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Shadows. Sunday September 10, 2017

A shadow fell across the sun the other day and the world watched in wonder.
The earths light went out for a few minutes and the birds became very still.
When the shadow had passed people turned away and carried on about their business.
Scurrying here, there and everywhere!
Shadows furiously racing to keep up with them!
Scurrying madly cramming bags full of goodies.
Scurrying home to unload the contents then forget about them.
Designer bags put away in to the shadows of their silk protective shroud.

A man living in the shadows inside a ragged sleeping bag, slumped on a street corner, hand stretched out for pity, money, anything to get by.

Shadows of faceless people passing him by.
Shadows spoiling a sunny day drifting by and resting a while over the brightness.
Shadows of dark clouds reaching out, silhouettes in the fading light.
Stretching out to become the dark of the night.
Shadows in my mind swimming around, blocking out thoughts.
Shadows in the night making me lie wide eyed listening for a creak on the stairs.
Shadows in my dreams. Screaming jumping shouting.

Then out of nowhere light blinds the shadows, thoughts race.
A coin handed with kindness to the poor man on the street corner. His smile a beacon in my heart.
Words start connecting again in my brain and I am free of the dark thing.
The shadow that tried with stealth to drag me into the blackness has gone.

The day is good and long and the Shadows for now are sleeping.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Orangeblossom Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 6:53am

Thanks Audrey, I thoroughly enjoyed your blog which fully encapsulates how I am feeling at the moment. The prose poem ends on a good, hopeful light note.

Ach UK Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 6:54am

Night fears are terrible especially around 4 o'clock in the morning I know this is something to do with our body clocks and chemicals but that doesn't help when you are in a muck sweat. Sometimes the need to escape this has been so strong I've climbed out of bed fighting the bed clothes, struggled to put on shirt and trousers and shoes and grab my house keys, run down the stairs open the front door and staggered out into the street an overpowering need to run and run.

Fortunately I'm not having them at the moment. The last batch went on for about 6 months but they gradually subsided as I Began to get better. One thing that was very helpful was having a mobile phone. I live alone so in the night there is no one to turn to to hold me and calm my fears but I have found if I use my mobile and text a message to a friend this is a big reassurance. I don't generally send the text as it's very wearing on friends if you're continually waking them at night but the very act of this silent reach out gives me realisation I am not alone and helps to diffuse the terror.
Glad your shadows are sleeping now Audrey. Thank you for sharing your blog.

Kathy Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 9:37am

This was a beautiful blog, very moving

Jul Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 12:04pm

I was actually looking at the shadow of my bike this morning as I rode. In the sunlight it was very clear and didn't bother me. I can see how shadows in the dark have that eerie effect and can hide something that shouldn't be there or may appear to hide something which is not there, only in our imagination. It's amazing how a simple task like giving the homeless man some money or doing something completely random can help one escape one fears and shadowy thoughts. A good blog Audrey. Thanks! Jul xx

The Gardener Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 12:06pm

Thank you Audrey - the first paragraph very evocative - if you scurry about enough, acquire all those things you don't need, trying NOT to see the destitution of the homeless - so that if you are 'busy' enough, for long enough, the shadows won't catch you. My shadows are real - and ACH 4 a.m terrors only too real. World news, the hurricanes - seemed to be in my bedroom - rain SO noisy I leapt out of bed fearing that the terrace would flood again. I watched Last Night of the Proms - usually love it - but felt a real curmudgeon - all that jingo-ism, given the mess Britain is in and that many of the flag-wavers were foreigners or the dreaded 'immigrants'. Even the fantastic singer for Rule Britannia was Swedish. My husband is a miserable heap in the corner (currently in respite) and another irony - he is cossetted, only word, 24/24. I am struggling to cope with his comfort, the devoted care of nurses, he's always warm, clean, well-fed. When I think of those 'sleeping rough' I want to bring them all into my huge shop (would make a good dormitory) and make them all soup. It's SO difficult to come to terms with those who have everything (we've never gone without, even during the war) compared with those who have lost everything - refugees from Myanmar, Syria, now those fleeing from the anger from the heavens. How many children, watching TV from a refuge, will cry for their teddies buried in the rubble - and parents, for a lifetime of treasured possessions, irreplacable. In my terribly sombre mood I'm looking round at all the beautiful things in the house, none of great value, but all priceless. We have a concert - a flamboyant Russian lady playing Mussorgsky - I shall go for a walk - and get out of my shadows - glad you can Audrey, stay in the sunshine.

Lexi Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 1:18pm

TG, I too am sitting here thinking about what if my house and all its possessions, my wares of life, disappeared in a instant. My daughter is the only thing I care about, but rebuilding. All those people in St John, in Texas, now Florida. The refugees as you mention. But I love your post because in the midst of it all you have on your plate you would still open your home to those in need. xo Lexi

Lexi Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 1:20pm

A beautiful blog, Audrey. It made me think about how connecting with someone can lift the darkest soul. A simple gesture can restore our faith in ourselves and the world again. xo Lexi

Valerie Sun, Sep 10th 2017 @ 3:00pm

Your blogs always portray your gutsy spirit Audrey,always seeking hope and goodness in life when you are at your lowest ebb.Inspirational and honest writing.

Incidentally,I read that there is a growing body of medical opinion that challenges the previous ideas about sleep and mental illness.It has always been said that depressed and anxious people sleep badly because they are ill.Now they think it's the other way round,insomnia and sleep disorders may be a cause of mental illness.Interesting,since childhood I have been a very light sleeper,and used to sleepwalk and suffer terrible nightmares.How about you? xx

LP Mon, Sep 11th 2017 @ 8:27am

Thank you for your beautifully written blog Audrey. I did give a man some money who looked so unwell sitting outside the supermarket selling the big issue. I hope it lifted his shadows a little. LPxx

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