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Noise. Saturday June 3, 2017

I like writing and when I'm writing to clear my head I'm sometimes surprised at what comes from my fingertips and appears on the screen in front of me. I can read back the prose I have just written, only ten minutes after and it's like reading something for the first time. That was what happened when I wrote this piece. It was a moment of recognising the physical affects that depression and anxiety have on my body. It has been reassuring to hear other people feel the same sometimes, mental illness doesn't just affect your mind does it?

Noise.

And Noise is back, it crept into Head in the night and on waking this morning it was there. It wasn't a surprise, I knew it was coming. It's polite enough to give some warning.

That creeping Unease is it's first contact. Unease takes residence in Chest, blocking breath and blood to Heart.

Heart palpitates like a knocking at the door 'Here I am! I'm still in here and I'm a little bit afraid!'.

Chest is so full that Breath is obstructed and Mouth and Nose can't provide their usual service, the doors are shut.

Meanwhile Noise is in Head having a good rattle around, getting into thoughts, causing disarray and obstructing the usual routines.

Eyes impart what is going on inside, the curtains have been drawn and the windows reflect back, startled at the change of residence.

How long will it stay?

I'd like myself back now.

While Noise and Unease are here, unwelcome guests in my house, I will be kind to Chest and Heart and Head.

I will try to nourish them and give them some peace and rest.

I won't make too many demands on them.

We'll try to keep to our routine and encourage Breath to help out a bit more. They won't stay forever.

Lizzie
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 1:27am

Hi Lizzie

That is one of the best things about writing I find, it can come from a place in our minds that we did not even know existed.

Oh our good friend / enemy - anxiety. Feeling sick and sometimes actually being sick are two unwelcome physical symptoms for me. Tummy aches. Feeling hot is another. I always have water to hand and breathing techniques at the ready. Full blown panic attacks, the absolute worst !

"It's ok, it's ok, it's ok, but PLEASE OH PLEASE.. will you just go away" !!

Thanks for the blog Lizzie.

Molly xx

Jane SG Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 8:04am

Yes I can relate to your words Molly, this is just what it is like. I hate it when I feel so anxious and I can feel the panic rising. And all brought about, most often, by my negative and paranoid thinking! X

Molly Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 5:25pm

Exactly Jane, if only we could stop all those negative thoughts going round and round xx

Orangeblossom Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 8:02am

Thanks Lizzie, I loved reading your blog which is very evocative & compelling. Hope that you are able to correlate heart, chest & mind to carry out the damage limitation on Noise until he recedes into the shadows.

Jane SG Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 8:02am

Very good Lizzie. An apt description. Xx

Jane SG Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 8:12am

Ps- short messages to Mary and Emma on Wednesdays blog, sorry I'm late x

LP Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 8:33am

I made some late replies to that one too. Xx

LP Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 8:31am

Hi Lizzie,
I recognise many of the physical symtoms of anxiety that you've so creatively shared.
I thankfully haven't had many for quite a while, but I am often jittery and my jaws tense.
I'm not sure if it's still directly anxiety, the medication that helps with depression, or the need to burn off some energy.

I think there are places in the body where individuals hold tension. Alot of anxiety affects my stomach, throat and even cold sores in the past.

My yoga practice, often slips so this has inspired me to do a couple of the simple sun salutation routine.
Yoga is calming and exercising at the same time.
It helps with focusing on the here and now, the breath as well as movements or during stillness, awareness of the heart and muscles.
It stretches out muscular and postural aches and pains and gives an overall sense of wellbeing. It can be done gently, without the more advanced poses.

I liked your gentle ways of looking after yourself and not making too many demands on the body, which also lets us know when we need to rest and take more care of it.

It's scientifically been found that breathing slowly from the belly, or diaphragm (I leant the phrase diaphragmatic breathing recently!) has a calming effect.

Thank you for your beautifully written blog Lizzie. Tranquil wishes to you and all, LPxx

Molly Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 5:33pm

Hi LP, I can relate to being jittery. I have beta blockers which seem to do the trick, and I get the stiff jaw as well ! I used to grind my teeth, badly, I think it has stopped now, they have probably all moved into a position that don't meet up anymore, and I lost half of them due to grinding them away. I am exaggerating but I did lose a couple. My other problem is my skin, eczema erupts when I am stressed or tired. The list of physical symptoms is endless. Definitely agree it affects us all in different ways. Molly xx

LP Sun, Jun 4th 2017 @ 5:36am

Hi Molly, that's helpful to know, I'll enquirer about beta blockers. Yes I think I've lost a tooth like that too. Thanks LP xx

Molly Sun, Jun 4th 2017 @ 4:19pm

The ones I am on are called Propranolol - I take one every morning or when I feel I need one. They work quite quickly and stop the shakes and other physical symptoms xx

LP Sun, Jun 4th 2017 @ 11:40pm

Thanks Molly. Xx

Jul Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 8:55am

Hi Lizzie. I recognise those early morning symptoms too. I had them this morning. It's generalised anxiety about the day ahead (even if nothing much is happening). I tried to think what is causing it for me and can pinpoint some events in my life but these have been going on for a while now and these early morning uneasy feelings are new in some ways. So I am trying to think what is happening right now that could cause this. You have done well to write about this as it's not easy to express these type of feelings. Great blog Lizzie. Thank you. Oulxx

Molly Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 5:36pm

Hi Jul, I'm the same, usually in the morning, worrying about the day xx

Lizzie Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 9:21am

LP, yoga is definitely a help for me. I'm in a place at the moment where I can practice yoga, breathing and walking, running and anything that helps me to focus on my breathing. Trying to keep them in the toolkit and keep the toolkit open is the challenge sometimes.
But yes, as soon as the physical symptoms start to return, simple breathing is probably the best way to help yourself through.

Molly, I have a friend who is also affected by anxiety through her stomach, she didn't even realise it was anxiety and didn't know why she was so sick. We are affected in different ways, I hope you are finding a way to manage.

Molly Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 5:41pm

Thanks Lizzie. I must admit I did start thinking there was something else wrong, but I'm quite sure it's the anxiety. It is sometimes hard to recognise it as that. Mine has got worse over the years. Happy days ! Thanks for responding xx

The Gardener Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 10:39am

Lizzie, anxiety and stomach very real - the phrase 'worry guts' was not invented for nothing. I get many of the symptoms, not the same cause - exhaustion leaves one acting 'out of character' and 'normal' things as mentioned in the blog get exaggerated out of all proportion. I am glad my tale of domestic mayhem amused yesterday - I could not have written that this morning, a bad night would have made the same scenario a tragedy and not a farce. Mr G wishes me to pander to him and provide amusement, while he does his 'pasha' act, (uncharitable remark from a nun!) - but to survive I have to be selfish. Out to lunch (palaver of wheel chair) then I will curl up and watch DVD's, and if my temper starts to go out of control I will continue with my dry stone wall. Yoga it ain't. Irony, should be big celebration - son who has had serious problems with depression has just got his PhD - but his Dad does not do celebrations - have to do it all by myself.

Molly Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 5:49pm

Gardener, I am sure you make up for the two of you. It's an added pressure though when it is all down to you. Similarly (but different) I would like someone to share my husband's difficulties with me, we have occasional friends but everything all seems down to me. Well done to your son, you must be proud xx

Leah Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 11:21am

LIzzie
'I like the way you describe your writing process. I can relate to some of the noise.

Molly Sat, Jun 3rd 2017 @ 5:55pm

That was short and sweet Leah. Would you like a megaphone to wake you up ? Sorry no offence meant regarding the blog Lizzie, just being a bit silly xx

Rosemary Mon, Jun 5th 2017 @ 7:22pm

Wow Lizzie, what a powerful piece.
Every word resonates with me and I could feel what you were describing as I too get visits from these troublesome visitors.
Thank you for sharing x

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