Moodscope's blog

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September


Please like me. Tuesday September 12, 2017

When I was 9 years old we had a student teacher who was trying to study the social dynamics in the classroom by asking us about who we liked in the class. A few girls decided they would do their own survey by seeing who was the least liked in the class.

They proudly announced to me that I was least popular girl in the class.

Now, before you start getting out the violins and suggest I need counselling, I really was not upset. I knew I was not popular, never was, never have been. It was just and still being my reality. I was never even nominated to be class captain. Even back then, I was ok because I had a few close friends who would always be there for me. The fact the rest of the class preferred other people to me, was fine.

Some may say but Leah you are remembering this some 50 years later so it must have concerned you. Not really, I find it a useful anecdote.

Today we seem obsessed with being liked - how many likes did you get? If something on YouTube is like by 10,000 people and something else only 450 does that make the first one better. Since when does being more popular make it of a better quality?

Of course, people who don't use Facebook, YouTube, twitter, etc are probably aware of the trend to want as many as likes as possible.

Going viral is something people aim for with their posts or videos. Why is popularity seen as being the main thing to aim for and a very desirable trait?

There is nothing new about popular movies, blockbusters, top selling books, achieving fame only on their popularity.

If something is popular should it be valued more than something that is not popular?

Have you ever been popular? What was it like?

Are we concentrating too much on whether a film clip goes viral than on whether it has a worthwhile message.

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 12:31am

Brilliant! That is how it has got these days. We used to rely on a red tick or a gold star. I didn't get many of those either! an 'A' - complete triumph!! - a 'B' - 'could have done better'. A 'C' - failed !

I was never popular either, too shy (and different) never one to be in with a crowd - I just had a best friend or two (they usually let me down) but hey ho.

Modern technology, people so so do rely on 'likes'. I went through a phase myself. "please please like me" just so that I can get one more, it will mean that I am the best thing ever.

Told my husband, "I have 15 likes now" danced around the room a bit, he said "you need 20". Damn it, I only got 18 and failed.

A strong message you have put here Leah, the shit of the internet xxxx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:41am

Molly, Thanks for your reply and kind words. I smiled when you danced around the room a bit when you had 15 likes. I remember gold starts and animal stamps . It is funny about being popular because women I met at my school reunion who I thought were popular they said they never felt popular. Thank again xx

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 3:50pm

Yes that is an interesting fact, I was in touch with a boy from school (many years later) and everyone fancied him at school, but he said he never knew xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:15pm

Molly, it is interesting we often assume everyone else is liked but they not be aware of it. So if some people are popular but dont know it how does that affect them? Xx

Molly Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 1:43am

I struggled with this question Leah, although it is probably not a literal question. I guess it affects them the same as us, maybe they are modest, or maybe they are trying so hard to be popular that they have their own insecurities. Personality is a big contender, I wouldn't say boo to a goose, so who would want to hang around with me!! Someone full of confidence and humour, they are the 'best' people. Even the bullies were popular because they got respect. I am going back to school there, but actually it has not changed much in adulthood. I still find that the insensitive / stronger personalities are more popular - the bullies attract the vulnerable, and people generally 'look up' to anyone who appears to be a bit stronger than them. Oh and if you are good looking, then you definitely get a gold star xx

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:28am

Molly, Never thought about bullies being popular but I get what you mean. I suppose popular is what we see in others but not in ourselves . Thanks for continuing the discussion. xx

Sarah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 6:26am

But don't we have a strong need to be liked in life? To be validated by others that we are ok? I certainly do, unfortunately!!! Funnily enough, I just woke up this morning randomly thinking about somebody at work who I had thought was a lovely person when she started the job, but find she has no time for me ever... and makes me feel like she doesn't like me, this makes me said... well it used to, but I explain to myself I don't know her story as to why this is this way with me.... I stopped posting on Facebook to friends as I found it too upsetting when I'd post something good but no one would like!! Now when I post, I do it for a bookmark to myself, something I like, I make it only visible to me, thus don't subject myself to that 'rejection'. At work though I do get upset if my work doesn't get achknowleged.... how can we be happy about not having acceptance/being liked by others??

Rupert Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:23am

Sarah I agree with you - isn't it human nature to want to be liked? My therapist has pinpointed that it is an issue for me as I spend so much time and effort trying to be liked by everybody that there is no time left for me which results in my resenting it and going off the rails a bit to compensate. I am trying to learn that there doesn't always have to be witty conversation when in company. Rupert

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:48am

Sarah, Thanks for your comment. We do have a need to be liked but when it goes overboard and we do everything in our life just to get other's approval, I fee l that is to much. I suppose I assume everyone ill not like me so if they do I am surprised and if they don't I knew that would happen so am ok. Maybe I am stange, At work people get so busy, if you know you do a goodis itimportnat to have approval form others. People at work maybe jealous of you. I am not sure if one aims to be happy, I aim to try and accept myself and try not to let others upset me. Of course being a people pleaser this really is a struggle for me. Leah

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:52am

Rupert thanks for commenting on my blog. Rupert wanting to be liked is a need , and some seem to do it effortlessly.I suppose I don't want expect everyone to like me . I think with social media there is more and more emphasis on having to be like by many and it puts much pressure on us. I too need to realise that I don't have to be witty and funny all the time. Leah

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 4:28pm

Yes I think everyone likes to be liked, even if they don't admit it, it is just natural. Leah, you assume people won't like you, that is so sad, you are so likeable. I agree with what you say about Sarah's comments with work colleagues, it is probably jealousy, or they have their own issues. Although I sometimes wonder if I come across as 'rude' when I do not mean to be xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:13pm

Thanks Molly, I did not mean for it to sound sad,I suppose my mum told me that not everyone will like you so deal with it. I suppose assuming I want be liked saves disappointment andI am then surprised and pleased when they do, xx

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:24pm

Think the worst and anything else is a bonus, kind of thing. xx

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:25am

Molly, I expect the worst but hope for the best- works for me! xx

Daisy Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 6:59am

Hi nice blog. I experience 2 angles - one generally am easy going and kind and go along with people so often am liked. But I have also gone through stages of unpopularity. Then my self esteem is lower. Leah your blog speaks to me about remembering i am the same person whichever I happen to be experiencing thank you

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:54am

Daisy, Thanks for your comment. That is interesting to your two sides, I used to have that with my lowLeah and my high Leah, but while I thought high Leah was much liked I think people felt uncomfortable being with me. I am glad my blog helped you. Leah

DAVE Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 7:00am

Good morning Leah,
Why don't you start to be honest with yourself, and Molly for that matter....I strive to put into practice my THIUGHTS into words....
If someone has offended me, I can withstand a situation for a week or two, NO more.
I go to the person who has the power over my thoughts and say "I believe that I have offended you, I'm sorry if that is the case, and I am wondering how I can put it right".
That WILL bring a response that will shake you by the throat, because 99 cases out of a 100 we assume what is in another's mind' ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME ! !
In this world today, people are losing the ability to communicate, because of the Internet, iPad, iPhone, tablets etc etc.
My daughter middle wonders why her friend was upset because she promised to be at her wedding, and instead of ringing her, she text her, and because we are not face to face, reading a response, rather that hear from her...voice, drew her friend to adverse conclusions, and did not reply, until I pointed to Rachel the reason. They are back together and Rachel has learnt why.
Be yourself in this life, DONT go over the cliff with all the other lemmings to self destruct ! !

If you haven't already, Leah go to www.surfcity.com. There you'll findd apps relating to various moods and emotions which you can listen to at night in bed. I use Bluetooth cordless headset, after 2-3 weeks of listening each day, you'll be amazed, how your subconscious harmonizes in in a positives way and will help you to rid yourself of childhood misunderstandings.
God bless and Good luck.
Love
Dave

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:57am

Dave' Thanks for your comment. Your words are helpful. I was writing more about popularity than offending people but your advice is practical. Leah

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 4:33pm

Dave, what do you mean, about being honest with ourselves? And why would you go to someone that has offended you and say that you are sorry, if they were the one that offended you? Is this reversed psychology? I am not sure if I totally agree but I think I know where you are coming from. I am good at self destruct! xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:16pm

Dave I have not checked out that link but will when I have time. Thanks. Molly, I agree I am confused by te advice about offending.

DAVE Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 7:11am

Amend 3rd line up from bottom......how your subconscious harmonizes with you conscious.
You and I are as good as the next person, no better, and they are no better than you !
Look at the person who you MAY think has hurt your feelings, and REMEMBERS that was the person in your infant or junior school, who has grown up in a powerful, forceful way, and his/her mannerisms, indicate usually a lack of self confidence.
You're VERY sensitive as we who suffer mental issues Areias this PLACE because we foolishly give power to others stronger and more INSENSITIVE than we.
You're a lovely person and so are all the rest of you moodscopers, who've helped me over the time.
I'm 72 and love life, and am VERY positive in all matters,
Dave

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 9:02am

Dave, Thanks for your second comment. I will read this again to get more out of it. I find most people are sensitive even if they say they are not. Thanks again Dave

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 4:35pm

This is so true, 'giving power to insensitive people' I am certainly going to think on that one xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:11pm

Molly When I was called too sensitive it occurred to me maybe that perso was too insensitive. Those words struck a chord with me too. Thanks for pointing that out.

Orangeblossom Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 7:58am

Thanks Leah I loved the blog. I totally identify with you but unfortunately at 9 it did bother me not to be liked. I thought it equated a sense of self-worth. I realise that in order to grow and develop properly a young person needs to learn self-acceptance & it has taken me awhile to come to this realisation. In Welsh the word for child is y plant.

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 9:04am

Orangeblossom, This may sound weird but I was used to being last picked for teams or not at all so by age 9I just accepted not many people liked me or they liked others more. I was hopeless at sport and in Australia being good at sport made you popular. Thanks for your comment.

Orangeblossom Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 12:20pm

I also was never picked for a sports team as I was totally uncoordinated. I went to boarding school in Kenya. With the emphasis on muscular Christianity, it was a death knell to any hopes of being popular.

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:09pm

Orangeblossom I wonder what a team of those if us who were never picked for sports team would look like. Living in Kenya would have been interesting. I would like to hear abut that one day. Thanks for your comment.

Hopeful One Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:16am

Hi Leah- a thought provoking blog. Isn't the underlying issue being addressed in your blog the desire or the need in us to compare ourselves with others to see how we are doing or how we are perceived? Oscar Wilde once observed 'Comparisons are odious'. The reason one suspects this is the case is that any comparison exercise we undertake produces, more often than not ,a negative outcome in us be it a thought or feeling given the negative bias of our minds.

Here are the last of our laughs given to us by 12 year olds answering their exam questions.

Q What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar







Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 9:06am

Hopeful thanks for your thoughtful comment. Comparisons are odious but we still do compare and are encouraged to by the media and our natural competitive nature, I liked your one liners.

Sally Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:26am

Brilliant blog, & just what I would've expected of you, Leah , except for the least popular girl thing. I can honestly say, that for me, this is how you come across: As a thoroughly decent, empathetic and kind person, with thoughtfulness in every pore! If that sounds grovelling, it really isn't meant to be. I don't know about popularity , I don't particularly go with the crowd, never have done, and about that I am glad. On Facebook I have so few friends it would make a teenager blush for me, but, hey, that's out of CHOICE! I too have good friends, always there for me, and whilst at school it DID bother me that I was always the last picked for the sports team, I also knew that my abilities didn't lie in that direction. Subsequently, I have developed skills in swimming and walking, and that's fine by me.
Leah, you will always be popular ,through your writing, with me, and I suspect a great many others on here.
Thank you for such a pertinent blog. I agree with you that it's all got out of hand. Best wishes.

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 9:10am

Sally, Thanks for your kind words that is so sweet of you. AS I said in another comment I was also last picked or not picked at all for sports teams. I don't go with the crowd either. I have never seen Jaws, any Star Wars movies or any blockbuster. All the best Leah

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 4:45pm

Sally, what lovely words you have said to Leah, I have to say I totally agree. When I was on Facebook, I initially had alot of friends and then deleted most of them when I realised that they were not friends at all and like you I chose to have a few and knew that I would probably get judged for this and even found myself saying to people "I did have alot of friends you know" like I had to justify it! I am definitely not one that goes with the crowd either, I think it is embarrassing to do so and I am glad as well - because I am ME. What a revelation !! xx

Sally Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:26pm

Thanks, both of you. I didn't expect that. I just say it as it is.

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:18pm

Sally You are a kind and compassionate person that sees the good in people and that is a great strength. Do you think that comes from what Yu have learnt from your son? I hope I am not being too personal, just curious.

Sally Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 8:41pm

Hi Leah. Thanks again And no, you are not being too personal. I suppose I learnt not to sweat the small stuff from him, yes. ( sorry about the expression, which I don't like an awful lot, but can't just now think of a better one..) A kind and clever girl cousin of mine once told me not to fight every battle, that some battles were not worth fighting. For that, I am indebted to her, as it's so true! Sometimes, one's mind is clouded because of pressure and stress, and I suppose I did feel quite a bit of that at times. But you love your children, don't you, just as they are, and it was never his "fault" that he couldn't do the things most other children could. Still , sometimes, my heart bleeds for him. Yesterday,on holiday, I saw a party of disabled adults, and got a fit of the weepies. Silly how emotions can catch you unawares. They were well cared for by lovely support staff. I can't bear to see pain in others, and get a sense of "that could be me" ...so have always tried to assuage others' pain. But I think most if not all on Moodscope will identify withat last one, no?

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 9:32pm

Sally, Thanks for your heartfelt reply.Someone told me that about not to fight every battle but the important ones, that would make an interesting blog . I used to teach children with special needs and have the utmost admiration for the parents as parenting is challenging at the best of times. yes I think if one has experienced pain one tries hard to soften it in others and to develop empathy.. Emotions can catch up with you and catch you unawares for me it is often in a supermarket . Don't ask me why? You have developed so much wisdom and compassion over the years. THanks for sharing your experiences. .

LP Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 8:38am

Hi Leah,
When I saw your title I thought your blog would be about seeking approval from others generally. I guess this is a modern day version of the same thing!

Yes it is sometimes uncomfortable to watch videos that have been set up to look like funny accidents. The best ones that "go viral" seem to be genuinely accidental captured surprising moments, that get an unexpected response, whether a laugh or a wow! Perhaps we like safe surprises :)

I wouldn't say that I am either popular or unpopular I guess. People seem to like my company, but I don't have lots of followers on social media or friends. I've always avoided "having parties", viewing the preparation and responsibility for people having a good time as stressful. I'd worry about people feeling awkward or embarrassed, but maybe it's me who might feel like that! Why would I choose to put myself through it?
Yet a part of me would love to know so many people who would turn up! I like the idea that I could effortlessly get a few bits to put out and a bit of music and "people" would just organically enjoy being together.
I love the way in our house when we were planning something we say "people" even when it's actually only my parents!! :))
I hide from all that stuff, but like it at the same time. I've withdrawn and avoided so much that if and when my almost grown up children flee the nest. There will be no one around, again a thought that worries and I relish at the same time.
Thanks as always for a thought provoking blog Leah. One thing we don't have to worry about on Moodscope is our posts getting lots of "likes"!
Good wishes for the day to you and all. LPxx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 9:14am

LP Thanks for your remarks I have big birthday coming up in a few months and was asked what I wanted. I said a couple of days with my children and partners as I dont see them much. I was then encouraged to have a party for extended family but like you being centre of attention and having to be hostess with mostest is not what I want. One child can not understand this and is still pressuring me!! Thanks again ,Leah x

The Gardener Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:48am

Leah, I am going to be naughty and cite 'age and experience'. Plus,an expression I hate 'think outside the box'. Would not your family love a party - to make you the centre of attention which you richly deserve. My neighbours were regarded as 'anti-social' although they came to everything chez nous, including last December party when they, at 91 each, had not been out for months. They did not celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, they did not 'do' parties. We tried to organise something with their own children, we felt we owed them a 'thank you'. Their son replied that there was nothing to do with his 'bears' of parents. Then, for Mamma's 80th birthday - they moved. Invited 16 people, got the lady with a little restaurant on the corner to provide a super, easily eatable buffet, and Mamma was 'over the moon'. She is most elegant, and loves sociability - but in her generation the man is 'boss' (and, in this case, a virtual jailer). So, Leah, who knows? You might even enjoy it!

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:07pm

The Gardener Thanks for your concern and advice. If we all liked the same things it would be a strange world. I understand you are queen of parties but I am not. I am talkative but being a room full of people and being centre of attention and having superficial chats with many people when I can have time over a weekend with my children I much prefer the latter.

Oli Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 9:23am

Thank you Leah. You asked about the intrinsic value of popularity. Two thoughts:
(1) A “like” on social media becomes ca$h for the (savvy) person getting it. Once there’s cash involved it radically skews content. Pandering to people’s emotions is the quickest way to gain. That simple fact has been known by newspapers, politicians, and other liars. The latest social media incarnation is the same thing in new clothes.
With this perspective — seeing how popularity skews liking-behaviour toward personal gain — I get cynical but, that said, I think it’s what drives the behaviour for those earning from it.

(2) But alongside them you also see people who naively adopt the behaviour without realising its motivation. Fame for fame’s sake. Like for like’s sake. That’s a special type of superficiality!

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:44am

Oil Thanks for your reply. I had not considered the financial aspect of it, that's how naive I am. Fame for fame's sake. There are people who are famous for being famous. It seems ridiculous.

The Gardener Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:26am

Thanks Leah - as inspiring as ever. I could NOT put into words what being 'popular' means to me. BUT, I can tell the feeling of being just the opposite, not the 'left out' feeling of not being picked for the team, asked to parties, not being a wallflower etc., but actually being ostracised. My father split from my mother when I was nearly 16, I stayed with him - that got me universal disapproval in what I see afterwards (jaundiced eye) as an unchristian, back-biting village. It was only after my started bring his new girl-friends to the house, and going abroad with them, that the whole village turned their backs on us, literally. To get on the 469 bus, and heads turn away, was awful. I got so frightened that the world had turned against me that a neighbour took pity on me, and I slept on an armchair in her house when my Pa was away. The wife of a builder in the village, who had a physically handicapped son, left him - he had to take in a house-keeper - and SHE was ostracised - presumed 'living in sin'. We've always had loads of people about, in UK and France. Here, we've been asked to loads of weddings, some quite splendid, although we only know the families from social events here. Are we 'token brits' or do they like our company? I used to give a 'garden party' on 14th July - it was talked about as if it was on a par with Buckingham Palace. I think it was popular because in a small provincial town, with strict social stratification, everybody meets in my garden - the hospital char and the director - never spoken to each other - got on like house on fire. The 'char' said 'you know how to receive'. Seriously puzzled, I had never had social training, etiquette - 'frissons' before any party were always there. So I open my house/shop/garden, welcome people, if food, then good and well presented, then let them get on with it. Trouble is, can never get rid of them, popularity or make them too comfortable? Never popular at school - primary because my father was the only 'business' man in the village - so I was probably regarded as 'hoity toity'. At grammar school the awfulness of my parents' marriage was already making me withdrawn. I'm on Facebook, but don't use it - don't know how and scared stiff. If I put my nose out of the door today there will be hugs and kisses all round - which, compared to when I was 16 and seemingly hated by all is heavenly - even kissed by our Cameroonian priest. And Leah, I find the 'cult' of sport making you automatically 'popular' if you are good at it is very upsetting, the person may absolutely horrid when not 'shining'. Thanks and love Leah, dreading our winter as you go into your Spring. xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:52am

The Gardener, Thanks for your long detailed fascinating and interesting blog. It is sad that you were ostracised by narrow minded people, Cult of sport is so big in australia and it is a real issue here now with a few tragedies of well known sports people who found it hard to cope with life after sport. I can never be popular in Australia as I am hopeless at sports. Very windy here at the moment. Xx

The Gardener Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 12:46pm

Leah, becoming an 'Agony Aunt'. A good 'ruse' is to select a grand-child to 'receive' with you, and let them take the presents. A six year old grandson, very proud, was landed, first present, with 12 bottles of wine in a wooden box! You can dilute being the 'centre of attention' and just enjoy the pride in the next generation. At my parties I've often got a perfunctory greeting then the guests disappears to see the person they REALLY came for - you can get almost invisible if you try. xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:24pm

The Gardener I have no grandchildren and I do not think I will have any by January. I am glad you like parties but believe me there are some who don't. Just having my immediate family for a weekend away suits me. Thanks for sharing your ideas. X

Lexi Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 1:14pm

Hi Leah! My first thought was, what an awful teacher! Why oh why would someone - a teacher no less - ask 9 year olds who they liked (and invariably don't like) in their classroom? It seems so cruel to me. Maybe I'm just sensitive because I have an almost 9 year old, and I know this was a long time ago but the mother in me read that and immediately wanted to scoop up little Leah in my arms and send the teacher packing. Ok! I got that out of my system :) At almost 50 I can easily say that I don’t give a fudge about who likes me or who doesn’t. Of course as a young girl and in my 20s I wanted to be liked by everyone and felt like there was something “wrong” with me if a boy rejected me or I wasn’t asked to a party. I think one of the benefits of getting older is that we value different things: kindness and compassion, experience and age, wisdom and thoughtfulness over quantity. I am the worst kind of Linkedin user because people are always trying to connect with me and I never know who they are so I don’t accept. My friend says “but that’s what you want, the more links the better!” I don’t get it. I guess because I am getting older my priorities have changed. I like my few close friends. I know a lot of people I guess because I’m friendly, but I only keep a few close friends. I would rather have a lovely chat about meaningful things with a single friend then pride myself on having 1,000 FB friends. Xo Lexi

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:33pm

Lexi You are so kind. Alas Leah was never little and I really was ok and to be fair the student teacher- she was studying to be a teacher and did the survey as part of her studies. I was never popular with girls or boys and people my find that sad but that was my reality and I would make fun of it . I don't understand linked it. I agree with few close friends and I find it interesting that even on moodscope people dont get I don't like big parties. Thanks Lexi for your detailed commentxo

Valerie Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 1:40pm

Agree with Leah,what an insensitive thing for a teacher to do.

I don't do social media,and find those obsessed by it to be the least likeable and popular in "real life".

Anyone on here old enough to remember the great Tony Hancock?

Amateur radio was probably the closest thing to facebook/twitter back in the day.The difference is that those who were enthusiasts were considered pretty sad.This was summed up by Hancock in "The Radio Ham".
"I've got friends all over the world,all over the world....None in this country,but all over the world!"

Wanting to be liked in normal.Those who say they don't care can be pretty unpleasant."This is me,take me or leave me" sort of thing.Boorish and rude often.

At primary school I was keen to be popular with the little boys in my class.My main tactic was faking an interest in stamp collections,football etc.My modest success could never compete with a girl called Robina.Girls used to tuck our skirts into the elasticated leg of our regulation navy knickers before doing hand stands.

Robina used to take her knickers off and do handstands.She was very popular with the boys for some reason.She must be around 70 now-wonder if she still does that?

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 3:47pm

You made me laugh Valerie about Robina :-) I too, agree, that those obsessed with social media need to get a life or maybe are not that popular in real life. I do not understand why people have to post selfies all of the time. I used to struggle to just put on a profile picture and then I would have to keep changing it (preferably not me) And how true "take me as I am or bog off" kind of thing. Pure arrogance, or perhaps I am just jealous as I worry all of the time what people think of me xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:43pm

Valerie, Thanks for making me smile. I really hope Robina is still doing her handstands without knickers!! Wanting to be liked is normal but for me it does not mean that much or I dont have an insatiable need. That does not make me rude or unpleasant I hope. For me people who constantly change themeselves to be liked are often insecure. I have heard of Tony Hancock- very sad and clever man who died in Australia. Thanks Valerie for making me think and presenting a different view, Iam still thinking of Robina!

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:48pm

Molly, I used to hate having my photograph taken and still do but living with a photographer who gets mad when i run away when he tries to take my picture is hard! I think FB can be used without being obsessed and I find it a way to keep in touch with my extended family. It is funny unlike you and ValerieI thought 'Take me or leave me" was very assertive and was accepting oneself as one is,something we are often advised to do on moodscope. Maybe I am confused and it means something different in UK. Thanks again fro your helpful comments.

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:39pm

Yes I agree, Facebook can be used 'normally' but I also think it is a dangerous tool !! I think it is good for us to THINK 'take me or leave me' - it is when someone says it, in a "I don't give a toss" kind of way without regard to the other person's feelings. I think ! Confusing myself now xx

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:23am

Molly, I see what you and Valerie mean by those words, I was just seeing them in a different way. I think it is also what tone is used and the context in which they are said.xx

Molly Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:58am

Absolutely, there are so many different ways of looking at things and how we perceive them when we are reading what people say xx

Martin Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 5:22pm

Thanks very much for your story. Luckily for me, in the late sixties/early seventies there were no popularity tests as you describe. But I surely was one of the least popular boys because I was the best in class and the last one chosen at gymnastics. So I received my "down votes" nevertheless and was bullied for years...

Only at the age of 49 I discovered that I had Asperger Syndrome (now classified as high functioning autism). Over all I'm glad with the person I'm now - I've learned so much! I'm still dysfunctional in groups but I'm OK with that. Some people understand, some don't. I don't care because I love myself most of the time anyway.

I have my thoughts about people liking/not liking and up voting/ down voting today. I think this is not a good thing and I fear there will be a lot young people that are different from the average 'norm' will have a hard time growing up now.

English is not my first language, please forgive my mistakes in grammar - hope you understand it anyway.

Kind regards to all of you,
Martin

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:52pm

Martin, Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Your grammar is wonderful. Lease don't apologise. I can barely speak or write English at times and it is my only language. That is so sad you were bullied but I am glad you are ok with the person yo are now. That is good you love yourself for most of the time,I struggle to love myself at times. I hope you will continue to comment, you are very welcome here to share your ideas. Leah

Molly Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 1:13am

Martin, your English and grammar is near on perfect ! I was interested that you did not get diagnosed until later in life, the same happened to me, I was never taken seriously but in the end I had to almost insist on a diagnosis. I hope that your diagnosis has helped you understand things better, I know mine has. Brilliant that you are able to love yourself, I think I like myself too when thinking about it, (not sure about love but like will do) I have terrible low self esteem though, is that a contradiction? I guess it takes us back to Leah's blog about wanting to be accepted and liked by others. You seem to have a great attitude in that respect. Molly

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:21am

Molly, someone said try to like yourself and tis can work in many ways. When someone says love yourself I feel that sounds very arrogant but am sure it is not. It is about being kind to ourselves and treating ourselves as we would a good friend. Stop the inner critic saying negative things. Give yourself credit for even small things. I can talk the talk still struggling to walk the walk.

Valerie Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 9:10am

Hi Martin, Your English is excellent! My partner has Aspergers.At school he was very clever,but I don't think this was held against him greatly.His saving grace was that he was tall and big for his age,so got picked for the rugby team.He had no real interest in sport,but this got him accepted. He could not tolerate big noisy groups,like discos,pub crowds.Not being able to read faces,the extra confusion of not being able to hear what people were saying was too much for him.I am rather like that myself,being pretty introverted as I got older.Glad you are ok in your own skin now.Keep in touch.

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 9:37am

Valerie, thanks for your kind words to Martin and helpful information.

Jul Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 5:38pm

The corollary of being popular is to be unpopular and you have set me wondering Leah if anyone would actually prefer to be unpopular? A sort of rebel behaviour. Anti FB and Likes. This may sound a bit mad but I heard once that someone I don't like, hated me for doing something I did to her and at first I was shocked but the more I thought about it, the more pleased I was. That someone actually thought about me like that! Normally people like me as I am nice to people, too nice for my own good. I am sort of mediocre so to be hated made me feel I'd made my mark. I know that this hatred towards me says more about the person hating than it does about me or my actions but I am still pleased she feels so strongly about me to this day. I had achieved something. Maybe odd thinking to many and difficult to explain. Jul xx

Molly Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 5:53pm

Good way of thinking Jul, has made me think xx

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:55pm

Jul Thanks for your intriguing comment, it has made me think. I can understand that you were pleased that someone had noticed what you did. I find it interesting thinking and understandable not odd at all. Leah xx

DAVE Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 6:13pm

I'm struggling to reply online with my replies to you Leah and you Molly.
So I'll try again.
Popularity in my opinion results in not having to realise whether we are popular or not IF....we treat others as we would want to be treated...Hence 'Do unto others as you'de have them do unto you'.
That requires honesty in thought, word and deed, that way we set a president for both ourselves and others.
We do not have to ruminate over and over in our minds if we stick to the basic rules of life with regard to communicating with others.
We are in control of ourselves....IRRESPECTIVE of what others say, think or do.
We keep strict control of what exits our mouths ! In so doing we find that our Self Esteem and Self Confidence does NOT allow us to question our motives and in so doing we 'ATTRACT' others because, we set the EXAMPLE.
Dave

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:56pm

Dave THanks for your comment. It makes a lot of sense.

Molly Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 1:17am

Thank you Dave, a decision I made recently that I was unsure about, you have confirmed that it was right for me. I think I will continue ruminating as it is part of who I am, but I am grateful to you for almost giving me some 'power' over my thinking. Molly xx

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:19am

Molly, I am glad dave's comment confirmed what you did was right for you. xx

Molly Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:54am

Thank you Leah xx

The Gardener Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 6:20pm

Jul - I think that if people DO get round to noticing you enough to love, hate, admire, envy - then I suppose you've made some sort of mark. Most amazing reaction I've ever received, going to stay with an old friend - a friend with her said 'I've been scared stiff of meeting you, I've heard so much about you'. Scared? No, it's something I've had to 'put up with' most of my adult life, jealousy of my life, awe even. 'Wish we could learn languages like you, you're so lucky'. Luck? Only that I have a good memory. Otherwise it was work - coffee time with nose in the vocabulary. Visit to Spain or Italy on business? 48 hours total immersion, get the newspaper, find a radio programme and work. If I've done so much it's because I'm greedy - one life, get all you can out of it. Maybe I've got energetic genes? Certainly not from me Mum, bone idle body and brain. My Pa instilled the work ethic in me from 11 years old, still at it. I've never said it, but boy, have I been tempted - to let rip, to my very dear friends say that if they got up in the morning, gave up chuntering at coffee mornings - really wanted things instead of saying 'I wish I had'. Now, I have to hold my tongue even more - watching people on Face book reporting what they have just bought, shall we have a coffee - then the 'selfies' and so much more that they will probably bitterly regret. Sorry - I'm ranting - so much happening - sorting houses - my third son's first girl-friend just popped in, I had to move the car out of the way of the market - a man phoned re translating a book from French to English - a 'first' I think I can do it - something else for people not to like me for. Never mind being popular, be content. Go well, y'all.

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:01pm

The Gardener Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think people maybe jealous of all you have achieved through your hard work, I think a good memory and natural flair for languages that you have as well as all your diligence and hours of study has helped you. I am not scared or jealous I admire you and am in awe of what you have achieved and still achieved. I am now wondering should I be scared? How is MR G?

DAVE Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 6:28pm

To gain self control, self respect and the 'Inner Peace' and contentment of which we ALL seek, in my opinion is paramount to learning about ourselves, in time when we have mastered these personal attributes, we 'Gain Control', that leads to the area I mentioned earlier, about NEVER allowing ourselves to become offended, OR to offend....If we do 'put our foot in it' we can resolve all issues with others, not by becomming a doormat, but when questioning whether we have offended others, we can 'rise above' petty issues., and not becomming childish or childlike...or though we 'become' childlike because we 'invite' HUMILITY into our lives, and in so doing we learn more about empathy towards others, and we begin to love them, NO JUDGEMENT, just OBSERVING other people's persona, and therein lies the path to loving ourselves, not the reverse....Self harm, anger, etc etc.
I do hope that I have expressed how I live my life...I am really blessed to be on and enjoy the beauty all around, no procrastinating, but maintaining order in every facet of my life.
DaveXX.

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:03pm

Dave, THanks again for another helpful comment. I see how yo live your life and you have much sound advice. All the best.xx

E Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 10:42pm

Life is not a popularity contest..……. Oh wait a minute, yes it is. ?

Leah Tue, Sep 12th 2017 @ 11:03pm

Well , E, if life is a popularity contest I would be losing!! Thanks for your intriguing one liner.

Benjamin Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 1:58am

I entered the day getting the silent treatment, a holdover from the day before, from one of the few people from whom that would matter. It was a bleak feeling. By the end of the morning, I learned that she was feeling like she couldn't keep up with my constant work pace and was crying every night and contemplating all sorts of things. I was able to explain how she shouldn't be trying to do that; and how I was less concerned with the work than her sleep and crying. By the end of the the day, she was able to leave work and get exercise... and I think the relationship is back on track - I certainly won't take my eye off this serious issue.

It's important to feel liked - loved - and horrible to feel rejected. This can be manipulative, etc, but it's also a serious cue in our lives, like biting hunger, fear of heights, and any other visceral sense of wrongness. It can lead us to safety or healing.

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 2:17am

Benjamin, Thanks for yours sharing your story that explained how communication with each other and really listening can help the relationship. Instead of being angry with the silent treatment you took time to find out what was wrong. It is important to feel liked and loved by those close to us but maybe not from the whole world. Thanks again Benjamin

Eva Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 8:25am

I like you Leah!

I don't know if I need to be liked by everyone, but I don't like to feel that my friends haven't thought of me/included me. I struggle with that.

I think you can make your weekend with your family special and memorable, hope you enjoy it.

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 9:36am

Thanks for your post.. I think it is good if we select those we want to like us. thanks again for replying.

Leah Wed, Sep 13th 2017 @ 9:50am

Thanks everyone for your great comments and for everyone who has read the blog and comments.I appreciate the time taken to write comments. I am looking forward to people who comment now.

Sally Thu, Sep 14th 2017 @ 6:48am

Leah, re your big birthday: stick to your guns and do what your heart desires. If that's precious time with your children, then that's what you should go for. I totally get that.
I always hated big parties as a teenager and young person, because I preferred that one important and meaningful chat with one/ two people...rather than small chat/ enforced gaiety. I still do prefer small gatherings , and stuck to 12 at a recent birthday ( a large number of people for me!) . Perfect : able to speak to everyone, and most knew/ liked each other. Hand picked. It was not exclusive, I simply focused on " this is who will be there on that day" and explained to others why. I had set my own boundaries ( which I haven't always had the strength or power to do)
Good luck with getting what you would really like, Leah. I hope it will be memorable for all the right reasons.

Leah Thu, Sep 14th 2017 @ 6:52am

Thanks Sally. I feel the same about big parties too. People who love big parties find it hard to believe someone would not like it. I know the Gardener loves parties and is a great famous party giver. I like to talk but not to so many at once. Thanks for thinking of me.

Leah Thu, Sep 14th 2017 @ 6:53am

I am wondering if others have not seen Thursdays blog. Probably a glitch. Feel free to write here until the new blog comes up.
Leah

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