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September


See Hear Say. Monday September 26, 2016

The three wise monkeys are famous:

"See no evil; Hear no evil; Say no evil..."

Except a) they are monkeys, and b) they are wrong.

It's actually poor psychology to concentrate on what you don't want. Try, for example, not thinking about a penguin wearing a tutu and ice-skating. Thought so.

It is better psychology to think about the alternative - what you would prefer instead of the "don't" - the negative? So the three wise humans would say,

"See all good; Hear all good; Speak all good!"

Wow! I think I just changed the World. (Well, my World anyway!)

How many times have I listened to some tasty morsel of poisonous gossip - 'cos it tasted so good. Funny how gossip is rarely about the good stuff, isn't it?

Well transformation - a dramatic metamorphosis - can happen when we change the way we think. I'm going to change, and you can join me, if you want to.

The most common setback to free flowing, happy relationships is insufficient and ineffective communication.

Privacy prevents me from citing specific cases by name but I've been building a business membership community for many years now and I know for a fact that the number one most frequently cited reason for not doing a second business venture with someone is 'poor communication'. I'm not talking about business ventures that have gone sour. I'm talking about financially successful joint ventures.

Even though these joint ventures have been a success, the poor communication has become a deal-breaker.

You and I can create joy in our relationships by purposing to over-communicate.

Booked a meeting via email? Call the person! How many times have you thought, "Job done!" once you've pressed the 'send' button? How many times have you not received an email that someone claims they sent you?

How about this for an amazingly poignant quote from George Bernard Shaw?

"The biggest single problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

I say, "Guilty as charged, your Honour!"

Now, I'm more than happy to own up to my own ongoing failures in this area because
a) I'm taking action to change the habits that keep me missing the mark,
b) I'm putting back-up systems in place to support my good intentions, and
c) I only know of one person who's brilliant at this! (Thank you Stephen for being such a shining example of what is possible!)

If we adopt the wisdom of the three wise humans in relationships, we can do three amazing things to create magic:

· See the best in our partner, our friends, and our family at all times - assume the best!
· Hear the best about them - which means stopping people in their tracks if they are keen to gossip.
· Say only good things about others. Period.

None of the above negates the sensible need to do extensive due diligence on anyone you let into your circle of influence - that includes Facebook and LinkedIn invitations!

I decide firmly that I will embark on the good habits of see, hear, say only the best in and of people I know and meet.

I decide firmly to over-communicate - to confirm and reconfirm - just as I resolve, right here, right now to back-up my computer!

Lex
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

the room above the garage Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 6:11am

I'm in! :-)
Thank you Lex, love ratg x.

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 7:56am

Welcome aboard - glad we're in this together! Let's have an amazing week! Lex

Hopeful One Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 6:32am

Hi Lex - a powerful thought provoking and stimulating blog . I have adopted one of your ideas - if I have nothing positive to say to the outside world I try and say nothing . It's funny that when I do that I invariably find something positive to say however small or trivial.! One can apply a similar approach to oneself. The reason for this perhaps lies in the fact is that by saying nothing ,if it's not positive , one disables the negative inbuilt bias in our minds acquired in our evolutionary move from a forest dwelling fruigivorous species to a carnivorous species when we moved into the open savannah with its constant danger of being hunted looking out for danger so building in a bias making us only see the worse case negative scenario .

Today's laugh contains adult material which some may find offensive.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children.You all have obsessions, he stated. I am concerned that these individual obsessions are going to impact your children.
To the first mother, Mary, he said: You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.
He turned to the second Mum, Ann, Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.
He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the cat, Whisky
He then turned to the fourth Mum June: Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne and Poppy.
At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered: Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Grab Fanny and Willy, we're going.

S Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 7:59am

Hee hee! Glad you read you again HO, Sx

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:04am

Hopeful One... you are a joy. The humour, yes, of course, but starting my day by looking up "fruigivorous" has really given me something to bite into for breakfast... genius! Lex

the room above the garage Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:49am

HO, snorting into my coffee, thank you! X

LP Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 9:45am

Great to see you back in fine form HO! LPxx:))

Mary Wednesday Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 11:12am

Snorting with you, RATG! Thanks for the giggle! And we have an obsession with the Monarchy: our daughters are Elizabeth and Katherine! (the next cat will be Edward Henry George!)

Orangeblossom Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 6:54am

Great blog thanks Lex. Hope that you have good week ahead.

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 7:57am

Thanks, Orangeblossom - I hope you do too. Maybe if we 'see' a good week ahead, speak well of it, and listen to some great music, we'll get off to an amazing start???!!! Lex

Tutti Frutti Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 7:58am

Hi Lex
Not really in the right place this morning to say anything intelligent I will need to think later. But I did like "a) they were monkeys and b) they were wrong" and l can see the point you were making about putting things the positive way as well. I also liked the vision of the penguin.

Hopeful One
Good to see you back and I enjoyed the joke.

Love TF x

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:06am

Go gently with yourself Tutti Frutti... as U2 say, "Some days are better than others!" So, it's up to us to be kind to ourselves. Hugs, Lex

LP Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:27pm

I didnt have a great morning either TF. For me Monday morningitis. Hope you're ok. LP xx

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 9:42pm

Actually, crappazoonoe day today! Life is a Roller-Coaster, so says Ronan Keating... but I prefer Meatloaf: "Life sucks, and I want my money back!" But glad I've got Moodscope friends!!!

LP Tue, Sep 27th 2016 @ 3:26am

: )). Xx

S Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 7:59am

Morning Lex, thanks for the great blog. 'How many times have I listened to some tasty morsel of poisonous gossip - 'cos it tasted so good' , so very true!! Also, I have realised recently that there is initially less to say if you cut out this sort of conversation and this underlines to me the fact that it is often about our own insecurities/ finding something to say/be dramatic about.
Love that Shaw quote too - this is bonus material - so much to think about. How often do we feel that we have said something/expressed something and the other person has no idea! Thank you for giving me some really interesting things to think about today and some things to aspire to, Sx

PS Leah, thanks to for yesterday's blog - it's left me thinking about what it means by the end and that I often find with a project or relationship that the end or settling place is ever changing.

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:09am

Hi S, so glad this is a great blog for you. I'm experimenting with putting it into practice specifically and consciously today - Magic! Lex

Tutti Frutti Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 9:00am

I have also been reflecting on yesterday's blog having reread all the comments this morning and found the interpretations others put on the quote quite helpful - despite my immediate reaction being that he was obviously talking rubbish (as even some of the greatest popstars seem to do). That said I hear Bruce Springsteen has just spoken out about mental health. I don't go for his music (although i admit that anyone who writes his own stuff and lasts as long as he has is talented) but it's great that he's spoken out. Go Bruce! TF x

Skyblue Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:49am

Hi Lex, you've given me the go-ahead to 'over-communicate' and i thank you. It's easy to shy away from over-confirming or clarifying in several different ways for fear of being annoying or appearing a bit dotty:) But it's amazing how much more info you often receive by doing this...which only helps the situation. Great blog, as always. Have a lovely day. xx

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 3:47pm

Hi Skyblue, glad to give you the go-ahead. Hope you're having a lovely day. Mine's been really 'mixed' but warm comments are as refreshing as a cup of tea! Lex xx

LP Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 10:26am

Thanks Lex,
Absolutes can feel like a tall order, so with them being 3 wise humans maybe it's fine that they are more like aims! I'm aware that avoidance has featured in difficulties with certain individuals and that includes communication. It's those who have wronged me, are unwelcome and intrusive who This would be difficult to apply to. Negative feelings and justifying having them just keep the negative energy circulating. The need to express those feelings to people who are there for me. It doesn't feel good though.
I think that this could be where I remain stuck, out of choice I might add. I don't want to see the best in those people. I know that it's possible for others, but I'm not interested. Even if I'm told that it would help me, I'd refuse. The block is there the damage is done. I just want to be left alone to get on with my life without further intereferance.
They are isolated cases. Life isn't all plain sailing I guess. In general though, my default is to have positive interactions and relationships.
I also like the idea of using positive language. Say the same thing but flip it and using sincere and positive language.
Thanks again for much food for thought Lex. Good wishes for all. LPxx

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 3:49pm

Hello LP... it's not easy is it. This ain't a blog on 'forgiveness' - because forgiveness is like a long sentence... I have to take a run at it! It's more a question of how you've put it: an aim. It's stopped me already from having a rant a couple of times today! I love to gossip, so it's going to be a tough one to reprogram! Lex xx

LP Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:29pm

Lol, still a great blog and message. I defo had a touch of the Monday morning greys :) xx

Angela Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 10:33am

Communication is something I'm not good at, hopefully it will improve because I'm aware of it. Love to my moodscope friends x x x

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 3:50pm

It all begins with Awareness, Angela... then Acceptance... then Action to do something. I love acting! L x x x

Mary Wednesday Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 11:15am


"The biggest single problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." Oh yes! This speaks directly to me this morning. Every morning in fact. I need to learn to ask direct questions and I need to make direct statements. There is far too much lost in translation, in interpretation and in assumption. Ouch!

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 4:01pm

You know you are not alone in this, Mary! L'x

patricia Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 11:33am

Thank you Lex you have really made my day, I've been sitting here dare I say playing on the computer since about 6am, beating myself up for wasting time. I made myself stop and read Moodscope, my graph was better, (had not had a very good night dark thoughts all over the place) Now I'm going to get washed and dressed and start the day feeling I can cope better, even though it's wet windy and mis outside. Also loved the naughty joke from the Hopeful one. xxx

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 4:12pm

Hopeful One is a tonic! And very glad to play my part in making your day. Be happy, Patricia xxx

Rolf Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 11:40am

"It's actually poor psychology to concentrate on what you don't want." Not necessarily. Some people have a natural tendency to focus on what they don't want. This is great if they then manage to take effective steps to avoid that thing. People like that make great troubleshooters: firefighters, security guards, disease control experts...

I know where you're coming from, of course. Some people sometimes get stuck in an "away-from" mentality, and their exclusive focus on the object of their fear makes that object bigger, more important, and more dangerous than it deserves. Then it's important to get unstuck, to liberate oneself and turn one's attention to the hopeful, the beautiful, and the desirable things that life offers.

But negative thinking does have its place, and those who are prone to it are not necessarily in need of "fixing".

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 4:14pm

Have you seen the Pixar movie, "Inside Out," Rolf? It makes the best case for the value of sadness I've ever seen. We are not disagreeing, just using concepts in different contexts. ;0)

Rolf Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:34pm

Yes -- that was a nice one! :) Thanks for reminding me.

LP Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:39pm

I like that, just different contexts! Love a good debate! So glad to read this! My work is all about finding solutions!

Frankie Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 4:12pm

Oh Lex, my rational self recognises this to be so true - and I have always prided myself on being the last to know any "gossip".

Sadly I am struggling with this today as we deal with my alcoholic sister, Nicky, whilst clearing mum's house (can't believe she has been dead a month already ...) Nicky has three states; sober/lovely, drunk/out of it, and the hardest to deal with, paranoid - which I am rapidly discovering is infections!

I have avoided answering the phone to her three times, only to have youngest sister just ring me hopping mad as a result of speaking to Nicky in "paranoid" state ... At some point I may be allowed to focus on losing mum, rather than permanently dealing with Nicky ...

Frankie

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 4:15pm

My heart goes out to you, Frankie. We can meet, and you can have a rant on me, if that would help. Otherwise, coffee's on me anyway. My deepest sympathies on the loss of Mum. xx

LP Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 8:49pm

My condolences too Frankie. I hope you find some time and space to collect your thoughts and feelings. Xx

Frankie Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 9:34pm

Thanks both - really appreciate this; Frankie

LP Tue, Sep 27th 2016 @ 3:29am

Xx

The Gardener Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 4:12pm

I am over-reacting and in total despair. Mr G had a rare wet bed last night - everything, 3 a.m. I got on, as usual - he said I was not working fast enough, caught my arm and twisted it badly - left wrist and I'm left handed - can hardly tap the keyboard. My 'carer' nurse/psychiatrist - it's the malady, he has no responsibility in it. Now I am scared and at end of tether. Yet the whole subject above, communication, is what keeps me going - I feel the future is truly grim - no comfort even from my flowers, I can't raise a positive or hopeful thought. Even miss doing Moodscope - although it is an important part of my day, the message in the blog and the varied answers. I burst into tears for nothing, tired out. Just re-read - was going to swipe - despise 'open-heart' surgery - just using Moodscope as an outlet for my fears and hurt

Lex Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 4:18pm

I speak for so many of us, Dear Gardener, when I say we are more than willing for you to have this outlet for your fears and hurt. I regularly pause and touch some of the beautiful tiny flowers in the doorstep trug. Whether I feel happy, sad or even just numb, their little examples of joyous perfection still give me a 'moment' in the storm. The garden calls...

The Gardener Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 9:16pm

Patricia, I castigate myself for playing Solitaire - it's pure inertia, no energy to start anything that needs effort. And Frankie, alcoholics! How I feel for you - I think I've got trouble, but that's at the end of a long life. But the waste, the embarrassment, the fury generated by addiction, and at such a time, too. Can't tell them to go jump in the lake, they might. Tonight, as I try to find a reason for living, I am in total sympathy for those who struggle with seemingly 'lost causes'.

Frankie Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 9:45pm

Thanks dear Gardener; me too - but loads of Spider Solitaire for me and you are right - no effort required ... and maybe that is ok ... Frankie

LP Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 9:20pm

Dear TG,
Lex is absolutey right. I'm glad that you have this outlet too. Communicating in writing helps me so much. It helps to process and clarify what is going on in my mind.
I've cone to care how you are very much and like that you tell it as it is.
When I joined Moodscope I don't think you had any respite. In time that changed. It needed to.
I'm sorry to hear about your wrist and hope that there will be a silver lining, an idea, a conversation, a phone call, an enquiry or an opportunity, that brings about the right type of practical help that you both need. Sometimes a new day changes the energy enough for things to feel settled again. Sending hugs and love LP xx

Duma Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 10:01pm

Hi Lex, interesting blog.

I see balance, in viewpoint, as avoiding 'mental myopia'.

I tend to deliberately over-sample and then choose my audience and moment, even here. I waited for five years, before reaching for my keyboard.

My number-one symptom, when 'off on one', is over-communication of my (extremely divergant) world-view. Talk too much and bad things happen, to me and mine.

Not looking to debate (and never to argue - pointless) just adding my eperientially derived observation. Two pence worth, methinks.

Again, not looking to be helpful, I could be happier, for example, I mananaged to have a deeply fruitless 'over communication' with my aforementioned gal-pal, tonight.

I must confess, It made your excellent blog a tough read, just as my friend's more mainstream (New Age) views, stated as absolutes and imperatives, made me grind my teeth.

I see your approach as a valid tool, and I suppose that I too over communicate, with 'unsubtle' body language.

I need to think about this one. Sleep on it.

Thanks for the 'homework', I'll sleep long and well, I hope.

Cheers, Duma.

Chris Tue, Sep 27th 2016 @ 1:46pm

Thank you, very true

Chris Tue, Sep 27th 2016 @ 1:46pm

Thank you, very true

Chris Tue, Sep 27th 2016 @ 1:46pm

Thank you, very true

Chris Tue, Sep 27th 2016 @ 1:46pm

Oops! Patience....

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