Small changes.

8 Nov 2016
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When I was a teenager I tried to occupy less of the world, to become ghost-like.

As an adult I am softly spoken. When anxious my communication shuts down and I am inaudible.

So I started daily vocal exercises. Take a deep breath, fill my lungs, open my mouth wide say Haaaaaaa for as long as I can. I feel the vibration. Then a couple of tongue twisters. After a few weeks. I got feedback from somebody who didnt know my experiment - "something has switched on in your brain" - (articulation switch?)

I had backache. The doctors said my posture was bad - all that teenage hunching perhaps. I started doing core exercises, my muscles were weak. Now, I am standing straighter. Then I stumbled across this Ted talk on the effect of body language on your mind and started to experiment- the occasional hand on hips stand. Putting my arms outside the arms of the chair when sitting. (http://bit.ly/2bmjI8X)

Small changes, but the ghost is disappearing and the person is appearing, but the biggest metamorphosis is my mind, more confident and feeling good.

What do you experiment with?

The girl whose feet don't reach the ground

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

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Comments

DAVE

Nov. 8, 2016, 6:56 a.m.

Hi TGWFDRTG, Thank you for your contribution. I am fascinated with your blog, please explain more about how I can find this Ted Talk and the stances and the complete excersises expressed therein. I'm never to old to learn about how others' who have had remarkable success, that changes their persona and positive way of living. So I'm prepared and very interested in putting it into practice, if it works it doesn't work, it won't be for want of trying, BUT if it does work...I shall ba ahead of my game, and be ever in debt to you. Comment if Moodscopers are listening...The secret to becoming more evenly balanced and even the slim chance to rid ourselves of this evil emotional tie, is to put into practice these 'Little Gems' of a wellness approach, and remember please experiment as TGWFDRTG suggests...OVER to..... Former US President Roosvelt's wife Elleanor Roosevelt who quoted thus.... "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got". In others words please try this out, NOT just for a day, but 2 months or so at least at least. Then review how you feel and how others find you. ! ! Thank you for your input of which we all seek and need each others' help. *** Bless Dave.

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the room above the garage

Nov. 8, 2016, 11:15 a.m.

Hello Dave, the link to the TED talk is at the end of the fourth paragraph. If you can't click on it, you can copy it and paste it into your internet search bar. I've posted it again here for you... https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=tedspread

LP

Nov. 8, 2016, 8:06 a.m.

Hi GFDTG! This is a great blog. Confidence is not easy to achieve, so props to you as they say for doing the reseach and taking the small steps. I am sometimes confident, but have found that for me it has been too easily shaken by others. I have gone from feeling proud confident and happy about my work for example to feeling like the worst in my field just from other people's misunderstanding. Its as if I temporarily become what I imagine what they must be thinking of me, assuming the worst of course. It's not always like this, but I'd like my confidence to remain unshaken. So small steps for me! I've also realised that I dont experiment much. I try to improve, but experimenting seems more deliberate. Next time I feel my confidence starting to slip I'll stop in my tracks, straighten my back! I've been so inspired by how far you've come. Thank you and keep going! Sunshine and smiles to all. LP xx

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s

Nov. 8, 2016, 8:25 a.m.

Great tips TGWFDRTG. I am inspired. Being an unconfident softly spoken round-backed mumbler you have given me a great place to start. Thank you.

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Sally

Nov. 8, 2016, 8:59 a.m.

Great post and great lead to Amy Cuddy and the TED talk. Thank you so much. By the way, your writing is beautiful, reads like silk. :-) a super start to the day.

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Leah

Nov. 8, 2016, 9:07 a.m.

TGWHDRTG, What an inspiring blog. As some who is loud and large, I can relate in wanting to disappear. thanks for links. Take care,Leah

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Salt Water Mum

Nov. 8, 2016, 9:30 a.m.

Thank you, I just took time out and watched Amy Cuddy's TED talk - what an inspiring woman. I'm going to try a Wonderwoman pose - I could do with feeling strong, swm x

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Sophie

Nov. 8, 2016, 9:47 a.m.

Hello, I heard something along these lines a while ago but had forgotten about it. Thank you for reminding me, I'm going to try some of these techniques :)

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Hopeful One

Nov. 8, 2016, 10:32 a.m.

Hi TGWGDRTG- thanks for illuminating the mind - body link. We often ignore our bodies and only concentrate on the mind. But as you found out any behavioural changes one makes in the body are picked up by the mind and amplified. ' Body language ' is a good example of how the subconscious expresses itself through the body. Try what is called 'mirroring' in the psychological world.Here you hold the same body posture like folded hands for example as the person you are talking to. You will notice a subtle change in how they talk to you. The Squadron is taking a risk today in venturing into the marital world with this offering- its ready for the flak! Never underestimate the power of 3 things: 1. Wife angry for a reason. 2. Wife angry without reason. 3. Wife about to get angry and looking for a reason!

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the room above the garage

Nov. 8, 2016, 11:19 a.m.

:-D

LP

Nov. 8, 2016, 11:30 p.m.

:))

the room above the garage

Nov. 8, 2016, 11:18 a.m.

Thank you The girl! Small changes can be huge and make me think of The Hare and the Tortoise. Really enjoyed your blog, love ratg x.

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The Gardener

Nov. 8, 2016, 12:13 p.m.

Thank you - certainly rings bells for when one was young! I am solid, but not large. My no nonsense doctor, when I'd put on weight after a lot of problems with third pregnancy said 'lose some of that weight, but not too much, you've got bones like a cow'. Well, not quite, a large frame - and from the agriculturist point of view 'good breeding stock'! I always wanted to be tiny, with curly hair, and able to wear frilly dresses. I've managed to wear spectacular dresses over the years, but no frills. One of the most impressive things I've seen on 'small changes' was a TV series a few years ago. Sir Roy Strong, I think, took a dozen people - overweight, poor posture, dressed 'down' so nobody looked at them. He put them on three different diets, made them dress for three different periods, and all meals were taken sitting at table. They all lost weight, stood better and were, consequently, taller. It's something everybody can aspire to - a bit of discipline when eating, daring to get out of those old jeans and sit up straight. Very small changes - but an enormous challenge.

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Becky

Nov. 8, 2016, 12:22 p.m.

Wow thanks, just watched talk. Worth a try. On a different subject I am really struggling with the dark nights. Does anyone use a light box or take vitamin D?

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Lexi

Nov. 8, 2016, 3:27 p.m.

I just started taking Vit D-3. It's only been a few days but I'm already feeling the benefits. I don't eat meat and I was starting to think I was anemic. Perhaps I am but D-3 and B-12 are in my fall/winter arsenal!

Mary Wednesday

Nov. 8, 2016, 1:14 p.m.

I never know what comes first, the posture or the feeling. This can be applied to other things too. Clothes, for instance. (And here I have just deleted three boring paragraphs that none of you will want to read here). I now have one of these kneeling chairs that keeps your back in alignment. It is wonderful and so comfy. Apart from the knees of course. And - this comment is pointless.... thank you Girl - it's a great blog and I'm sorry my brain isn't working well enough to give a proper comment.

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Peter

Nov. 8, 2016, 1:16 p.m.

Fantastic talk- I found this incredibly uplifting - thank you!!

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Tutti Frutti

Nov. 8, 2016, 2:10 p.m.

Hi Girl Whose Feet don't reach. I can just imagine you sitting on a tall chair with your feet swinging. I am really glad to hear that your confidence is building up and thanks for writing for us and sharing your ideas. I will watch the talk. I think teenage years are difficult to negotiate. I was pretty happy as a teenager but I am not sure that the strategies I used to get through my teenage years where I was a big fish in a very small pond necessarily helped me later. I think it may be when I acquired my very bad habit of disqualifying the positive. Love TF x

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Lexi

Nov. 8, 2016, 3:37 p.m.

Thank you for a great reminder on posture. I have chronic back pain and tiredness.... Is it being 47? Winter blues? Anemia? Not sure, could be all of the above. But I am not willing to feel like an old woman yet, not at 47. So I got these wonderful, easy exercises to do to strengthen my core muscles....I didn't even know what a psoas was until recently...andI am starting to feel more energized. The best part about my core exercises are that I do them on my back on the floor. So if I get tired I'm all set for a nap :)

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Lesley

Nov. 12, 2016, 11:14 p.m.

Psoas are the key! I found them about 9 years ago in my mid-forties via the best masseur (japanese) one could get. I know now that if I cycle and walk plenty my relationship with myself changes - happier and more energy. I lost that in my teens through too much studying and too little exercise.

The Gardener

Nov. 8, 2016, 6:16 p.m.

Lasting advice? Changes? At grammar school our new, with-it headmistress (just after the war) got us a stylist to lecture! She said, what you can't disguise make a feature of. A girl who helped with our horses had a 44" bust - she had a tee-shirt with a dachshund on it - like an elongated sausage. This lady said if you had an enormous butt you could have disguised it with a bustle. Not now. In a pub we frequented the barmaid was always impressive. She was large, and I mean large - tall, probably weighed 13/14 stone. She wore floaty dresses, high heels, super hair and make-up. If you pegged her dresses out I reckon 10 scouts could sleep under them, but she looked spectacular. If people think, akin to the blog, that wearing jeans and awful tee-shirts makes them invisible then think again. My O/H is 6 ft., I am 5'4", we have the same leg length, ergo, I am exceedingly short-waisted. But I choose spectacular trousers and high heels, tunics (anything round my waist only draws attention to top-heaviness) all sitting in my wardrobe. Now I just need somewhere to go! As I get older I do wonder if it is possible for a woman to be happy with her appearance? French say 'bien dans votre peau' feel good in your skin.

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Daisy

Nov. 8, 2016, 6:29 p.m.

Thank you for the lovely comments - they made my day. As described above I am sitting on a high chair with my legs dangling to write this - but only because I felt like enacting the comment. The experimenting is all a bit of "work in progress" and tomorrow is another day.....

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