R for Resillience.

24 Apr 2016
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In our A to Z Guide to Life, we've got to the letter 'R'. I have many blogs beginning with 'R' but I also have the privilege of knowing an expert in Resilience. So it is my pleasure to hand over to Vanda North today, to share some of her insights into this vital aspect of positive psychology. Kindest Regards to all, Lex.

8 ways to boost the resilient warrior inside you!

1. Shift negative to positive speech patterns.

If someone says 'How are you?' How do you answer? 'Not bad!' or 'Hanging in there'?

Whenever possible, respond in the positive way because speaking this is resilience boosting.

2. Go with the flow.

Change is all about you all the time so resisting it will be reducing your resilience. Brace yourself and say, 'Go with the flow' and just for a while see what happens - it might be better than it was before!

3. Select being a victor (not a victim)

'It ALWAYS happens to me!' Just for a day try on a victor mentality. You could say 'I am becoming a victor (or victorious)' because as long as you are still giving it a go, that is the possibility.

4. Leave the (particularly negative) past in the past.

You cannot change the past, so, if there is a lesson to be learned, take it and move on! That builds your resilience.

5. Banish apathy.

The black fog of apathy drags you down with force. Notice how a relatively small burst of doing or being involved is self-motivating, rejuvenating and resilience assisting.

6. Boost your self-confidence.

Speak as encouragingly to yourself as you might to a four year old! 'Come on, let's have one more go – look you are closer than before!' With this strategy you will be more resilient for any of life's happenings.

7. Resist absolutes.

Substitute 'never' and 'always' with 'often', 'frequently' or 'sometimes' as this may be more accurate. Further this will enhance communication and relationships with the receiver - and that builds your resilience.

8. Cultivate coping strategies.

Mind Chi has 8 simple steps which take just 8 minutes and done every day will dramatically increase your resilience and make you a true resilient warrior. (Link to Mind Chi)

Vanda North

A friend of Moodscope

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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Comments

Hopeful One

April 25, 2016, 6:20 a.m.

Hi Vanda- thank you for your post. Your number 4 resonates particularly with me. A few days ago I wrote"The past is the past and nothing I can do will change it.It has told me everything it knows and there is nothing more to tell. It is a spider's web and if I go there I will simply get entwined in its strands and find it difficult(in my case) or never(in many cases I have seen) to emerge. It is a prison of one's own making and to go there voluntarily is to offer to be its prisoner again with little chance of release." Further comment from fellow Moodscopers made me appreciate that your rule no 8 may apply and not to see this in absolute terms but to allow happy or poignant memories but not to dwell on them for long. To continue the Management series . Lesson number 2. A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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the room above the garage

April 25, 2016, 8:09 a.m.

HO, never leave! Better still, move to Scotland and be my neighbour. This would help me I'm sure and I'm sure it's no inconvenience to you at all! :-)

Lou

April 25, 2016, 11:53 a.m.

Really excellent point about the past, thanks HO, you've got me thinking.

Still picking figs

April 25, 2016, 6:35 a.m.

Thank you Lex and Vanda I will definitely try one of these out today, probably number one. (That's a positively reinforced statement right there!) How to 'banish apathy'- now that's a hard one. When I am feeling apathetic, I don't seem able to fight it so just go with it and do the basic things very, very slowly. This is because my apathy stems from something other than the pschological; although I will talk encouragingly to myself like a 400 year old.

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LP

April 25, 2016, 7:59 a.m.

Morning Vanda and Lex, I used to think that I had very little resilience because I have been so deeply affected by the actions of others that I have perceived as being attacking. Over the years I have learned that resilience is not about the falling, but about the getting back up, which has boosted my confidence and belief in myself. I now have faith in my inner strength, which may waver if my mood dips, but my Moodscope journey has helped me to find a steady area that is backed up by a strong determination or stubbornness not to stray too far. I watch my moods like a hawk, always noticing the understandable reasons for dips and striving to look after myself more at those times. In the past I have felt that I had "found resilience" and safety, only to be knocked backwards. I now remain guarded and prepared. I love this empowering blog. I feel connected to my inner warrior, fiercely protecting my wellbeing with Moodscope as my rock. I'm really interested in mind chi, thank you both, wishing strength and determination to all. LP :) xx

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the room above the garage

April 25, 2016, 8:05 a.m.

Resilience, it's a big word. Key to survival. Thank you for this today Lex and Vanda. I'm now going to poach eggs...because each time I do it reminds me that it took me over two years to learn. I was resilient when failure meant eating cloudy water! Press onwards fellow travellers.

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Richard

April 25, 2016, 8:44 a.m.

Thanks for this, Lex and Vanda ( sounds like an 80's pop duo ) I have printed this one out. It is real. Peace & Love, Richard.

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Skyblue

April 25, 2016, 9:21 a.m.

This is a great list, Vanda. And thanks, Lex. Relieved to know that it's ok to mutter away to myself (#6) during struggle times and pat myself on the arm occasionally. Always makes me feel like a dotty old thing, especially when I do it on the street and suddenly realize there's someone behind me. Groan. xx

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Mary Wednesday

April 25, 2016, 10:58 a.m.

Today I am so angry! So angry that I sneered at every one of these points above. I wasn't going to comment because I didn't want my anger and negativity to infect anyone else. But then I reread them. and yes - no. 4 has helped me too. And number 7. Resilience is just jolly well getting back up again every time you are knocked down. Resilience is holding on and being prepared to reinvent yourself - yet again. And maybe resilience is 95% a ******-mind refusal to give up. Yes - still angry. But not giving up.

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Jul

April 25, 2016, 12:37 p.m.

I reacted badly to the advice today Mary too. I'm not particularly angry about anything but low and not receptive to someone I don't know giving me advice about how not to be apathetic for example. Sorry Vanda. It's not you. It's me. I was looking forward to be cheered up by Lex as Lex.., you have a way of urging us to think about something positive but at the same time making me/us chuckle. It must be hard having to deliver every week Lex so I don't blame you for asking an "expert" to transmit 'R" for resilience on your behalf. How are you today Lex? I am glad to see that many of us here have benefited from Vanda's advice. As I said Vanda , it's not you, it's me. Julxx

Jul

April 25, 2016, 12:38 p.m.

Oh Mary, I am sorry you are angry..I meant to start off with that. Julxx

Peter

April 25, 2016, 1:51 p.m.

Sorry that you're both having a tough time. Wishing you love and respite.

Jul

April 25, 2016, 3:11 p.m.

That's very kind of you Peter. I hope you too are feeling OK now. Julxx

Lex

April 25, 2016, 3:43 p.m.

Hi Jules, yes, exhausted and not in a good spot today, so was glad Vanda was kind enough to step in. I will return! Hopefully! L'xx

LP

April 25, 2016, 9:57 p.m.

Thinking of you Lex sending love, peace and light. LP xx

Jul

April 26, 2016, 5:21 a.m.

Hi Lex. I thought as much. Life deals us blows sometimes and it dealt me one at the weekend. It's sad to think of you as exhausted and not in a good place as I would imagine this doesn't happen often. It's good you can tell us. BTW I'll be fine too. Take care and please keep in touch with us all. Julesxx

Lou

April 25, 2016, 11:51 a.m.

Excellent post, Thank you very much! Brilliantly timed as this is something I feel I need to work on. I really like points 3&4 and will be putting them to immediate use. Thanks.

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Peter

April 25, 2016, 1:49 p.m.

Thank you very much Vanda. I recently fell into a trap that I keep falling into. I went through a period of good mood, and thought 'that's it, I'll be ok from now on'. Then I had a bereavement, congratulated myself smugly for how well I was handling it, and then suddenly fell apart. 'Back to square one, forever.' But your post has helped me to realise that that's not the case, even though it feels like it. Thank you. Love and peace always.

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The Gardener

April 25, 2016, 2:56 p.m.

Wow, that's brought out some emotions! I looked at all eight - good sound common sense - but actually putting them into practice? Struggling with apathy - lost interest totally - 24 hours ****, psychiatric nurse says no hope improvement ahd no hope of extra help. Mr G firm - my role in life is to look after him - middle of the night, 'pick my bedclothes up'.

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The Gardener

April 25, 2016, 3 p.m.

Last October when there was high drama all round my eldest son wrote to his siblings that although Mum was 'distressed' she showed extraordinary resilience and resourcefulness. All gone. Discussion now is planning for the future when Mr G has alienated everybody. I WILL get out of this chair and attack apathy - spent last two hours head in hands in depression and despair. Last Monday's post 'fired me up' hope not too late this Monday

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Lex

April 25, 2016, 3:42 p.m.

Hello Dear Mooscope-buddies... looks like many of us have had a less than amazing day... and still not in a position to respond properly but sending love to all. L'xx

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Vanda

April 25, 2016, 4:18 p.m.

Hello to ALL! Wow! I feel as though I have just walked into a room full of wonderful communicators who are willing to be honest with where they are and how they have responded to my Resilience concepts. Thank you to all. If you are not too happy, it is so easy to interpret things negatively, there is nothing new and so you all do know it. As a writer, I just hope that I can share the right thing at the right time and in the right way. So agree with the comment about Lex, he is a master communicator and all round wonderful person, I am blessed to have had him as a friend for many years.If I can assist in any way, I am always happy to so do. Joy-filled wishes to you all. Vanda

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The Gardener

April 25, 2016, 5:28 p.m.

Wanda, so glad you feel like you do about communicatiors. My lifeblood at the moment - always say Moodscope replies are like the postman coming every two hours, (without the brown envelopes!)

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