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Say Yes! Sunday April 6, 2014

Contrary to many out there, I suspect I'm not alone in being a cautious person, often uttering "No" when faced with a closed question.

I'm not the person you ask if you want something done immediately. Most of my family know this only too well. I'm queen of procrastination and not just when it's things I don't really want to do. Even if I do want to do something or go somewhere, I still say No!

Inevitably this causes me considerable guilt and anxiety. As someone already riddled with guilt (I'm a working mum of small children need I say more?), it's difficult. I spend hours deliberating the pros and cons of whether I should have said "Yes" and agreed there and then, or whether I feel happy with myself for having said "No".

So I've decided to try and say "Yes" to as many things as I can at the moment in order to spend time actually doing something rather than worrying about having not done it.

It's proving good so far. An anticipated quiet night at home turned into an enjoyable evening at the local pub. The chance purchase of a new pen has encouraged my son to start writing. Accepting the offer of a stay in a fancy hotel has presented a whole load more opportunities for nodding enthusiastically and gratefully accepting or agreeing.

Go on, say "Yes", you never know where it might take you...

A Moodscope member.

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Diana Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 8:01am

...and you know Eleanor, although I think I agree that it is better to take a 'positive line' initially - one isn't the only bod on this ol' earth, to have an occasional change of mind ( preferably not leaving too many people in the lurch - too ' late in the day ' )

Anonymous Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 8:11am

I'm glad to read this. So much advice on handling your mood encourages you to say no more often. I can't disagree more: say no sometimes, but mostly say yes - it enables you to help others, connect with others, have new experiences, meet new people, find something which works. It opens doors.

Julia Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 8:26am

I agree with with Diana and Eleanor. I said no to an impromptu invitation yesterday as I wasn't feeling great, felt really bad at saying no but it was the right decision. However when I do say yes and force myself to go to something, I generally end up not having a great time exactly but pleased afterwards that I went. So as Diana says it is OK to say no.But not all the time. And to plan to say yes whenever possible sounds a very good idea Eleanor.So many people depressed or not grapple with this problem, not wanting to go out on the night and trying to think of plausible excuses as the evening gets nearer. We each think we should be the life and soul of the party or whatever and put too much pressure on ourselves to perform and behave as expected.

Lex McKee Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 9:57am

I was almost shocked to see how good Jim Carey was in a serious role - in his film "Yes Man". The film really touched me - especially as I don't want to go out at night and I don't want to say, "Yes" to social engagements. I'd go as far to say that the film and the echo of those key ideas by Eleanor's words today are changing my life.
The joy of the film for me is the ending where the "Yes" gets balanced but in a better way than when Jim started the journey.
I salute you, Queen Eleanor, formerly of the biggest nation on Earth (ProcrastiNation) and I look forward to your abdication and new rule in the Land of Pos!!!!

Richard Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 11:51am

A thoughtful blog, Eleanor. A thoughtful reply, Julia. " To go or not to go " is a tightrope I walk a lot. Sometimes I use my Moodscope score as a safety net. If its low that day, I might not go to something. Other times, I say " I really want to go to that Owl Sanctuary, despite my low score. I'm going." Last night, I saw Elbow in concert. The best live concert I've ever witnessed. My Moodscope score is exactly the same as yesterday. No message, really. I just enjoy writing. Peace and Love, Richard x

Julia Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 12:39pm

Lucky you seeing Elbow. And you deserve a great evening Richard. xx

heather Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 12:58pm

My dear Mum passed away three years ago but still lives on when I am reminded of all her sayings and little pieces of advice she gave me all my life (most of which I took not much notice of at the time !). One of them was "Say "yes" whenever you can as you may never be asked again" and that one resonated with me and has opened up my life and become a part of me even in depression.

Julia Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 1:07pm

Ah your dear Mum. I often quote my mother's sayings now she is dead. Like you Heather, they went over my head at the time. She must have said them a lot as I can quote them word for word now.

Anonymous Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 4:55pm

What a helpful blog. It's so easy to just say no, I try to say yes and enjoy it whatever. Yesterday went to my local football match for the first time - so glad my neighbours said yes as well.

amrose Sun, Apr 6th 2014 @ 7:09pm

I sometimes struggle with an automatic no to someone's invitation. But my deeper trouble is getting past the no to inviting.

I have dear friends who I long to spend time with, who reflect the best in me and listen well. When I'm with them I'm at ease. Stepping over the threshold between us is easy when they open the door.

But when I need to open the door it becomes a huge slab of stone which only opens if I push with all my might. Hmm, writing that just now brought an insight. That stone is a part of me as is the party that's doing the pushing. I've learned, but forget most of the time, to show compassion to my parts. I stand between them and listen and empathize with each in turn. If I'm patient they will sometimes speak to me, tell me what they are wanting. If they don't want me to approach, at least they know I see them there. And I come away understanding that they have a reason for being there. Sometimes they change if they're ready to trust and accept my invitation of friendship.

I feel like I just travelled a distance while writing that. I'm in a different place. I'm not the pusher or the stone, but they are parts of me.

Silvia A Mon, Apr 7th 2014 @ 4:30am

Heather, Would you like to write a blog about your mother's sayings? This is a very good one.

Silvia A Mon, Apr 7th 2014 @ 4:32am

thumbs up!

heather Sun, Apr 20th 2014 @ 3:23pm

Thank you Sylvia, only just seen this. I will try to jot them down.

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