29

August

Staying silent or speaking out?

Saturday August 29, 2020


I wonder is anyone like me who dislikes speaking out in case it starts a conflict that I would rather stay quiet and make myself upset and frustrated.

Why do we put up with being uncomfortable - for me it is having peace at all costs.  It works but at a personal price.

A teacher I knew admitted to never once disagreeing with her husband in 20 years until his controlling behaviour was too much. She reflects now on what may have been if she had had the courage to speak up.

A friend had trouble saying anything to his mother in law and was always worried if he did his wife would be angry with him. He kept quiet for a few years, but one day  told his wife how he felt. His main concern was how his mother in law treated his wife.

Rather than  being a shouting match as sometimes happens when people finally speak up, they all sat down over lunch. Her behaviours did not change much but mother in law admired his courage and honesty.

I read once “You can say anything when you say it with love in your heart.”
Sometimes it is easier to just nod and agree than causing a disturbance.
 
 “If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war with yourself.” Is a quote that I can understand.
 
I still find it hard to speak up and mainly want to avoid conflict. I am interested what others think?

People say when you stumble, it is worth it to express your needs. I am not sure about that as I usually feel guilty.

How many times have you abruptly changed the subject because the person was getting too close to a vulnerable topic? If we try to avoid conflict, do we suffer needlessly? Some people feel conflict can be constructive, what do you think?

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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