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July


Proud. Wednesday July 17, 2013

Ah yes, Pride. It's my bug-bear. No, no. Not that I am woefully arrogant and steeped in it like some vainglorious peacock, but the other way. When it comes to 'Pride' on the Moodscope cards, I always mark it zero before moving swiftly on.

The explanations have helped a bit. 'Feeling a sense of achievement', say the words. Well, there's a sense of relief if I've finished something. Maybe a slightly pleased feeling if it's good and people like it, but achievement? No.

You see, to have achieved or accomplished something requires ownership, and I never feel I can take the credit. When one of my clients turns up at a meeting, utterly comfortable and happy in clothes that really suit her (in colouring, body shape and personality) I can jokingly say "You make me very proud!", but really I am just incredibly happy that she has had the confidence to take my professional advice and run with it. She's done herself proud, not me.

If I make a beautiful birthday card for somebody, or create a fabulous celebratory cake or even write an article that people like to read, it's just using the talents I was born with, I did nothing to earn them. How can I be proud of that?

On the other hand, it would be shameful and a dreadful waste, not to use those talents, not to practise them and to hone them so it gets easier and easier to get a good result, and give that result to the world. Yes, I can understand the potential shame, so maybe I should revisit this pride thing.

Is there something that you do well? That you know you do well, but for which you are reluctant to take the credit? Just think about the vacancy that would exist if you didn't do it – because nobody else can do it quite the way you do (and I feel a song coming on there). It's alright to claim it, to accept the praise of others. Like an Oscar winner, you can always thank "everyone who made it possible" in your turn.

So, given that this particular blog was more difficult to write than most, do I feel a sense of achievement about it? Well, maybe, just a little. Would that be a '1' then? Well, better than a zero, isn't it?

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our Blogspot:

http://moodscope.blogspot.com/2013/07/pride.html


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Comments

Elizabeth Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 8:16am

Well done, Mary! Looks like you have thought about this thoroughly.

Me too, I tend to take my achievements as natural (and mistakes tragical). But they are not. It is not easy to work on something, so probably that is why it is right to feel proud to see it finished!

Kev Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 8:44am

Pride is a tough one. Emotions like pride are often a double-edged.

The good way, as you describe it, is a boost to one's self-esteem. Self-esteem increases as we do esteemable acts. Your description of pride here is about recognising when we've done something good, and rewarding ourselves by allowing me to feel good about me! That positive attitude is so important.

Bad pride. This is when people are afraid to ask for help, because of what other people might think of them - pride gets in the way. The shame and fear of talking to someone about how I'm feeling...

Part of what Moodscope is doing brilliantly is encouraging people to think about their emotions and to share how they are, on a daily basis. By sharing, and listening, we can learn that we aren't so much different to the person sitting next to us.

Denisethemenace Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 10:14am

Wow Mary, you really are hard on yourself. As well as achievement I think we should congratulate ourselves on the effort we make to try to achieve things - regardless of whether they are successful or not - it's the trying that counts too. Think of the days when we are battling the odds and even the smallest everyday thing seems like a Herculean challenge. We should congratulate ourselves for having tried on those days - but also not beat ourselves up if we haven't managed even to try. I think we can use the pride card as a stick to beat ourselves with if we are not careful.
Maybe you do need to "revisit this pride thing" as you say. Share your client's pride - she couldn't have made changes without you; enjoy your talents rather than dismissing them - I'm sure the recipients do - so time to take pride in them yourself.
Thanks for writing so honestly about something you find difficult.
Good luck with your reflections and hope some of the responses help.

ChrisMMcC Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 12:23pm

Thank you for a thought provoking blog! My son is fairly gifted and I do not want to encourage too much pride for his inborn talents, especially not the kind of pride that considers oneself better than others. Rather I encourage the effort he puts into harnessing his talent, or the risks he takes to try something new and stretch his talent into a new medium or style, or the progress he is making as he teaches himself to draw. And when I struggle with the negative connotations with the word Pride, I try to feel Pleased, or Satisfied, or Content with an accomplishment. Is it possible to be humbly proud?

Anonymous Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 12:30pm

On reflection my opinion is that all of us who use the cards should at least put 1 because we are taking action to keep ourselves going by being here.

Nancy Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 1:52pm

I am the same way about the pride card. I am gifted intellectually and have for so long tried not to shine over others because then I can be ostracized. I am struggling to be proud of what I do aclommplish.
ChrissMMcC --my oldest son is gifted as yours and we would talk about not being arrogant or prideful. Now he is like his mother and has a hard time marketing himself in job interviews! Somehow need to balance this. Sounds like you are trying to do this.

Lostinspace Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 2:34pm

Well it also seems to me that it could be generational - I am 60 and was definitely not encouraged to be proud of my achievements let alone boast about them - "Pride comes before a fall" might also influence a few people. I only put '1' if I have made a real effort at something that does NOT come easily to me, considering the stuff I do well anyway to not be a source of pride. Thinking of changing that, thanks Mary - I really enjoyed your post. Seems like we need to tell the bad parrot to Shut Up!

debfrance Wed, Jul 17th 2013 @ 4:11pm

Thanks for broaching the topic. The PROUD card has always thrown me, and it's not a reflection of low self-esteem. I do believe in what I do, and I do take great satisfaction from my accomplishments, but I can't relate that to a feeling of pride. I wrote to Jon Cousins about this about 2 years ago, and his response was not clear although I don't remember what it was). He defended the use of PROUD, so I decided to just keep it at 0 and adjust my scores for myself. I still feel that a sense of satisfaction or of self-esteem would be more appropriate to my reaction, but that is not among the choices. So, I'll stick with the ol' 0. But this particular card did hold me back from feeling completely comfortable with Moodscope.

Eileeninher60s Thu, Jul 18th 2013 @ 8:31am

I agree that it's a generational thing - pride was definitely a sin in my upbringing. We were not allowed to boast or feel pleased with ourselves about our achievements, and I think doing well was merely what was expected of us. Doing not so well was a massive disappointment to our parents and was our fault, not the teaching! Thank goodness things were better for my daughters and now I am observing marvellous primary teaching for my granddaughter. It was tough in the 1950s and 60s!

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