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March


Pain is inevitable – suffering is optional. Thursday March 24, 2016

Can we believe in the above heading? How does it make us feel? Is it true?

From the moment of our birth, we're on a quest for happiness. In those first days of our lives it may take no more than mothers' milk to satisfy us, but our needs and desires multiply as we age.

For some, happiness is having a nice family, a good job, excellent health, lots of money and the love and admiration of others, but pain still strikes even under the best of circumstances. We can think of many 'rich and successful' people who have died alone and miserable.

Circumstances are particular to each individual; one marriage may fall apart, another couple could have a child with a developmental disability and as we know even recently in the UK, others may lose everything in a flood.

People differ from each other in the amount of suffering they experience over a lifetime, or the type of suffering, and pain and suffering are common threads that unite all of humanity.

Pain creates a conflict between the way things are and the way we'd like them to be and that can, depending on our response, make our lives less than satisfactory.

The problem with avoiding pain is that it's just not possible to do, and it often gets worse with our increased efforts to try. For example eating to avoid stress can cause obesity, and working obsessively to overcome low self-esteem can land folk in an early grave.

So how do we cope with the inevitable pain and avoid suffering? Here is a formula that links the two:

Pain x resistance = suffering

It is the resistance and non-acceptance of emotional pain at times that can lead to suffering; the inability to live in the moment. Sometimes we want to find a 'cure' for our emotional pain and instead of that cure it is 'care' that will help. Cure is what we try to do when we have some way to fix a problem; care is what we can still do when all efforts at curing have failed. It's like attending to a dying person; we let go of the struggle and tenderly join the experience of dying.

Paradoxically then, care can lead to cure.

This, I know, is a challenging concept as for some if your pain is too real and present, even physical at times.

First care for yourself, practicing self-compassion by giving the same kind of kindness to ourselves that we would give to others. Mindfulness – being in the moment, a sense of freedom, of being connected without judging or resisting will help.

When we're mindful we're less likely to want life to be other than what it is, at least for the moment.

How mindful can you be today – letting go of any resistance to minimise the suffering from any pain that you are experiencing?

Les
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Norman Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 6:31am

Morning Les! My mind is up early today, my body less enthusiastic! I like the formula idea and understand the resistance v acceptance concept. Much food for thought as I wait for the day to begin.

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:18am

Hi Norman - hopefully the body will catch up with the mind!

Eva Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 7:00am

Really great blog Les, thank you, self care is so important, it's something I need to remember as I tend to go too fast and then fall over in a heap.

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:20am

Hi Eva - Yes self-care - self-compassion is very necessary. Check out the 'the Mindful Path to Self Compassion' - Christopher Germer.....or any of Tara Brach's stuff e.g. 'Radical Acceptance'. Go well

Hopeful One Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 7:03am

Hi Les- inspiring blog with much food for thought. The idea that pain and suffering are part and parcel of our lives on this planet is one of the central ideas in Buddhism. The Buddha then set about working out how one could cope with this and came up with his 8 Fold path. I don't think one has to become Buddhist to practice many of the things he suggested.

Today's laugh may be a repeat and ,if that's the case, I apologise to one and all.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:21am

Hi HO - The 8 fold path is good stuff for sure.

Lou Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:45am

Good morning Hopeful One - definitely a smile for that one today! :)

g Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 11:43am

Dear HO ! I always burst out laughing loud when i read your intelligent anecdotes - so funny , true ... i absolutely do not see how somebody here had a bad reaction and they should say - it is me not you if i .. whatever they did ...

Zareen Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 7:06am

Thanks for your blog Les. It was brilliant, very thought-provoking & helpful.

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:21am

Hi Zareen - glad to be of service - thanks

Mimine Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 7:42am

Very insightful and thought provoking blog. Understand the theory better and will endeavour to put it in practice. However I still can't imagine how people can manage not to use props (alcohol, comfort food, etc.) when stressed or down. Is awareness enough to change behaviour?

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:24am

Hi Mimine - Self awareness is the start of all change. Self-aware leads to self-control leads to self-esteem leads to self'actualisation (to be all you can be) and it is a never ending cycle and one that can mature and grow until the day we die. Desire (the want to) is also the driver of all chnage once we are self aware... Check out my blog from March 3rd.

The Gardener Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 9:08am

Hello Les - thought provoking as usual. The emotional battering, day and night, is getting to me - insults, being treated like a slave, swearing, self-pity from Mr G - I have a big project - and am tearing into it - but now I dread evenings and nights - Mr G asked me why I married him - I said 'to get away

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:25am

Hi TG - the blog could work for you in how you deal with what you 'receive' ecah day. Good luck

The Gardener Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 9:10am

phone call interrupt - to get away from someone worse - very young, bullied by father - now have to cope - inner strengh, please, from somewhere

Leah Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 9:26am

Gardener, You have more strength and more reserves than anyone I know. Your greatest strength is knowing you have weaknesses and acknowledging them. Sending you love and strength- keep writing, keep on keeping on, Sending hugs,,

Leah Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 9:31am

Les,
Lots to think about in blog, thanks.
I have not been on a quest for happiness since birth, mostly I just wanted to cope. Do babies know what happiness is?

"It is the resistance and non-acceptance of emotional pain at times that can lead to suffering; the inability to live in the moment"
I may be a simple lass, but this thinking sounds like you are blaming the victim.

A thought provoking blog.

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 10:28am

Hi Leah - only people who choose to be a 'victim' are victims. Its a choice. Sounds harsh but it is true. Others don't let that word attach itself to them - they deal with the chalelnge and move on and fully live the life they can, no matter the circumstances. What is it in you....that makes you write 'sounds like you blmae the victim'...?? Good luck and thanks.

g Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 11:37am

some happily stick on the label - i am the victim- to avoid taking responsibility for their lives for example....

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 12:34pm

Hi g - yup, totally agree. Using the word 'victim' simply means that you have given all your power away - often along with the repsponsibility to be an example to others to help them cope with life's challenges.

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:37am

Leah, Totally agree....victim blaming. Wrong. Alex

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:42am

Les, <<<<only people who choose to be a 'victim' are victims. Its a choice. Sounds harsh but it is true. Others don't let that word attach itself to them - they deal with the chalelnge and move on and fully live the life they can, no matter the circumstances>>>>> You say this is true: may I ask what your evidence, source, proof is? Just because it is your opinion does not make true. And "no matter the circumstances"....aside from being breathtakingly arrogant, you can have no way of knowing what any individual is or is not capable of doing unless you have been in whatever the circumstances are. Alex

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:43am

I am in no way required to be anyone else's example. Alex

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 10:17am

Hi Alex - quite right - you choose not to be.

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 12:51pm

Les, Again, you miss the point: <<<<Using the word 'victim' simply means that you have given all your power away - often along with the repsponsibility to be an example to others to help them cope with life's challenges.>>>>>>>>> You imply responsibility. Choice, here, not the point. So, you misunderstood. The way you describe it carries the unspoken but implied "be an example"....and I had years of hearing such things in an organisation which began by helping me but ultimately did a lot of damage, much if which was couched in the kind of words and phrases you use. Alex

g Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 11:32am

of course - it is all in the mind ( gut actually ) and we may sometimes be able to only change how we feel and react . there is always a trick - like lying on a bed of nails . pain is a tricky devil - i have been trying to understand cutting and as it is not my experience it is a tough one .....but what i gather from it seems to tell that emotional pain may be so unbearable that a physical one acts as a relief - i may be wrong and the whole mechanism may be built differently but i am trying to understand ...

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 12:36pm

Hi g - I would agree. Physical pain was for me an outlet for my ever deepening emotional pain - it was a momentary release of anger, pain, frustration. In many ways, its an external manifestation of an internal 'pain' which as we know can lead to various acts of self harm as well as the unltimate, ending ones life to escape the level of internal emotional pain / torture.

g Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 8:17pm

thank you - it helps a lot . i know somebody who cuts very visibly and deeply wearing exposing clothes afterwards. we are not close and i do not have to respond but it upsets me and i worry that i may or may not say or do something ..

The Gardener Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 12:09pm

Taking stock - suffering is 'optional' can't get to grips with that. For Mr G he has all the creature comforts possible - I get plaudits from professionals, friends and family for what I have done for him. It's the permanent abuse and misery which are beating into my brain - and positive thoughts are struggling to get out

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 12:43pm

Hi TG - or sure it is 'pain full' what you are going through - no doubt. You can however choose to carry on for your own perosnal reasons and ideally to choose to do that, you also choose to put up with all the challenges and thus you know what you are signing up for. To carry on and constantly see it as 'bad' or miserable' means you are doing it really against your will - resisting. / Pain x resistence = suffering. So....in straight terms....you can continue to do it without suffering, knowing that you are helping because you wnat to / or suffer / or if it is too much - you walk away as many do that cannot cope and ensure the best care possible for that person. / just as many also do with children they seek to help, until it gets too much and then ask them to leave, no matter how much it hurts. / As it says in the aeroplane....put your own oxygen on first.....as without being OK yourself, you cannot really help others in any holistic way.....and so may suffer.

Lexi Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 1:56pm

Good morning Les! I've read your post a few times now and I have some thoughts. For me, I suffer when I ignore something going on inside me. It could be anxiety (usual case), fear, anger, depression coming on, you name the emotion. The more I try to ignore it the stronger it becomes, like a wave building. But when I choose to sit quietly and meditate on where I feel it in my body - usually my stomach - and I give it a color and number it in intensity from 1 to 10 and then just watch it change and ultimately disappear - the suffering stops. I am not ignoring the situation that brought it on but I am choosing to not give power to the emotion. It becomes like air, no substance. Then I can come at whatever I am facing from a calmer place. Believe me, it is not easy. There are days when I have sit several times before I can let go and the more intense the situation the harder it is to face it. But when I do I am always calm and balanced. So in a way I guess I am choosing not to suffer by instead choosing to feel the feeling and then let go.

Lexi Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 1:56pm

and by morning I mean here in the States it is :)

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 3:02pm

Hi Lexi - aye....behind or in front of the UK - the US always is!! Totally agree....when you embrace it, colour and number are fab....in bringing it truly into your consciousness - even welcoming it - thus making you more self aware...it dimishes, even recedes. The more we attempt to ignore our feelings and emotions - often through, drink, drugs, sex, work, exercise, or whatever our 'drug' of choice - the more we will 'suffer', as we resist it or try to hide or ignore it. I would say most cancers are caused from this type of 'inner' stress and thus a mias-aligned electronic heart beat between 50 and 150 times / minute!!! More power to your elbow, or should I say heart. Thanks for that input across the pond.

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 3:16pm

"Within the framework of the Buddhist Path, reflecting on suffering has tremendous importance because by realizing the nature of suffering, you will develop greater resolve to put an end to the causes of suffering and the unwholesome deeds which lead to suffering. And it will increase your enthusiasm for engaging in the wholesome actions and deeds which lead to happiness and joy." His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Lexi Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 10:31am

Smart man, that Dalai Lama :)

Melanie Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 3:05pm

Dear Les, I love what you say about care and cure. I am doing courses with Katherine Woodward Thomas and - to answer some of the points above - the "special sauce" in her teaching is a process to root into our adult resourceful self linked to all of life and then to turn to the younger self in the body and for the adult self to ask the younger self what she/he is feeling and needing and to mirror these back - this self care can become a habit and one can begin to recognise when one is in the adult centre or alternatively in the pained/suffering younger self centre - life becomes so much easier when we ourselves can parent our younger self and come forward into life and relate to others from our adult self. :-)

Melanie Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 3:06pm

I should add that our adult speaking to our younger self is to be done with great kindness, respect, compassion and love - which may for many of us be in great contrast to how we often relate to ourselves ....

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 3:19pm

Hi Melanie - sounds great - good on you - and I have expereinced writing to my younger self as a caring adult....always interesting to see what falls out. How about doing a post about your course ...????

The Gardener Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 4:51pm

Still arguing the toss that 'suffering is optional'. I cannot 'duck out'. Even if we could afford a home Mr G would not be accepted - we have a comfortable house, I am compos mentis, can drive, and we have enough money. The state gives me all the aid it can - it is up to me to cope however I can with the situation - and all the cases you mentioned in the blog SUFFER, not an 'option', but your choice how you deal with it - and your spirit to survive.

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 9:00pm

Hi TG - Aye - it not easy stuff. Your ultimate choice I believe is however to 'serve' willingly or resist to serve and therefore 'suffer' and thus continue to write about your suffering. The exact degree you suffer is equal and aligned to the exact degree you resist. There will always be pain in our lives, some more than others - the amount of suffering is dierctly proportionate to our resistance to that pain.

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:43am

Gardener With you Alex

the room above the garage Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 5:46pm

Hello Les, thoroughly enjoyed reading this early this morning. Revisiting now (with a head heavier than body) and I realise that 'non acceptance of emotional pain' is something I need to pay attention to. Thank you lovely boy. More knowledge soup for my bowl! Love ratg X.

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 9:01pm

Hi RATG - Thank you and may you supp well. Lx

Frankie Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 6:55pm

Hi Les; this is SO true - but it has taken me a l o n g time to learn; acceptance is key ... I feel a blog coming on!
Frankie

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 9:03pm

Hi Frankie - We await with interest......

Leah Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 11:56pm

Gardener,
I agree with you, I have trouble with the concept that suffering is optional.
Les,
People who are raped or kidnapped, or stuck in concentration camps, starved and beaten and tortured, do not choose to be victims. This is not a label it is a life event they did not choose but has happened to them. I think you are attaching emotion to the word victim- to the dictionary and me it is "a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action." It is a clear definition not an emotional label.
Thanks for replying if you get to read this.

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 12:26am

Hi Leah - At the moment of the 'crime' yes we are victims of whatever. I have been a victim in a very mild way of abuse through this site. The key for me, is that I let it go - I didn't carry it with me and seek retribution. For sure very mild, although when depressed it badly affected me. Any one does however have the choice of remaining a 'victim' and feeling disempowerd and remaining weaker and living their life bemoaning the fact of what happened to them - or as we so often see in 'victims' of war or terrorism - they get up, accept what has happened which cannot be changed and live as full a life as they can - which so often inspires many people who have not had such hardships to live a more full life. They are not and would not say they are 'victims' - it happened, they rose above it and lived that new 'normal' life to the full. We can allow what happened to us, no matter how painful, to make us 'victims' and live a life totally affected and totally ruined by whatever anyone or anything did - we let them, no matter how many years ago it was, to continue to affect if not ruin our lives. / Remaining a 'victim' is a choice. Pain x resistence = suffering. / Pain + acceptance = opportunity. / See what others are saying above as well. If people go on and on about their situation - continually bemoaning their situation - saying the same things all the time and not moving on......people mostly tend to stop listening.....they do not want dragged down into constant negativity and to be a 'victim' of that negativity. Accept who and where we are....and what has happened....and live the best life we can - looking forward not back.

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:47am

Leah, Completely agree. Unless someone has been in these circumstances( and sometimes,, not even then....everyone is different) it is not possible( and is also harmful and wrong)to know his one would react. Being a bus tIm is not a choice. Alex

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:47am

Typo - victim, not bus tim

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:48am

Les Please stop speaking for everyone else, send stick with your own experience. Alex

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 10:12am

Hi Alex - blogs are about ones own experience and opinion......that is what makes them hopefully worth reading......and why should we all agree.....we may not.....and that's OK. And I was writing from my own experience....left alone to survive at 15 when my mum died of cancer in the days when no one told you and a father who when drunk would beat my Mum and myslef and who didn't care about me. Not that that really matters - as I simply made the best of what I had and was not, for me, a victim of circumstance. Thanks for your input.

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 11:48am

Les, Not the point I was making : if what you describe works for you, good; but you persist in saying that it applies to everyone. It doesn't. <<<<<Any one does however have the choice of remaining a 'victim' and feeling disempowerd >>>>>> This is YOUR OPINION, not fact. That's what I object to. You present your opinion as fact, and that us not only wrong but very dangerous and downright harmful. Not everyone has the strength to "let something go"(and you do not explain how, exactly one does the letting go) I notice you did not answer any of the questions I asked - you do not have to, but it would be helpful if you did. And Leah said this: <<<<People who are raped or kidnapped, or stuck in concentration camps, starved and beaten and tortured, do not choose to be victims. This is not a label it is a life event they did not choose but has happened to them>>>> To say( and again, to state your opinion as fact)that anyone has the power to choose not to be a victim in circumstances such as these is incredibly insensitive and unbelievable. You cannot know how another persons mind works. Saying this is adding hurt onto an already dreadful thing. For some rape victims, they carry the stigma, the self blame, for many years before being able even to face what happened, let alone "choose" to let go of it. Please do not state your opinions as truth. And please speak for yourself only. Alex

Anonymous Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 12:45pm

Hello Alex Im not a professional as with most people who read and participate in Moodscope, however, not only do you come across as angry, you also imply that the author of this blog is pointing a finger.......when in fact one person's opinion is NOT fact, but indeed an opinion. Everybody has the right to their own opinion and if the recipient receives this and digests this in a way that is a personal attack to them, then unfortunately that is their own demon interpretation. As Lillypet states <<<<<<The idea of choosing to suffer or be a victim is hard to grasp. It's not saying that you have chosen the pain, it's saying you are in pain because of what has happend, now how are you going to deal with it? Are you going to panic or get angry or keep wishing that it never happened, or are you going to accept that it has happend and it hurts>>>>>>>. The terrible crimes and unfortunate circumstances that happen in an individuals life is horrible; and we often sit and ask why it happens to some and not to others.......it's the course of life and we as humans are incredible creatures, in that some if not most have the capabilities to accept the things they cannot change and in turn move on with their life NOT being a victim. E.g. <<<<Frankie - it has taken me a l o n g time to learn; acceptance is key>>>>>. well done to you by whatever means got you to acceptance stage..... Alex you expect Les to reveal to you how it can be done, to accept the bad stuff in life, but he can't....No-one can.......as it is an individual trait, which we DONT all possess; hence the amount of professional help thats out there. What evidence, source or proof do you need to read a blog........its a personal experience that happened and is shared openly. Ridicule I don't think is part and parcel of it as who are we to judge a person's journey and how they deal with it, let alone overcome challenges. We have all been given different coping mechanisms for the tragedies in life and if a person chooses to let it rule their life then its the person/victim that is carrying that burden, and only the deep inner self can come to terms with that circumstance and if where necessary with professional help.... The Gardner - Yes you should be 'Taking stock' of the cards that have been dealt to you, suffering is 'optional' and getting to grips with it is also 'optional'. We all have trials and tribulations to overcome the hurdles and God or whoever that sprit is gives us the inner tools to deal with our lot in life........There must be something even the smallest positive thing in your life that lets you carry on plodding forward with Mr G......(a glimmer of hope of a better life, and waking up with no negativity............) I can only highlight a mantra i do regularly "I am Peace and only Goodness and Joy will come to me" I wish you a lighter day(s) as we are not here to suffer. Yes Zareen - this blog is very thought-provoking and also helpful in that it opened avenues in my thinking process. which i guess is what Moodscope is all about.........some blogs require a response and others don't.... Over and out.......

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 2:37pm

Hi Anon - Thanks for that. / not that I am religious - but this came to mind / Serenity Prayer Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

Frankie Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 4:56pm

Oh Les, I love the Serenity Prayer - but hadn't realised I knew only the first part. Thank-you for this wonderful gift - appropriate somehow for Good Friday ... Frankie

Salt Water Mum Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 12:05am

Really interesting discussion here - thank u Les for a provocative blog. And thank u Leah, The Gardener and all the others for challenging the concept.
Acceptance I agree is key but personally I'm a long way off being there yet.
I was at a comedy gig tonight tho and I will heartily agree with Hopeful One here - belly aching laughter sure is good for the soul ????
Good night all
swm x

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 12:30am

Hi SWM - sounds like a good night.....unless you were a 'victim' of a racist or sexist or homophobic ??? joke. :-)

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 12:30am

Hi SWM - sounds like a good night.....unless you were a 'victim' of a racist or sexist or homophobic ??? joke. :-)

Alex Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 6:49am

Is that supposed to be funny?

LillyPet Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 1:00am

The idea of choosing to suffer or be a victim is hard to grasp. It's not saying that you have chosen the pain, it's saying you are in pain because of what has happend, now how are you going to deal with it? Are you going to panic or get angry or keep wishing that it never happened, or are you going to accept that it has happend and it hurts. Facing the pain, measuring it seems to ease it, rather than fighting with it.
I've always wondered how the most vulnerable fit into this. Babies for example... Oh I get it! They can't choose their response, they bawl their heads off and suffer more!
Thanks for a great blog Les! LPxx

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 1:14am

Hi Lillypet - cool answer and explanation....thanks. Shorter and probably clearer......often I think the best answers come from thsoe who are not 'invested' in the blog. Unfortunatley most children as they grow, learn from their parents actions and not their words. Example is all. Lx

Samantha Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 1:58pm

An intelligent, helpful and brilliant post thank you Les.
I believe every human could say they are a victim for one reason or another but some people despite unimaginable trauma do not think of themselves as victims - they are survivors. And it's our way of thinking about an event that makes us a victim or a survivor.
I am not a victim or a sufferer of anxiety and depression, I am not a victim of abuse or poor parenting but these things have shaped who I am today. I have episodes of depression and anxiety - sometimes severe needing hospitalisation, I survive these and learn from them and although never welcome, I am not a victim. I was abused and neglected as a child, but I am not a victim, I accept it. I cannot change these but by accepting them as fact I have gained an understanding of why my emotions may be affected and develop strategies to improve my wellbeing.
I work with vulnerable people and must ask them about experience of abuse or trauma but would never ask if they have been a victim of domestic abuse for example, the word victim takes away their power and is dehumanising. I accept that it is personal and some people wish to refer to themselves as victims but from my own personal and professional experience it is not usually helpful.
I am not a sufferer or victim, I am a survivor and proud of this.

Les Fri, Mar 25th 2016 @ 2:33pm

Hi Samantha - thoughtful - clear and I hope helpful to some. Many thanks for taking the time to explian it so well from your own perspective and I also wish you well in your work with vulnerable people, they'll get a lot out of your experience and wisdom. I hope you give yourself a score of 3 each time on the Moodscope Pride card. Go well....and I hope the episodes diminish.

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