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20

September


Take flight. Tuesday September 20, 2016

Months had passed and each one had been turbulent. I felt I was in a disaster film, unsure of which particular crisis would take centre stage next. Having a holiday was the last thing on my mind, not to mention the effort of packing us all away there. My attendance hung firmly in doubt.

My parents joined forces and knitted an invisible mattress which ran underneath me, and up each side, and it protected me as I bumped along. I managed to go on the holiday.

More turbulence rocked the boat during and after the holiday.

But. Today. I found myself needing to go to the big bookshop across town. Not the clinical one with the heart made of pretty perfect pink plastic, where I can park easily and be the next customer in line, but the interesting one with the messy, fleshy heart, where I'm welcomed like a new pupil at Hogwarts.

The weather was conducive and I let my feet decide... they did not return me to the car or the bus but instead asked that they might lead. I walked for miles. Early morning, after my 3 rush hours had passed and before my other stuff kicked in, I walked alongside all kinds of people still battling with their rush hours. And it was so relaxing. My morning stresses melted away as I felt the skin on my back grow damp with sweat.

Once again, nothing has changed. But my attitude has been spruced up. (How I love the words 'spruced up'.) And once again I will jump on its back and ride with it for as long as I can.

May you find space today to hear something your body is saying.

Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Lex Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 6:18am

Dearest RATG... (I always hear the Batman theme when I say "RAT-G" in my mind...) I loved this. Not only is it a powerful message, it is so wonderfully written. You've been a blessing to me already today and I thank you. Now, to the Bat Mobile... walking! L'x

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:44am

Brilliant :-) I love that I provoke a theme tune, this is a great honour for me! You know for me you make me think of the sleek, petrol-grey cat who used to wander all the offices of a building I worked in. He was regal and you share a name. Pants on top of tights and we're off...xx.

Lex Wed, Sep 21st 2016 @ 10:58pm

Purrrrrrrrrrrr xx

Sally Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 7:34am

for me, this gets the Blog of the Year vote. i loved just reading it, Ratg, and imagining...and the fact that sometimes, just sometimes, a day, or a fraction of a day, can be near perfect, exhilarating and beneficial to one's mental health, gives us all hope that tomorrow will be better when we are stuck in the mire. big thank you. very elegiac writing. i loved it.

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:46am

I'm blushing, thank you. You've hit the nail on the head...even 'a fraction of a day' can be the boost to get to the next bit. Thank you for commenting Sally, my thanks, love ratg x.

Tutti Frutti Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 7:43am

Thanks RATG loved your descriptions of the bookshops and your parents. Glad you managed the holiday with a little help from your parents. I recognise what you say about how going on holiday just seems too complicated to cope with sometimes. Glad your morning going where your feet took you spruced you up.
Love TF x

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:50am

Hello TF, good to see you :-) Now I need to replicate it a number of times to keep that momentum! Love ratg x.

Sophie Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 8:24am

Do you know what I liked most? The simplicity of the message behind the blog - 'May you find space today to hear something your body is saying.' Nice and basic, no request for additional effort to achieve it, but simply a kind gesture in a single sentence :)

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:52am

'a kind gesture in a single sentence' is exactly what you have demonstrated too, thank you, love ratg x.

Frankie Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 8:29am

Loved this RATG - thank-you. Every month this year has been turbulent for me: significant family members ill, then 3 bereavements (one unexpected) and now two houses to clear and sell ... Your blog gives me hope and reminds me to look for and enjoy the good moments ... Hello everyone!
Frankie

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:54am

Hello Frankie, you have had a really tough time this year. How are you coping? Is it taking its toll or are you finding that the extra turbulence is making you rise up. I tend to rise up in times of need, then crash afterwards...often a few months later. I do hope you are coping and I do wish I could offer a hand or coffee. Lovely to see you, love ratg x.

LP Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:33am

Hi Ratg,
I loved your blog. The calmness of accepting and allowing your body to guide you. I'll allow myself that today too. Thank you. Peace and harmony to all LPxx

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:57am

Hello LP (whose name brings me to simple, happy days when albums were called LPs)...yes, allow yourself and maybe even make it happen. For me, walking in a busy street can be both educational and cathartic. Harmony is a great word. Love ratg x.

Graeme Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 11:10am

Thank you, ratg! Your post is so fresh and real that I read it several times to relish the joy you felt. Spruced up indeed!

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 1:35pm

What a great thing to say, thank you! Love ratg x.

SHARON Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 1:27pm

How immensely soothing......I could feel myself walking with you allowing the currents to take me, realizing nothing more than the hum of my soul. You are a gift, Sharon

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 1:36pm

Sharon, thank you so much, your comments are a gift to me! Love ratg x.

The Gardener Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 1:27pm

Where is HO? Need his daily tonic. Turbulence is not the word for it here. Told plumbers coming 'mid-morning'. They arrived 8.30, not prepared of course. Mr G yelling at top of stairs nurses late. Nurse collided with plumbers, breakfast collided with everything - had to push Mr G and walker through workmen - all alarmed a man who is already alarmed at everything. Then, silence on house front - suddenly two interested. Frankie - with you on enjoying the good moments. I can be proud of house to sell - with the garden it is impeccable because it was open for the patrimony week-end. Mr G is at last admitting to his years of suppurating anger - his jealousy of me and all I can still do - in occasional rational moments he realises all I do is to enable me to look after him. I do nothing that does not give me satisfaction in itself, could not live with it otherwise. Nobody has any answer at all to his non-stop anger with me - seems silly to spend money we have not got to 'put him in a home' when he had a perfectly rational conversation, in French, with his 'reader' who was reading the novel I had written! How convoluted can life become. RATG and finding 'space' somewhere is vital - I never thought ten minutes quiet could be like a refreshing shower of rain

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 1:45pm

Oh TG, trades turning up when they are not scheduled is both annoying and hugely disrupting! I feel this pain, its happening here this week too and is enough to make us weep. The straw that breaks the back... And for you, you have it not only for yourself but the fall out from unsettling Mr TG as well. Annoyed for you. Consider yourself hugged from me, albeit from some distance xxx. Wondering about HO as well, but it could be that real life has taken over for a bit. I do miss the daily joke, don't always have time to comment but he is a gem. Hope you can find ten minutes quiet, love ratg x.

Frankie Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 4:34pm

Once again I am amazed at your strength and staying power, dear Gardener ... I have only had to cope with my drunken sister for four weeks in the last two months, and it wipes me out completely ... I snatch the "occasional rational moments" and value them like gold ... essential reminders of the lovely, generous, caring woman my sister can be - sadly only a fraction of the time ... Waving weakly to you across the channel ... Frankie

Orangeblossom Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 1:43pm

Thanks RATG for your blog which I really enjoyed reading & found very encouraging, especially about being protected by an invisible mattress which enabled you & energised you to surge forward.

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 1:47pm

Wouldn't it be great if invisible mattresses were available to rent?! Thank you Ob, love ratg x.

Lexi Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 2:09pm

The moment of peace. It is so rare but what a beautiful thing when it comes. Thank you RATG. I felt you every step of the way. xo Lexi

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 8:23pm

I suppose it's what keeps us going, knowing that moment of peace will come! Thank you Lexi, how are you doing? Love ratg x.

Frankie Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 4:30pm

Thanks RATG for your concern; mum's funeral last week; now clearing house whilst sister (the alcoholic one) remains in drunken stupor; no time to grieve as everything yet again centres around her; all we can do is respond to each situation as it arises and pack around her; I am rising up - but recognise the danger of crashing afterwards - thanks for your reminder - much needed! Bird-watching helps me find space ... I had forgotten just how physically tiring such emotional times can be - I feel so weary ... even the simplest tasks feel huge and take forever ... it's like wading through teacle - I can do it, but it exhausts me ... And your offer of help is really appreciated and in itself is very comforting - thank-you! Frankie x

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 8:29pm

Oh Frankie I'm so very sorry, I must have missed that your mum had passed. How awful for you and the complexity of your sister within that is just layer upon layer of mixed emotions for you. I'd be astonished if you didn't crash after holding all this up. Please do let me know if I can help in any way, even just hearing a ramble...better out than in. I get that physical exhaustion which is the weight of emotions and no amount of sleep seems to help. But do put sleep, nutrition and Time Out at the top of the list. Sending all my love xxx.

Frankie Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:05pm

Thanks dear RATG; so lovely ... Frankie xxx

Leah Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 11:23pm

hi Frankie, just seen your posts.So sorry that you have been grieving and so sorry to hear about your mum. I am so sad that admist your own grief you are coping with your sister. Sending my love and kind thoughtsxx You can do it but you need to be kind to yourself - I know that is a cliché but you really have to look after yourself. Big hugs Leah xx

Frankie Wed, Sep 21st 2016 @ 8:23am

Thanks Leah, that means a lot to me ... Bird watching helps me to switch off ... Frankie

The Gardener Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 8:23pm

Thanks Frankie. For 'strength' read bloody-mindedness. I feel for you with a drunken sister as much as for Mr G in his present state. Had an alcoholic son - then depression - one vicious circle - worst scenario, watching someone self-destruct, absolutely harrowing, and embarrassing. After an extraordinary day (positive, on balance) could not face getting a meal - 'shovelled' Mr G out of kitchen, in wheel chair, down to restaurant - where the whole 'team' are in gear, Mr G now sits in wheel-chair - transfer from that to chair is precarious - apero turns up, food excellent, smiling faces, other people, wheel chair in reverse, stick, stair-lift - and yell him to bed. 'Why am I so feeble' he asks. Because, with Alzheimers, he has convinced himself he can't move - strong legs, shoulders, arms, all gone - and nothing physically wrong. The irony of it all, yet no power on earth, no medicaments, no psychology can enter that closed mind. In despair a couple of days ago I wondered down to church, lit a candle without paying (I reckon God owes me a favour or two, I've flowered HIS church for 45 years at my own expense) and just sat and looked at the 800 year old stones. Horrendous battles have taken place inside and outside that church. One of my articles was 'if only these walls could talk'. Endless generations of people living in our house have taken their babies for baptism, then taken the tiny corpses, walked down our road to marry, then carried the coffins down the same road. I say there and said 'If there is anybody there, please help me, and please, please, try and reduce Mr G's anger with the world'. Somewhere, as in bad times in the past, help has come - with this incredible companionship, which I have cited so often here.

the room above the garage Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 8:33pm

It will come TG. It will come xx. Very proud of you for the monumental effort of getting out to the restaurant with MrTG. And yes, God can throw you that freebie no bother! I can hear him now :-) love ratg x.

Frankie Tue, Sep 20th 2016 @ 9:04pm

Thanks dear Gardener; glad you got out ... Frankie x

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