So by the time you read this the 'special' days will have been and gone... Not that there won't be more special days in the year to come but you know the one's I'm talking about.

First there's the build up to Christmas; lots to organise to make it all perfect (I did choose the word perfect with irony by the way), then the day itself, followed by my birthday then a few days until the big welcoming of the New Year.

Now even though I enjoy a lot of it (the laughs me and my hubby share) there are parts I really struggle with; mainly, having people round. My Mum was a fabulous host, the sort who welcomed everyone and was always genuinely happy to have people drop in on her - I don't possess that talent (or should that be desire?) I really want to announce to the world and his wife that our door is always open and there will always be a warm drink and a comfy chair, however when it comes down to it I'd prefer to keep that door firmly locked... But here's my problem, and I'd appreciate your help with it Dear Moodscopers, although I get terribly stressed even at the thought of visitors (a very dear friend told me she'd be popping in on Christmas Eve – she knows me well enough to know I needed prior 'warning' and even that got me in a pickle) ...I become deflated when no one comes or doesn't make contact also. I can't have it both ways, I know that, but I don't know how to reconcile the warring duo.

My other slight problem is that my hubby loves having people round and I know he would love for us to have more friends over or for us to go to them (yep, I find going to other people's homes too much too...) Hell on reading this back I wonder why on earth my OH stays haha...

Anyway, I'm hoping that now the holiday season is over it'll get easier. I miss the sparkle and freedom of the season and feel quite flat once it's finished, yet I do wonder if it's that very unpredictability and expectation that get me so on edge?

I'd be really interested on hearing your thoughts, and looking forward to any pearls of wisdom that could see our door a little more ajar even if not fully thrown open?

As a postscript I have realised on writing this that my main problem possibly stems from whether I am 'enough' - am I good enough company? is the place tidy enough? will it all go well and without a hitch? will people leave feeling happy?

Strange fears for one who works hard to live in the moment and practise mindfulness ...this is a hurdle I just need a hand to get over.

Thanks in advance

Rosemary xxx
A Moodscope member.

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