I hear you

Friday September 20, 2019

I never cease to be amazed at how quickly things can crumble.

I have a good friend who I have known for many years and it seems that I have upset her.
Needless to say, there was a mis-understanding. Isn't this always the way. I didn't think I had committed to an event, stating that I had a previous engagement, but she claims she asked me twice and was waiting for me to confirm my attendance. I didn't think I was letting her down when I didn't show up as I hadn't accepted, yet she feels hurt that I didn't attend, (one might say that if she had to ask me a 2nd time, clearly I hadn't accepted the first time she asked).

I am trying to step back from the situation – or at least from responding from a hurt place myself, as I know that she is grieving. Is it not true that we need someone to blame when we are hurt, and need someone to take our anger (at the world) out on? No point in shouting into thin air, it generally wont get you a response, but shout at a friend and they will usually defend themselves against the unjust accusations, so now you know you are being heard.

So, hurt though I am, I am responding with kindness, taking responsibility for not being clear and have apologised profusely for any mis-understanding.

The knitters amongst us will know that it takes ages of knitting row after row before a shape begins to emerge, yet a fraction of a second to unravel the stitches, now no more than a length of fibre. The bakers amongst us will know of the preparation that goes into a cake, yet overcook it for 5 minutes and all will be undone; burnt, inedible. Step in a puddle inadvertently and your soggy sock will take a lot longer to dry out than it took to get wet. Drop a handmade mug on a tiled floor and the hours of shaping and forming by the potter undone in an instance.

I'm reminded of a scene in a film where, during a wedding ceremony, a crystal glass is wrapped in a white linen napkin and stamped on by the couple getting married. The purpose of which is to remind us of the fragility of relationships, with the glass symbolising that even the strongest love is subject to disintegration - one might add, almost instantly. One wrong act – finished, over. All former love and laughter forgotten while one wrong act takes centre stage.

I've experienced this not for the first time in my life, but am responding differently this time. I am responding with kindness and compassion, and am not fanning and fuelling the fire with my own rage, as I have done previously. I can understand where my friend is at with her grief and so I will take it. I will accept it because I've been where she is now and it's painful and the one thing she needs right now is kindness and understanding and so I have told her, "I hear you, I'm sorry I let you down".

A Moodscope member.

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