OK is OK 

15 Nov 2020
Bookmark

It has been another busy day and my head is bursting.  But something reminds me to breathe. Here in Scotland it has been a little cold. Our Autumn commences when August clocks-in. Today the air returned to warmth after the early chill burned away. And, this afternoon, the sun burned stronger than recent days, resulting in a short spell of late summer hitting the mid part of the garden.   

 

I opened the kitchen doors over dinner and warm air hit my face as the dinner chatter receded upstairs and I was left with a three quarters clean kitchen and my thoughts.    

 

The days are still unknown each morning, and we won’t understand them until we look back some years from now. But I do know that if I take my expectations, ask them to wait, and instead ask my friend, flexibility, to walk beside me, I will be ok. Maybe not great but, ok. It’s enough. I’ll take ok. 

 

Are you ok? 

I’m walking beside you if you are, or if you are not. 

It’s ok. 

 

Love from

The room above the garage

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!

Comments

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:09 a.m.

Hi RATG I remember someone saying to me, “it’s ok not to be ok”. Quite often, if anyone asks how I am, I say “I’m ok”. It’s easier that way. Right now, I’m not ok, i mentioned on yesterday’s blog, I had a fall. All my right side is hurting and I’ve injured my foot so I’m limping with a crutch and not able to do the basics that we take for granted. Like washing up. **** it. So frustrating. Husband can’t do it. And I can’t think for the life of me who could come and help because we aren’t allowed visitors for starters. Husband said “it can wait”. But I’m frustrated and annoyed. And in pain. I feel like a fool for falling over. It’s taken it all out of me. So OK is Ok but not OK is OK too. Thanks RATG. Here’s hoping you are ‘OK’. Molly xx

Reply

Marigold

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:44 a.m.

don't underestimate the effect of the fall Molly. Can you get some support from somewhere?

Ach UK

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:56 a.m.

(( xx Molly xx ))

Valerie

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:46 a.m.

Any fall shakes you up and damages your confidence Molly.I totally understand that frustration.Could your husband do some of it while seated by the sink? I know the poor bloke is in a bad way,but if he can help you should encourage it (occupational therapy ?) ***

Tutti Frutti

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:49 a.m.

Molly I think in your situation probably still entitled to have a friend or family member come in and help out. See guidance https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-providing-unpaid-care Love TF x

Tutti Frutti

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

Molly I think in your situation probably still entitled to have a friend or family member come in and help out. See guidance https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-providing-unpaid-care Love TF x

Tutti Frutti

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

Molly I think in your situation probably still entitled to have a friend or family member come in and help out. See guidance https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-providing-unpaid-care Love TF x

Tutti Frutti

Nov. 15, 2020, 10 a.m.

Meant to add my best wishes for a speedy recovery Molly and some hugs. Accidentally posted my earlier message twice more while doing so! TF x

Orangeblossom

Nov. 15, 2020, 11:47 a.m.

Hi Molly, I deeply empathise. Hope that the pain soon eases & your are gentle to yourself!

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:04 p.m.

Och Molly that’s awful. You must be in a lot of discomfort. I agree, a bit more support needed for the moment. I hope your recovery is swift. Love ratg xx

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:07 p.m.

Oh thank you everyone, what wonderful support, I didn’t expect that, how lovely. Val, no he can’t even slightly bend. He used to do all the washing up, how I miss that! We don’t have a chair high enough either, we did have one but we weren’t using it and didn’t really have room for it. Would be ideal now as I could do it sitting down. Saying that my foot is a tad better today. I really don’t know who I could ask for support for one reason or another. My mother would usually come and help with chores but she’s one of these people that sticks to the rules and it’s not urgent or necessary really. And her husband as asbestosis so she’s being extra careful. Thank you all, much appreciated. Hugs to you all xxxxxx

AnnewithanE

Nov. 16, 2020, 10:40 p.m.

Sorry to hear you've had a fall Molly. In normal times you could ask your GP to arrange for equipment with your local council. It sounds as though a perching stool would be helpful. The occupational therapists would normally assess someone who has falls - they have expertise in suggesting adaptations to make life easier. It might be worth phoning your GP surgery/local council to ask what the process is 'under lockdown'.

David Gosling

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:22 a.m.

Ok is Ok My mantra is as is as Captain Toms tomorrow is going to be a better day, so Ok is Ok. David Gusling.

Reply

Ach UK

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:52 a.m.

Hello David, Good to "see" you this morning. XX Ach.

Valerie

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:41 a.m.

Hugs David x

David Gosling

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:55 a.m.

Good morning Ach thank you for your (seeing me on here) David Gosling.

David Gosling

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:58 a.m.

Valerie you are not allowed to hug me, sorry to say you are not in my bubble but that could change overnight. Not e hugger but for you I would like a very big bear hug!, Thank you. David Gosling.

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:06 p.m.

Hello David, I like his mantra too “tomorrow will be a good day” is very encouraging. Good to see you, love ratg x

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:24 a.m.

Are you ok David?

Reply

David Gosling

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:54 a.m.

Molly, Yes, I now realise myself be in one of the safest place in the U.K. at Wells Hospital, Somerset , U.K. and instructed by my mentor to stay in here as if I catch covid 19 the N.H.S. will be responsible for my security and care. Now building a claim for incarcerating myself against my will and will donate any compensation claim to mood scope.Watch this space Molly. David Gosling

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:10 p.m.

Glad you are in the safest place David.

Lex

Nov. 15, 2020, 4:17 a.m.

"OK, is OK." Such wisdom. Thank you. Lx

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:08 p.m.

Hello my friend, wisdom not so much as just acceptance and hope but I will take the compliment with thanks! How are you? It’s rainy here. I like walking in the rain (song!) but I’m time short...hope to prioritise myself. Love ratg x

Mary Wednesday

Nov. 15, 2020, 6:41 a.m.

Not okay. But I shall be. All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well. I dont ask myself to believe it, because belief is beyond me at present, but to accept it. And to carry on.

Reply

Valerie

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:47 a.m.

Hugs ***

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:09 p.m.

Hello Mary, anything I can help with, with the not only? Love ratg x

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:13 p.m.

Hugs from me too Mary xx

Paul

Nov. 15, 2020, 7:13 a.m.

Hi Ratg Nice blog today and now a nice picture in my head now of Scotland Some happy memories of holidays there. Molly sorry to hear you had a fall hope your soon recover. I find myself doing everything a bit slower these days to avoid falls. What a difference a day makes is another one to remind ourselves from time to time. Paul

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:11 p.m.

Hello Paul, I love revisiting holidays in my head...what a gift! Which parts did you visit? Good to see you, love ratg x

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:25 p.m.

Thanks Paul. Sometimes you forget though don’t you. I really have to concentrate now when I walk since I broke my ankles (one worse than the other) which is the one that cops it when I fall (third fall now in 16 months or so). Luckily the other one seems to have healed well. Scotland RATG, I have been to the Isle of Bute. What a lovely place. I have a friend that lives there. One thing I noticed was how friendly people were xx

Paul

Nov. 15, 2020, 6:07 p.m.

It must be around 35 years ago,we towed a caravan from Manchester and went up the west coast stopping at various places. Went as far as fort William then came down the east coast over a 2 week period. Can’t remember all the places but have the pictures in my head. Lovely memories.

Sally

Nov. 15, 2020, 7:34 a.m.

Ah,Ratg,I do so love your elegiac prose-poetry ,with its surprising, well- chosen and unique word choices ! And I know exactly what you mean in your spare style ( lovely!) which gets to the heart of the human condition . So ok IS ok, yes! it’s all it’s going to be , for me, for us, in these present days of restrictions, and enforced lack of diverse human contact. Used to sparking off others in the give-and-take of human exchange , we are currently reduced to clutching at the straw of the Zoom structure...and whilst a good, even great, invention, never a replacement for the real deal : Humans socialise, interact ....a wisp here and a glean there, to create the rich tapestry that will ultimately be our own personal history. And a very large fraction of that has been truncated. I’m feeling the loss. My tapestry is missing detail and interest. Thank you. All the very best to you this day, Room, and to all other Moodscopers . Another day has just begun. What will it bring?

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:13 p.m.

Hello Sally, I’m glad you enjoy my witterings, I’m smiling now :-) It’s certainly a testing time, we will be warriors when we’re done! Love ratg x

Sally

Nov. 15, 2020, 7:38 a.m.

Molly, and David, sending each of you big, virtual hugs...for different reasons. I hope today will be ok for you. Sally

Reply

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:29 p.m.

Thanks Sally xx

Sarah yellow rose

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:23 a.m.

Hi Ratg, thank you for your wonderful blog today! It is comforting to read you are walking beside me/us all here on Moodscope xx

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:17 p.m.

Hello Sarah, i am definitely and always walking beside moodscopers. I know the path like the back of my hand, which is a good and a bad thing i suppose! Good to see you, love ratg x

Marigold

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:46 a.m.

Do those of you who are able to get to shops find yourselves buying stuff just so you can talk to the nice ( preferably middle aged) assistant? Sorry I know thats ageist and a touch desperate but I am probably both right now.

Reply

Ach UK

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:06 a.m.

I'm ancient and desperate, ;--))) and not only the checkout girls but also the shelf stacker and anyone I can trap with my trolly ( socially distancing of course) is likely to be roped in to get a bit of patter going. XX Ach.

Valerie

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:51 a.m.

Marigold and Ach,it has been brought home to me how much theses little bits of interaction matter.A couple of mentally stable friends who have cut themselves off due to Covid are now pretty much clinically depressed.I am sorry for them,but also feel like shaking them.xx

Marigold

Nov. 15, 2020, 12:09 p.m.

patter? Cumbrian?

Bearofliddlebrain

Nov. 15, 2020, 12:43 p.m.

Patter = chatter, just a line of conversation. Hawkers selling wares have ‘their patter’ too. Doing something ‘off pat’ means practised so you can achieve something easily...don’t think it’s local to anywhere in particular ;). Bear hugs x x x

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:20 p.m.

Same as above but it’s not come about from Covid...I’ve just always found these little interactions bring me more joy than friendships!! Always love my five minutes with a stranger. Love ratg x

Marigold

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:46 p.m.

Ah Ok,because it is used in the Cumbrian dialect."if patter were water you'd droon"

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:37 p.m.

Ha ha Marigold, you made me smile. Going to the shop so you can talk to the assistant. I must be unsociable because I would rather not talk! Husband misses that though. He made a great friend when able to get to the shop each morning for his paper. They had lots of banter and they keep in touch which is great xx

greenjean

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:50 a.m.

Hello RATG . As you say having flexibility as your friend And asking expectation to wait does take pressure off ourselves. Molly reminds us that ‘it’s ok not to be ok’ - a very helpful phrase especially this past year. One which my husband & I have reminded each other of recently. And another phrase is ‘just notice’ - without judgement, it is how it is at the moment.

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:35 p.m.

Hello greenjean, “just notice” is great! That is one I will share with my youngest daughter, that could help her get perspective instead of becoming lost in anger or frustration. Thank you, love ratg x

greenjean

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:53 a.m.

Sorry posted too soon - meant to wish Molly a speedy recovery after your fall, just be kind to yourself and no pressure ok! Take care x

Reply

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:42 p.m.

Thank you greenjean! Foot slightly better today but I’m going to take it easy. Don’t run before you can walk, as they say. Literally in this case! Xx

Ach UK

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:28 a.m.

Thankyou Ratg, holding out your hand to us this morning. If you would care to " step out" with me I invite you and all to be in the moment and enjoy this golden oldie: https://youtu.be/J3aUAiLU0TI Hope link works XX Ach.

Reply

Bearofliddlebrain

Nov. 15, 2020, 12:47 p.m.

It did work Ach and I glided up the avenue with you and Ratg on either side of me 80)*. Bear hugs xx

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:38 p.m.

Oh Ach thank you, that’s brilliant! Love it. Count me IN! And with bear too! Love ratg x

The Gardener

Nov. 15, 2020, 6:12 p.m.

Bear, yesterday I watched an old movie, Easter Parade - Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. Never knew - but their 'Walk up the Avenue' was fabulous! Somebody might do it on Strictly. Shattered by lack of sleep and breakdowns 'We shall overcome' (we hope).xx

Valerie

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:55 a.m.

What a kind blog RATG,and as usual your writing is just sublime.It's all very fragile right now,so I am a bit wary of saying it out loud,but at this precise moment I am OK.Hope the **** don't smite me for that! x

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:40 p.m.

Hello Valerie, let’s keep that. It’s ok for now. It is fragile but stronger times will come. This is just a tough sieve! Love ratg x

AndrewH

Nov. 15, 2020, 11:33 a.m.

Definitely not OK - frustrated and worried. I'm due at hospital on Tuesday for routine treatment due to side effects of my cancer. New procedure means I have to have a home COVID test in advance. Did the test on schedule yesterday morning but lid on vial cracked when I put it on. Tried to seal with tape and cling-film. Phoned the help line who said send it in but have just been contacted to say it's no good. Will need to phone hospital tomorrow but no idea what happens now.

Reply

Bearofliddlebrain

Nov. 15, 2020, 12:48 p.m.

Hugs Andrew, Bear hugs x x x

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:43 p.m.

Oh Andrew that’s so frustrating. These things should be strong and bomb proof! Hopefully there is another way to make Tuesday continue as before. Please come back and let us know. I’ll keep popping in here in case you need a shoulder to lean on by way of offload some frustration. Will be thinking of you. Love ratg x

AndrewH

Nov. 15, 2020, 2:02 p.m.

Thanks both for your support. I can do nothing but stress until I can speak to the Chemo unit tomorrow. I suspect my appointment will have to be delayed for a new test to be arranged. This upsetting me makes me feel much less able to cope with everything else. It helps to share.

Marigold

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:16 p.m.

this is unbelievably bad luck Andrew.

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 4:02 p.m.

Andrew, how frustrating. Just typical. And it being a weekend as well and having to wait. Totally different but my husband had a date for an operation, a while back now. He went through the pre assessment and then had to see the anaesthetist. An old fussy type of man suggested the op couldn’t go ahead because he had a heart stent. I went to protest but couldn’t think on the spot, because my husband had a leg stent and I thought that was what he must have meant. Then he mentioned it again and husband said “I haven’t got a heart stent”. The man was very embarrassed and left the room, only to come back and not want to admit the mistake (whoever made it). And so he said he had to cut down smoking before they could perform the operation. We were so angry as we had waited along time for this op. Here’s hoping they can do the test for you so your treatment can go ahead. It’s got to be considered as urgent surely. Good luck xx

AndrewH

Nov. 15, 2020, 5:03 p.m.

Hi Molly. Thanks - I suspect it will end up being postponed. It's an infusion to rebuild and strengthen my bones which is meant to be given every four weeks. It was stopped during first lockdown and I really hoped I'd get a clear run. I'm terrified of falling down. Did your husband eventually have the op? It's terrible when you need an operation and then it gets postponed. I was bad enough when my stem cell transplant was delayed for 10 days due to lack of beds but have heard some horrendous stories of delays. I had to have a stent fitted last month - a blocked artery probably caused by my veins collapsing in chemo two years ago. I must admit to being concerned that this does seem to exclude you from various things.

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 11:10 p.m.

Hi Andrew, yes he got the op about three months later. Didn’t help him unfortunately and another op too dangerous for him. He had injections, done nothing for him. But nothing compared to what you have been through and are going through. Just want to send my love and let us know what they say tomorrow. Molly xx

CMM

Nov. 15, 2020, 11:40 a.m.

THANK YOU, Room Above the Garage. Your Blog has touched me more deeply than I can say. I walk with you, too, OK or not :)

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:44 p.m.

Ah Christine, that’s wonderful! Pals. Love ratg x

Orangeblossom

Nov. 15, 2020, 11:45 a.m.

Many thanks for your great blog RATG. Taking a day at a time does limit disappointments & frustrations. Yes I’m OK. Plodding on, never been speedy. Hope that you & yours enjoy the week ahead.

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:46 p.m.

Hello Ob, hows things with you? I’ve never been speedy either! Love ratg x

Dan

Nov. 15, 2020, 12:16 p.m.

Lovely blog RATG. Enjoyed reading this and relating it to my experience. It’s really helpful to practice seeing our expectations, thoughts, emotions, impulses etc. The way you articulate this reminds me that we can also respect them and thank them for doing their ‘job’ and perhaps choose to say “...I hear you, but for now I’m choosing flexibility (or whatever else our intention is)”. Our intentions are valuable in this relationship with ourselves, a conscious choice around what matters most to us right now. Thanks again for sharing and stimulating this :-)

Reply

the room above the garage

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:49 p.m.

Hello Dan, realising I had a choice even inside my depression was a bit of a game changer for me. It gave me back power when I thought I’d lost that. A little step back and making conscious choice is a very good tool. Glad the blog helped today. Good to see you. Love ratg x

Bearofliddlebrain

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:06 p.m.

Good afternoon to you dear Ratg, Such a lovely blog in your usual calm manner. I do hope the head calmed down maybe some of those busy, pesky thoughts washed down the drain with the washing up water ;)* We woke to rain, heavy cloud. I did my yoga, made a flask of tea, sorted the doggits out and we all went for a walk. We got wet, hid under the canopy of trees and because the firs were dense, we sat and had our cuppa beneath them enjoying the smell of the damp earth and sparkly grass and the smell off the trees surrounding us. The leaves are all colours now - mostly oranges and lemons - the reds have disappeared sadly, but it was wonderful to just let it all be around us - the doggits hoovering up whatever they could find...mostly rabbit droppings - snuffling out a variety of smells. We didn’t mind getting wet. I am ok. In fact today, we are both more than ok. Think Mr. Bear and I are some of the lucky ones - having a variety of different walks to try out, change the way we see the same walks by just coming along from a different direction. Changing the route each day - so it’s not just same old, same old. These are the little differences that make us ok and not taking things for granted. ...And now, two or three hours later the sky is blue, the sun is shining again and dinner is pop, popping in the slow cooker ready for tonight’s dinner. I don’t always have the energy but later, I’m going to have a look at my fabric stash to see what I can use to make a newborn’s Christmas stocking - great niece or nephew due in mid December. 80)) Something else to look forward to - so actually, I’m more than ok and holding a hand out to pull you along too Ratg. Love and Bear hugs x x x

Reply

Oli

Nov. 15, 2020, 1:12 p.m.

Hi ratg. One of the things I've been meaning to do for years is get up to the Scottish highlands in October and just soak up the light. (You know, all ten minutes of it! ;-)) I always thought okay was okay. However I have a nice memory of a friend coming over one evening and she's like, "How do I look?" "You look fine." "I don't want to look fine Oli, I want to look GREAT!" "Er, you look great..." *cough* So now I feel that okay is (usually) okay. Unless you're a bloke and your friend is asking how she looks. Why don't they teach you this stuff at school? :-)

Reply

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 4:06 p.m.

Lol Oli This reminds me of when I used to cook (properly) and husband would say “that was beautiful”. Rare occasion now but he started to say “very good, thank you”. And I would say “oh not beautiful then”. Ha ha xx

Valerie

Nov. 15, 2020, 3:52 p.m.

Oli,I will get Spock to give you some tuition.In fact,why don't you two go out on the pull,with such amazing chat you will do well! x

Reply

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 4:12 p.m.

Lol Val, so when you ask Spock “does my bum look big in this?” He says “not at all darling”. :-) ***

David Gosling

Nov. 15, 2020, 8:16 p.m.

Molly never been asked this by my wife and I would never ever tell the truth whatever that would be!

The Gardener

Nov. 15, 2020, 9:27 p.m.

Emerged from gloom - Molly, reminded me of rhyme.'Sure, deck your limbs in pants, yours are the limbs my sweeting. You look divine as you advance,but have you seen yourself retreating? Sure sexist, fatist, every 'ist or ism' in the book!xx

Molly

Nov. 15, 2020, 11:39 p.m.

Ha ha David and Gardener xx

Login or Sign Up to Comment