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Renegotiate and Remortgage!! Friday January 2, 2015

You are free. You are freer than you may be allowing yourself to realise. You have all the time you need. You and I have 168 hours a week. It's one of the few matters in life that are utterly fair and equal.

The reason many of us don't feel free is that we've 'mortgaged' our time. We may have made some poor choices on how to spend our time. We've made commitments with our time that mean that it is no longer ours to spend as we choose. In this sense, this is like a mortgage – we've made a commitment to the future to spend time just like a mortgage is a commitment to pay money in the future. For example, when I promise a friend that I'll meet them next Monday for a cup of tea, I've committed in advance to spend that time. It is no longer 'free' time.

A proper job is like this too - a commitment of future time in return for money.

None of this is bad - it is just like it sometimes feels like we've sacrificed our freedom. And freedom is important to the human spirit.

Promises, commitments and appointments are all 'open loops' or 'unfinished business' that can create a sense of pressure until they are fulfilled (thereby closing the loop). They are like a sentence left unfinished...which we long to complete. We long to be free.

My suggestion today is to revisit some of your commitments. They may have seemed like a good idea at the time but times have changed. Now, it may be time to renegotiate how you have promised to give your time. Giving your time reluctantly or, even worse, when you've come to resent this, rarely leads to a good outcome. Your heart is not in it. And the heart is the powerhouse of motivation and results.

Sometimes it is simply better to be open, honest and assertive and see if you can change the deal! Just like a home loan, time can be remortgaged - commitments can be renegotiated. And sometimes, just sometimes, you can get a better interest rate!

A promise isn't broken if both parties agree to changing the promise.

I think it may well be time for you to take back control of some of your time and reinvest it as you choose.

Go on – have the time of your life!

A Moodscope member.

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Mary Blackhurst Hill Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 11:08am

A very good point and a powerful way of looking at it Lex. I can't remember if it was you who recommended "Getting Things Done" by David Allen, but my copy arrived yesterday and I now have to put it onto my ipod. I look forward to being more productive.

Anonymous Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 11:11am

This is a great reminder. I was a ball of resentment about this very thing. Giving, giving, giving. I always thought I should say yes. I have begun to re look at my time but I still spend far too much time allowing depression to rule. I will renegotiate that. Tricky but possible.
Anyone else feel a little lifeless today? I think I need to get my sleep back in order.
Thank you Lex, you've given me not just a nudge but a new way of looking, love from the room above the garage xx.

Anonymous Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 11:13am

It's funny what things lift you when your flat...when asked to put in the words proving I'm not a robot...up popped 'Happy Holidays'. I'm a sucker for a daft smile. :-D love ratg

The Entertrainer Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 11:44am

Sounds like a kind of magic, RATG... I trust you'll have the time of your life in 2015 xx

The Entertrainer Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 11:46am

Hi Mary... it may well have been me. I'm a 'conditioned' "Getting Things Done" fan... conditioned in the sense that I realise you'll need to temper David Allen's approach with your own unique talents and gifts. There are many truths in this World, and one of them is that "one size does not fit all"!
I know you'll listen to David's processes and get very inspired, but I am also massively reassured that you'll apply it the Mary-Way. And that is a beautiful thing!

Anonymous Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 12:06pm

Brilliantly succinct, Lex - and so much more helpful than any New Year tips so far received. Although it is a little frightening to consider spending time differently, because it requires forethought, thank you for granting express 'permission' to free myself from unfulfilling commitments and your reassurance that this is 'a good thing'.Go well.

The Entertrainer Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 12:47pm

You are SO welcome, Anonymous... and I like your phrasing "express 'permission'" - nicely put!

Julia Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 4:47pm

Very sound advice Lex. I can't write much today as I have been travelling to France and just arrived. I am the worlds worst for making an arrangement which sounds such a good idea at the time but when the day looms, I want to cancel.

Anonymous Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 5:39pm

Hello Julia; one of the most helpful things a dear friend of mine said to me once was: "Just because you have had a good idea, does not mean that you have to act on it" - and for years afterwards would continue to comment on my (many) excellent ideas as being lovely but not necessarily needing to be actioned. I try and remember this when making arrangements so that my diary does not get overloaded and I feel overwhelmed ... which leads me wanting to cancel. (It can make for some boring weekends though!) Happy New Year to you and yours Julia. love Frankie xx

Anonymous Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 5:47pm

Hello Lex; just wish I had understood this years ago - what you say is so true and empowering - thank-you. If I do have second thoughts (as happened to me this morning re; coffee with an acquaintance) I try to have an open mind which usually helps me to have a good time and be glad I made the effort. Happy New Year Lex. Frankie

The Entertrainer Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 8:03pm

Happy New Year to you too, Frankie.
It would be great to take a more relaxed approach to all our commitments but I recognise that commitment is also a great thing... and I love that you flipped this morning's coffee to make the most of it. That's the kind of magic that empowers us to make the most of whatever happens. The worst of both worlds is to resent the commitments we have to keep. Just as it takes two the Tango and at least two to commit, it's always going to be a negotiation. My hope for 2015 is that we all might be surprised at how others are equally happy to be flexible with what first seemed an immovable commitment. Sometimes, we just have to ask...

The Entertrainer Fri, Jan 2nd 2015 @ 8:14pm

Thanks for taking time to comment Julia... I'm with Frankie too - I have so many 'great' ideas (which I commit to and then regret at leisure). If I could learn they don't all have to be actioned, I might make some great leaps forward in actual effectiveness! And I'm with you too - I made so many arrangements last year that seemed like the right thing to do at the time... and then................
Here's to being able to say, "No!" or even "Maybe!" a lot more often in 2015.

Anonymous Sat, Jan 3rd 2015 @ 12:11pm

So true - it's the not being afraid to ask that can be challenging ... Thanks Lex. Frankie

Julia Sat, Jan 3rd 2015 @ 2:30pm

Happy New year Frankie and Lex. And thank you Frankie. Yes Lex, isn't it amazing and thrilling to discover that others can be flexible and actually welcome a change of plan.

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