felt sorry for her. I could go on and on about things that were said to me. I’m sure this isn’t always the case and you have been very lucky. Apart from what the media and press tell us, I don’t things are improving at all.

Cyndi

Sept. 11, 2020, 2:55 a.m.

Yes, I've lost some things over the years. Books and money are the most common items, however I learn fast. If someone fails to return a book or money that has been lent, it means 2 things. Either they need it more than I do or I'm not important enough to them that they want to return my goods. A wise friend once told me "Never a Borrower nor Lender be". I prefer to give someone a chance. If they muck up, then I've learned something about them.

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Molly

Sept. 11, 2020, 1:09 p.m.

Good response Anonymous

Kristin

Sept. 11, 2020, 6:31 a.m.

Thank you to Mary and to Molly - I really value your feedback as peers with lived experience of mental health conditions (with a diagnosis of Bipolar 2 - like me) my feedback following submitting a self-referral to Health -in-Mind for primary mental health support was that they sent an email stating my case did not fit their criteria, being too complex and suggested I see my GP for referral back to Secondary Mental Health Services! I have an appointment with practice nurse today so while in surgery will make a GP appointment to discuss my options.

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Molly

Sept. 11, 2020, 1:48 p.m.

Hi Kristin. A great example of bipolar here, Mary with the good story, and me with the bad! Ha ha. I don’t have bipolar but I have BPD or EUPD as they now call it and also cyclothymia. The psychiatrist that diagnosed me, told me the second time around (years later) I didn’t have it. He hadn’t looked at the notes or remembered me. I wasn’t entirely sure at the time if it was the same chap, so I couldn’t say “well you diagnosed me”. I’m still angry about my whole experience and keep meaning to write a letter. I think it will make me feel better to get it off my chest. I hope you made that appointment! Well done! As you mentioned before preventative measures before things get too bad. Lay it on if you can. You shouldn’t have to, I know, but I really wish I had now. I just didn’t have the energy at the time. My husband is disabled and plays everything down, and it hasn’t done him any favours. I guess to an extent, especially with mental health, they only know what you tell them. If you have got yourself a face to face appointment, I suggest you walk in with a pair of pyjamas on and wear a silly hat !! Only joking of course!!! No joking matter I know. Molly xx

Kristin

Sept. 12, 2020, 8:04 p.m.

Thank you for your reply Molly, I did speak to the receptionist about speaking to the GP (however, because I wanted to see a particular female GP who I've found very thorough and interested in helping patients to understand their health conditions and any treatments recommended) I have to call at 08.30 on Monday morning (they couldn't tell me if this particular GP would be working that day, but due to current situation with Covid-19, apparently you can't make any advanced appointments with the GPs, but have to phone on the day) - more hoops to jump through and risks a patient who genuinely needs support not bothering to persist (I know that if my mood drops I won't be so motivated to seek out the help and support I really need, just lack energy required to put in the effort when feeling low) Sorry to hear that your husband is disabled and not necessarily getting the support he needs (reading between the lines) - does this impact your mental health? I think you do need a (sometimes warped) sense of humour to cope with mental health issues!

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