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December


Nothing to fear. Tuesday December 23, 2014

The end of the year is fast approaching and, amidst the chaos of the festivities, I have sought time to reflect on what this year has meant to me. It started like many other's, with resolutions made and filled with hope and motivation for achieving them. Yet just four days in, the tone was set for a very different outcome. There has been little joy in my life for much of this year, but this dark spell has made me face up to some very difficult issues and triggered some soul searching decisions to be made. Decisions that I didn't think I had the strength or the courage to make.

Fear has been a frequent visitor in my life this year. I have been afraid of so much. Scared to trust my judgement, afraid that my instinct can't be relied upon, fearful of not being able to cope financially and emotionally and terrified of making a mistake. Having this fear in my life hasn't felt good but it has taught me so much. I have discovered just how powerful and paralysing fear can be, how it can can completely stop you in your tracks. I have learnt that fear can be suffocating, extracting all positivity and hope away from you. I have discovered that fear is a consequence of being anxious about the future. That past events feed the fear that is felt in the here and now, about something that hasn't even happened.

I am still fearful about decisions I have made. New fears are arising all the time. Yet, when I look back at the fear I felt at the beginning of the year, much of it was unfounded. Some of the worries and anxieties I had haven't materialised. Just being able to see this is helping me accept the new fears that are arising. To face them rather than be afraid of them. I'm learning to put fear into perspective, to see it for what is it and to trust that just the other side of that fear is still a life to be led. I am also realising that, if viewed in the right way, fear doesn't have to be the enemy, it can be the ally. Fear shows up for a reason and can be a helpful tool for growth and enlightenment, if it's used in the right way.

So my new focus is, not on setting a yearly goal, but just to live more for the moment, to live in the present and take one day at a time. If fear comes knocking at my door I will strive to welcome it, because this year has taught me that it is nothing to be frightened of.

Rosie
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 7:16am

Good morning Rosie, I recognised it was you before I got to the end :-) I'm really not a fan of this time of year, the endings and taking stock makes me uncomfortable. Like you, I try not to aim at a yearly goal (new year resolutions are surely some kind of Japanese endurance game!!) but instead just think of Tuesday as Tuesday and get through it the best way I can. Good to read of your journey. Fear is a biggie for me too and I'm working at making it an acquaintance. Wish I was fearful of doughnuts but, nope, no fear there at ALL. Love from the room above the garage.

Hopeful One Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 7:34am

My dear Rosie- fear I am afraid is part and parcel of our lives.It is our reaction to it that sets of the chain of thinking you so well describe.One way of reducing its impact I find is by making a decision because for me it is the indecision that generates the fear and its reaction anxiety.I will not know if my decision is the right or or the wrong one.I will only know that in retrospect.But you know what -by some quirk a wrong decision becomes a good decision.This quirk happens because as soon as we realize that it is a wrong decision we set about correcting it.To me not to make a decision is the worst decision. Worth reminding ourselves of yesterday's thought for the day 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself@

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 8:15am

Fear came knocking at the door, trust answered, there was nobody there...

Rupert Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 8:24am

Love the post Rosie - sums up how I spend half my day thinking in a way! I find that it is at its very worst in the small hours of the morning but as the day goes by I realise that the fears are generally unfounded and that life goes on regardless anyway so just have to make the best of it. problem is it all starts again the next morning! Rupert

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 10:06am

Living with an Alzheimer suffer provokes new fears - not you might get things wrong, there are no rules. The fear is that one will lose charity, patience and courage. I lost the lot two days ago, andwas 'propped up' by my marvellous party. For those with no 'back-up' at this difficult season don't fear - there are marvellous people out there.

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 10:11am

Anon comment earlier - typing skills failing, for 'party' read 'family

The Entertrainer Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 11:01am

Oh Rosie... you describe fear so well. For me too, it is mainly anxiety about the future with echoes of past fears adding to the noise.
If it helps to be totally understood - I get you. I understand this. I feel this too.

Perhaps it is all too easy to forget that fear has chemical messengers that whiz around in our blood, having a wail of a time. My pounding heart knows when this is so. But every new thought and every fresh decision adds other chemicals to the mix, and, on a good day, the positive chemistry wins out.

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 11:39am

I'm going to aim at that Hopeful One as indecision plagues me too. Love ratg.

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 11:40am

^love! Ratg

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 11:44am

Living with an Alzheimer's sufferer must take much more patience, charity and courage than we were each given to start with. You've already surpassed all expectation. Trust yourself xx. Love ratg.

Julia Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 1:31pm

Hi Lex. Your positive chemistry is always there in your blogs and helps me so much every time. I know what you mean though about good days and the positivity winning out. Rosie I love your blog today about fear and I have come to realise, like you conclude that we should welcome unpleasant thoughts. look at them objectively, then let them go. Fear is such a strong emotion;it's the one thing I find hardest to let go but fearing something is worse than the thing you fear (it is for me). xx

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 5:25pm

Facing Fears for the New Years

Anonymous Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 @ 11:16pm

I keep losing my lovely long reply....do it's going to be much shorter!! Thankyou to all for responding. Everyone's words are read and reflected upon and fully appreciated. Rosie xx

Hopeful One Wed, Dec 24th 2014 @ 6:50am

As someone who looked after a partner with Alzeimers I entirely share your sentiments. But in the process I discovered a " parallel world' full of kindness , loving and acts of generosity and caring sometimes completely unsolicited. Be strong. Make sure the condition does not claim two victims.

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