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Post 'pain body'. Friday June 16, 2017

Some time ago I wrote a blog about the 'pain body' (around 2015).

'Pain body" is a term coined by Eckhart Tolle – it is what comes alive when we are triggered by some event, or atmosphere, or place, or person – particularly any disappointment. We are then literally in pain of some sort – whether fear, anger, sadness – some overwhelming emotion. I had been reading a book by M Rafat (Inside the Pain Body) - he said to transmute this pain body "Observe it – be centred – have one foot in one's centredness and one foot in the pain."

Two years later – I realise I have come a long way from those days of being completely taken over by the pain body. After two years of study and practice to become a coach of Katherine Woodward Thomas' Calling in the One and Conscious Uncoupling processes – I have learned a new way to deal with all the triggers of daily life:

I ask myself what am I feeling and list the feelings that I hear myself say (eg sad, scared, worried etc) and I mirror these back to myself "I can see you are feeling... sad etc". I ask myself where in my body I feel this. How old is this part of myself. What does that part have to say to me – "I am... (perhaps alone, abandoned, not good enough)", "Others are... (perhaps untrustworthy, hostile, unreachable)" and "Life is... (perhaps not there, dangerous, a lonely place".

I can then imagine myself as a mature wise adult speaking to this younger self – perhaps she was 7 or 4 or even a baby. I say "Of course that is not true – eg. You are not alone, you are deeply connected to others and all of life – it is just that your parents were so busy at that time." And I tell my younger self the truth about others "They appreciate your presence" and "Life has always been on your side bringing to you what you need when you need it."

Even half way through this process – the big triggered emotion – that scary "pain body" will have disappeared and I am back relatively in balance in the more peaceful middle fulcrum of the see saw of my feelings. Now I also know to do this when I am over-excited about something – so long as I remember!

Melanie
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Jane SG Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 5:51am

Hi Melanie, interesting blog. I've never heard of the term 'pain body.' I've been a member of Moodscope since around 2012 but cannot remember your blog on this in 2015. It's fantastic how you turned your experience with this into something so positive, to study and become a coach and learn to manage your triggers. Your line 'life has always been on your side bringing to you what you need when you need it,' stood out for me. I've worked very hard these pass few years to manage my fears. New Jane (adult) tries to comfort Old Jane (child). New Jane wins out the most these days but Old Jane will still fight back and try to control life, people and events out of fear. I'm going to use your line as a new mantra. Thank you Melanie x

Melanie Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:07pm

Dear Jane, thank you very much for your kind thoughts. I did not know this had been published today! I am not entirely sure my blog on the pain body was published back in 2015...Again it is so good for me also to read this again as I have got away from it a little. I love your awareness of New Jane and Old Jane. My latest process has been to notice what I am feeling and then see if I can feel the self that is aware that I am feeling whatever it is. And to take myself more lightly... Sometimes I simply say I am willing to experience feeling [lonely/tired/ whatever]. LOL

LP Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:07am

Hi Melanie,
You have answered a question I had a few days ago about how mindfulness can help someone whose here and now is very difficult. I fact Echart Tolle I think found himself in very difficult circumstances which led him to write The Power of Now.
I have understood how mindfulness can help to bring us back to the present when we find ourselves dwelling on the past or worrying about the future and essentially "missing out" on our real lives.
I thought that if we are living in very difficult circumstances, how can being mindful of the here and now be helpful?
Your blog about pain body directly answers that.
How to break the feelings down, observe them and acknowledge then soothe them, potentially taking us from feeling overwhelmed to a calmer state.
Thank you for your enlightening blog Melanie. Love and light to you and all LPxx

Melanie Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:08pm

Thank you very much LP - it is very lovely that you understand this and get so much from it. LOL

Orangeblossom Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 8:25am

Hi Melanie I really needed to read this today. I have made note of the positive statements and am going to send the blog onto a friend who might benefit from it as well. Thanks so much for it Melanie.

Dolphin Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 9:48am

Thank you so much Melanie. I can only repeat Orangeblossom's response. I'll try your suggestions later today. I am SO tired of feeling this way. xx

Melanie Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:11pm

Dear Orangeblossom and Dolphin, thank you - you are so encouraging for me to write some more blogs. Also I really hope they do help - I think often we have more pain from struggling against what we are really feeling than from the feeling itself. Another wonderful resource I can truly recommend is a book by Teal Swan - The Completion Process. I have been using her process from time to time and finding it very helpful. LOL

Dolphin Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:51pm

Hi Melanie, I completed a process and understand more of what I am struggling with right now, but was left with a head- and stomach ache and tight throat!! I guess I just repeat the process more times and try the standing with one foot in each. I'll follow the book recommendation, thanks. And please write more xx

Melanie Sat, Jun 17th 2017 @ 3:23pm

Dear Dolphin, thank you so much for having a go and sharing your experience - and for your encouragement. Yes - do more - and then there is tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique which can help. Emotions are energy and that energy can get stuck in the body. I am not sure if it is permitted to post a link to another web site here - here is a link to a process in the Conscious Uncoupling programme which may help: http://www.consciousuncoupling.com/steponepractice/ LOL

Dolphin Sat, Jun 17th 2017 @ 3:53pm

Thanks so much for following up Melanie. I've got a bit of space next week and will be working on these issues. xx

Hopeful One Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 9:22am

Hi Melanie- thank you for a clever thought provoking blog.You appear to have ,by design or accident, managed to integrate elements of several psychological theories such as Transectional Analysis( parent/adult /child/),two chair work, gestalt cycle,mindfulness,Eugene Gendlin's 'felt sense'to create a concept you call a 'pain body'So congratulations!

The main thing is it works for you and possibly others responding to your blog today and really, in psychological sense, that is all that matters.In the psychological world there is no 'one size fits all'

The L(laugh) CGT theory that I have stumbled on ,by design or accident' is based on the idea that depressed individuals rarely laugh- I mean laugh in the 'inside' not just the 'outside'If a depressed person can learn or practice to do this I feel certain it will lead to a lift in their mood.

So here is the laugh...

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing cha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him." The neighbour was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

Melanie Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:13pm

Hi Hopeful One, thank you very much for your thoughts - so interesting - Katherine Woodward Thomas draws on many things I know - and then I suppose I have my own mix on top of that! I love your joke had me laughing out loud - which is wonderful! LOL

Melanie Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:14pm

PS I should say the "Pain Body" is very much (so far as I know) a term coined by Eckhart Tolle. I have my understanding of it.

The Gardener Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 11:53am

HO, I really needed that. Don't quite (or even nearly) understand the blog - all I know is that with every negative I try to find a positive, or at least means to accept what one can't change. The French say 'vive avec' difficult to translate - more than just 'put up with things'. I've hit a new low, and, talking to staff at respite we're all suffering. Mr G is NOT into dementia - but he is into attention seeking to the 'nth' degree - currently going to the toilet ever 5 minutes! During the day, I was up every hour during the night. There is nothing physically wrong - it is, you can imagine, extremely disruptive. At respite there are two assistants to 6 Alzheimers patients - Mr G is trying for one to one attention - doctors, drugs, talking to makes no difference at all - we are all at a loss. I have been coping with a deteriorating situation with every weapon in my armoury - but this exhaustion, and a novel variety of Chinese torture is getting to me. Any suggestions at all Melanie?

Melanie Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 6:20pm

Thank you The Gardener, it is always lovely to hear from you and about your life. I am always inspired by your courage, patience and expressiveness amongst many other qualities! The frequent toilet going can be an age affected thing in men... What could I suggest to you - only that this is a life opportunity for you to grow exponentially spiritually ... (Have you read any Brian Weiss? - I went to a workshop of his last Saturday - he says that when someone is needing so much like Mr G - it is a gift to them to receive and to the other person to give.) My love and support to you. LOL

Eva Fri, Jun 16th 2017 @ 11:29pm

Hi Melanie, this is very interesting, I have just had a think... And I thinK that since reading Full Catastrophe Living, and building on that, I have learned maybe to step aside from my emotions (put a wee bit of space in there) when I have them and question them, in FCL Jon describes this as responsive rather than reactive behaviour. I'm certainly not able to do it all the time but it is much more of a habit these days. Thank you for your blog. I feel now that had my dad been alive I might have been able to gently start describing how to view a possible response to his circumstances. I could maybe read Eckhart Toile.

Melanie Sat, Jun 17th 2017 @ 3:24pm

Thank you Eva - I will look up Full Catastrophe Living. LOL

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