Today I started my morning by checking my phone for any messages. For over a year now I've been working on lessening the attachment to my phone, so I was quite surprised at my instant reflex upon waking.
What happened this morning can probably be connected to what happened yesterday.
I met someone who fits in quite well with the kind of person I want to have in my life and after an unexpected date he asked for my number. Unfortunately this story doesn't have a very happy ending. On the way home I had the sudden realisation that somehow (even though I've had the number for over a year now) I had accidentally given him the wrong number.
Am I confused by what happened? Yes.
Should I have taken his number too? Of course.
Self-sabotage? Very likely.
As sad as that tiny story is to me, what I did not expect was how, as a reaction to it, my brain threw away everything I've learned over the years (meditation, serenity, un-attachment) and spent all night throwing self-blame my way, something that hasn't happened in a very long time.
I guess in a way, I can add 'self-compassion' to the things I've learned because I have finally realised that mindfulness and things alike are not quick fixes, things can always fall through the cracks.
I'm going to leave this story with you and get back to my daily meditation practices, but as a final note: Don't be so hard on yourself; I hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you.