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April


That Moment. Friday April 21, 2017

There's that moment, that split second, literally.

Split between one choice or the other. Act or don't act.

You know which the better choice for you is.
Don't press send. Don't make that call.
Don't react.
Don't put it into your shopping basket. Don't have that drink.
Don't eat that junk, but you make a choice.

To hell with it, boom, done. Too late now I've done it. Felt good. I "needed" that....Really?

It seems there's something about a "don't" that makes it hard to resist doing!

Of course I know that everything is not so simple!

At times though, you're there, suspended for a moment and it's possible to get in there.
You haven't done it yet. You haven't ruined anything, you still have a chance. You can still make the better choice. You don't HAVE to give in and do it.

Sometimes I say "I can..." to myself instead of a "Don't...".

A simple example is hoarding. I've been in the habit of keeping even the smallest things, even if I have loads, because they're perfectly good. Saying "I can actually get rid of that!" leads to immediate positive action and is much more effective than "Don't keep that" or "I don't need to keep that. Which just throws up questions and excuses!

When I make a choice that is good for me, wow! Does that feel great! I feel lifted, self respected. I CAN change the course of things sometimes, if I get in there and press pause.
If I listened to my true self each time, which would I choose?

Last night I switched the movie off and went to bed. Sounds small, but it felt like a first.

Have you found yourself in that moment and surprised yourself? Or maybe not yet?

LillyPet
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 1:56am

I didn't relate too much with this until I realised at the end of your post, that I should be in bed too, I fight it, not sure if I can change it though, arghhh. Keep telling myself to go to bed but cannot quite do it. Not sure if I am barking up the wrong tree but I kind of feel that "don't" is not the answer. It feels a bit like "should" and I think it is better to go with how we feel. I do appreciate what you are saying though and it is food for thought. I must get to bed now (but I won't!!) Does a moment like that make a difference? Or is it just a moment? Thank you for your post, please ignore me if I am talking rubbish xx

Leah Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 6:20am

Molly, Your post is very honest and thoughtful, can't see one bit of rubbish!! Do you have to be up at an early time or is it that you feel you won't sleep well if you stay up late? I would stay up later if I did not have to open my shop in the mornings. I think sometimes it is a moment and that's all. LP Thanks for your absorbing blog. I know I can change my behaviour. I put pressure on myself because I did it once and so am capable of doing it again. I just rebel and revert to previous behaviour. I am doing my tax now and the only way I can cope without stressing too much is to say I will do one item per day. I don't feel wonderful as I have lots more to do. Take care

Tutti Frutti Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:39am

Molly I struggle with going to bed on time as well. I tend to think that I've not had much of an evening yet and go to watch TV at about 10 pm and then i fall asleep on the sofa. I often wake up later and start watching whatever is on then rather than going to bed. I think I rebel against the don'ts and shoulds so I am going to try and remember that i can get into my pyjamas and clean my teeth earlier and I can press record if there is something interesting on that finishes way too late. Good luck to you Molly and thanks for your thoughts about going to bed on time which set me thinking along the right lines. Love TF x

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:50am

Hi Molly, You're right! What I was saying was "don't" is not the answer, it seems to make things worse! Just as you've said, like "should". " I can.. " seems to work better for me. I think it depends on what you need Leah and whether you want to do that. It sounds like you need more sleep. If you want to go to bed earlier, "dont stay up late" hasnt worked, but "I can actually just get up and go" may. It did for me. Of course you could add "but I wont!" your choice! :) I often dont choose what's better for me either, but now and again I do so that's a good start.

the room above the garage Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:26am

For me, early sleep and early rise is healthier for my mood but I am a natural owl so it's taken years to divert the course. Hanging around on the couch (if it's something that concerns you and is bothering other areas of life) maybe just st needs some drilling into...what are you getting there? Peace? Time alone? Escape? Do you drink, eat, and watch Tv or is it a bed substitute because it's preferable to sleeping alone or lying near someone you are out of sync with? I suppose it's only a problem if it's giving you a problem. And talking is never rubbish :-) love ratg x.

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 9:12am

True ratg! Sometimes, too the couch can be a chance to wind down before bed or sometimes I'm just too tired to move! :) LPxx

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 9:25am

Leah, Forgot to reply about your not feeling wonderful about tax returns. Some things are just a pain in the behind to do! It seems too easy to say feel wonderful about doing one bit at a time. We cant feel wonderful about everything, especially the stuff thats a drag. Some things are just too overwhelming to deal with in any other way than a bit at a time. Others the thought of it is much worse than it actually is and when I find that I did it in under 10 minutes I wonder why I put myself through groaning about it for several weeks! You're doing it and that bit you can feel wonderful about! Love LP :) xx

Leah Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 10:49am

Molly, I just want to say I appreciate you having the courage to express your opinions. I sometimes write posts then delete them because I worry they may be misinterpreted. I would like in a moment to make a decision and stick to it instead of hovering over the delete button! I think your contrubutions to Caroline's blog made it a robust and healthy discussion. I am going to try and take yours and LP's example and be decisive. Thanks xx

Molly Sat, Apr 22nd 2017 @ 2:14am

Gosh, I have logged on tonight and been quite overwhelmed by responses. Leah, I don't have to be up, which is why I don't get up I guess. Worked all of my life and crashed big time when it ended. Got to try and pick myself up again. Tutti Frutti, I do that all of the time, rebel against going to bed, I feel you really understood, thank you, will have to read other comments separately xx

Molly Sat, Apr 22nd 2017 @ 2:19am

Thank you Leah so much, your recent post has just made my day. Like you, I worry, delete etc, i am so grateful for your comment, thank you xx

Leah Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 6:22am

LP
I put a comment in my reply to Molly but as the paragraphs get lost you may not see LP half way down my post!! Thanks again.
PS Did you record the end of the movie??

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:57am

Hi Leah, I did see it thanks. No it wasn't even one I was particularly in to I'd just drifted i to it and was watching just because it was infront of me! Good idea though if there's a really good movie. Am not as in touch with the latest tech equipment that the younger ones operate automatically! If it was a case of just pressing record, then play later I'd probably go for it! :)) xx

Therese Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:03am

Molly
I'm changing my behaviour by telling you how much I identified with your blog. I think I've commented once before in the six years that I've been using Moodscope - I often think I'd like to, but hell life isn't long enough and I need to look at matchboxes on Pinterest. Yes, so often I know those moments when a split second of seeing that I have to be my own guardian angel has changed my behaviour.Like the one in December 1993 when
I decided that I would never have another drink of alcohol, and I haven't. But I do see that I need to train myself to do this habitually instead of waiting for such dangerous moments. That self-destructiveness is so strong in me! I wasn't joking when I said that writing this is taking a decision to do something against my grain. Thank you so much.

Sally Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:00am

Good for you, Therese. Brave decision. Oh, how I WISH my father, an alcoholic, had made that decision. ( he died five years ago ).

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:01am

Thank YOU Therese for commenting and sharing that change with us. LP xx

Mary Wednesday Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 10:02am

Matchboxes on Pinterest? With me it's handmade cards! Not ready to cut out the alcohol completely though. I tremendously admire those who do!

Therese Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:07am

So So sorry, my post was not addressed to Molly, but to LP.I have had about 2 hours sleep.

Tutti Frutti Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:44am

Great to see you commenting Therese. Well done on quitting drinking. You may have a strong self destructive side as you say but you have proof from quitting drinking that you are also strong person who can do things. Hope to see you here more often. Love TF x

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:02am

No worries I got it. Look after yourself. Love LP xx

Molly Sat, Apr 22nd 2017 @ 2:29am

I did start to feel really responsible then when you posted that reply to me by mistake ! Good for you for giving up drinking though xx

Eva Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:20am

Hi LP, I like your reframing of the action, from 'don't' to 'I can...' I'm going to try to use that :)

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:02am

That's great, thanks Eva! LP xx

Orangeblossom Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:31am

Hi LP thanks for the blog which I enjoyed reading. I try not to give The Frau shoulds, oughts, dos & don'ts any headspace. However, after a lifetime of having don't do this, you should do that, you ought to do this, it is very difficult not to keep to my plan.

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:04am

Same here! We can! :) LP xx

Tutti Frutti Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 7:48am

Hi LP Great blog. Much of what I wanted to say is in my response to Molly above. I think this technique might work for me. Many thanks. Love TF x

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:06am

Yes I saw it and I'm glad. No harm in giving it a go, now and again it might work. Wanting it to helps too. LPxx

Sally Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:02am

Hi LP . Good to see you back. An interesting and pertinent blog, as there are issues I need to work on at the moment...refreshed my interest in doing so. Thanks.

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:08am

That's great, thanks Sally. Off to change a habit and get into my routine a tad earlier! LPxx

Sally Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:20am

Well done you LP! ;-)

the room above the garage Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 8:28am

I needed a restart on meditation and you've just brought it. Thank you LP, love ratg x.

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 9:14am

Ah that's great. :) xx

Jul Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 9:27am

Hi LP. At one point in my life, for about 9 years I always said yes to something when I should have said no. I knew I was doing the wrong thing but was so under the weather mentally that I found it impossible to say no. Sounds ridiculous but I had no inner strength left, no one I could talk to and I was at the end of my tether. Eventually someone close to me did help and I now see that period of my life as wasted in so many ways but It exists and I cannot erase it. If only I had my time again..I hope I would act very differently but hindsight is not helpful. I find I still say yes when I mean no but the consequences are not so drastic these days. I do love your blog LP and you are so right, if we/I can say no to the smallest thing, that will help me/us to say no eventually to things that really matter. I got myself into a self destructive spiral of agreeing to things I knew were wrong or not right for me. It can happen so easily so your blog is such an important topic, almost life affirming, for me anyway. Jul xx

LP Sun, Apr 23rd 2017 @ 7:11am

Hi Jul, I'm so glad that you turned it around. It's hard to break old patterns of behaviour, but you did. It's so good to hear that the blog was helpful. Thank you LPxxx

Mary Wednesday Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 10:00am

BRILLIANT blog, my darling Lillypet! I am now going to start telling myself "if this does not bring me joy then I *can* throw it away!" I hereby give myself permission to look after *me*. Totally totally wonderful blog (even better than some of mine.... snigger) um - that *was* a joke, btw....

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 11:24pm

:))) Thank you Mary! Love LP xx

The Gardener Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 10:14am

Good morning LP - my decision making, to do something for ME, involves a change of character - battling with the inbuilt idea that I must not be 'selfish'. Molly, are you an insomniac? Not going to bed? For years I put off going to bed because I was scared of NOT sleeping. And Mr G, who has never had a sleepless night in his life was NOT sympathetic to my real plight - I used to lay rigid for hours, not daring to turn a light on and read. I would go downstairs and play solitaire, and get cold, often led to sleep. Mr G would come and rant at me because I made him get cold and scared him because I was not there. Now, the bliss of respite. New bed (Mr G has a medicalised one) I can have what bedclothes I like, and KEEP them. I can read all night if I want. It's amazing how very old people, like us, with a reasonable marriage, keep the double bed idea - Mr G threw an enormous tantrum when we had to sleep apart. I am dreadful, sleep like an octopus - even with a two metre wide bed it was not enough. One friend, she is crippled with arthritis, and now bed-ridden had to be ill to get a bed to herself

LP Sat, Apr 22nd 2017 @ 12:02am

Hi TG, I'm glad that you are getting some things moving towards what you want it's in here tread. I have a gas cooker that needs to be replaced. My son intially said that no one uses gas anymore! Now he says I can get a compromise! Thanks for your reply.LPxx

Vickie Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 12:20pm

Hi LillyPet,
Inspirational blog! I was having that same "don't say yes" in my head to a relationship for several months. I have years of history of being in bad relationships. Then one night I just said no...no more to him. Something inside me said you can choose a different path. This was several months ago and every once in awhile he comes around to tempt me and every time I say "no" I feel stronger. And I say yes more to other things that are good for me.
Thank you for reminding me that I am stronger than I think.

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 11:34pm

I'm so hlad to hear that Vicky, thank you. LP xx

Nicco Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 1:11pm

Thanks for the blog LP. I thank goodness for charity shops - it makes me feel like I'm not throwing things away but giving them to someone else who may find a use for them. When I discovered this I felt empowered!

Eva Sat, Apr 22nd 2017 @ 1:11am

Yes very good point, I also find it easier to give away knowing that an object might bring joy or usefulness to someone new, it allows me to release my hold/attachment.

Molly Sat, Apr 22nd 2017 @ 4:19pm

Yes me too, it is satisfying giving to charity, I actually sometimes feel guilty if I have nothing to give. I have bags through my door and a date for collection. I find myself trying to hunt for something to put in it. I especially like Age UK because old people are often forgotten about and they always put a thank you card through my door, the only one that does this, a thank you goes such a long way x

LP Fri, Apr 21st 2017 @ 11:40pm

Thanks for the reminder Nicco definitely a good constructive way of Thinking about . lPxx

Nicco Sun, Apr 23rd 2017 @ 2:29pm

Also, it's all about taking a breath and stepping back or even sometimes 'sleeping on it'. I tend to be impetuous, esp where emotions are involved, which is why I often think I could've handled a situation better when I look back on it. I'm reading a book about 'Focussing' at the moment which is helping with this.

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