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June


Resilience. Tuesday June 9, 2015

I was trundling along, slowly, quietly making progress and keeping myself straight when I hit a bump. It's where I find myself today. Everyone in the house caught a bug and it has slowly crept around each of us in turn...this is week four of playing patient and/or nurse. Then my ceiling fell apart in two places due to a leak. Currently my house is being carved up in different ways, in different places, to make a fix. Why is it that a fix can only occur with some mild devastation?

I have been keeping on keeping on, acting like all is well and wearing the 'I'm coping' badge. Then yesterday I burst. Anger, shouting, tears, the full monty. Today I'm a burst mattress, all sags, wonky springs and stuffing hanging out. (Are you making the 'boing' sound in your head? Bet you are now!)

I have mumped through the day. Then late into this afternoon I realised what my mistake has been. Once again, I've beat myself up for finding it hard. Of course it's hard! One hundred per cent of this family unit has been pulled down with illness, normal busy life has had to go on around it, I have depression and that makes you feel like an ant burning under a magnifying glass in the sun, my lovely home is damaged in many places and my need for routine has been sorely challenged. Of course it's hard!

Now that I have seen it written down in black and white I feel better. And now I get it. Resilience isn't about being Clark Kent strong, it's about recognising that it's hard.

Love from

The room above the garage.
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 6:11am

"Resilience isn't about being Clark Kent strong, it's about recognising that it's hard". Thank you for that. I'm having a hard, hard time at the moment, feeling rejected and abandoned. Difficult ones for me as they trigger childhood feelings of being a lost and helpless child. Your post suddenly made me recognise that I've been here before, and survived, as I will again. Despite the misery I'm feeling at the moment. So thanks again. Now I've written it down, I too feel better. I hope your house is soon sorted, the illnesses get better and that your depression eases. Love to you RATG.

Hopeful One Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 7:27am

Hi RATG- you are brilliant. To keep that sense of humour in all that devastation shows a strength of character that I admire. Two obsevations. Writing anything down will make anyone better i would hazard a guess. It gives the item a shape ,takes the emotion out of it and imposes a sense of proportion. Second humour will trump any situation. Here is my laugh for today -just for you.

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the drunks orders and says: "That will be £36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender raps him on his knuckles and throws him out. The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender raps his knuckles and throws him out. On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 8:21am

I am glad you feel better. Thank you for expanding my vocabulary; 'mump' is a terrific word! Go well.

Victoria Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 8:25am

Last week I had a tiring but wonderful holiday. Then I caught a cold on the plane home. It's been very difficult not to slip back to my childhood fears that enjoying myself will lead to pain and sadness. But I'm with you. It's really important to remember that it's hard when you're ill. I didn't find you boring!

Rupert Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 8:41am

Good blog! Why do we do it to oursleves - not only do we go through the pain and misery of day to day hardships but then beat ourselves up about it because we feel gulity for letting them happen and/or because we are not coping with it very well! Rupert

Julia Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 9:26am

It sounds as if you have a lot to cope with ratg and all on your own. too We set ourselves very high standards on a daily basis. It's almost as if a little voice or something we have read is constantly urging us on to achieve, achieve, achieve and do more and more each day. You are right to remind us that the high standards we set ourselves are hard and unrealistic much of the time. Also, you mention your need for routine...I am a terrible one for routine. In theory I hate the boredom of routine but as soon as something outside my control disrupts it, I get very anxious.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:29am

I can identify with this absolutely. I've had a really difficult year so far. Life's three most stressful events; bereavement, redundancy, moving house have all come my way, in the course of three months, plus the ongoing issue with something only women of a certain age have to acknowledge This week it feels like everything has finally 'landed' on me and I feel exhausted beyond belief. These daily emails though always give me food for though and sometimes they are so relevant, like today's so I thank you for that! Keep going, it will get better ....

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:30am

I enjoyed reading your blog, thank you. And so true. Funny how our lives are so different. When you said "every one in my house" I stopped and daydreamed for a moment about what it'd be like to live in a house-full of people again. I've lived in a house of just one for 8 years and although I've chosen it, I thought that maybe being ill "with" people would be more comforting than being ill alone. Classic case of the grass always being greener but I guess what I'm really saying (to risk another cliche) is that counting our blessings does us the world of good. I know it does me anyway. Anna

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:45am

Should have added I've been dealing with all this with a lifetime history of anxiety and depression in the background so makes everything much, much harder.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:17am

Hello! Rejection and abandonment are tough things to push through. I suppose today you learned that YOU won't reject or abandon yourself and that is a big thing. Thank you for your reply, made me smile, much love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:19am

Good morning to you HO, thanks for your reply. Love the joke, you always have one just sitting there ready, and it always makes me laugh!! Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:21am

:-) mump is one of those 'lovely to say out loud' words isn't it! There's is probably a posh way of saying that but I'm still in that queue... Thank you, love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:23am

Hello Victoria, planes make me want to open a window for that very reason! Thank you, onwards for us both, love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:25am

Hallo Rupert, yes we whack ourselves repeatedly but bit by bit we can move to tapping and eventually it could become massage. Onwards my friend! Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:30am

Someone once said "it's only a problem if it's a problem". That's me...I used to see my need for routine and solidity as a problem but it's not, it keeps me well. So it stays but I need to have a buffer in place so I can be flexible and avoid the tears. I'm a slow learner :-). How are you lovely Julia? Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:33am

Oh my! That's a lot going on. Do you find you push through in times of extreme busyness and then struggle, or struggle throughout? Im still a learner but have been trying a little but of meditation over the months and I've found it to be a great tool for exactly this. Love ratg xx.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:37am

So very true! Thank you Anna, love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:42am

And so you are silently holding your own body weight as a shadow beside all that you do. It's an extra dimension that is rarely seen except by those who do it. Anxiety is horrible and damaging. I wish you many wins there, love ratg x.

Kevin Elliott Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 12:42pm

Great word. Thanks for sharing and being honest!

Nancy Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 12:43pm

My mental picture of depression is treading in deep water. As I get more and more depressed the water gets deeper and I go from waist deep struggling to over my head. When I am in deep water I also beat myself up for things being hard. But rather than "flounder" around in deep water if I tread and ride the wave then I save my energy for coping. Hope that makes sense.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 3:35pm

Yes, I know that squeeze. I found my sense of self becoming quite fuzzy like a bubble of mattress padding hovering around me. And I played endless games of solitaire. One turning moment of the many that I needed was deciding I had to find new or former things I loved and bring them into my life more. One was hands on healing (Reiki) one was Neuro-Linguistic Programming—NLP, one was improv acting, and one was taking short walks alone and talking outloud to myself about my troubles and prospects.
So, have heart, one breath after another, and welcome one thing you love that nothing can take from you, then start loving it. It will love you in return.

Libby Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 6:10pm

Wonderfully insightful, my friend over the garage.

Mary Blackhurst Hill Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 7:08pm

Loved this RATG. Thank you. Just - Thank you.

The Entertrainer Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:07pm

Echo

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:30pm

Is there an echo in here? :-)

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:31pm

:-) love ratg

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:33pm

Perfect sense, thank you, love ratg

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:34pm

Thank you my friend :-) love ratg x

Anonymous Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 10:37pm

Pleasure is mine Mary, love ratg x.

David Jarvis Tue, Jun 9th 2015 @ 11:05pm

Totally agree with that sentiment. Thank you RATG.
Reading 'The Happiness Trap' at the moment and finding it helpful.

Anonymous Wed, Jun 10th 2015 @ 7:49pm

Thanks David! :-) love ratg x.

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