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Sometimes I Sing. Monday August 22, 2016

I haven't written a blog for a while, I've wanted to, but just haven't had one in me! Nothing that would give anyone a lift anyway.

Then the title came to me.

There have been times that I felt that I couldn't enjoy anything, that there was no such thing as " finding happiness" or how to "be happy". Surely it's just a momentary state, an emotion due to something specific?

Euphoria and good old belly laughs are great, but rare for me. I'd like to think that laughter therapy is really funny, but I'm not convinced. Maybe someone out there can enlighten me?

So focussing on just being well, with no high expectations seemed to be the way to go.

Recently though, I've dared to think that I more often feel happy. More of the time, I do what I want to do. For myself and for others. I don't do what I don't want to do. I say what I want to say. I feel guilty less. People may not like that I'm not up for being controlled by them, but I'm basically a good person and entitled to make my own choices thank you very muchly! :)

So in doing pretty much exactly as I please, (ok so maybe not exactly...) I feel more free.

This is my life. I want to enjoy as much of it as I can and feel that I have suffered enough for anyone to get in the way of that.

I'm not saying it's easy and goodness knows it takes a long time, but it can happen. Moments of happiness really are more frequent and now I even find that sometimes I sing...

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Lex Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 4:47am

Even your title lifted my spirit - thank you, Lillypet x

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:20am

My pleasure Lex! :) xx

the room above the garage Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:06am

'just being well, with no high expectations', wonderful. Thank you LP :-) love ratg x.

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:23am

Hi ratg, yes it's a good default for me and everything else is a bonus! Love LP xx

Bearofliddlebrain Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 11:39am

Hi Rattie - all ok in Bearworld - thankees for asking yesterday xxx

Jul Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:51am

I love the quote under your blog today Lillypet.“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Anais Nin
I do think that having more control over the decisions I make, makes for a happier me. However I am often too weak to actually not mind upsetting people. I take the easy (at the time) way out and say" yes ok no problem, I'll do that". I am so glad you seem happier, ARE happier. That's the way to go: Small changes, take back control and for me, don't interpret everything in terms of how I am feeling! Julxx

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:11am

Hi Jul, I like that quote too, very true for me. I do focus alot on how I am feeling too. Maybe because we have suffered and are therefore more acutely aware of our feelings than others. A good idea to think about whether it affects how I interpreting things. Yes it's not easy to be assertive and stand your ground. I've realised that I've taken small steps with that one. At work, if things had built up I would "tell it like it is". Not upset people, but be blunt about protecting myself. It usually just caused more problems. Having been to what feels like hell and back, I find that I have been able to say it in a more matter of fact way. I have found a tool I've picked up from ratg enormously helpful. Reframing any negative statements about yourself things to the past tense. If you say "I have often been too weak" It may have been true up until now, but leaves new possibilities ahead! Maybe you could think of a more neutral response than "Yes, no problem". Like you're recapping, clarifying and noting what they've asked without actually saying yes! It might buy you time to think whether you'll do it, do all of it, or do it in that way and how you might get back to them about it, if you need to. My worries have always involved particular people. Wanting them to back off! I am kind and considerate to others and find it hard to tolerate being treated unkindly. I have said to my children as they were growing up, there will always be one or two horrible teachers! That's life. I guess that I could see adult life that way too. Sorry to have rambled! Thanks for your response Jul LP xxx

the room above the garage Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 10:55am

Hello Jul, sometimes I think you are me :-D

Jul Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 12:29pm

Thank you LP. I too remember ratg's reframing blog and must remember to apply that to me. She wrote it near to Christmas I think and I remember going into one of our local shops and saying to the shopkeeper, I used to be so stressed about Christmas.. (ha ha, I felt stressed at the time but had just read ratg's blog. I was buying an armful of Christmas crackers). Thank you for your advice LP. I too had huge issues with one particular person when I worked and still think about this individual now. It never got resolved and I left because of this. If only Moodscope existed then and I had you lovely lot to moan to. I might still have a job!!) Julxxx

Jul Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 12:29pm

I wish I was you ratg! Julxxx

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:35pm

Thanks Jul! I wont give up ! Remember you are youer than you! Xx

Orangeblossom Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:21am

Thanks Lillipet, I also felt better after reading your blog. I do feel & believe that taking a day at a time is helpful but it is taking me awhile to learn this. Practising Mindfulness Meditation is helpful. It aims at providing more awareness which may well result in greater calmness & clarity. I shall carry on hoping for this outcome!

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:22am

Hi Orangeblossom, mindfullness is the most amazing respite from over thinking for me. Am glad the blog lifted you! Thanks, LP xx

Hopeful One Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:25am

Hi Lillipet- the 'awakening' that you describe so well are the first signs of a new way of thinking replacing the 'old tapes'. It can take all forms like a realisation that one does not want to spend any more time in someone else's life if they are not willing to spend any in yours.Have you read Alisha Goldstein's book 'Uncovering happiness' or Julia Cameron's'The Artist's way' .You might find both interesting.

'Euphoria and good old belly laughs are great, but rare for me. I'd like to think that laughter therapy is really funny, but I'm not convinced. Maybe someone out there can enlighten me?'

One would be charmed and and delighted to do so.

As you probably know the Joke squadron is busy developing LCBT and would be the first to agree that it may not be for everybody's cup of tea.Indeed few things are in the psychological world.

Start by standing in front of the mirror and just laugh.Slowly to begin with and then gradually reaching the 'belly laugh ' stage. One feels and looks silly but ignore that. See how your day goes and compare it to a day when you do not. I wager you will notice a difference.

The Rio Olympics produced some gems from the commentators. Here are two. Others to follow in the coming days.

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:27am

Thanks HO. I'll look them up. The thought of standing in front of the mirror and starting to laugh slowly is doable but initially filled me with cringe! :) I will certainly take up your challenge and see if it makes a difference! :) Had a good chuckle at the dressage one! Thanks HO, LPxx

the room above the garage Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 10:57am

HO, I adore those coffee snorting quotes, keep 'em rolling in! xx

the room above the garage Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 10:58am

And, in terms of laughing therapy...I find myself laughing sarcastically at myself. Sneering. I find it impossible to actually laugh during this, even a fake one.

Hopeful One Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 11:17am

Hi RATG- thank you for your comments and appreciating the laugh.. One feels there is work to be done here to try and get rid of that critical 'sneering' tape with a more 'friendly' one. If one does meditation then one would start by saying to oneself ' I abandon all thoughts of self condemnation. I abandon all thoughts of self hatred. I abandon all thoughts of self contempt '( whether they exist or not) followed by reciting something like' 'May I be held in compassion. May I be held in loving kindness,may I be held in loving friendliness' for the duration of one's meditation.Remember meditation is subtle,intangible but profound so give it a chance.

Bearofliddlebrain Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 11:40am

HO I had just taken a slurp of tea when I read those jokes...I have to go and wipe tea off my iPad!!!!! Lol ;)

Vickie Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 11:56am

I too find laughter, especially the kind that makes me snort, the best healer of anything else I've tried to work through my grief. I try to read jokes or comedy before bed. It really has made a difference. Today marks 95 days on this site and it has helped me so much. Thanks to you all for sharing and for the laugh for today:)

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:25pm

I haven't dared try it yet, but totally get how hard it might be. I recon if you and I were in front of the same mirror it'd be a different story though! How I could feel socially award just infront of myself would probably get me laughing I guess!P xx

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:28pm

That message was a reespnse to ratg xx phone playing up so corrections almost impossible! :) response

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:14pm

Hi Vickie, it's inspiring to hear that laughter has helped you even through the most difficult of times. Thank you too. LP :)

Leah Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:23am

a great blog that will make me think. Thank you.

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:28am

You're very welcome Leah. LP x

Sheena Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:44am

Lillypet, I love your blog today! It says it all somehow. Of course "focussing on being well" could be different for each of us but surely each of us is only one of us ... so looking after oneself primarily is very reasonable. So glad you are feeling happier for this approach :) Sheena

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:10pm

Thanks Sheena. LP :)

Sheena Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:44am

Lillypet, I love your blog today! It says it all somehow. Of course "focussing on being well" could be different for each of us but surely each of us is only one of us ... so looking after oneself primarily is very reasonable. So glad you are feeling happier for this approach :) Sheena

Sheena Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:44am

Whoops sorry! Impatient, again Sheena

Audrey Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 10:11am

Lillypet You have a wonderful way of creating images with your words. I can almost hear and see you singing!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am uplifted.

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:11pm

Thank you Audrey! LP :)

Bearofliddlebrain Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 11:38am

Tra la la la! I hear you singing Lillypet! And now you have me singing 'You raise me up...' So pleased things are bright enough to let you sing your liddle heart out!
Beariest Bear xxxx

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:39pm

Thank you oh beariest one! Cuddles xx

Lexi Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 1:20pm

Hi Lillypet. I feel the same way. Thank you xo Lexi

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:39pm

Thanks Lexi xx

Richard Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 3:31pm

Lillypet. Thank you for a wonderful blog.
We all sang at primary school. We danced too. I believe that adolescence has scuppered many people. Boys especially don't sing in front of their friends.
Since feeling better at work, I have overcompensated and most days sing quite loudly in my noisy warehouse.
You know what? I actually quite enjoy my co-workers looks now.'s just Richard.
Thank you for making my day.
Peace & Love,

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 7:42pm

Hi Richard, that has warmed my heart, was goi g to say cockles but thought better of it! :)

The Gardener Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 3:38pm

Dear Lillypet - I focus on being well - and send up blessings for it - some luck, other the effect of medics who've said 'we've done what we can- you have to put something into the equation'. Move well, eat well, dress well - do everything possible to strengthen muscles to hold vertebrae together which have been described as 'crumbling ruins'. Then, all day long, as I almost 'scamper' up and down stairs, tend two gardens and a terrace, run between two houses - and I watch Mr G. It's Alzheimer now and perpetual fear. But a lot started well before. A high percentage of men have bad backs - working at bad posture, injuries - just not bothering - Mr G has been to lots of physios in his life for his 'back' - never taking any advice they've given him. Now he is ignoring me, eye specialist, physios, geriartric doctors and he's in an awful state - and I have to creep around with him and bully him along. Good old grumble - but I've always had a rather fierce maxim - you've been issued with a sound body (not all, of course, but most) it seems wicked not to look after it as much as possible - even to avoid that old adage of 'not being a burden'. I never sing alone - church and choirs OK - don't know if I could do HO's mirror thing. Best laughs come when I have done something incredibly stupid (usually involves carpentry tools) kind friends mend first then fall about and spread my latest round the town, then we all have a laugh! Tell me, why do people fall about when I relate my plight - 2 houses, 18 rooms, a sick husband and no money. And travellers tales! Had nuns giggling in the street. This post sounds smug - I want to have a good giggle - can with many people, even in current situation - but, again, Mr G hates me spending time with other people and demands attention. Sweeping terraces in other garden pre rain 'I want to go home NOW'. Ignoring = row. Choices?

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:00pm

Dearest TG, Snap! My belliest of laughs have been fondly at my mishaps! It's been a while though, so I can't remember any right now but I'll be sure to share if I do! TG I noticed that your good physical health got tangled into Mr TG's overall health. It must be hard to separate your health and wellbeing and his as the impact on you of his is obviously great. However, there is nothing wrong with your first statement! As far as you are able to, given your circumstances, you keep well. I feel grateful for every moment of well being, full stop. The other moments do exist and are separate. With regareds to choices, please share your laughs with us! You might remind me of some of my own! Love LP xx

Roberta Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 4:03pm

"Let's all reach beyond the songs we've sung ~
And hit different notes as our paths cross and voices blend ~"

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:04pm

Thank you Roberta, I'm not familiar with this either, but it reminds me of the magical joy of that moment when your voice blends in harmony with others. It rarely happens as I'm no singer, but remember the feeling from occasions when I've done it! It happens with chanting too, very uplifting. LP :)

The Gardener Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 5:51pm

What is the quote, Roberta? Mr G has hit his foulest yet - and I'm trying to reach out - people going happily about their business in the glorious sunshine - just watered my garden, full of flowers - the room next to me is full of my designer knitwear - name 'flamboyant' and it is. MR G's 'companion' is reading my first novel (in French) to Mr G - she is transfixed (novelists purr) and Mr G remembers it very well. One of my 'masterpieces' is a collection of dolls - dressed in authentic clothes of 2,000 years of fashion to celebrate the year 2,000 - they are on the windowsills - tonight, in the town square, will be a mini 'circus' youngsters just starting on their careers getting performance experience - then, son et lumiere on the Mairie facade - then a huge empty shop in town centre has been 'hi-jacked' by the numerous local artists - the decor is worthy of Paris - I AM sorry about all this because I have GOT to count my blessings, and persuade myself that life is worth living. I can't get to grips with 'beyond the songs we've sung' - but, an interesting thought project to dispel the bitterness of the horrendous last hour. Songs of comfort? Amazing Grace and the 23rd Psalm.

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 8:10pm

I'm sorry to hear how tough it has been this evening TG. There'es really no need to apologise for getting the stress off your chest, I'm sure that's part of what Moodscope is about! As I was ( trying!) to say before, you can count your blessings AND express how hard it is to care for Mr TG they can be done separately! Sending hugs to you this evening. LP xx

g Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:16pm

I have such a bad migraine today that it is not possible for me to take it all in but there are couple of things I want to add and ask. I do sing too LillyPet and most of the time I am not aware that I do. it is more of a hum than a song and not very loud but it does accompany my thoughts when I go about doing something pretty automatic.

As to RATG's blog please please let me know The Date or The Title as I do want to go back and read it and I am quite sure that I had missed it at the time as I am always away for Xmas.

Thank you to HO for all the wise suggestions and book titles.
I will check them out for def but blogs written by You would be much appreciated.
I am leafing through a book now that may be of help by
Jamie Catto " Insanely Gifted " but I have to admit that I am done with self help books .
Something is working for me but it is in preparation and I am taking part in trials
obviously the fact that it is working for me does not mean that it will work for anybody else but I do recommend the trial once available of this meta cognition program as it is work in progress I am not sure what it will be called but as soon as I know I will let you all know too - sorry for long winded sentences as migraine is screwing my brain connections

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 10:21pm

Ps g, Yes, it's exactly the humming or quietly singing a little ditty while you're doing something else that I meant! For me it suggests pleasant contentedness, something that I could only wish for in the past. Thanks for putting your finger on it! :)

g Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 9:17pm

I do hope that it is not too late and I will get an answer please

LillyPet Mon, Aug 22nd 2016 @ 10:05pm

Hi G, It's not too late! :) I'm sorry to hear about your migraine and hope that it passes soon. Thank you for still commenting. I'm not sure which of ratg's blogs mentioned reframing, but someone will get back to you. The book you mentioned sounds really interesting. I'm very much looking forward to hearing more about your trial and am glad that it's working for you. Take care, LP x

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