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29

November


No ink to leave a mark. Sunday November 29, 2015

Didn't want to get up.
Got up anyway.

Didn't want to cook.
Cooked anyway.

Didn't want to eat.
Ate anyway. Tasted like cardboard.

Didn't want to go out.
Went out anyway.

Didn't speak to anyone but children.
That was good.

No passion.
No spark.
No ink to leave a mark.

Did it anyway.
Do it anyway.
Any way you can.

Saw the glory of once vibrant leaves
elegantly bidding a vibrant farewell.
They will return.

I will return.
We will return.
Again and again.

We will do it anyway.
Any way we can.

Love from

The room above the garage.
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Lisa Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 5:05am

This is courage.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:23am

I hadn't looked at it that way before, thank you...we are courageous souls!

Sue Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 5:15am

Sometimes, blogs like this touch my inner self, and I weep for humanity.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:26am

I hope that it didn't pull you down. There is beauty in the quiet fight X.

Barbara Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 7:16am

Very, very good. xx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:27am

Thank you x

Lou Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 7:19am

Well said RATG x

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:27am

Thank you x

The Gardener Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 8:03am

Done the first lot - with my cold did not wish to leave my bed. Beans on toast for energy. Too dark to do much more - and the poem 'November' is alive and well outside. Listening to Radio 4 on religious and moral problems - like Sue, weep for humanity. When we first went to India we were horrified - where do you start? Not our job. We decided to concentrate our time and available money in one small corner - 3 children brought up, and 8 given further education - plus friends for life. I have so many friends in UK and France, but I sometimes think that if I could take my poor sick husband to one of our convents out there (our money would stretch for ever) I could help the kids with English, sewing and knitting and Mr TG would be surrounded by loving nuns and children who would be all over him. Utopia, but one can dream - they will all have been to early mass in their best dresses, and having Sunday lunch - and charitable organisations will ensure they have a good Christmas. If I lose my 'spark' (and it's all too easy) I just look at the joyful photos of our times in India

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:29am

Hello TG, I wish for you that you could be India, the way you describe how it might be for Mr TG is wonderful. Does he like to see photos of those times? How does he respond?

Sarah Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 8:08am

Thank your RATG, this is exactly how I am feeling. I love the way you embraced "us" by saying we can do it! It means a lot and already I am feeling more positive. Sarah X ( yellow rose one)

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:31am

Better together! I find just gleaning a tiny bit of that can help turn the day X.

Susan Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 8:49am

At rock bottom this morning - scared of another day - that churning stomach and shaking anxiety - and the shame of not being able to rise above it - trying to believe

Debs Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:03am

Sending so much love Susan, I know that feeling well and know too that you will get through. One day at a time. Huge hugs to you and take care... There is no shame, we are the strong ones xxx

Mrs Jul A Non Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:12am

Susan. I am sorry you feel so bad today. Can you stay inside and look after yourself? I did that yesterday. It was difficult as I wanted to get out on my bike but the weather was awful and I had no energy to battle against the cold wind. I wanted exercise of some sort but stayed in and read the paper instead. I felt that one day would be OK and it was. Ratg is so right about forcing oneself to get outside if you have spent days feeling lethargic and down but one guilt fee day not doing anything is deserved Susan. I hope you feel better as the day goes on and tomorrow too. Julia x

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:38am

Dear Susan, how awful, a feeling I know. Mrs Jul is right...go with it, it's there for a reason. I quite like rock bottom because then I know I'm there and that one certainty gives me a new beginning. If you have it, go outside for half an hour and walk, however slow, whatever the weather. You will feel a bit different when you come back, even just for a bit, but you will have started a change and it can be like a break from the suffocation in your head. In fact, bad weather walking often does it fit me more than good weather walking. If you don't have it today...go with it, don't resist. Sometimes we have to be cocooned before anything else. It's lasting here today, dark and grey and I feel panicked by my to-do list. But I will walk and take a head break. Come with me xx.

Frankie Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:12am

Morning Susan; I have lit a candle this morning for you which burns steadily as I sit here working ... there is no need for shame in "not being able to rise above it". You are listening to your body, and as Mrs Jul A Non so wisely suggests, one guilt-free day inside may be the right thing for you to do today - nurture, nourish and cocoon yourself ... and tomorrow you may feel that little bit stronger as a result. If you do join RATG on her walk, well done! If you don't, how about simply standing outside to watch the clouds passing over you ... and remind yourself that blue skies are beyond ... Good luck! Frankie x

susan Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:22am

Dear Capital S Susan, so much love being sent to you today from everyone here. Wise words have been written to you already. Just as the sun will surely rise again in the sky, so you will bounce back, again and again as ratg says. Believe and know that. xx

Norman Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:58am

" I quite like rock bottom because then I know I'm there and that one certainty gives me a new beginning." Absolutely!!!!!! (However I sometimes feel I Aactively seek out the bottom to reorientate and turn about.)

LillyPet Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 4:19pm

Hey Susan, definitley a day to be gentle with yourself honey. It's great that you put it "out there" to us who get it. Hopefully that small "taking action" helped a bit as well as the positive supportive messages to hug you. I thought it was positive that you said you were trying to believe. Even at rock bottom, your inner self knows where you want to be. So breathe, go with it, there must be a purpose. Maybe you need to stop for a while. Maybe if you allow yourself to be there for a bit, accept it for a bit, not fight it when you're not feeling that strong, your lack of resistance and feeling bad about not conqering mount everest today will allow it to just be and pass? The last thing I need is pressure when I'm feeling low. How can you be kind to yourself, in just a tiny, nice way? Then whatever comes to mind, maybe when you're not even trying to think, as ratg says, just do it! :) Love light and peace to you Susan. LP xxx

Soulmansblue Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 8:58am

Hi Room Above The Garage [Roomie],

Good blog. I know where you're coming from, but congratulations on doing everything anyway. Rock on!

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:39am

Soulmansblue, thank you my friend!

Debs Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:10am

So beautiful RATG - am sending love and light to you as you get through. What strength you have to keep going and to write as well. So inspiring xxx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:43am

Hello Debs! Thank you, it's merely stepping stones and taking a hand along the way. Thanks for yours x.

Mrs Jul A Non Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:17am

Hello ratg. I am like you describe here, most days. I force myself to lead a "normal" life. I have done this for many years and it has worked for me, well it's worked for everyone else I should say. I am not sure it's been right for me 100% of the time. But i'm still here alive not necessarily kicking. When you mention ink, it brings back the words I used to say when I was working at very demanding stressful job. I would describe myself as ink on blotting paper which spread uncontrollably in all directions, in which ever way other people demanded. My other analogy was a burst rubbish sack.It's good to be reminded of past times and to know I survived them. You will too ratg. I hope the present is not too gloomy for you right now. Julia x

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:51am

Ah Mrs Jul, how good to see you with your coat back on! I have missed you being identifiable! :-). I think this is me most days too, but in varying degrees. I'm fascinated how we each describe our situations...for me, no ink to leave a mark, for you its was spilled and spread. Fascinated! I'm better than this today but, as always, firm choices need to be made and stuck to if I'm to keep whole. It's lovely to see you xx.

Leah Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:52am

Ratg
what a meaningful poem simple and succinct. I wish I could write like that.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:55am

You do. Maybe you just don't see it. We each just wear our coats differently, collar up, collar down :-)

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 9:53am

Who has no ink to leave a mark?
Who wishes to experiment and walk outside today for 30minutes and report back?
I will make myself.
Do it.
Bring you back.

Debs Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:14am

I take that challenge R, putting walking trousers on and off to tackle a hill x

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:20pm

I made it out, but late, was trudging through the woods after the sun had waved cheerio! It was funny though so all good. Hope you enjoyed your hill.

Frankie Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:16am

Morning RATG; beautifully put and well done you! Thank-you.
Frankie x

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:20pm

Hello! And thank you x.

The Gardener Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:26am

RATG Mr TG does respond, if pushed. Hoping more strength and anti-depressants will add a bit of motivations. Now feeling really ill, forced myself to do things that MUST be done, then will take the armchair opposite the cat (a beautiful blue Persian, of whose life I am profoundly jealous at the moment) with blankies.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:21pm

Yes, blanket and chair... Why not!

susan Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:29am

Dear ratg, this is so beautiful, and a message we need to hear over and over again. On your darkest days, know that you are a very bright light for so many of us. And today is definitely a dark day. I don't want to go out!!! Waaaaa! But I will accept your challenge and at least try. Thank you again and again. xx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:22pm

What a compliment, thank you susan xx.

Dolphin Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:37am

Thanks so much for expressing so well our common experience. I LOVED
No passion.
No spark.
No ink to leave a mark

It made me chuckle, despite the sad description, and this made me see that I am coping today. So, thanks for the smile, and thanks for the suggestion, Frankie, about lighting a candle. My candles in the window are for anyone needing to hide under the duvet today - may you receive some of my strength via candles lit for you. xxxx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:24pm

Thank you, that's lovely to light candles, great picture in my head now x.

Norman Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 11:10am

ratg I read your poem as "victory, victory, victory, victory, victory" Today must be cowering with fear about what else you will grab it and make it do for you...

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:26pm

Hello Norman! You've made me smile, thank you lovely xx.

Norman Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 11:17am

Is there something going around today? Everyone seems very autumnal. I woke at 6:30 (having forgot to reset the alarm.) I thought about getting up but decided on a "few more minutes" which became four hours.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:27pm

Guess you needed it...your body is making huge changes and you had the chance...why not! Lovely to see you.

Down the well Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 11:21am

Ratg thank you so much for your beautiful writing, this was exactly what I needed to read today. Yesterday I didn't manage to force myself out of bed till 1pm, today it was 10.30am, that feels like a mini triumph for a dark day. I find it so hard not to compare myself to others and their active lives, all busy and productive.

Right now back in bed watching bbc iplayer but that's massive progress from lying in the dark with the lights off. No walk for me today but I will force myself out to go and visit my parents, though a big part of me just wants to stay in the house. I wish I could find some peace in the place I'm in at the moment, but acceptance eludes me and I am so horribly critical of myself it's crushing. Thank you for the light from your writing xx

Frankie Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 11:30am

Morning Dtw: it's a MASSIVE triumph! Well done you! And well done for getting out ... One of my favourite quotes from good old Anonymous is; Never compare your insides with other people's outsides since you are not comparing like with like ... RE; watching iplayer - how about watching a documentary, then sharing what you have learnt with your parents ... Personally I could watch anything narrated by David Attenborough all day! Good luck. Frankie

Down the well Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 12:01pm

Thanks for your comment Frankie, yeah you're right with that one. I guess it just seems like other folk are out there living life and I feel so stuck with feeling crap. But you're right you never really know what's going on with other people and it's very unhelpful to compare. Ah I love a good David Attenborough documentary, he's so soothing :) I'm catching up with The Bridge at the moment, but need to take ratg's advice and 'do it anyway' as I have a heap of dishes to contend with and zero desire to deal with them! x

Mrs Jul A Non Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 1:28pm

The Bridge! Ah! I think we can learn much from Saga. She is true to herself however awkward she appears to everyone else. But people find her a challenge and try to help her (I know that she is attractive despite no make up and straggly hair, same old clothes and of course this is significant. But maybe we are attractive too with no make up etc)). She doesn't see the need to be helped but is willing to learn if she trusts someone. My problem and many of us on Moodscope I feel, is that we try to blend in with our surroundings because we feel odd and not normal so we think everyone else is normal and we should aim for this. Saga doesn't! She thinks she is normal! I am reminded of Deb's recent blog and depression and normality. Julia x

susan Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 2:07pm

Mrs. Jul, that blog of Deb's was brilliant...but we haven't forgotten who inspired her. Thank you for that. xx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:38pm

DTW, hello x. No comparing...not on my shift! :-) It will bring you down faster than a very fast thing. only ever look at your own PB, your personal best. That's the only measure gauge allowed. Who was it said you may have walked 100 miles but do not comment on my walk until you have walked in my shoes... They have not walked in your shoes xx.

ian Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 12:31pm

THE WORDS ARE SO TRUE, SOME DAYS THATS JUST WHAT ITS LIKE, ITS STRANGE WHY DO I FEEL LIKE IM THE ONLY PERSON WHO FEELS LIKE THIS, WHEN CLEARLY IM NOT, IAN.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:40pm

Ian, hello, welcome in. You're not the only one...there are loads of us. That is good news because the more of us around, the easier it's going to get! Stay with us.

ian Tue, Dec 1st 2015 @ 7:59am

hi, the room above the garage, thanks for your words, and yes i will stay with you, i am very determined to beat this, thanks ian.

the room above the garage Tue, Dec 1st 2015 @ 12:46pm

:-)

susan Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 2:06pm

Hi Ian. Before the Moodscope community existed, I think a lot of us felt we were the 'only person who feels like this'. Even though our particular situations are all different, it's comforting and helpful to know we're not alone and that there is always hope. Hope you're having a good day. xx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:41pm

Exactly x.

Dave Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 3:08pm

Here is a poem I wrote during my Vietnam conflict...it could apply to many situations (spouse, significant other, etc) but I also think it equally applies to my Moodscape friends Hope it uplifts you all a little

Time Has Been Short
But We Have Gone Far
We Know So Little
Yet We Feel So Much
Where We Are Going
None of Us Know
But I Am Happy Because
We Are Travelling Together

Here is another more humorous one I wrote during that time

Sometimes I feel very confident, Sure of Myself, and Really Have My Chit Together

Other Times I Feel Like I have Diaherra

Sure describes Bipolar in a nutshell I think

Love to All

Dave

LillyPet Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 4:23pm

LOL! :)) that's hilarious Dave! So clever and so true! :)) The first one is beautiful and I like it being for us as Moodscopers. LP :) xx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:43pm

Thank you Dave! The second one did makes me laugh! Loved the first one.

LillyPet Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 3:55pm

Ratg! What a simple and beautiful way to capture the lethargy and lack of motivation that can drag us down, WITH the "do it anyway" mindset.

I love yoga, but just kept "meaning to" get back into it. It wasn't happening!
For anyone who knows about yoga, sun saltations are a simple sequence of 12 movements that flow together. My big aim is to do six sets as in a class. My more realistic aim is to do three sets. I hadnt done any for so long that I started with just one set, 1 left side one right side! Quick and achievable! Easy to just do it! :) Big hugs lovely!
Long Playing! Xxx :))

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:44pm

You're inspiring me...I've been neglecting my yoga, tine to make a change!

Marianne Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 4:22pm

I like your peom. very inspiring. you are brave.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:45pm

We are brave ;-)

Maria Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 4:34pm

Congrats to you for just doing it!! Migraine has dragged me down, down, down :( I had good intentions for yesterday but just couldn't do it... Headache still here but I'm hopeful that I will be more than a lump on the couch today. Thanks RATG for reminding me that this setback is temporary and I will rise and shine once again. Very timely reminder for me.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:47pm

Migraine can knock you out for days and days! Good sleep, good food, loads of water. You will shine again xx.

LillyPet Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 5:20pm

15 minutes hoovering, bit random, just did it! Chuffed! :))

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:47pm

:-D

The Gardener Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 8:18pm

Just picked up LillyPet 'We will do it anyway, Anyway we can'. Big bogey beaten, asking for help - sons of chemist moving sideboards across the road. Next? Another neighbour will mend loo seat (beyond my meagre DIY skills). No 2 son arrives tomorrow also in full DIY mode. (Fingers tightly crossed - he has to drive out of Paris - and many motorways will be shut for climate conference). Last time we met up British Airways caused us to chase each other all over Geneva. No, that was 2014, last time he chased the ambulance his Dad was in from hospital to hospital. Daughter who seemed to have disowned us - all a chaotic mistake - scared of seeing her Dad (mentioned frequently recently, this being 'in denial') is coming. And Mr TG, who usually clings to every moment I am in the hospital, is better - and seeing me in a mask actually realised I was not 100% and suggested I went home to bed. For anybody who knows about Alzheimer, thinking of others is something to be celebrated. Head reeling, but have made a list! Decorating the shop will be reserved for a mob of kids, will make it a party. In fact 'we shall overcome' even if the whole street has to be mobilised. LillyPet, I passed on hoovering, hadn't got the energy to carry the thing downstairs. But I am to have help in the house, never had French dailies. It seems RATG has been a superb inspiration today - everybody doing their little bit, even if it only getting out of bed! Hasta la vista.

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:50pm

:-D I love that Mr TG was gracious with you! And you have some help coming! X

LillyPet Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 8:38pm

Cause for celebratin indeed TG! Enlisting help is such a breakthrough for you! Making lists, making plans, and seeing Mr TG better than he has been for a long time (I imagine) who cares about the hoovering? :)
Ratg's motivational blog and challenge certainly got me moving. My 10 minutes led to sweeping and mopping inbetween the usually bare minimum cooking effort! Have stopped as I could feel self over doing it manic fashion and dont want to crash tomorrow! Feet up and enjoying sharing your "just do it" success! :)LPxx

the room above the garage Sun, Nov 29th 2015 @ 10:57pm

Guilty of overdoing it here too! I like your awareness LP, sleep well x

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