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17

December


One Step/Day at a time. Thursday December 17, 2015

How do I move away,
Away from the pain?
This constant ache,
This emotional rain.

Drop after drop,
Filling my mind.
Thoughts and feelings,
That are so unkind.

I keep on wondering,
If it’s just me?
Can I change,
When I feel all at sea?

Is it really,
That I’m so lazy?
Or does my mind cover,
What’s really me?

In fact, which is me,
In this life of mine?
The one that’s lost,
Or the one that rhymes?

I get so down,
When I lose my way.
My thoughts defeated,
Dark visions hold sway.

And yet I know,
That it eventually goes.
For 25 years now,
History does show.

That, if I keep stepping,
Into the void.
Then something shifts,
I become more buoyed.

When I’m down,
I can’t see out.
When I’m well,
I never doubt;
The certainty that,
Life will change.
That somehow life,
Will become deranged.

So if you are down,
And feeling low.
A day at a time,
Is the next step you know.
Keep stepping out,
It’s the seeds you sow.

Les
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Anonymous Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 5:32am

Les,
Your poem is so beautiful, it made me cry, because of its beauty. I will print it out and keep it in my bag for difficult times. Thank you!

the room above the garage Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 6:19am

Hello Les, is this now? Have you hit a low now? I'm sorry to read it lovely boy.
October was my last terrible one...mini ones in between I can handle but the tougher ones... It's survival time. You will go back and repeat what has kept you stuck together before but not until you have stopped and spent a lot of of time doing very little. Body and mind need time to catch up with each other before anything else. Lex taught me "how can I help?"...so how can I help? Love ratg x.

LillyPet Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 9:27am

I'm wondering how you are now too Les. Lovely poem and so many thoughts that ring true when I'm low. Do let us now how you're doing Morning ratg! :) big hugs all LPXxx

LillyPet Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 9:53am

So glad you're feeling alot better ratg. Am always interested to hear about the trasition to wellness. Did the cloud lift suddenly or gradually? Was it like I have, just waking up in the morning feeling ok and enormously grateful for just that? LP xx

Sally Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 8:26am

Is Christmas run up a hard time for you, Les? It used to be for me, so can understand if it's the case. All emotions come to the fore magnified, I feel. It can be excruciating. Hope you wrote this a while ago, and either way, sending you best wishes and warm hugs,
Your poem puts well the fears and doubts about self and worth and how isolated and unworthy I feel when in a nasty down.

Debs Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 8:30am

Thank you for this Les, a beautiful poem and totally captures the darkness that so many of us feel and that I am experiencing at the moment. To keep stepping out and sowing seeds is a gorgeous image. I hope you are well and out of the place you were when you wrote this... but if you're still there I'm reaching out with a huge hug xxx

LillyPet Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 9:48am

Reaching out with hug for you too Debs LP xx

Debs Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 11:27am

Thanks LP and one back atchya. I love this community, I know I can always come here to rest and be still. And that's worth everything to me xx

danielle Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 12:46pm

How are things today Debs, I have been thinkign of you since you mentioning things are tough at the moment. As Les says, take each day as it comes. I know they can drag but be kind to yourself and count your achievements I bet you have made many today xxxxx

danielle Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 12:46pm

even the fact you have managed to get on here is an achievement that some days we do not manage xxx

Mrs Jul A Non Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 8:45am

Hi Les. I have been thinking about you. All I can say to you really is that you should take all your great advice given so freely to others in their times of distress and apply it to yourself.
Often that wonderful blog you wrote many months, a year or so ago perhaps, about the way horses helped, you keeps coming back into my mind. It was when you first started writing for Moodscope. That blog was soft and sensitive and warmed me to you. Perhaps have a look at it and see what has changed. There have been very good times in between and as you say, you know you will get back to feeling good. (I hope you are in that place now but it's difficult to know) Julia x

LillyPet Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 9:35am

I reallly like the " One day at a time" message Les. It immediately calms me and stops the overwhelmed feeling. Stepping out, planting a seed in your mind or taking the first small step of action towards something that will make you feel better. All heartwarming messages.
Thank you for such a soothing blog Les. Warm fuzzy hugs to all! LP xx

Anonymous Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 10:07am

Les,
How wonderful to see your poem today! Welcome back. You have been missed! I'm very happy!
Your friend

Norman Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 10:17am

Les: for me it is Day 50. It started with Day One. I've had a day's success 50 times...

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 5:33pm

Congratulation and jubilations, Norman! So proud of you and hope you are proud of your fantastic achievement! Bear hug x x x

LillyPet Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 11:17pm

What an achievment Norman. You and Les have reminded me that one of the most beautiful buildings in the world La Sagarada Familia is still not complete. One brick at a time? Maybe the most stunning achievments are created like this. LP xx

susan Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 11:47am

You've been on my mind lately, Les. It's good to see you this morning but sorry that the emotional rain continues. We can only hope that in real time it has actually been replaced by sunshine or at the very least a bit of drizzle. Your last poem was so sad; I'd hoped you were just travelling and too busy to blog. You've sown so many helpful seeds in the past and we've all benefited.Thank you for this lovely poem which says it all. Wishing you a peaceful heart and all good things. xx

danielle Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 12:45pm

Les I love your poems you are a talented writer. I do hope that this was written some time ago and things are better now. But as LP says above- how can I help? Do let me know. Your poems have supported us all in the past and now is the time for us to help you. lots of love xxxx

The Gardener Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 4:31pm

Taken your 'one step at a time' Les. Lack of sleep has led to mental and physical exhaustion. So I look at the state of house, garden and paper work (and, not too often, my appearance) and go into panic mode. So I have a stab at everything, and there is always the same amount to do. So. Kitchen foul, started there, got tired, played Solitaire - by which time I hated my kitchen (it is a particularly nice one). So, one step, DO kitchen, and go and look at it - one achievement. I have not attempted vaccuum, heavy, hard work and up lots of stairs. Not physical, but mental - try and not lose my cool as Mr G's temper worsens in the evening. (My voice has already taken on a harsh sound, and it's only 5.30).Hardest task of the day. Do priority list - a must. First potential clients for months, and they're Americans, so shall have to polish the skirting boards! The line 'which is me' is getting to me. Am I bad-tempered at heart? I've never thought so - just seem grumpy so often. And it's jubilation day - I have workmen, and number 5 grandson has his Masters - with distinction.

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 5:36pm

Hubilations and jubilations and congratulations to you and grandson number five...fantastic! It is a day if congrats to you and yours and Norman!! Hope the Americans can see passed the vacuuming! Keep on keeping your chins up dear TG! Bear hug x x

LillyPet Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 11:25pm

TG with what you've been going through it's no wonder you feel grumpy often! It would be strange if you didn't! Just because the circumstances make you feel grumpy and be grumpy doesnt mean that's who you are. Am offering warm congratulations into the mix for you too! Much love. LP xx

Bearofliddlebrain Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 5:39pm

Les...so pleased to see you here again....I only wrote a few weeks back that I wondered where you were/are. Am hoping you can take some of your own valuable advice and keep taking a step at a time. Your poetry reaches so many of us in different ways, Les...I wish we could lose the dark thoughts and let the light in. I thank you, Bear x x x

The Gardener Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 7:40pm

Sitting here listening to Schubert - I've never had an unhappier evening - psychiatric nurse who came today says distinct downturn. Still working to provide best environment for us both. A few months ago, same nurse said to Mr TG - you are crucifying your wife, if you make her ill what happens to you? Oh, the state will look after me, he was convinced. Quickly disabused, would have all the same back-up - but family would be involved straightaway. How can I leave them such a legacy? Bouyed up and strengthened by all of you above coping with the common enemy of most, depression - days won, days lost. Continue preparations to try and woo Yanks Sunday - they probably won't turn up - house will be clean though.

Frankie Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 8:57pm

Have relit my candle for you and Mr G dear Gardener - and for all Moodscopers for whom Christmas presents unwelcome challenges ...and once again I salute your determination to keep going ... do your best to be gentle with yourself ... Frankie

Frankie Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 8:57pm

Candle burns for you too Les; piece by peace, step by step
Frankie

Alison Thu, Dec 17th 2015 @ 11:20pm

My heart goes out to all those who feel lost, sad, alone, who are hurting, anxious, scared or for whom Christmas is just one more big obstacle to try and get over. Together we can do it.

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