Reach out to family and friends.

10 May 2015
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I had never been able to understand how people can get depressed until I got depression myself. It took me a couple of years to realise it and accept it. But I definitely cannot deny it anymore. Strangely, when I started accepting the fact, I felt less anxious.

I'd been living abroad for 3 years, away from my family, boyfriend and close friends. Having to deal with everyday life alone and deserted was a hell of a time sometimes. I was so low and things weren't good. But I recently realised that I'm not alone.

One of the worst situations was my relationship with my boyfriend. I had shut myself off from everyone and it was particularly hard to talk to him. I finally confessed that I felt depressed but this didn't help. Later, like a released river, I told him everything that had annoyed me over the past 2 years. Even though I felt relieved and felt a little bit better, I didn't find the understanding I was expecting from him. His lack of understanding of my depression was devastating to me so I ended our relationship.

So, I decided to talk to my family and close friends. And there was a ray of light for me. I found so much understanding and love that I felt that there is hope again.

My heart is calmer now. I read a lot about self-help and taking small steps everyday in overcoming my depression. Having so much love from my family and friends makes me feel that I am not crazy and I know that I will manage to find myself again.

Maria

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

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Comments

Hopeful One

May 10, 2015, 6:15 a.m.

Hi Maria- so glad to read that you found comfort from your family and friends to help you to climb out of the depression that happened to you..Go baby you have many things that are positive to help you out .Hope for a start -I am a fan of that.Never ever lose it.Then there is your attitude to look for self help. and to talk to others about your condition.Keep talking .As you climb out I would suggest you stop looking at the past whenever your mind drifts in that direction..Depression is a reaction to past losses- you know yours.

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Sally

May 10, 2015, 6:36 a.m.

Hi Maria, well said and very sincere. I suffered from depression from an early age. ( 13 maybe onwards, )I found acceptance with few people in those days when it was something of a taboo subject or ridiculed ( pull yourself together attitudes prevailed) but a handful of people understood, accepted and were there for me. I am forever indebted to them. Because of them, I pulled through and am the person I am today, and able to be there for others. My motto nowadays is be sincere and kind always. A tall order but experience has taught me that this is the best way for me to try to be.

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Julia

May 10, 2015, 8:01 a.m.

Depression CAN be a reaction to past losses Hopeful One but loss is not the ONLY cause of depression. I think it's important to state this here on Moodscope.

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Les

May 10, 2015, 8:38 a.m.

Hi Maria What a great emotional and meaning-full blog. A couple of thoughts our blog brought up for me............. Firstly, for me, depression is a bit about self hate and thus to receive little of nothing back from your boyfriend when you show your true vulnerability clearly shows there is no real 'love' there. It could be of course that he may have had his own challenges and you holding this mirror up brought fear into his heart, which he could not cope with. Secondly the true love and compassion you found in your family is exactly the antidote required to help start to fill you with self love - when your own emotional bank account is empty. This for me is where the NHS completely fails in a psychiatric ward......it is purely about no suicide on my watch - there is, in my experience in the 90s NO compassion anywhere to be found in a ward - which is why medication is their only real 'tool'.....and in some cases hammer and nut come racing into mind. I only hope that reading and blogging on Moodscope helps you feel you are not crazy and that you are not alone. And crucially that people do not 'tell' you that your depression is caused by one thing.......as to say such things is dangerous should you feel otherwise - and can even disturb the balance that you are obviously finding through your own exploration and understanding. Keep taking your small steps and emerge once again into the light in your life and be as open as you can be about who you are and what you feel. Thanks for your short and succinct blog.

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Anonymous

May 10, 2015, 9:59 a.m.

It is true that you are not alone, Maria. So glad you are 'on your way' (and also that you've found Moodscope). Ending the relationship with your boyfriend must have been difficult, but what a strength move on your part! And now you know that you will always find, and that you deserve, all the support you need. There is so much possibility ahead.Thanks for your blog. susan xx

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Hopeful One

May 10, 2015, 11:03 a.m.

Name another. I interpret losses in the widest sense . They fall into four groups. Real-e.g tangible like death of a loved one, loss of an object of great value,moving house you love. Abstract- loss of love in separation, loss of self esteem,loss of being needed e.g 'empty nest'loss of routine eg in retirement . Threatened - death of partner,loss of job, reputation. Imagined -'no one loves me', I am trapped, stuck with life as it is , see no escape. I could go on but one will find oneself in those examples.

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Hopeful One

May 10, 2015, 1:30 p.m.

Hi Julia - by the way I am here talking about the common or garden type of depression not specific types like bipolar, maternal, endogenous etc which have their own specific causes

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Laura

May 10, 2015, 2:41 p.m.

Hi, Maria - very courageous of you to share your thoughts and feelings openly. And thanks for giving me some hope today. For me, after suffering from depression for over 30 years, I'm finally understanding that it IS possible to think positively, even when I have to force it upon myself. It helps to eventually change the direction of my thoughts and stop the negativity. Getting out of the apartment and being around other people also helps me. But the best thing I can do for myself when I'm depressed is to do something nice for someone else - call a friend and ask how they're doing (not focus on myself), open the door for a stranger and smile, buy a card for someone you love. Simple acts of kindness help me get out of myself and to realize that I have value. More power to you!

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Mary Blackhurst Hill

May 10, 2015, 4 p.m.

Thank you for your post Maria. I'm so glad you have found understanding with friends and family, I hope you will also find a man who will give you that same understanding if that is what you want. Positive thoughts are coming your way.

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Julia

May 10, 2015, 5:51 p.m.

Hi Maria. It's so good you decided to write a blog for Moodscope and one which is heartfelt and easy to read and understand. I can't remember seeing your name in print before on this page? If I am right and it is your first blog, well done. I am so pleased you have had help, support and love from your family and friends after the breakup of your relationship. (He obviously not was the right one for you!). People have often said on this site that you know who really counts in your life when you suffer from depression; it's great you found love and support when you were sad and as Mary said above, I hope too that you soon find a kind boyfriend to share your life with.

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